What's with these jerk adoptive mothers?

[Toothfairy]

Again how did this woman adopt kids and run a daycare

[Catey]

There have been a lot of trolls reading my blog lately. There are websites devoted to bashing moms like me who are doing terrific jobs with children in difficult positions

 

Websites devoted to bashing Moms like me....

Kimmi do you mean completely unfit mothers who decide to air their families dirty laundry for the world to see? Moms who publically hate on their children and outline their "failings" in minute detail for the world to see.

I guess you were hoping for sympathy, sorry you got a heathy dose of reality instead.

Amazing with what all Saint Kimmi does in a day that she has time to read websites that offend her sensibilities...

I would never bash a Mom that was trying or even one that did not feel the need to flaunt her shitty parenting for anyone to read.

Go cry in the arms of your fireman and lament about the evil websites and your flawed children you bitch.

[blessalessi]

14 hours ago, daisyd681 said:

I just figured out what the "grievous sin against her sister" was, and I actually agree, though I wouldn't word it that way. Sissy was stealing items, and taking food and letting Blossom get punished for it. Blossom is the sister who was "sinned" against. I have to admit, when I punish the wrong child because they were "set up" (one child doing something that's in the other's m.o.) I'm that much more upset with the actual offender. She, of course, took it to the extreme, but I do get where that one started for her.

In this case though, where the children grew up in an orphanage, probably competing for attention there, and where Kimmie now takes turns to scapegoat the children, I have a lot of compassion for Sissy.

The behaviour may be wrong, but is occurs in a context where Sissy is fighting for survival against a mean, vindictive and unpredictable mother.

Blossom came into the home quickly and unexpectedly, as a result of abandonment, and she was rapidly followed by the "apple" of Kim's eye.  Sissy was most likely jealous and acted out.  

Kimmie needs to look at her own behaviour if she wants clues as to how to change Sissy's behaviour.

Sissy isn't going to learn about compassion and fairness unless Kimmie leads by example.

[DaisyD]

Yeah, she overreacted for sure. Even when it happens in my house, with my never abandoned or institutionalized children, I'm irritated in the moment, not a week later still. 

 

Here's another gem to show just how condescending super mom is to anyone and everyone. 

 

"Monday began with the rest of the carpet arriving and a smaller crew since it was only three rooms. However, two of those rooms are huge and have design features that needed care with the installation, so the guys were there all day again. Super nice guys, no swearing, all pants stayed up where they were supposed to. Again, I just took care of my girls and played my piano."

[apandaaries]

3 minutes ago, blessalessi said:

In this case though, where the children grew up in an orphanage, probably competing for attention there, and where Kimmie now takes turns to scapegoat the children, I have a lot of compassion for Sissy.

The behaviour may be wrong, but is occurs in a context where Sissy is fighting for survival. Blossom came into the home quickly and unexpectedly, as a result of abandonment, and she was rapidly followed by the "apple" of Kim's eye.  

Sissy isn't going to learn about compassion and fairness unless Kimmie leads by example.

She refers to Sissy rummaging around for paperwork to find out more about her own situation.  It sounds like the poor girl is terrified that she'll be "rehomed" or sent away (with good reason, as Kim is hinting about group homes and such).  Kim is spending all her time trying to beat Sissy down and make her see the "grievous sins" of her past, including making her write out lists of her wrong-doing, rather than try to redirect her and support her making better decisions.  

A kid who doesn't feel loved or trusted will act out.  A kid who is fearing for her future in a foreign land will do all kinds of things.  This is the kid who plans on panhandling in the future and living outside.  That is the future she sees for herself, and Kim doesn't redirect her or offer other plans.  Instead, she questions her relentlessly about the flaws in her plans until Sissy shuts down and stops talking.  Just because she's shut Kim out does not mean her brain no longer functions; she sounds fearful and suspicious of Kim, as she should be.  Even worse, Kim is actively destroying the bonds the girls have created, because she wants them to be bonded primarily to her.  

Kim, a selfless mother does not do this.  A selfish mother forces her children to admire her as their savior, their star.  A selfless mother just loves her kids, even when they "sin" or mess up.  They are children; they will make mistakes...just like adults make mistakes.  It's always best to learn from those mistakes, make amends, and move on.  

[ViolaSebastian]

19 minutes ago, amandaaries said:

She refers to Sissy rummaging around for paperwork to find out more about her own situation.  It sounds like the poor girl is terrified that she'll be "rehomed" or sent away (with good reason, as Kim is hinting about group homes and such).  Kim is spending all her time trying to beat Sissy down and make her see the "grievous sins" of her past, including making her write out lists of her wrong-doing, rather than try to redirect her and support her making better decisions.  

