Bates Family - Part 4

[singsingsing]

Yet another non-shy introvert! I like people fine, I like going to social events, but if I had to be around people all the time 24/7 with little boundaries or privacy, I'd go insane. I've had to end friendships with people who just refused to respect my boundaries and would act like it was a personal affront when I didn't want to spend an hour on the phone talking about nothing, or hang out all the time. I purposefully shelled out a little more on my housing for grad school because I've lived with roommates, and while I liked them, I was considered "weird" for wanting more alone time than they did. So now I have a studio and love it! No one bothers me and I can go hang out with my friends when I want to! If I lived in a family like the Bateses or the Duggars, I'd be begging the camera crew to get me the hell out.

I'm the same! I love people, love being around people, I'm very friendly and find it easy to talk to new people... no social anxiety at all. But I need my personal space and time. I've had friendships basically end because certain people took offence to the fact that I just couldn't stay up talking till 5 in the morning, or spend 3 hours hanging out with them 3 times a week. I was one of two kids so I always had my own room. I never had roommates because I knew I couldn't deal with it (partly that was because I had really bad anxiety when I was in university, but still). Growing up in a family like Alyssa's would've been a total nightmare for me.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Woah. YoshiCat mentioned the singer/songwriter Josh Ritter a little while ago, and I was reading through the thread and decided to look him up (my kind of music). Well, the very first song I found is about a girl from a religious family who goes to a Bible college and ends up learning the things her family didn't want her to know. :pink-shock:

Link:

[nastyhobbitses]

I'm the same! I love people, love being around people, I'm very friendly and find it easy to talk to new people... no social anxiety at all. But I need my personal space and time. I've had friendships basically end because certain people took offence to the fact that I just couldn't stay up talking till 5 in the morning, or spend 3 hours hanging out with them 3 times a week. I was one of two kids so I always had my own room. I never had roommates because I knew I couldn't deal with it (partly that was because I had really bad anxiety when I was in university, but still). Growing up in a family like Alyssa's would've been a total nightmare for me.

Yeah, I'm the older one of two, and we always had separate rooms. I'd gone to summer camp and had roommates/bunk mates through that, so when I got to college and shared a room with a roommate my freshman year, I wasn't all of a sudden learning to share space, but after that, it was single rooms all the way. I need my own space. Though interestingly enough, I feel like my whole family is like this. We do plenty of stuff together, but it's really routine for my mom to just announce that she's going off to her friend's beach house for the weekend, or (when I lived at home) for me to just yell upstairs "I'm going to New York for the next two days and staying with friends, see ya". And we all have our own spaces in the house, and it's normal for us to only see each other at meal times. It doesn't mean we love each other any less; it just means that we also love having time to ourselves and living our own lives. My parents are both very independent people, and they raised me and my sister to be the same way.

[Exjw2015deed]

Yes. Actually I just feel like Alyssa is kind of awkward /cold with all of them. Like in the first episode when she announced her pregnancy no one really hugged her at first and the whole scene struck me as weird. Also her hesitance to have the girls come down and visit when Allie was born seemed odd. When they visited her in Florida she said they couldn't visit for several months and I remember one of the girls being like "but I'm your sister!"

Sorry mods if I messed up the quotes, I'm a newer member.

I remember on their wedding specials how carlin/tori cried really hard about Erin. And I think Josie/Katie cried really hard about Alyssa. It's normal for some siblings to get along closer than others, however I notice there's something just a little bit more distant about Erin and Alyssa.

Also the stupid "I love you day" Gil went on and on about some people needing to forgive one another, I think it was definitely some shade there. Alyssa seems to have some type of relationships with all the older kids except Erin. Idk it may just be the same Jill vs jessa tension, instead Kelly and Gil may not force their daughters to pretend to be bffs.

[HarleyQuinn]

Lawson likes Carrie Underwood? Are we use he just doesn't like "Jesus Take The Wheel?" Can't see him being a big "Before He Cheats" men. Silly woman getting revenge on a man.

