What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[Zola]

I simply cannot fathom Kimi. Wouldn't having Jie Jie use the room/clothes meant for Apple be a bonding point between the sisters? Something like "Here are photos of Jie Jie wearing the same cute little outfit Apple wears now when Jie Jie could fit into them, and look how Jie Jie had the same room Apple is in now when she was younger and didn't yet have to sacrifice all for the benefit of Apple."

Sisters share things like that, and for the most part, it bonds them. Or cousins - like how Spurgeon is now wearing the same stripey outfit (among others)  that Izzy wore when he was that same size. Oh, wait...can't have the sisters bond because that would be taking away from the bonding Kimi thinks the girls should be doing with her and her alone. Unless it's Apple bonding with Her Firefighter. You know, because it's Apple, and there is no end to the glory of Apple and any little thing Apple may do or say.

The family Christmas gift of a bicycle trailer that only Apple can use is beyond ridiculous. Kimi's unconcealed delight in how it is such an amazingly awesome gift for Apple with no mention of the other three girls and any sort of gift meant for the whole family that they can benefit from, or even enjoy to any degree at all, just makes me so sad for them and so outraged at Kimi. How can Kimi be so blind, so thoughtless, so inconsiderate, so exclusive? How can she not see the dynamic of dysfunction between the sisters she insists on perpetuating?

The other thing that pisses me off about Kimi is how she never misses a chance to laud herself for her actions/decisions. "The doctor praised me for how I'm doing xyz that she says other parents never do" or "I know I'm doing exactly the right thing in every way because XYZ said so" or just plain "I know I'm right because I know I'm right." If she's so right and doing everything so right, why is Sissy (in Kimi's opinion) such a lying, sneaking, thieving, jealous, mean little girl? If she's such a perfect mother doing the right thing all of the time, how can she be so disturbingly oblivious to the favoritism she's got going on?

My mother openly favored my older brother, who was the middle of 3. My other brother and I pretty much assumed it was all gravy for him, but since we've become adults, I've learned from my favored brother that he also felt it was unfair, not only to us, but to him as well. He said that not only did he feel bad for us, but the pressure to live up to the ideal our mother held him to was incredibly stressful and he had wished many times that he could have just been a regular kid, like we two non-favored kids were. 

Sorry that was so long, but Kimi really brings out the utmost of WTF in me.

[blessalessi]

29 minutes ago, Zola said:

Wouldn't having Jie Jie use the room/clothes meant for Apple be a bonding point between the sisters?

That is the problem.  Many of the child collectors, Kimi included, don't want to promote bonds between siiblings, as they feel it undermines their primary relationship with the adoptomom.

When Blossom first arrived and she and Sissy started getting close to each other, Kimi posted about how she was going go deal with it, to force the children to bond with her first. 

[blessalessi]

Quote

Each day, she's tried harder and harder to isolate Sissy, because she can communicate with her, and reject me and Jie Jie. Today was the worse and tomorrow we begin a new strategy. Sissy knows she's being used and Jie Jie, thank heavens, is a bit clueless about it all.

The new strategy is that Blossom has to remain at my side all day long. She may not talk to Sissy or Jie Jie unless I am present. She can't make a move without my permission. This may seem harsh, but Blossom is at very high risk for non-attachment and Reactive Attachment Disorder. It is plain to see that she has never been loved. She doesn't know what love is. She doens't know what sorry is until the consequence of her actions is upon her and she's begging not to be held accountable with a thousand sorries.

This "new strategy" was implemented because 11 yr old Blossom preferred to speak her mother tongue to her new sister, than to be with her second new mother inside one week of being "brought home" from China by the family that originally adopted, then swiftly abandoned her. 

The adoptomoms are the ones that need screening for attachment difficulties, imo.  Kimi has massive issues that she needs to work through with a good therapist. She is a selfish, entitled fucker and no child could ever possibly fill the void in her cold, dark soul.

