Abigail Miscarried

[singsingsing]

This is why I questioned whether people were actually saying these cruel things to her or not. Not because people don't say these things (and for those of you who've had to hear them, I'm so sorry - no one should have to hear that), but because she so often invents persecution that doesn't exist. If she walks outside and sees one of her neighbours looking at her, it's because they hate her, hate the Pope, and want her to use birth control.

[anjulibai]

This is why I questioned whether people were actually saying these cruel things to her or not. Not because people don't say these things (and for those of you who've had to hear them, I'm so sorry - no one should have to hear that), but because she so often invents persecution that doesn't exist. If she walks outside and sees one of her neighbours looking at her, it's because they hate her, hate the Pope, and want her to use birth control.

It's also hard to imagine people saying this stuff in a Catholic Church.

[chaotic life]

Look, I'm not unsympathetic. I've had 3 miscarriages myself. But, 14 weeks is NOT a late term loss. It's barely a second trimester loss. She's WAY over the top for the situation, which is par for the course for Abigail.

[Eternalbluepearl]

I think Abigail overreacts and obsesses about babies in general because outside of babies what else does she have? She has based her entire adult life around having babies. She may claim to be an obsessive catholic but let's face it, reproduction is her idol. She prays at the altar of conception. What will she do in menopause? This is not a sustainable "career."

[lilwriter85]

Look, I'm not unsympathetic. I've had 3 miscarriages myself. But, 14 weeks is NOT a late term loss. It's barely a second trimester loss. She's WAY over the top for the situation, which is par for the course for Abigail.

This. I've never experienced a miscarriage or been pregnant, but I agree 14 weeks isn't a late term loss.

[Eternalbluepearl]

Also, does she actually know it was a boy?

[lilwriter85]

Also, does she actually know it was a boy?

I don't think she knows. One of the Mormon mommy bloggers I follow suffered miscarriage back in June or July. I don't know how far along she was, but she stated on the blog that she felt the miscarried child was a girl and she named the child too. That Mormon blogger grieved over her loss which is understandable, but she didn't go to the extremes that Abigail went to.

[Stephanie66]

Also, does she actually know it was a boy?

Yes, when she delivered, the nurses confirmed it was a boy.

I also don't know why 14 weeks is considered a "late" loss. It's a legal abortion in every state for any reason and is barely out of the first trimester.

[NurseNell]

This. I've never experienced a miscarriage or been pregnant, but I agree 14 weeks isn't a late term loss.

I agree it's not a late term loss. I get though that some women will deeply mourn any loss. I believe I would have had I been lucky enough to get pregnant. I would have mourned privately because I'm a private person that way. Michelle Duggar's Jubilee was a little further along but still not a late loss. I think her reaction was far more over the top than Abigail's. At least Abigail and Jon had a family only "funeral". Abigail's blog has a small audience. The Duggars have a huge audience. I feel bad for anyone who has a miscarriage or a fetal death. Each woman mourns differently, there is no right or wrong way.

I think we all agree Abigail could really benefit from counseling but I don't see that happening. I feel bad for her children. Homeschooling in the best of times is an iffy thing in that household, I don't see it going on at all right now. I don't see Abigail getting over this any time soon. In fact until she gets pregnant again she's likely to continue mourning. Very sad all the way around.

[lilwriter85]

I agree with Nurse Nell on the Duggars and Jubliee loss.

[Coconut Flan]

I should go looking for it again, but research has shown that there are healthier and less healthy ways of mourning.

[NurseNell]

I should go looking for it again, but research has shown that there are healthier and less healthy ways of mourning.

Oh, there definitely are, whether it's mourning a miscarriage, stillbirth, or any other loss. Abigail isn't an emotionally health person so I doubt she's capable of mourning in a healthy way.

Is your avatar a kitten under a stream of water coming from the faucet?

[treemom]

The grief a person feels is going to be very unique to every person. If someone feels like their 14th week miscarriage (where she did not have to deliver, that is crazy talk) feels the same as my stillbirth well that is their perception.

However, no matter how it feels other people are not going to see it the same. Just from a physical recovery standpoint. Her "labor" was mostly just cervical dilation. Pushing at 14 weeks isn't going to happen.

Due to a childhood injury I have had a bunch of miscarriages and a late term loss. My hyperemisis with my son and abortion were just shit luck that could have happened to everyone. I did not grieve for my first trimester losses the same. (And 14 weeks was a first trimester loss for me)

People say shitty things. But sometimes people just are shocked to find out you were only 14 weeks pregnant and did an obituary. I suspect most of her scorn is in the second half.

[lilwriter85]

Since I've been reading Abigail's blog I've suspected mental health issues. That crazy posting where she claimed she was abused because her parents put her in daycare as an infant really made me wonder about her mental health.

[Koala]

Since I've been reading Abigail's blog I've suspected mental health issues. That crazy posting where she claimed she was abused because her parents put her in daycare as an infant really made me wonder about her mental health.

JUST.LIKE an orphan in a 3rd world county....JUST.LIKE

[Coconut Flan]

Her issues have issues.

How could I have forgotten the obit. No wonder people said things to her. She went out of her way to invite comments.

Is your avatar a kitten under a stream of water coming from the faucet?

It's a kitten on a table attacking a bathrobe.

[fullmetalheart]

A fundie-ish acquaintance of mine just lost two teenage sisters--13 and 17--to a car wreck, which is beyond horrible. I did find it pretty odd, though, that they put up a facebook album with pictures from the funeral, including a silly photo of the family posing at the cemetery. They've also been spouting some of the "since we're Christians this is actually a happy thing because we know they're in heaven" stuff, so I imagine they're feeling the pressure to not be too sad because they "do not mourn as those who have no hope." I've seen that idea really do some damage to people.

A friend of mine was killed in a car accident at age 21. His mother does say some of the "I am happy that (son) is in Heaven, but I still miss him here on Earth." I think that is a fine attitude to take. When it gets into the "do not mourn" zone, that's when it's dangerous and damaging. Grief is normal and healthy.

[Stephanie66]

Although I am not a practicing Jew, I do like that they have a "timeline" for mourning, so to speak. There is a week of intense mourning, then a month of less intense mourning, then 11 months. Then, you are not expected to continue formal mourning. Sure, you can think about that person and every year at the anniversary of the death you have a Yartzeit and pray Kaddish for him/her, but that's it. It doesn't go over the top like Abigail, and I think a lot of this is to keep mourning healthy. And there is no way that the Jewish community would have allowed these shenanigans with a funeral of a 14 week fetus. There is debate about funerals and burials of full-term stillborns in the Orthodox community. Oy veh.

[NurseNell]

Although I am not a practicing Jew, I do like that they have a "timeline" for mourning, so to speak. There is a week of intense mourning, then a month of less intense mourning, then 11 months. Then, you are not expected to continue formal mourning. Sure, you can think about that person and every year at the anniversary of the death you have a Yartzeit and pray Kaddish for him/her, but that's it. It doesn't go over the top like Abigail, and I think a lot of this is to keep mourning healthy. And there is no way that the Jewish community would have allowed these shenanigans with a funeral of a 14 week fetus. There is debate about funerals and burials of full-term stillborns in the Orthodox community. Oy veh.

I'm not convinced she had a funeral Mass for Leo, I think it might have been just a regular Mass. In my 68 years as a Catholic I've never heard of a funeral Mass for a miscarriage.

[Stephanie66]

Did the Duggars have a full funeral for Jubilee? I know she was a little bit further along and they are not Catholic, but I can't really see any mainstream church endorsing this. Even pro-life churches have to draw a line somewhere.

[NurseNell]

Did the Duggars have a full funeral for Jubilee? I know she was a little bit further along and they are not Catholic, but I can't really see any mainstream church endorsing this. Even pro-life churches have to draw a line somewhere.

It was a very large service in terms of people attending. I didn't watch it and I don't know about Protestant funerals but it sounds like it was a regular funeral service. They had a casket, I do remember that.

[Coconut Flan]

This (catholicculture.org/culture/liturgicalyear/prayers/view.cfm?id=711) is what they were supposed to have. I'm not sure what kind of priest they have but possibly one without good training or a good backbone may have caved to Crazy Abigail.

[treemom]

This (catholicculture.org/culture/liturgicalyear/prayers/view.cfm?id=711) is what they were supposed to have. I'm not sure what kind of priest they have but possibly one without good training or a good backbone may have caved to Crazy Abigail.

Or maybe just not good crazy training

[mrs]

I'm not convinced she had a funeral Mass for Leo, I think it might have been just a regular Mass. In my 68 years as a Catholic I've never heard of a funeral Mass for a miscarriage.

I think you may be right.(Explanation for non-Catholics) Often when a person dies, relatives and friends will purchase "Mass cards" for the deceased. A Mass will be said in the name of the deceased. Before communion the church prays for intentions, the name would be read and the church would pray for the person and family. Often families will have a Mass said on the anniversary of a persons death or birthday.

It is likely that someone at the church may have bought a Mass card for Abigail and family following her miscarriage.

[Stephanie66]

They have to pay to have the name read? I thought Jews were bad...and Yartzeits are free.