What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[Koala]

2 hours ago, iheartchacos said:

The way the last post was written, I was expecting a proposal. I would have been surprised because of the reservations she's admitted her fireman has.

Me too, but when I think about it (based on what she's written), I don't see it happening.  He looked pretty unhappy in the picture in the airport.

I do think she's going to blame the girls (except for Apple) when he leaves her.  I couldn't possibly be her, right?

[DaffyDill]

20 hours ago, dianapavelovna said:

Oh, Kimi's been at this for decades, guys. I read through her whole archive last month, and she's posted about clothes that she bought/made well before she even started the adoption process. See here here here, for example.

Those insights into how long she has been counting on "having a daughter" leave me gobsmacked.

Under a picture of Apple wearing a romper:

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Soft yellow floral romper made by mommy from a Japanese pattern magazine back in the mid 1990s "for the day when I'd have a daughter."

Under a pic of some hair clips in a post dated Oct 30th, 2007:

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These bows I made over 15 years ago! There was a class on how to make them offered at my church and I had figured I'd have a daughter one day. That day is now fast approaching.

And this on August 2nd, 2011:

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I have a whole stash of fabric that I've saved, some for 20 years, for The Day When I'd Have a Daughter.

Who DOES that? 20 years??? That fabric has been sitting around since 1991? And the hair clips for about the same time? I knew I wanted kids one day, but until I found out I was pregnant with my first, didn't buy a thing, and even then just one outfit in neutral colours, until I was past the 12 week stage, if not longer. Not that I think what I did is what everyone should do, but planning, making clothes, and accessories for a child that far ahead of time just amazes me.

And this, on the blog: 

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In February 2006, God told me that my daughter is in China.

Well, it's not Apple God meant then is it? She wasn't even born then.  *snark* *snark*

Kim really makes me snarky, because she absolutely grinds my gears with her blatant favouritism of Apple (who admittedly is as cute as a button), her thinly veiled dislike of poor Sissy, and her almost constant patting of her own back.

[DaisyD]

I have saved some things from my kids for any future grandkids, but that's not the same as spending thousands of dollars on things for children you may never get. Instead of a hope chest, she had a hope storage unit. 

[JillyO]

How old is Kimi? Just trying to see how old she would have been when she started with this madness. Seems to me like she would have still been a teenager, or a very young adult at the very most, in 1991?!

[Sera's Arrow]

She has a birthday post back in her archives - it caught my eye because I've never seen a 39 year old woman still playing with Barbies. No judgement here. I'm not going to be like "No, sir! I didn't catch you playing with your dolls again!" when I play with pixel dollies - it's the same thing, only no clutter and mine have Apocalypses to deal with.

According to the numbers, she is 47 now. She was 24 in 1991.  

[Maggie Mae]

Reading between the lines, I'm guessing that the fireman has already raised his kids, and is hesitant to start all over again. Not to mention that at least 3 of the 4 children/teenagers will not be leaving at age 18 or even 21. I also think he genuinely likes kids, or at least pretends to, because other than the most recent photo at the airport, he seems to be interacting and smiling with them. 

Or maybe all of the photos are fake. They are awfully posed. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, Kimi! Give me more photos of your children!

 

[SummerRocks]

Oh man, I have been reading on this forum for a long time (in the Duggar section) but now I'm slowly opening up to more mania (ha!) What is wrong with this woman? The one w 4 girls from China and her firefighter?! (Anyone know if the fire fighter is her husband? It doesn't look like it to me - but I didn't read too much yet) Oh man ... I just read some posts on her blog and oh man, I would not want to be a child stuck in that situation. 

 

So the United Way wanted to give her family a gift (as the case worker nominated her) and she got a bike trailer for ONE child? Sorry what ... so strange. 

[Maggie Mae]

2 minutes ago, SummerRocks said:

Oh man, I have been reading on this forum for a long time (in the Duggar section) but now I'm slowly opening up to more mania (ha!) What is wrong with this woman? The one w 4 girls from China and her firefighter?! (Anyone know if the fire fighter is her husband? It doesn't look like it to me - but I didn't read too much yet) Oh man ... I just read some posts on her blog and oh man, I would not want to be a child stuck in that situation. 

 

So the United Way wanted to give her family a gift (as the case worker nominated her) and she got a bike trailer for ONE child? Sorry what ... so strange. 