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

5 hours ago, blessalessi said:

This "new strategy" was implemented because 11 yr old Blossom preferred to speak her mother tongue to her new sister, than to be with her second new mother inside one week of being "brought home" from China by the family that originally adopted, then swiftly abandoned her. 

The adoptomoms are the ones that need screening for attachment difficulties, imo.  Kimi has massive issues that she needs to work through with a good therapist. She is a selfish, entitled fucker and no child could ever possibly fill the void in her cold, dark soul.

QFT. Kimi doesn't want those poor girls to have normal and healthy sibling relationships, she wants little satellites who basically exist to orbit around her. I find it disgusting that a grown woman feels the need to pit a bunch of children and teenagers against each other so that their only devotion is to her. Just pathetic, she is. 

[EyeQueue]

15 hours ago, Rubaiyat said:

So, forgive me, but help me understand...why couldn't an older child be "Apple"?  As in, why wasn't her first adoption automatically "Apple"?  Apple was supposed to be the longed-for daughter from China, right?  So, was it really and truly that Jie Jie wasn't good enough to be Apple?  

I cannot wrap my brain around this woman.  Children are who they are.  There's never a guarantee, even if you source them in-house.  I'm fairly certain that one of the major points of parenthood is unconditional love, right?  You love them because they exist and because they are yours, which automatically makes them "good enough."  

Ugh.  I'm going to stop trying to understand Kimi, because it makes me feel icky.  My heart bleeds for her other girls.  I have an aunt who very clearly favored one of her children over the other.  It was, and still is, sickening to watch, and the effects are now reaching down into the grandkids.  How does one live with something like that?  

I think the reason why Jie Jie wasn't Apple was because Kimi knew she was coming from the "special needs" list, and wasn't the perfectperfect little baby she had been hoping for and waiting for.

Yes--totally unfair for any of those kids, including Apple, for Kimi to have had this attitude. Especially since, as you say, there are no guarantees that even if Kimi had her *own* child (I love your phrase "sourced in-house" and think we should get a post-count title out of that!) it would have been perfect. Life just doesn't work out that way.

She's a collector. Including of the child variety.

[alexandracabot]

Doesn't Apple have serious special needs and delays?

[libriatrix]

4 minutes ago, alexandracabot said:

Doesn't Apple have serious special needs and delays?

Yes, she does. I think they're not as serious as Jie Jie's, but I would attribute the reasons Jie Jie wasn't Apple to be that Apple had to be a baby. Jie Jie was just too old. 

[blessalessi]

9 minutes ago, alexandracabot said:

Doesn't Apple have serious special needs and delays?

She was born with an undersized cranium, and needed surgery to correct it, but apart from that I don't think thare any known intellectual impairments-which are the impairments Kimi resents/looks down on.  She is hitting her developmental milestones at a normal pace.

[libriatrix]

23 minutes ago, blessalessi said:

She was born with an undersized cranium, and needed surgery to correct it, but apart from that I don't think thare any known intellectual impairments-which are the impairments Kimi resents/looks down on.  She is hitting her developmental milestones at a normal pace.

She also has had surgery on her hands. Kimi's referred to her condition, it's, um... Apert Syndrome. Googling that, it looks like finger/toe fusing and the cranial abnormality are the only elements. I hadn't thought about the distinction between physical and intellectual impairments! I think you're right, blessalessi.

[Maggie Mae]

Apert's syndrome can be accompanied by moderate to mild intellectual disability. 

If I was correct about Jie-Jie's disability, she was expected to actually be average to more intelligent. But it appears that the asssociation of birth defects she has is in conjuction with something else (which I don't have enough information to guess, it could be a number of things, I know I said DiGeorge, but it could be something simpler like hydrocepholy) means that she too is intellectually different. 

I feel so bad for all of these girls, and to some extent Kim. Mostly the girls, for being stuck with her. Her, because she seems so in need of something... validation? 