A kid who doesn't feel loved or trusted will act out.  A kid who is fearing for her future in a foreign land will do all kinds of things.  This is the kid who plans on panhandling in the future and living outside.  That is the future she sees for herself, and Kim doesn't redirect her or offer other plans.  Instead, she questions her relentlessly about the flaws in her plans until Sissy shuts down and stops talking.  Just because she's shut Kim out does not mean her brain no longer functions; she sounds fearful and suspicious of Kim, as she should be.  Even worse, Kim is actively destroying the bonds the girls have created, because she wants them to be bonded primarily to her.  

Kim, a selfless mother does not do this.  A selfish mother forces her children to admire her as their savior, their star.  A selfless mother just loves her kids, even when they "sin" or mess up.  They are children; they will make mistakes...just like adults make mistakes.  It's always best to learn from those mistakes, make amends, and move on.  

Sissy and Blossom also share a room.  If Kimi doesn't think that Blossom hasn't given Sissy the low-down on what happened with her former family and how and why she was rehomed, including the trauma that she must have experienced, then I have a bridge to sell her.  

[DaisyD]

This poor woman can't even get sympathy at church after two years of harassing her children publicly, ppming all over the place, and bragging all about how awesome she is... I can not roll my eyes hard enough at her other posts, but this one...

 

"The bishop at church tonight (who is a public school principal) essentially told me to focus on the positive things my girls can do, stop talking to everyone about the girls' problems (I'm just trying to get advice and insight from more experienced moms), put them in school, that there are programs where I can leave them even up to 6pm (I became a mom to leave my kids all day in the care of strangers?), that his 14 yr. old daughter also has temper tantrums (when I asked if his daughter throws furniture he said he's not going to get into the one-up thing), that other moms don't follow their kids around at activities telling them to go talk to kids their own age (after prying Blossom and Sissy off an 18 yr. old girl who has problems of her own with attachment in her bio family and has totaled 2 cars this year, who Blossom passed inappropriate notes to with sayings copied from greeting cards), and to just let my kids fail and work things out for themselves because kids learn through failure. Not one person has shown any care or alarm or compassion for Apple when I say, "My older kids hurt my 3 yr. old." Not one. Thank heavens our geneticist warned me that this would happen so I was on the lookout for it and can protect my child.

Here's the kicker. His sister and her husband (also educators) adopted a sibling group 6 years ago. The youngest was 4 and the oldest 12 at the time. The 12 yr. old just turned 18. First thing he did was leave his adoptive family and return to his birth family, despite their drug abuse issues that caused the kids to be removed in the first place.

I re-read THIS article about moms like me in the trenches. I guess I'll shut up at church now and realize that no one is ever going to care that I'm in need here of a little compassion and understanding and that maybe an "I'm so sorry. Please know I'm thinking about you and praying for you and your kids," would go really far to helping me get through the week."

[warriorblade8857]

3 hours ago, daisyd681 said:

1. "An 18 yr. old girl who has problems of her own with attachment in her bio family and has totaled 2 cars this year, who Blossom passed inappropriate notes to with sayings copied from greeting cards)."

2. "Here's the kicker. His sister and her husband (also educators) adopted a sibling group 6 years ago. The youngest was 4 and the oldest 12 at the time. The 12 yr. old just turned 18. First thing he did was leave his adoptive family and return to his birth family, despite their drug abuse issues that caused the kids to be removed in the first place."

3. "I guess I'll shut up at church now and realize that no one is ever going to care that I'm in need here of a little compassion and understanding and that maybe an 'I'm so sorry. Please know I'm thinking about you and praying for you and your kids,' would go really far to helping me get through the week."

1. Having problems with attachment and totaling 2 cars are not moral failings. Neither of these should render this kid a bad influence on Blossom. Also, greeting cards and their sayings are "inappropriate"? Seriously? We're not talking snuff films here...

2. So your bishop's sister's adoptive son prefers to spend time with his birth family. Big deal. Maybe he wants to reconnect. Maybe he feels an obligation to help or support them. Maybe he loves them more. Maybe he thinks they need his love more. At any rate, all this has no bearing on whether or not his adoptive family prepared him for adulthood. This is not a "kicker", Kim. This is a straw man.

