GrandBates on the Way - Whitney is Pregnant

[LittleOleMe]

It's a good thing, but please remember that babies are forever, and they are super demanding. You will always have part of your heart running around outside of you. :lol: It's awesome, but definitely more to it than i assumed before i had them!

Babies are not forever. Have you learned nothing from J'chelle?! Once they're weaned, they are no longer babies and it's time for a new one. Sheesh. Pay attention. :fsm:

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

It's a good thing, but please remember that babies are forever, and they are super demanding. You will always have part of your heart running around outside of you. :lol: It's awesome, but definitely more to it than i assumed before i had them!

I know how much work kids are. I've been a nanny for almost 10 years (my first kids are almost preteen 0.0). But, why is it okay for me to want kids, but it's bad that Whitney does? Why would it be okay for me to be disappointed in a negative test, but not okay for Whitney to be?

[Coco]

Babies are not forever. Have you learned nothing from J'chelle?! Once they're weaned, they are no longer babies and it's time for a new one. Sheesh. Pay attention. :fsm:

oh right. forgot about that. Quiverfull motto: Distant mommy, almost non-existent grandmommy! :lol:

[LittleOleMe]

I know how much work kids are. I've been a nanny for almost 10 years (my first kids are almost preteen 0.0). But, why is it okay for me to want kids, but it's bad that Whitney does? Why would it be okay for me to be disappointed in a negative test, but not okay for Whitney to be?

I think it's because you value yourself as a person and don't measure your self worth by the amount of babies you have and the frequency in which you have them. Whitney chose a lifestyle that tells her she is nothing if she doesn't produce baby after baby. She (presumably) wants to have children to prove how much god loves her bc they are a status symbol, whereas you want them bc you thoroughly enjoy them and love them and intend to raise them and would be happy with two or three, instead of disappointed and wondering what you did to offend God.

I'm not saying I'm necessarily agreeing with this, but I think that's what she's getting at.

[Coco]

I know how much work kids are. I've been a nanny for almost 10 years (my first kids are almost preteen 0.0). But, why is it okay for me to want kids, but it's bad that Whitney does? Why would it be okay for me to be disappointed in a negative test, but not okay for Whitney to be?

Nannying is good training! I'm sorry about misunderstanding. I didn't realize you had that much experience with the little toots. lol I'm sorry i sounded judgy or acted like a know-it-all. Everyone decides for themselves what's best..

Just a couple scary things to add once they're your own: On call 24/7 (it's good to have backup care if you can) and full responsibility for their future (with or without a significant other, since that can change when life happens), having to make all the big decisions... plus sometimes kids get their parents worst traits, so it's really fun then! Ha!

i guess why people are saying it's bad for Whitney to want a baby so soon is that their religion puts so much emphasis on having children as a sign of godliness. And the sometimes the children suffer for it, because often it's not really about what's best for the kids.

World's toughest Job!

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ETA: LittleOleMe said it better, amen to her post :lol:

[artdecades]

I'm just curious though... What about her choice to have children now is it that you think is wrong, or not the best choice for her? She seems healthy, they live in an affordable area, they certainly aren't wealthy but they seem to have enough. What about waiting would be a positive? I know it's just your opinion, but I wonder about this idea that being older to have children is somehow intrinsically better - why?

Its not about the choice though, thats what I mean. I probably is very common in her area for women to have children at a certain age, and that is what she knows. Add to that the fact that she did not have a stable family, and once she did it was a very religious one, and it seems like her path was pretty predetermined. For the record, I do know women who have waited to have children and have been messy parents lacking discipline and I know young parents who have been great. But I think calling it a choice when her choices were limited to begin with is where the problem lies.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Nannying is good training! I'm sorry about misunderstanding. I didn't realize you had that much experience with the little toots. lol I'm sorry i sounded judgy or acted like a know-it-all. Everyone decides for themselves what's best..

Just a couple scary things to add once they're your own: On call 24/7 (it's good to have backup care if you can) and full responsibility for their future (with or without a significant other, since that can change when life happens), having to make all the big decisions... plus sometimes kids get their parents worst traits, so it's really fun then! Ha!

i guess why people are saying it's bad for Whitney to want a baby so soon is that their religion puts so much emphasis on having children as a sign of godliness. And the sometimes the children suffer for it, because often it's not really about what's best for the kids.

World's toughest Job!

