Abigail Miscarried

[NurseNell]

They have to pay to have the name read? I thought Jews were bad...and Yartzeits are free.

You're expected to make a donation but you don't have to. The parishes I've lived in have expected $5 to $10 but by the same token every priest I've known have never refused to offer a Mass for a special intention if you couldn't or didn't pay. I'm sure someone will pop up to say, but I know someone who couldn't get a Mass said because of…...

[Coconut Flan]

There is a difference also in having a mass said for someone with a special intention and the priest merely mentioning that so and so passed away or suffered a loss. So no you aren't paying merely to have the name read. You are making a tiny donation for having the entire mass dedicated to the deceased or the intention. I, too, have never heard of anyone being turned away for lack of payment.

[TheLurkingFrumper]

I lost a pregnancy, future fertility, almost my life (ectopic) this summer, and I will say that even in a Catholic church, people still say really stupid things. We kept things as quiet as possible, and I am glad, because people really pissed me off. The one I detest the most is, "It was God's plan." No, it fucking wasn't because a. Why would I worship a God who like to kill babies and b. (if you are Catholic) it is contradictory to the doctrines and teaching surrounding free will.

But we just had a daily mass dedicated to "the intentions of Mr. and Mrs. LurkingFrumper." My grief is a private thing, and it has been intense for me. We'd been trying to conceive for 4 years, so the loss, and the particular violence of it, as well as the knowledge that it is most likely the only pregnancy I'll ever have, has hit me pretty hard. So, I really can't shame anyone for how they grieve a pregnancy loss. I've started having anxiety attacks. Though, I generally keep it together in public.

I also don't think Abigail can help it. I know there's been some speculation about her having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I actually think she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I have an in-law with BPD and Abigail seems to fit the bill. With BPD you are constantly creating situations in which people have prove they love you (either choose you or reject you), and another hallmark is that they have difficulty establishing a personality (not quite the right word) on their own. They obtain their view of themselves through how others see them. So, she has became Catholic because that's what her husband was, and now she has glompped (sp?) on to Mary and the Church to build her personality because she has no internal sense of self. BPD's often see situations in black and white, and have trouble with contradictory attitudes existing in the same person. So, either you love Abigail and therefore approve of everything she does and says, or you hate her and reap scorn upon her.

I don't have a lot of technical knowledge of BPD, but from what I know, it seems to fit. Maybe someone with more knowledge of Borderline Personality Disorder can speculate?

[Mama Mia]

I lost a pregnancy, future fertility, almost my life (ectopic) this summer, and I will say that even in a Catholic church, people still say really stupid things. We kept things as quiet as possible, and I am glad, because people really pissed me off. The one I detest the most is, "It was God's plan." No, it fucking wasn't because a. Why would I worship a God who like to kill babies and b. (if you are Catholic) it is contradictory to the doctrines and teaching surrounding free will.

But we just had a daily mass dedicated to "the intentions of Mr. and Mrs. LurkingFrumper." My grief is a private thing, and it has been intense for me. We'd been trying to conceive for 4 years, so the loss, and the particular violence of it, as well as the knowledge that it is most likely the only pregnancy I'll ever have, has hit me pretty hard. So, I really can't shame anyone for how they grieve a pregnancy loss. I've started having anxiety attacks. Though, I generally keep it together in public.

I also don't think Abigail can help it. I know there's been some speculation about her having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I actually think she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I have an in-law with BPD and Abigail seems to fit the bill. With BPD you are constantly creating situations in which people have prove they love you (either choose you or reject you), and another hallmark is that they have difficulty establishing a personality (not quite the right word) on their own. They obtain their view of themselves through how others see them. So, she has became Catholic because that's what her husband was, and now she has glompped (sp?) on to Mary and the Church to build her personality because she has no internal sense of self. BPD's often see situations in black and white, and have trouble with contradictory attitudes existing in the same person. So, either you love Abigail and therefore approve of everything she does and says, or you hate her and reap scorn upon her.

I don't have a lot of technical knowledge of BPD, but from what I know, it seems to fit. Maybe someone with more knowledge of Borderline Personality Disorder can speculate?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Coconut Flan]

I'm so sorry for your situation. That has to be tough.

That's true there are people who say heartless things in all churches and all walks of life.

[Hane]

I lost a pregnancy, future fertility, almost my life (ectopic) this summer, and I will say that even in a Catholic church, people still say really stupid things. We kept things as quiet as possible, and I am glad, because people really pissed me off. The one I detest the most is, "It was God's plan." No, it fucking wasn't because a. Why would I worship a God who like to kill babies and b. (if you are Catholic) it is contradictory to the doctrines and teaching surrounding free will.