3. If you want to ask for advice, then be prepared to listen. If you'd rather not hear some hard truths, then don't ask!

4. Kim, you seem to measure adoption "success" and "failure" by how much a child has attached to his/her adopters. Adoption shouldn't be about how much love the parent(s) receive from the child. It is about raising a stable and functional adult. How about measuring success by how well you've prepared your daughters for life on their own?

Edited to add: By this measure (preparing her daughters for adulthood), Kim is failing horribly, because she is refusing to utilize the abundance of resources afforded to her... including her bishop's advice!

 

[ViolaSebastian]

Quote

"The bishop at church tonight (who is a public school principal) essentially told me to focus on the positive things my girls can do, stop talking to everyone about the girls' problems (I'm just trying to get advice and insight from more experienced moms)

I reread this and really honed in on the bolded.  Every mom complains, heck, I think it's good and healthy for women to be able to share their frustrations and issues with other mothers (and fathers, too, for that matter).  But the bishop bringing the subject up with her leads me to believe that she does an inordinate amount of complaining about her children, to the point where it's making other people uncomfortable.  It's also probably less of a "quiet, private conversation about XYZ problem over coffee in the kitchen" and more of a "bitch loudly and moan and complain in the fellowship hall after the service" sort of affair, too.  Even children, and especially older children like Sissy and Blossom, are entitled to some version of privacy and don't deserve to have all their problems discussed with just anyone and everyone.

[warriorblade8857]

3 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

But the bishop bringing the subject up with her leads me to believe that she does an inordinate amount of complaining about her children, to the point where it's making other people uncomfortable.

I agree. He's probably trying to clue her in on the fact that people are starting to complain about her complaining.

[PsyD2013]

The bishop from her church is offering her some constructive feedback and sounds like he is trying to help her.  Kim is so narcissistic she is unable to accept his counsel because it is not what she wants to hear.  

[YourGodIsNotMine]

On 11/28/2015 at 5:31 PM, blessalessi said:

It has been estimated, I think, that up to 5% of the population hear voices at some point in their lives and the phenomenon isn't universally thought to be a sign of mental illness. Among those people who do find it distressing, some choose to use psychiatric medication but, increasingly, there are networks of people who accept the phenomenon, and/or seek therapeutic help to understand how those voices may be ways that their minds and bodies are coping with past trauma, and what the voices might represent to them.

When I was a born-again Christian, it was common to talk of hearing from God, but this usually meant through bible verses or thoughts that came to mind while praying.  I would guess that it is not impossible that some people actually did hear audible-to-them voices but we rarely discussed the mechanics of it, so who knows whether some people experiencing an unusual phenomenon mistakenly feel validated by other Christians' use of metaphor? 

My armchair "diagnosis" is that this deeply insecure woman, who struggles to get on with people in real life, (her blog and poo pocket success notwithstanding) is getting her only validation from a very real-to-her sense that God is going to vindicate and validate all her unfulfilled hopes and dreams.

 

Those poor kids.  

 

I actually did hear a voice once. I was driving and about to merge onto a busy road when a female voice said clear as day, "Look over your shoulder." I did, and there was a car right there that I would have collided with. I think it was my grandmother, who had died before I was born. I've never heard voices before or since. As an atheist, I don't know how to explain that one time.

[elliha]

8 hours ago, PsyD2013 said:

The bishop from her church is offering her some constructive feedback and sounds like he is trying to help her.  Kim is so narcissistic she is unable to accept his counsel because it is not what she wants to hear.  

Yes! In my view he gave her good advice to cope with the situation. As much as she likes homeschooling perhaps what is best for the group as a whole would be for at least some of the kids to go to school and out of home care/therapy for the whole or parts of the day. If everything is fine with Apple and Jie Jie at home perhaps they could stay at home and she could let the older ones that seem to struggle get help from someone else.

[Jeebusismycopilot]

14 hours ago, daisyd681 said:

I became a mom to leave my kids all day in the care of strangers?

And yet she makes her living taking care of other people's children. So I take it all the families that use her daycare are terrible parents then, since they simply leave their children in the care of strangers. 

Any parent who sends their child to public/separate/private school must be a pretty terrible person as well. I mean, sending children off to be in the company of strangers from 8:30-3:30 every day. They obviously aren't as good as Kim in the parenting department.  

 

14 hours ago, daisyd681 said:

The bishop at church tonight (who is a public school principal) essentially told me to focus on the positive things my girls can do

  This is very good advice. Heaven forbid you build your children up and allow them to have some form of self esteem!  Praise their achievements, no matter how small. Find the positive and promote that. It's surprising what a difference it makes in the development of a child when they are surrounded by positive reinforcement. 

 

[hoipolloi]

Sounds like the bishop is a man of good sense.

Of course, even though she claims to be Mormon and is thus obligated to follow the bishop's counsel, Kim obviously knows better.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

7 hours ago, elliha said:

Yes! In my view he gave her good advice to cope with the situation. As much as she likes homeschooling perhaps what is best for the group as a whole would be for at least some of the kids to go to school and out of home care/therapy for the whole or parts of the day. If everything is fine with Apple and Jie Jie at home perhaps they could stay at home and she could let the older ones that seem to struggle get help from someone else.

But then she can't exploit two unpaid helps for her activity!

[DaisyD]

I just read through her whole blog. I saw no mention of Sissy helping with the daycare. Did I miss it or did she remove it?

[laPapessaGiovanna]

http://www.appletreemanor.com/about.htm

It's here, in her daycare website

[blessalessi]

I suspect she has very few daycare clients right now.  On the day that she removed d Blossom from school, the fireman took the family out to breakfast, plus one daycare child.

Also she has moved her office into the daycare room. Maybe that business is fizzling out?

Not that this makes it in any way OK to have Blossom and Sissy registered as staff.  Just that it doesn't seem that business is booming.

I suspect she has very few daycare clients right now.  On the day that she removed  Blossom from school, the fireman took the family out to breakfast, plus one daycare child.

Also she has moved her office into the daycare room. Maybe that business is fizzling out?

Not that this makes it in any way OK to have Blossom and Sissy registered as staff.  Just that it doesn't seem that business is booming.

Also that website now has no location details.

[JillyO]

4 minutes ago, blessalessi said:

I suspect she has very few daycare clients right now.  On the day that she removed d Blossom from school, the fireman took the family out to breakfast, plus one daycare child.

Also she has moved her office into the daycare room. Maybe that business is fizzling out?

Not that this makes it in any way OK to have Blossom and Sissy registered as staff.  Just that it doesn't seem that business is booming.

I'm pretty sure she explained it in one of her recent blog posts. Something about wanting to be more flexible for all the appointments and everything they need to go to. IIRC, she says she wants to make her living off of sewing classes and selling her sewing patterns from now on, but will still keep her current daycare children (three of them, I think) on for the time being.

[iheartchacos]

Can you imagine finding her blog as a parent of one of her daycare kids? Ugh!

[Sera's Arrow]

If you go back far enough, even before she adopted Jie Jie, you can read how Kim handled a "daycare tot" who threw up "5 heaves worth of chunky vomit" while she was out and about. Did she go right back to "base" to clean up, contact and comfort 'til pick-up? Heavens forbid, no! She -had- to get her fingerprints, after all. Who cares that a kid just vomited all over the place, right? Let the "tot" (The Grinch likes that word when he's playing sweet too >>) fall asleep in their own spew, no biggie. The kicker in that entry is that she expressed the desire to return later while the office was still open to complain which means she could've went to the office by herself after her business hours to do a personal task. As always, it's all about Kim and Kim's way.  If I read that as a parent with a child in her care, I'd flip the fug out. I read it as an ECE and I'm still flipping the fug out. That's -not- how you treat a sick child...

Her blog is like a "Don't Do What Donny Don't Does" in the areas of parenting and child care.  

[DaisyD]

Yeah, I worked daycare after high school, and I had a few thoughts about some of the children or their parents. I sure as shit kept those thoughts to myself. She talks about how we don't know what goes on in her house. Does she honestly think that she knows any more about what goes on in theirs? I have vented to daycare providers, but I sure didn't give them my whole life story. I just wanted to either drop off or pick up my kid and get on with it.

[hauntedoklahoma]

On ‎12‎/‎9‎/‎2015 at 6:38 AM, elliha said:

Yes! In my view he gave her good advice to cope with the situation. As much as she likes homeschooling perhaps what is best for the group as a whole would be for at least some of the kids to go to school and out of home care/therapy for the whole or parts of the day. If everything is fine with Apple and Jie Jie at home perhaps they could stay at home and she could let the older ones that seem to struggle get help from someone else.

He said it so much more nicely than I (and probably a million others) would have, too. Next time she hears advice it'll probably be much more blunt.

[desertvixen]

If I found her blog and was a daycare parent, I'd be an ex-daycare parent that day.

Reading threads like this reminds me how incredibly lucky I have been to find good daycare providers.