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ETA: LittleOleMe said it better, amen to her post :lol:

I've done the on call 24/7 with one family who decided that their child was more of a doll than a living person. It was quite sad. =/ I still hate that I had to leave the family because they didn't deserve her. Thankfully, they finally came around and started being parents a couple years later (after losing 4 other nannies and the dad contracted cancer). I've also done homeschooling over the summer with one kid for two summers (and that lead to my hobby of writing curriculum; I'm currently writing a unit study for Mesopotamia to be studied by 6th graders -- my mom's going to test out the curriculum on her class when I'm done). And I've done multiples (I started with 10 month old twin boys, moved on to newborn twin girls when the first twins were 3.5, went to another set of newborn girls, was the backup nanny for a family with twins and 2 singletons (for a total of 4 under 4), occasionally cared for a family with two sets of fraternal twins (18 months apart, and the youngest were 18 months when I started), occasionally cared for the first set of twins with their twin friends (including one family that had two sets of identical twins who were 2 years apart) or their triplet friends, and a couple other twins here and there). I'm pretty sure the only thing I'll have to get used to when it comes to my own kids is not having to get dressed and drive in order to take care of them ;)

I think, though, that Whitney DOESN'T define herself on the number of kids she has. I think that Whitney and Zach really do want to have kids, and they may even have a larger than average family. But, I dont see them as following in his parent's footsteps. Plus, it's clear that Zach cares more about her than her "apparent godliness." If he didn't, he never would have dated her in the first place. She was pants wearing, job holding, and adopted, after all. None of that is "godly" in his culture.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Its not about the choice though, thats what I mean. I probably is very common in her area for women to have children at a certain age, and that is what she knows. Add to that the fact that she did not have a stable family, and once she did it was a very religious one, and it seems like her path was pretty predetermined. For the record, I do know women who have waited to have children and have been messy parents lacking discipline and I know young parents who have been great. But I think calling it a choice when her choices were limited to begin with is where the problem lies.

I've known A LOT of adopted/foster people in my life time. Some of them were adopted out of the system, some remained in the system till they were 21 and forced out, some left the system when they were 18, some were able to return home (including my foster sister, who is doing very well as a SINGLE girl in her mid-20s with every intention of adopting and not having her own children when she feels ready to have them), and some were adopted as infants. I've NEVER seen any of them feel like they HAD to have a family to make up for their broken family and/or childhood. In fact, many are single and childless in their late 20s to late 30s. Others had were married children because they wanted children, not "a biological link." One got pregnant because she didn't use protection, but she opted for an abortion. Another got pregnant outside of marriage and decided to keep it, now she shares custody with the father and loves the child but not because it's a "biological link." Some are in the LGBTQ community and because of their relationships, cant naturally have children, yet don't feel like they're missing out on a "biological link."

I think it's really offensive to think the only reason an adopted person would want children is because she IS adopted.

[LittleOleMe]

Obviously the only reason adopted people want to have children isn't bc they want a biological link. I think she's just making an assumption about Whitney personally, not adoptees in general. Whitney did have a hard life with parents dying and then living with those people who stole from her or whatever and then going to live with the parents of her friends who was killed. She may very well long for someone who is truly hers. Then again, she may not.

I knew a girl in highschool who had a shitty home life and decided to try for a baby so someone would love her. She got pregnant and had her baby when she was 15 or 16. Ten years later she has a few more. (I think they're with the same person, though, so at least there's that. The kids won't be split up between different families on holidays and stuff) I also am good friends with a woman who is adopted and one of the reasons she wanted biological children was to have biological family.

I am not adopted, but I did grow up very lonely. I was an only child and my parents were preoccupied with other stuff (which really wasn't their fault) and all my other family were far away. Part of my reason for wanting a larger family (like 5, not 19) is bc I don't want my children to be lonely like I was. I longed for playmates and friends when I was little. I don't want my children going through that. I wonder if some - not all but some - adopted or foster children feel that same loneliness but to a greater degree because they truly have no one and they want to fill that void with a child. It would certainly make for an interesting study.

[Coco]

I've done the on call 24/7 with one family who decided that their child was more of a doll than a living person. It was quite sad. =/ I still hate that I had to leave the family because they didn't deserve her. Thankfully, they finally came around and started being parents a couple years later (after losing 4 other nannies and the dad contracted cancer). I've also done homeschooling over the summer with one kid for two summers (and that lead to my hobby of writing curriculum; I'm currently writing a unit study for Mesopotamia to be studied by 6th graders -- my mom's going to test out the curriculum on her class when I'm done). And I've done multiples (I started with 10 month old twin boys, moved on to newborn twin girls when the first twins were 3.5, went to another set of newborn girls, was the backup nanny for a family with twins and 2 singletons (for a total of 4 under 4), occasionally cared for a family with two sets of fraternal twins (18 months apart, and the youngest were 18 months when I started), occasionally cared for the first set of twins with their twin friends (including one family that had two sets of identical twins who were 2 years apart) or their triplet friends, and a couple other twins here and there). I'm pretty sure the only thing I'll have to get used to when it comes to my own kids is not having to get dressed and drive in order to take care of them ;)

I think, though, that Whitney DOESN'T define herself on the number of kids she has. I think that Whitney and Zach really do want to have kids, and they may even have a larger than average family. But, I dont see them as following in his parent's footsteps. Plus, it's clear that Zach cares more about her than her "apparent godliness." If he didn't, he never would have dated her in the first place. She was pants wearing, job holding, and adopted, after all. None of that is "godly" in his culture.