The firefighter is her boyfriend, as far as I can tell. He has adult children from what I hope is a previous marriage or relationship. I only say "hope" because I would really hate to think that he's still married to someone else. Not that I care if he raised kids from a one-night-stand or just never married the other lady. 

I read most of the blog and it seems like when she moved, the firefighter worked across the street, they met, and she began to call him for small favours. Including one that involved him driving from his house to rescue her when she vacuumed her hair and couldn't move. NO idea what the kids (hers or the day care kids) did during that time. 

[SummerRocks]

1 minute ago, Maggie Mae said:

The firefighter is her boyfriend, as far as I can tell. He has adult children from what I hope is a previous marriage or relationship. I only say "hope" because I would really hate to think that he's still married to someone else. Not that I care if he raised kids from a one-night-stand or just never married the other lady. 

I read most of the blog and it seems like when she moved, the firefighter worked across the street, they met, and she began to call him for small favours. Including one that involved him driving from his house to rescue her when she vacuumed her hair and couldn't move. NO idea what the kids (hers or the day care kids) did during that time. 

Thanks for explaining Maggie Mae.

She vacuumed her hair and couldn't move?! Hahaha ... how do you do that?! I better start reading more, cause that sounds very dramatic. And umm, she has daycare kids in addition to those 4 girls ... wowzers. Sounds like firefighter is quite the saviour

 

[mstee]

Does the firefighter live with her? He seems to be over there a lot. Wouldn't that be a no no for being Mormon and not married? 

[Maggie Mae]

40 minutes ago, SummerRocks said:

Thanks for explaining Maggie Mae.

She vacuumed her hair and couldn't move?! Hahaha ... how do you do that?! I better start reading more, cause that sounds very dramatic. And umm, she has daycare kids in addition to those 4 girls ... wowzers. Sounds like firefighter is quite the saviour

 

http://www.fencingmama.blogspot.ca/2015/03/beware-of-your-vacuum.html

[warriorblade8857]

17 hours ago, DaffyDill said:

Under a picture of Apple wearing a romper... Under a pic of some hair clips in a post dated Oct 30th, 2007....

Kim really makes me snarky, because she absolutely grinds my gears with her blatant favouritism of Apple (who admittedly is as cute as a button), her thinly veiled dislike of poor Sissy, and her almost constant patting of her own back.

If you make note of the TYPE of stuff that Kim collected, you'll notice that it's all clothing and accessories. She never shows off toys, sporting gear, art/craft supplies, or books. Because she has bought NONE through the years! This just goes to show that she is obsessed about appearances, and that her interest is fairly superficial. What she really wants is a perfect little doll to dress up; look pretty and cute; say "I love you, Mommy"; and otherwise shut up and keep sweet. Apple gets a pass for now with Kim. She's still cute, and while she surely has non-sweet moments, Kim can still stuff her into that mental box of being a little doll. Sissy is unstuffable (go Sissy!), and that's why Kim dislikes her.

[cate]

6 hours ago, warriorblade8857 said:

If you make note of the TYPE of stuff that Kim collected, you'll notice that it's all clothing and accessories. She never shows off toys, sporting gear, art/craft supplies, or books. Because she has bought NONE through the years! This just goes to show that she is obsessed about appearances, and that her interest is fairly superficial. What she really wants is a perfect little doll to dress up; look pretty and cute; say "I love you, Mommy"; and otherwise shut up and keep sweet. Apple gets a pass for now with Kim. She's still cute, and while she surely has non-sweet moments, Kim can still stuff her into that mental box of being a little doll. Sissy is unstuffable (go Sissy!), and that's why Kim dislikes her.