9 minutes ago, libriatrix said:

She also has had surgery on her hands. Kimi's referred to her condition, it's, um... Apert Syndrome. Googling that, it looks like finger/toe fusing and the cranial abnormality are the only elements. I hadn't thought about the distinction between physical and intellectual impairments! I think you're right, blessalessi.

There are a few other issues. Extra sweating, not having nice eyebrows, weird patches of missing hair, acne. Mostly superficial things, although I think the sweating could impair quality of life in ways people don't really think of. 

[FloraDoraDolly]

On 12/16/2015 at 3:50 PM, Antimony said:

6 hours ago, libriatrix said:

Yes, she does. I think they're not as serious as Jie Jie's, but I would attribute the reasons Jie Jie wasn't Apple to be that Apple had to be a baby. Jie Jie was just too old. 

And yet, she repeats on the blog multiple times about teaching Jie Jie that "her body has not formed normally" and and goes on and on about it every single time she posts anything about Jie Jie getting a bath, or undressing for a doctor, etc. If Kim is this way with her words, it feels like she's pushing embarrassment upon the child. The way Kim bemoans Jie Jie's supposed inability to do gymanstics as well...it kills me. Jie Jie seems like she has such a great personality.

From the photos, Apple is the one who looks the most obviously "special needs" of the four girls. I don't even see anything unusual about Jie Jie. She is a cute little girl.

[notfundy]

God.

I think I knew people like this woman existed but I didn't want to know any more than that.

This is the ugliest rabbit hole I've ever been down. Ugh.

[Maggie Mae]

35 minutes ago, FloraDoraDolly said:

From the photos, Apple is the one who looks the most obviously "special needs" of the four girls. I don't even see anything unusual about Jie Jie. She is a cute little girl.

Jie-Jie has some serious issues, from what I gathered. According to the blog, she's going to need kidney check ups, she's has some stuff with her elimination system, and she has something going on with her spine that requires a padded chair. And she needs orthopedics in her shoes. She's a very pretty/cute little girl/preteen. I wish she had a parent who cared about her. 

Blossom to me looks the most "special needs" but it could just be the horrid haircut that Kim gave her. 

[DaisyD]

She didn't look like that before the weird bob cut. It's not a nice thing to do to a child, especially as a punishment. 

[FloraDoraDolly]

On 12/16/2015 at 3:50 PM, Antimony said:

2 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

Jie-Jie has some serious issues, from what I gathered. According to the blog, she's going to need kidney check ups, she's has some stuff with her elimination system, and she has something going on with her spine that requires a padded chair. And she needs orthopedics in her shoes. She's a very pretty/cute little girl/preteen. I wish she had a parent who cared about her. 

Blossom to me looks the most "special needs" but it could just be the horrid haircut that Kim gave her. 

And yet, she repeats on the blog multiple times about teaching Jie Jie that "her body has not formed normally" and and goes on and on about it every single time she posts anything about Jie Jie getting a bath, or undressing for a doctor, etc. If Kim is this way with her words, it feels like she's pushing embarrassment upon the child. The way Kim bemoans Jie Jie's supposed inability to do gymanstics as well...it kills me. Jie Jie seems like she has such a great personality.

Yeah, that bob doesn't exactly look like Uma Thurman's in "Pulp Fiction."

[Elinor]

A family I know has a son with Apert Syndrome. He has no intellectual impairment, but his hands and feet (even after surgery) limit what he can do physically. His speech is also hard to understand.

[LeftCoastLurker]

First time poster here! I had to join after lurking for a while since this topic really hits home. I am the mom to two amazing girls adopted from China and I can't stomach the treatment (physical and/or emotional) that is apparently happening, in this and other families, to adopted children. As another posted mentioned...they are NO guarantees when it comes to becoming a parent. You lovingly accept your children (biological or otherwise) as they are. End of story!

 

 

[sawasdee]

2 hours ago, LeftCoastLurker said:

First time poster here! I had to join after lurking for a while since this topic really hits home. I am the mom to two amazing girls adopted from China and I can't stomach the treatment (physical and/or emotional) that is apparently happening, in this and other families, to adopted children. As another posted mentioned...they are NO guarantees when it comes to becoming a parent. You lovingly accept your children (biological or otherwise) as they are. End of story!

 

 

Welcome!

[apandaaries]

3 hours ago, LeftCoastLurker said:

First time poster here! I had to join after lurking for a while since this topic really hits home. I am the mom to two amazing girls adopted from China and I can't stomach the treatment (physical and/or emotional) that is apparently happening, in this and other families, to adopted children. As another posted mentioned...they are NO guarantees when it comes to becoming a parent. You lovingly accept your children (biological or otherwise) as they are. End of story!

Welcome! Glad you're one of the good ones.  This whole blog is so upsetting and disturbing, but then to know how many other kids have to endure such a monstrous home life...appalling.  We really need a Children's Bill of Rights in this country.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

17 minutes ago, amandaaries said:

Welcome! Glad you're one of the good ones.  This whole blog is so upsetting and disturbing, but then to know how many other kids have to endure such a monstrous home life...appalling.  We really need a Children's Bill of Rights in this country.

Doesn't it already exist? 

[apandaaries]

5 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

Doesn't it already exist? 

Not in the USA!  We're right next to Somalia in refusing to ratify it.  We also can't get anything in writing about women being equal to men, either, so...ETA: AI identifies a few of the problems conservatives have with the idea: 

• The Convention usurps national and state sovereignty
• The Convention undermines parental authority
• The Convention would allow and encourage children to sue parents, join gangs, have abortions,
• The United Nations would dictate how we raise and teach our children
• [quote taken from site listed below]

And here's what Amnesty International has to say on it: http://www.amnestyusa.org/our-work/issues/children-s-rights/convention-on-the-rights-of-the-child-0 

[blessalessi]

15 hours ago, daisyd681 said:

She didn't look like that before the weird bob cut. It's not a nice thing to do to a child, especially as a punishment. 

Kimi is well-off and can afford nice things.  If she let the children/young women have a small budget and the freedom to choose their own clothes and hairstyles, then there is no reason for any of them to look different from the general population.  

Sissy is the daughter that is having it drummed into her that she "has special needs" and yet she is a gorgeous and seemingly smart young woman who might flourish if she could get out of the house more and spend time away from Kimi.

Apple is the only child who looks physically different, due to her cranial restructuring, but she is blessed with the most cute and beautiful features that other people would see long before they noticed any impairments, again - if and only if Kimi would shut the fuck up about how "special" she is.

It is Kimi who has "special needs" (in an emotional sense) and these girls are being twisted out of shape as Kimi is using them to build a network of professionals who presumably will by proxy meet Kimi's own needs for care and attention.

[alexandracabot]

She cut Blossom's hair as punishment?

[blessalessi]

1 hour ago, alexandracabot said:

She cut Blossom's hair as punishment?

http://fencingmama.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/getting-real.html?m=1

 

See the post above.  She went from lovely long hair to a blunt bob.

Two years earlier, if you look at the September photos on the blog, Blossom had a shoulder length cut when she first arrived, with face-framing layers that looked flattering on her. If Blossom herself wanted a shorter hairstyle, that earlier one would have been easy to manage and suited to her face too.

Regardless, it just seems that Blossom wanted to be carefree young teen at the time Kimi gave her the severe haircut.  There was nothing wrong with her hair, but Kimi thought it looked messy and Blossom couldn't meet Kimi's standards, so she lost her hair in a n horrific punishing way.

[PsyD2013]

The haircut post makes me sick.  So what if Blossom's hair was "messy"?  That is a teachable moment.  Instead Kimi got out the shears and gave Blossom a haircut that looks like it was done with a hedge clipper- an "institution style bob".  Of course Kimi's fan girls gave her alocades for her motherly wisdom.