Can you come watch my kids? :D

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Can you come watch my kids? :D

haha depends on where you are. I like my current family so I wouldn't want to have to go too far ;)

[roddma]

It's a good thing, but please remember that babies are forever, and they are super demanding. You will always have part of your heart running around outside of you. :lol: It's awesome, but definitely more to it than i assumed before i had them!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be another. The Fundies preach it is your only lot in life and act like marriage an babies are givens and not optional. Being a parent spouse is fine if your paths lead to that. Fretting over negative pregnancy test less than one month after marriage just seems obsessive to me.

[Dandruff]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be another. The Fundies preach it is your only lot in life and act like marriage an babies are givens and not optional. Being a parent spouse is fine if your paths lead to that. Fretting over negative pregnancy test less than one month after marriage just seems obsessive to me.

I agree, though maybe some of them stop being so obsessive after the first pregnancy. Perhaps the new brides are looking more for assurance that they can get pregnant vs. wanting a baby nine months and half a day after the wedding.

[RosyDaisy]

:lol: Sorry Mrs 2004 but the guys I know who like pink are gay or is married to a wife who LOVES pink. It's dusty rose actually. My youngest sister grew up in the 90's and there was a rapper named Camron who started a few guys wearing pink as some sort of trend. Now that never stuck with me. It's ok for guys to cry, love babies, cook, do hair, or be a nurse. But I draw the line with PINK :lol:

Say what now? I know a lot of straight men who wear pink clothes they bought themselves.

[RosyDaisy]

I don't give a rat's ass what feminists, MRAs, or any other group says. I make MY own decisions. If they don't like it, that's just too damn bad. And when we get married, my fiancée and I will make decisions together. Again, I don't give a rat's ass what anybody else thinks.

[Tangy Bee]

You know, until VERY VERY recently, pink was a boys color. And in many areas it still is. Pink is a variant of red, a strong, bold color, which is why it's used for boys. Blues were used for girls because it's softer and more feminine. Your narrow view of colors based on gender isn't really founded in much other than trends.

Don't care if it was recently or 100 years ago. Just don't like pink on males. I'm aware that other people or cultures don't think it's a big deal. And yes I AGREE about it being a trend. A trend I don't care too much for. Thanks for saying a, "narrow view" Now I feel like a fundie :lol:

[artdecades]

I've known A LOT of adopted/foster people in my life time. Some of them were adopted out of the system, some remained in the system till they were 21 and forced out, some left the system when they were 18, some were able to return home (including my foster sister, who is doing very well as a SINGLE girl in her mid-20s with every intention of adopting and not having her own children when she feels ready to have them), and some were adopted as infants. I've NEVER seen any of them feel like they HAD to have a family to make up for their broken family and/or childhood. In fact, many are single and childless in their late 20s to late 30s. Others had were married children because they wanted children, not "a biological link." One got pregnant because she didn't use protection, but she opted for an abortion. Another got pregnant outside of marriage and decided to keep it, now she shares custody with the father and loves the child but not because it's a "biological link." Some are in the LGBTQ community and because of their relationships, cant naturally have children, yet don't feel like they're missing out on a "biological link."

I think it's really offensive to think the only reason an adopted person would want children is because she IS adopted.

except I said no such thing, so there goes your righteous indignation :roll:

[Curious]

It's sad that people are so obsessed with people they don't even know children and grandchildren. Why can't these families live lives where everyone doesn't know their private business? I could care less when Whitney got pregnant. Let her enjoy marriage. It's sad that all she's good for, is popping out babies.

Again with your stunning lack of self-awareness. Why is it ok for you to worship (read: be obsessed with) Kate Gosselin and want to know every last little thing about her children when you don't know her/the children, but you call people out for wanting to know about the Bateses/Duggars/etc.

It's sad the Gosselin children are only good to feed their narcissistic mother's black hole of an ego, but I don't see you doing anything other than suggesting that it's perfectly ok when it comes to your sacred cow.

[theologygeek]

Say what now? I know a lot of straight men who wear pink clothes they bought themselves.