As for Alyssa/Erin. I always got the impression Alyssa didn't like being in a huge family either.I figured she'd end up more fundie-lite, but I didn't realize her husband's family was deep into ATI until recently, so maybe not. But she won't have a mega family.

And someone like Erin, who tries really hard to be the perfect fundie probably doesn't care much for a sibling wearing tank tops and pants.

[LovelyLuna]

to the Introverts!!!! having time to be alone and charge your batteries is so important. I’m not pleasant to be around otherwise. :?

[church_of_dog]

to the Introverts!!!! having time to be alone and charge your batteries is so important. I’m not pleasant to be around otherwise. :?

I'm actually having a hard time with this right now. My need for "personal time" isn't so much about being entirely alone as it is about focusing on my personal thoughts/goals/projects. If I had a partner and they spent time with me, say, working in the garden or on some project of mine, I think that wouldn't feel draining to me in the way that socializing does.

The part about it that is hard for me is that other people don't seem to believe me when I say I'm an introvert. Actually, I've been using the word "hermit" because I thought that would get the message to friends more clearly that I can't do much of the "evenings out" they like to do. But so many people then object and say "no, you're not a hermit" and point to my level of cheerfulness/social agreeability when I'm out in public, including at my job in a library. Then I have to explain to people that being a hermit/introvert isn't about not liking people or even about not liking social interaction -- it's about needing recharge time away from that. And for me it's not only recharge time but also "get my own projects/goals done" time -- in addition to recharge time. It does add up to quite a bit of time needed away from others (or most others).

Anyway, I've had to start declining invitations and becoming more and more unavailable -- and hopefully people won't take offense and will simply come to accept that I'm mostly not available for social things -- at least not on the multiple-times-per-week scale they seem to enjoy.

[roddma]

Im an introvert myself. I tried to make myself more social in my 20s so I could find Mr.Right like the world says to.Even so, I d dint go anywhere much, and was lying to myself. I think why DH andi get along so well is we dont need to be around one another 24/7. But my introverted self used to clash with his friends. When my late MIl had to live with us about two weeks, I thought I would go insane.

Why is hard for others to realize not all of us are social animals We will be social when we want to and help out when needed, but we do need our space. And if you ever have to live with us dont expect to be entertained by me 24/7.

In larger families, the kids often feel sorry for 4 or less siblings. They view having your own room as spoiled. No matter what they claim, I highly doubt if all the Duggar and Bates kids liked being thrown on top of each other -stacked like sardines-or like being 20 sharing room with a 5 yr old. As said above, wanting your own space doesn't mean you love your family less. The QUiverfull type parents never consider introverts.

[roddma]

I can't see them entertaining an openly gay, affectionate couple in their home. And if someone did wrangle an invite, with their sexuality unknown to Kelly and Gil, I imagine they would not be asked back again if they were to have been demonstrably affectionate with one another.

There are times and places for excessive PDA(think Jim Bob and Jchelle), and certainly not at a party where kids are present. I do think you should show respect to your host regardless of your sexual orientation or the age group.

As far as letting their kids go to college, I think the Bateses have to be 'liberal' since they lack the resoruces of the Duggars. Erin borrowed money from Lawson for college though Gill and Kelly expressed no disapproval,it isnt like they acted all gushy about it

[16strong]

Im an introvert myself. I tried to make myself more social in my 20s so I could find Mr.Right like the world says to.Even so, I d dint go anywhere much, and was lying to myself. I think why DH andi get along so well is we dont need to be around one another 24/7. But my introverted self used to clash with his friends. When my late MIl had to live with us about two weeks, I thought I would go insane.

Why is hard for others to realize not all of us are social animals We will be social when we want to and help out when needed, but we do need our space. And if you ever have to live with us dont expect to be entertained by me 24/7.

In larger families, the kids often feel sorry for 4 or less siblings. They view having your own room as spoiled. No matter what they claim, I highly doubt if all the Duggar and Bates kids liked being thrown on top of each other -stacked like sardines-or like being 20 sharing room with a 5 yr old. As said above, wanting your own space doesn't mean you love your family less. The QUiverfull type parents never consider introverts.

No, they do not. For me, alone time is defined as quiet time at home in my room, with nobody inside, or nearby outside making noise. This would never be an option in the Duggar household, where millions of screaming kids are always everywhere, and alone time is basically forbidden, unless you have squirreled yourself away in the prayer closet. Even worse would be the constant stream of visitors in and out of the house, so no real time for just family, either. I bet the introverts are the ones who spend the most "time in God's word."

[LovelyLuna]

I am lucky my spouse understands my need for alone time. It took a while because people who don’t get it think you don’t want to be around them, which has nothing to do with it. He now knows that the time we have together will be much more harmonious if I get Me time.

“honey Its not you, its me. I need to go lock my self in the bedroom for an hour or its going to get all Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde up in here.â€

I would not have flourished in the Dugger or Bates household, for many reasons, but this is a big one.

[HarleyQuinn]

I'm an introvert myself. I'm shy, I don't *hate* people, but I just like to do things alone. I'm perfectly fine being at home with my computer most nights lol

[HereticHick]

I like that Carlin trimmed her hair a bit. I wish all the fundy maidens would remove a few inches of their split ends!

[Melissa1977]

Alyssa looks pissed in the pic with carlin. Maybe she hadca cold. Maybe she's tired of siblings visiting.

She seems to love Josie a lot, also she seems to have a good time with Lawson. But she doesn't seem close to her elder siblings. Remember that she and Josie had a private room! They may be special /different in some way.

I always think Alyssa played the good-fundie-daughter rol and once she married she built walls between past and future. She doesn't seem very proud of her parents, she seem more proud of her grandma Jane.

[SavageMom]

True. The older Bates girls don't seem as close to each other as the older Duggar girls. Could be that Josh molesting them bonded them together, or just sharing a room - who knows.

[Ursula]

Alyssa looks pissed in the pic with carlin. Maybe she hadca cold. Maybe she's tired of siblings visiting.

Maybe she's pregnant again and in the early stages of morning sickness hitting her like an oncoming semi. Again.

YEP THROWING THAT SPECULATION DOWN NOW.

Allie is nearly 6 months old, Alyssa isn't even 21 yet herself. She's in her absolute best fertile years and we don't have an established pattern on her dropping sprogs since she's only had one so far. But if she follows her mother's pattern, well....Zach and Girl Michael are barely 13 months apart in age. And Kelly was older than Alyssa when she had her first kid!

Alyssa seemed to have a shitty go of pregnancy, with the all day, all nine month long morning sickness but from what we were told, appears to have had a very easy labour and birth. I hate to compare women against each other but since they're only five days apart in age, Allie's birth was drastically different from J'Izzy Duggars'. Since she didn't have her body cut open to get Allie out, Alyssa doesn't have the "please wait one year before conceiving again" advice from her doctors like Jill has (I'm certain Jill won't follow that advice, though). She also had a much small baby so less of a toll was taken on her body (I assume that's how that works, at any rate :D )

ANYWAY, basing this on nothing other than that picture in the car with Carlin (who is conveniently aunt momming in Florida so Alyssa can run to the bathroom to vomit every 10 minutes??? Or not, as she appears to be back in Tennessee today for Katie's birthday) where Alyssa looks...not well.

It's only a matter of time, either way. I do think Alyssa and John will have a small handful of kids in quick succession then hopefully slow down, by which I mean STOP FOREVER, once they realize just how hard that many young children at once just is. They have a SIL who only had three. Hopefully they follow her example, rather than the family Alyssa came from :clap:

[calimojo]

True. The older Bates girls don't seem as close to each other as the older Duggar girls. Could be that Josh molesting them bonded them together, or just sharing a room - who knows.

I think they seem like normal siblings. Some are naturally closer than others. I also get the impression that the Bates kids have more friends outside of their family, where as I think the Duggar kids did not seem to have as many non-family friends, at least when the they were younger.

I do think that Alyssa, for whatever reason, needed to get away from the house. Could be that she is just not well suited to the chaos that a family with 19 kids is bound to have. She may just thrive in a quieter place. Hopefully, if this is true, that she has insight into that, and will plan her own family accordingly. It would be very hard for her if her fundie roots dictated she have a massive family, even when perhaps her own temperament is not really set for that. Her husband doesn't come from a mega family, so maybe they will end up have a much more typical sized American family instead of a big brood.

[Exjw2015deed]

Alyssa looks pissed in the pic with carlin. Maybe she hadca cold. Maybe she's tired of siblings visiting.

She seems to love Josie a lot, also she seems to have a good time with Lawson. But she doesn't seem close to her elder siblings. Remember that she and Josie had a private room! They may be special /different in some way.

I always think Alyssa played the good-fundie-daughter rol and once she married she built walls between past and future. She doesn't seem very proud of her parents, she seem more proud of her grandma Jane.

I'm also guessing she's probably just pregnant and looks like she has morning sickness. I think she gets along with all the girls but Erin, I'm sticking to my gut. She also seems a little annoyed by tori who is the one under her. Remember when she announced her pregnancy (told johns family first) and tori bursted out, "what you're only 19!" Alyssa just responded saying she ll be 20 by the time the baby is born, but seem really annoyed.

Tori's personality is complete opposite of Alyssa. Tori is loud and talkative and doesn't act like the typical "keeping sweet, fundies girl". Carlin's personality seems more in the middle. She's reserved and also bubbly like Tori. Also, I think carlin is the one who is interested in joseph duggar and not tori. Remember they had "ask bates questions" and when they asked who would most likely marry a duggar they all looked at carlin. She probably is "praying" he notices her much like Michael/Michal/Michaela, did for Brandon.

[singsingsing]

I think you guys are reading a lot into this, to me she just looks like she's making the face intentionally for the photo. I took a photo just like that a few days ago... I mean, my face looked pretty much exactly the same... I wasn't pregnant, sick, or pissed off, just making a stupid 'serious' face for the camera.

[MarblesMom]

I'm the same! I love people, love being around people, I'm very friendly and find it easy to talk to new people... no social anxiety at all. But I need my personal space and time. I've had friendships basically end because certain people took offence to the fact that I just couldn't stay up talking till 5 in the morning, or spend 3 hours hanging out with them 3 times a week. I was one of two kids so I always had my own room. I never had roommates because I knew I couldn't deal with it (partly that was because I had really bad anxiety when I was in university, but still). Growing up in a family like Alyssa's would've been a total nightmare for me.

Hail, hail all of us people who don't need constant companions! I have no interest in idle phone conversations, or endless time wasted to be social. HMPH.

[JillyO]

I think you guys are reading a lot into this, to me she just looks like she's making the face intentionally for the photo. I took a photo just like that a few days ago... I mean, my face looked pretty much exactly the same... I wasn't pregnant, sick, or pissed off, just making a stupid 'serious' face for the camera.

I agree. I think the two of them were just goofing off and taking a "now look really serious" kind of picture. I highly doubt Alyssa would have posted that picture otherwise.

[HuggleMonster]

No speculation but holy heck. Alyssa is a mini Kelly Jo. I've never seen such a strong resembelence to either parent until now.

[EmainMacha]

I know it's different in the States but with Alyssa's facial expression it feels like those fingers are being used more in the UK sense (i.e. up yours) than as a peace sign.

Obviously not but I'm going to pretend it is. The mental lols will get me through back to back meetings.

[church_of_dog]

I know it's different in the States but with Alyssa's facial expression it feels like those fingers are being used more in the UK sense (i.e. up yours) than as a peace sign.

Obviously not but I'm going to pretend it is. The mental lols will get me through back to back meetings.

In the USA, those scowly faces and hand-signs started out being gangsta, then it filtered into the rest of the population as "hey, I'm cool!" (with a side digression into duckface, ugh). Alyssa's just doing an even more subtle version by just using the peace sign (or a variation of it, which isn't really distinguished from the other way in the US)

[HereticHick]

I see Michael-girl has given us the 1st glimpse of her newlywed home on Instagram this afternoon. I would love to know if its a house or an apartment--and if they will be moving to Big Sandy soon!