Didn't she just give Apple a doll that she'd had stashed for years? Her Christmas post has a photo of Apple unwrapping a doll with this:

" Does anyone remember this doll from June 24, 2007 when I first bought it? HERE'S the post. Back then it symbolized all my hopes and dreams for motherhood and a little girl that would come from China. Back then I never imagined I'd end up with four daughters from China or that it'd take so long to get them and that the road would be so incredibly difficult once they came home. "

[DaffyDill]

24 minutes ago, cate said:

Didn't she just give Apple a doll that she'd had stashed for years? Her Christmas post has a photo of Apple unwrapping a doll with this:

" Does anyone remember this doll from June 24, 2007 when I first bought it? HERE'S the post. Back then it symbolized all my hopes and dreams for motherhood and a little girl that would come from China. Back then I never imagined I'd end up with four daughters from China or that it'd take so long to get them and that the road would be so incredibly difficult once they came home. "

Yep, that's what got us all commenting on how long she has been planning her "impending" motherhood. About 23 years. The earliest reference I found was to something she made in 1991, and my eldest son was born that year and he's 24 in May. (Oh God! that makes me feel SO old!!)

That's some long-term planning, hey?

[warriorblade8857]

9 hours ago, cate said:

Didn't she just give Apple a doll that she'd had stashed for years? Her Christmas post has a photo of Apple unwrapping a doll with this:

" Does anyone remember this doll from June 24, 2007 when I first bought it? HERE'S the post. Back then it symbolized all my hopes and dreams for motherhood and a little girl that would come from China. Back then I never imagined I'd end up with four daughters from China or that it'd take so long to get them and that the road would be so incredibly difficult once they came home. "

True, there was the doll. However, if you go through her blog posts and add up all the instances where she stashed clothing/accessories vs. other items, you'll find that she was collecting far more clothing than anything else.

So Kim, where are the books? The toys sets? The craft sets? Posters? Mini sewing machine? Piggy bank? Christmas stockings that say "Apple" on them? For that matter, where are the parenting manuals or the "fun/educational activities for a rainy day" books?

Maybe she did stash these items and just didn't post about them, but if so, it would still be very telling that she chose to show off the clothing.

[bertnee]

Well I might think it's because clothes take up less space and are easier to store than toys and books, but considering the amount of clothes this lady amassed for her hypothetical child and stored for ~20 years...

[ILoveJellybeans]

Its weird. Looking back through her blog, its hard to tell which posts are from when she has adopted her children, which ones are from when she knows she will shortly be bringing home a child of a certain age, and when she is just imagining future kids and talking about them as if they are real.

 

It is also really weird that she has Jie Jie and Sissy, both of which mean sister, even if they were both adopted before Apple, and Jie Jie was the only child for an unclear amount of time. Jie Jie cant have been a big sister before Apple was adopted (that she knows of, for all we know she could have younger biological siblings she never met). Why are none of those Apple. It seems like its a "Oh, this one will do until the one I was waiting for comes along". Also Apple is not her real name, but she has dreamed of nicknaming a child Apple for years? Does she actually call the kid Apple in real life, or is it just on the blog?

 

I wonder what she will do if Apple grows up to not like all of the things that her mom thinks she is supposed to and wants nothing to do with the imaginary image of a child her mother fell in love with.

[blessalessi]

All of the names on the blog are pseudonyms.  But they were chosen with intent.

Apple was named (before she was conceived in real life), as the imaginary healthy baby that Kim originally applied to adopt, who would be the "apple" of her eye. 

When Kim got tired of waiting and started looking at the older child/SN programmes she nicknamed the first child Jie Jie, because she was still fully expecting an imminent healthy baby.  Sissy was an "impulse buy" of sorts, while still waiting for Apple, so she became another "sister".  

Blossom was a "free gift"y from an abandoning child catcher.  Her intro post starts with Kim talking about how she had apparently often fantasised about finding a baby in the woods.  Maybe she thinks babies drop from trees like flower blossoms, god only knows. 

[Koala]

Someone upthread quoted her pondering whether she should allow the other girls to use Apple's things, and if she did whether she should take them back once Apple arrived.  That really stuck with me.  

[Pianokeeper]

Man. Oh, man.  I just decided to read this blog and started to read it from the very beginning -- each excruciatingly tedious entry, minute details about her many cats, and the main meat of the blog (before arrival of actual human child/ren): showing off each outfit, amassed for YEARS...  The ceaselessly girly, frilly clothing and bedding are maybe initially cute but then grow increasingly creepy. 

Still, although she's very self-congratulatory, she seems very industrious (far more energy and self-motivation than a lot of single adults I know, of either gender).  I thought, "She's strange but fine -- though obviously going to end up like those mothers who are predisposed to post-partum depression because they've fantasized too much and too deeply about how motherhood will be."   I felt mostly just pity -- until I arrived at the entries where she talks about maybe adopting an older child as, like, an appetizer before the kid she REALLY wants gets there.

I mean, after following along through YEARS of the Apple fantasies... we get this:

http://fencingmama.blogspot.com/2010/09/jie-jie-thoughts.html

And as others have mentioned, other children are absolutely, in her mind, supporting players to her main event, infant girly girl.

It is shocking to me that she wouldn't be self-aware enough to see how wrong it is to get another child as... a side item.  Her thoughts didn't shift to "maybe I can have TWO Apples, and one will be older but I'll love them equally."  No, it's explicitly, "Maybe I should get another one in the meantime, before the one I really want gets here."

I'm so horrified.  I don't think I can even keep reading this blog.  Knowing she has four children now makes me sick to my stomach.

[Koala]

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 I feel VERY loyal to Apple and in the things I've done to specifically prepare for HER. 

Why is that red?   Sorry...can't make it go away...

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If I get an older child, do I put her in Apple's room then move her later to the "small" room

It's a given that Apple will have the largest room.

What a disgusting human being.

[inabauers]

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If I adopt a toddler or preschooler, do I give her the things I've bought for Apple or buy for her specifically in mind. I began to imagine Jie Jie in Apple's crib and that was fine, but what about Apple's bedding? What about the baby doll I bought for Apple? I feel VERY loyal to Apple and in the things I've done to specifically prepare for HER.

How can you feel loyal to a child you don't even have yet?? Mind-boggling and so unfair to the other children. Also unfair to Apple, Kimi has her so built up in a pedestal in her mind!

[DaisyD]

Everything from her site comes out red. I dump it into Google spell check and copy it back out. It's the only way I've found to get rid of it.

[Rubaiyat]

So, forgive me, but help me understand...why couldn't an older child be "Apple"?  As in, why wasn't her first adoption automatically "Apple"?  Apple was supposed to be the longed-for daughter from China, right?  So, was it really and truly that Jie Jie wasn't good enough to be Apple?  

I cannot wrap my brain around this woman.  Children are who they are.  There's never a guarantee, even if you source them in-house.  I'm fairly certain that one of the major points of parenthood is unconditional love, right?  You love them because they exist and because they are yours, which automatically makes them "good enough."  

Ugh.  I'm going to stop trying to understand Kimi, because it makes me feel icky.  My heart bleeds for her other girls.  I have an aunt who very clearly favored one of her children over the other.  It was, and still is, sickening to watch, and the effects are now reaching down into the grandkids.  How does one live with something like that?  

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

8 hours ago, Rubaiyat said:

So, forgive me, but help me understand...why couldn't an older child be "Apple"?  As in, why wasn't her first adoption automatically "Apple"?  Apple was supposed to be the longed-for daughter from China, right?  So, was it really and truly that Jie Jie wasn't good enough to be Apple?  

I cannot wrap my brain around this woman.  Children are who they are.  There's never a guarantee, even if you source them in-house.  I'm fairly certain that one of the major points of parenthood is unconditional love, right?  You love them because they exist and because they are yours, which automatically makes them "good enough."  

Ugh.  I'm going to stop trying to understand Kimi, because it makes me feel icky.  My heart bleeds for her other girls.  I have an aunt who very clearly favored one of her children over the other.  It was, and still is, sickening to watch, and the effects are now reaching down into the grandkids.  How does one live with something like that?  

Kimi wants a cute little dolly that she can dress in cute clothes and pose for adorable photo shoots, that will never talk back or do anything unexpected, that will only smile sweetly and give her complete and total adoration... Apple might do that now (and she is a precious little girl, no doubt about that)- BUT- what about when she's six, eight, ten, twelve and on into her teenage years? What if she isn't the compliant little baby doll that Kimi wants?

I feel for these poor girls. Jie Jie has a lively little sparkle in her eye that reminds me of my own daughter, Blossom's smile (when it's genuine like the photo of her getting her new shoe orthotics) could light up a room... and Sissy is becoming a lovely young woman. It's really a shame that instead of having a parent who will lovingly guide them into fulfilling and productive lives they've been stuck with a controlling "mother" who blatantly plays favorites, quashes any spark of independence or curiosity in them and basically uses them as extensions of herself to boost her own self-esteem.