I'm not following this thread, but it sounds like the pink comment came from an immature kid. Ridiculous. My son has pink shirts, and he is not gay. Not that it matters, because there is nothing wrong with being gay, and nothing wrong with a man who wears pink.

[LittleOleMe]

I'm not following this thread, but it sounds like the pink comment came from an immature kid. Ridiculous. My son has pink shirts, and he is not gay. Not that it matters, because there is nothing wrong with being gay, and nothing wrong with a man who wears pink.

[theologygeek]

Don't care if it was recently or 100 years ago. Just don't like pink on males. I'm aware that other people or cultures don't think it's a big deal. And yes I AGREE about it being a trend. A trend I don't care too much for. Thanks for saying a, "narrow view" Now I feel like a fundie :lol:

My son's girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous. She is not big on pink for herself, but doesn't care what my son wears. He doesn't care what she wears either. Hopefully when you grow up, you'll mature and look back on this time and see how silly you sounded. Men wearing pink is not a trend btw. My ex husband had pink shirts 20 years ago, and my elderly father has had them for many years. I'm a label ho and have always been into fashion. Pink on men has been around for longer than you have been alive.

[scc12]

I went to stay with my mom for a week after my son was born. (I needed the help). She put him in pink onesies.To this day I don't know why...I thought it odd but didn't say a word.Idk if she got them on clearance,or was hoping for me to have a girl.whatever.he outgrew them.no mention was ever made.

He did wear a pink tie to prom though.It matched his gf's dress,which is why he wore it.and it was pink,not dusty rose.they were cute together. :)

[LittleOleMe]

Like most babies, my daughter was born with blue eyes. Since they never changed, I constantly dressed her in blue. Her father - from whom she got her blue eyes - always looked good in blue because of the way it brought out his eyes. It didn't matter if she was wearing a blue dress or if she was in a blue onesie with flowers all over it. People still assumed she was a boy. Someone actually had the gaul to ask me why I put a girl in blue :shock: People are so fucking rude and stuck in their rigid gender role crap that is purely a product of this created society.

[jerichojones]

The whole gender-coded dressing frustrates me so much, especially seeing as pink has only been a "girl" colour for 70 years or so.

In fact, as late as 1900, children of both sexes were dressed in white dresses until around the age of 6 as they were easy to dress a child in and the white could easily be bleached. While it did continue until 1900, it wasn't common past the 1800s. When gender specifics in clothing became the norm, it was first through colour. Blue was, until the 1940s, considered a feminine colour as it was associated with the Virgin Mary and was a softer, more flattering colour. Conversely, pink was associated with boys. The reason for pink for boys was because light red was considered a strong, masculine colour and, in pastel form, it's usually a pink.

The changes in colour association are attributed to Nazi Germany, where homosexual men were forced to wear pink triangles on their clothing. Pink was then seen as more feminine and men no longer wished to be associated with pink. The ultimate 'no homo' (to be fair, given the world climate at the time, it's entirely forgivable as no one wanted to be associated with anything that might mean they're tormented by the Nazi's in the event of things going badly with the war effort)

so really, what's wrong with dressing a boy in pink?

my mum was one of nine and her mother never had good fashion sense (she liked to point out that her sister-in-law was the fashionable one but she was the pretty one, so she didn't need to be fashionable :lol: ) so her general rule was to dress the kids in clothes that matched their eyes. My mum has brown eyes and she always talks about how she grew up looking like a giant poo! :lol:

[Tangy Bee]

I'm not following this thread, but it sounds like the pink comment came from an immature kid. Ridiculous. My son has pink shirts, and he is not gay. Not that it matters, because there is nothing wrong with being gay, and nothing wrong with a man who wears pink.

Ok Theologygeek. I'm NOT saying ONLY gay guys wear or like pink. I'm saying I, I, and I only know some that wear pink. "I", and that's just ME, don't KNOW any straight guys at the moment that wear pink. Yes I know they are out in the world somewhere but for now they haven't crossed my path. If they like wearing pink then that's their business. I would NEVER go up to a person and tell them I dislike what they are wearing. I'm sure not everyone may like the way you dress sometimes but I bet you don't give a shit do you. Why? Because YOU are wearing it so YOU like it. Not saying any man or boy is gay for wearing pink shorts. NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY AND WEARING WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT(not yelling just trying to get my point across). Got some gay guy friends and relatives that I KNOW who wear pink. There's that word "know" again. I said, KNOW. Oh and I'm a grown ass woman who in entitled to not like pink on males. An immature kid would say men "shouldn't" wear pink. I didn't say that. An immature kid might have said ALL and ONLY gay guys wear pink. That's not what I said and NOT how I feel. Sorry if I came across that way.