But we just had a daily mass dedicated to "the intentions of Mr. and Mrs. LurkingFrumper." My grief is a private thing, and it has been intense for me. We'd been trying to conceive for 4 years, so the loss, and the particular violence of it, as well as the knowledge that it is most likely the only pregnancy I'll ever have, has hit me pretty hard. So, I really can't shame anyone for how they grieve a pregnancy loss. I've started having anxiety attacks. Though, I generally keep it together in public.

I also don't think Abigail can help it. I know there's been some speculation about her having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I actually think she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I have an in-law with BPD and Abigail seems to fit the bill. With BPD you are constantly creating situations in which people have prove they love you (either choose you or reject you), and another hallmark is that they have difficulty establishing a personality (not quite the right word) on their own. They obtain their view of themselves through how others see them. So, she has became Catholic because that's what her husband was, and now she has glompped (sp?) on to Mary and the Church to build her personality because she has no internal sense of self. BPD's often see situations in black and white, and have trouble with contradictory attitudes existing in the same person. So, either you love Abigail and therefore approve of everything she does and says, or you hate her and reap scorn upon her.

I don't have a lot of technical knowledge of BPD, but from what I know, it seems to fit. Maybe someone with more knowledge of Borderline Personality Disorder can speculate?

I am so sorry for the loss that you have suffered, and wish you healing and peace.

[Miss T]

I'm so sorry Mrs LurkingFrumper.

[TheLurkingFrumper]

Thank you for your condolences and support, everyone. :)

[miffy]

Did the Duggars have a full funeral for Jubilee? I know she was a little bit further along and they are not Catholic, but I can't really see any mainstream church endorsing this. Even pro-life churches have to draw a line somewhere.

It certainly seemed like they did. I can kind of understand it though, Josie was born something like 3 weeks later than Jubilee.

[Coconut Flan]

I think it was more like five or six weeks and seven weeks or so since she died. Still I can see the correlation you're making. I don't think hardly anyone begrudges them a service. It was the overblown megachurch, hundreds of people, television extravaganza that caused comment.

[treemom]

I don't even begrudge not-our-Abigail a service. But, when you decide to do it and an obituary for a 14 week pregnancy you are going to get people who are confused.

Although I am sure people have said asshattish things even without it.

[Hane]

Former longtime Catholic pipes up here: You can have a Mass said for almost any intention. One Sunday, there was a Mass intention for a friend of our family, requested by his wife. I was concerned, and told her I hoped he wasn't ill. She told me that it was something she did every year in honor of his birthday.

When my daughter was little (30 years ago), she brought her Cabbage Patch Kid to church with her and, after Mass, asked the assistant pastor to "bapitize" it. He gave it a blessing (brief prayer with a sign of the cross) and told me with a smile, "I'm actually blessing the kid; it just looks as if I'm blessing her doll."

This may have been a lighthearted version of what Abigail's priest did for her: he saw the pain she was suffering and agreed to perform the appropriate type of Mass for the situation.

[countressrascal]

Former longtime Catholic pipes up here: You can have a Mass said for almost any intention. One Sunday, there was a Mass intention for a friend of our family, requested by his wife. I was concerned, and told her I hoped he wasn't ill. She told me that it was something she did every year in honor of his birthday.

When my daughter was little (30 years ago), she brought her Cabbage Patch Kid to church with her and, after Mass, asked the assistant pastor to "bapitize" it. He gave it a blessing (brief prayer with a sign of the cross) and told me with a smile, "I'm actually blessing the kid; it just looks as if I'm blessing her doll."

This may have been a lighthearted version of what Abigail's priest did for her: he saw the pain she was suffering and agreed to perform the appropriate type of Mass for the situation.

I had a patient a number of years ago who was very Catholic and had repeated miscarriages, after the third one she was really suffering (mentally) and the local priest held a service for that miscarriage and it seemed her get over it, along with professional mental health help. My ebil male OB/GYN husband finally found out why she miscarriages, so they decided to adopt. Last I heard from her, they moved, they became foster parents to special need children and she is happy.

[Stephanie66]

Blessing the little girl while pretending to baptize the cabbage patch doll is very cute. It made me smile.

[nausicaa]

Abigail ( a recently acquired blog obsession thanks to FJ!) has a new blog post up this morning about buying digital cameras, shopping for alma mater workout clothing, and redecorating basements.

Because, you know, poverty.

[lilwriter85]

Abigail ( a recently acquired blog obsession thanks to FJ!) has a new blog post up this morning about buying digital cameras, shopping for alma mater workout clothing, and redecorating basements.

Because, you know, poverty.

I bet her dad gave her another credit card.

[Koala]

Abigail ( a recently acquired blog obsession thanks to FJ!) has a new blog post up this morning about buying digital cameras, shopping for alma mater workout clothing, and redecorating basements.

Because, you know, poverty.

Give her a week and they'll be hosting another "stone soup" party :roll:

[singsingsing]

She is so full of shit it's unbelievable.

"OH GOD I'm just so poor! I don't know how we do it! Now here is a list of all the crap I'm spending money on, including a digital camera for my effing six-year-old, and one for me! Oh, I don't know how I would handle this crushing poverty without Mommy Mary to guide me!!!"

[nausicaa]

I bet her dad gave her another credit card.

Yes, I found it very odd that she didn't really mention how she was going to cover all of these things, other than a throw away line about thrift store shopping (which is still shopping and not something you do when you're really poor). How long ago was it that she didn't know how she was going to feed her five kids for the rest of the week??? And her daughter only had one pair of worn fabric slippers to wear in all types of weather?

I have a bad feeling this reckless spending is just going to get worse as the holidays get closer.

And do they have those electric heaters yet for the kids? It's getting cold here in the DC area. I'm sure it's significantly worse at the higher elevations in West Virginia. The high tomorrow is supposed to be 32 degrees.

[singsingsing]

I've wondered in the past if Abigail might not have undiagnosed bipolar disorder. She definitely seems to cycle between depression and mania, and she definitely has grandiose ideas. One minute she's too poor to buy her kids new shoes or fix the furnace, the next minute she's spending money on toys, renovations, and luxuries. For a while her posts will be all about how her life has been so devastating that she can barely get out of bed, then suddenly she's posting about how she loves this, and she loves that, and she's doing all these things, and going here and there, and she's got plans to make things and do things and teach things etc. etc. etc. Sometimes she'll go for days and days without posting anything, and then all of a sudden there's this deluge of posts one after another, many of them long-winded. I don't know. I wish she would get herself help, beyond a co-dependents support group at church.

[lilwriter85]

Yes, I found it very odd that she didn't really mention how she was going to cover all of these things, other than a throw away line about thrift store shopping (which is still shopping and not something you do when you're really poor). How long ago was it that she didn't know how she was going to feed her five kids for the rest of the week??? And her daughter only had one pair of worn fabric slippers to wear in all types of weather?

I have a bad feeling this reckless spending is just going to get worse as the holidays get closer.

And do they have those electric heaters yet for the kids? It's getting cold here in the DC area. I'm sure it's significantly worse at the higher elevations in West Virginia. The high tomorrow is supposed to be 32 degrees.

I agree the spending is going to get worse as the holidays get closer. The part about buying a cheap digital camera for a six year old is a bit stupid in my opinion. There are some kids who do take good care of electronics, but I still wouldn't buy a digital camera even cheap for a kid that young. I remember a year or two ago on Zsu's blog she talked about buying her second son a digital camera. Her son was turning 10 or 11. She said that she trusted him with the camera and she budgeted well to get the camera. I got to give Zsu credit at times because she manages money better than Abigail does.

I think people deserve to do some spending on themselves here and there, if they can afford it. But Abigail is known for managing money very poorly. If she is using her dad's credit card to buy these items, I think her dad gives money or credit cards in hope that she will use that stuff to but things her family truly needs. I like having a few Under Armour shirts to work out in, but I still use regular shirts at times. I don't think workout clothes is a truly important need. Abigail could have found workout clothes at a thrift store.

[Stephanie66]

I am surprised she doesn't have workout clothes? Doesn't every mom to five have yoga or sweat pants and a t-shirt or sweatshirt?

[thekate]

I am surprised she doesn't have workout clothes? Doesn't every mom to five have yoga or sweat pants and a t-shirt or sweatshirt?

No, that's normal going out wear! :lol:

[nausicaa]

I've wondered in the past if Abigail might not have undiagnosed bipolar disorder. She definitely seems to cycle between depression and mania, and she definitely has grandiose ideas. One minute she's too poor to buy her kids new shoes or fix the furnace, the next minute she's spending money on toys, renovations, and luxuries. For a while her posts will be all about how her life has been so devastating that she can barely get out of bed, then suddenly she's posting about how she loves this, and she loves that, and she's doing all these things, and going here and there, and she's got plans to make things and do things and teach things etc. etc. etc. Sometimes she'll go for days and days without posting anything, and then all of a sudden there's this deluge of posts one after another, many of them long-winded. I don't know. I wish she would get herself help, beyond a co-dependents support group at church.

Yes. Of all the fundie blogs I read, Abigail's is the one that most clearly, and a times painfully, shows a writer with mental health issues that need to be addressed. I really wonder about her husband and what his deal is.

[bea]

Now that you've mentioned it, I went back and looked at some of her previous entries - she does seem to have a pretty clear cycle to her crazy.

Except when she's pregnant.

Heavens. She might be one of those people the Pill was designed for. :lol: