Abigail Miscarried

[Jana814]

Zazzle,

So sorry for your loss. I agree w/ u on the obituary thing.

[Zazzle]

Thank everyone! It has been a tough few months.

To answer everyone's question about secondary infertility it is six months for a woman over 35 or a year if you are under 35.

[Stephanie66]

I am so sorry, Zazzle.

[Rachel333]

yep....they are gone again. She had one of the family doing a "silly photo" (<---yes, I am serious) at the funeral

A fundie-ish acquaintance of mine just lost two teenage sisters--13 and 17--to a car wreck, which is beyond horrible. I did find it pretty odd, though, that they put up a facebook album with pictures from the funeral, including a silly photo of the family posing at the cemetery. They've also been spouting some of the "since we're Christians this is actually a happy thing because we know they're in heaven" stuff, so I imagine they're feeling the pressure to not be too sad because they "do not mourn as those who have no hope." I've seen that idea really do some damage to people.

[nelliebelle1197]

A fundie-ish acquaintance of mine just lost two teenage sisters--13 and 17--to a car wreck, which is beyond horrible. I did find it pretty odd, though, that they put up a facebook album with pictures from the funeral, including a silly photo of the family posing at the cemetery. They've also been spouting some of the "since we're Christians this is actually a happy thing because we know they're in heaven" stuff, so I imagine they're feeling the pressure to not be too sad because they "do not mourn as those who have no hope." I've seen that idea really do some damage to people.

This was a MISCARRIAGE, not analogous. She is already doing damage

[Rachel333]

This was a MISCARRIAGE, not analogous. She is already doing damage

Yeah, I definitely didn't mean to say those situations were similar at all (and her using the burial plot and headstone services for her miscarriage seems incredibly inappropriate to me), but the mention of the silly picture made me wonder if that's a fundie thing somehow.

[Koala]

7 new posts up this morning...read them quick.

[GeoBQn]

I got to the page, saw that there was a long entry at the top starting with the sentence "Leo was real," and when I refreshed the page it was gone.

ETA: Now it's back.

[Koala]

I got to the page, saw that there was a long entry at the top starting with the sentence "Leo was real," and when I refreshed the page it was gone.

ETA: Now it's back.

Yeah, there are 6 posts after the Leo was real one. The last one is the "clowning around outside of church before Leo's Funeral Mass" ( <----her words) post.

[Jana814]

7 new posts up this morning...read them quick.

Read them. I have no words.

[Mudball]

She has a miscarriage soundtrack. She's bat$!t crazy. :wtf: what's next? A choreographed dance routine?

[lilwriter85]

I think music can be helpful during hard times in one's life. But the way Abigail posts about her miscarriage soundtrack it comes off as too weird. This is bad of me but I had to laugh at the Katy Perry Roar post.

[singsingsing]

Here we go with the imaginary scorn again. Okay, maybe it's not imaginary, but it's really hard to believe. "Oh, you've got plenty of kids, why are you sad?" - Abigail, are you sure that woman actually said that to you, or did you just assume she was thinking it?

Her whole blog reads like someone arguing with themselves. She reassures herself of certain things over and over again ("Leo was real! He was! He really was!") but the 'scorn' she receives from others honestly seems like the negative voices in her own head. If she puts those thoughts into the mouths of others, she can counter them on her blog.

Like I said, maybe I'm wrong, maybe she is actually receiving all this scorn from real people. But she seems to be going further off the deep end. :(

[Zazzle]

She lives near me! My living children were born at the same hospital. I have been in her shoes, I understand how badly she wants her baby's life to be acknowledged. I know how it feels to loose control of your body. I really hope she is getting mental health support. The process of loosing a later pregnancy can really screw with your head. I credit my OB for keeping me alive and sane through this process.

Yes, people really do say things like "you already have kids....." People make the stupidest comments when you have lost a baby. The ultrasound tech who discovered our loss told me not to worry because I could still have more children. I was looking at my dead baby on the ultrasound screen at the time.

[Coconut Flan]

It wasn't really a late loss though. She has definitely gone around the bend. She needs some serious help. It seems she wants to dwell on the loss instead of trying at all to adjust.

[singsingsing]

Abigail is obviously a deeply unhappy person, not at all at peace with herself, her life, or the world. I don't think she realizes how strongly that comes across in her blog. She tries to paint this picture of how glorious and wonderful it is to be Mrs. Super Catholic, to follow the Church, to have umpteen children, to stay at home, to be 'poor'... but anyone who is basically happy and emotionally stable who reads her blog will be able to see through it immediately. She's just so desperate and unhappy all the time. It's depressing, but she can't see it.

[Zazzle]

After the 13th week the medical treatment for miscarriages changes, so it is a later loss. That baby had to be delivered, fortuatly she could be induced because she wouldn't have been a candidate for a D&C. After 13 weeks the process becomes a D&E, and there is only on doctor in our area who is permitted to perform that procedure in a hospital setting. It is a very though stage to loose a baby.

[Mama Mia]

She lives near me! My living children were born at the same hospital. I have been in her shoes, I understand how badly she wants her baby's life to be acknowledged. I know how it feels to loose control of your body. I really hope she is getting mental health support. The process of loosing a later pregnancy can really screw with your head. I credit my OB for keeping me alive and sane through this process.

Yes, people really do say things like "you already have kids....." People make the stupidest comments when you have lost a baby. The ultrasound tech who discovered our loss told me not to worry because I could still have more children. I was looking at my dead baby on the ultrasound screen at the time.

I agree, I had similar happen to me. With the same kinds of remarks. I don't think it's generally scorn though, more that many people either don't know what to say, or just don't get it.

[anjulibai]

Hannah looks very unhappy and sad in that clowning around picture. If that's Hannah, she'd be the one that wrote that poem - maybe she doesn't get why they are happy at what is supposed to be a sad event.

And this is just horribly racist:

Jon and I like to joke that "We're making up for China" when people are surprised at how many girls we have in our family.

[luv2run]

I agree, I had similar happen to me. With the same kinds of remarks. I don't think it's generally scorn though, more that many people either don't know what to say, or just don't get it.

I have a feeling she's not making this up. We had many comments that I had a hard time handling when we had our miscarriage.

I will say, though, it's important to keep an eye on the children. They grieve too, and sometimes in ways that take us by surprise. Nothing was harder than telling my kids their sibling had died. My oldest was ten at the time, and she took it the hardest. The only way I found out was when I went to check on her in room one day, and she was just sitting on the edge of her bed, staring off into space. When I asked her if she was okay, she turned and just burst into tears, saying, "Why Momma? Why did the baby have to die?" Her grief was very real and raw, and I think it shook both of us up. When I got pregnant again (we have six kids, and we had the miscarriage due to my thyroid levels being off...I have Hashimoto's), I yet again had to emotionally be there for her, for her fear of losing another baby.

Watching her suffer and grieve was harder than my own, to be honest.

[lilwriter85]

Hannah looks very unhappy and sad in that clowning around picture. If that's Hannah, she'd be the one that wrote that poem - maybe she doesn't get why they are happy at what is supposed to be a sad event.

And this is just horribly racist:

I didn't notice that part earlier. I agree that is pretty racist and messed up to say.

[NurseNell]

It wasn't really a late loss though. She has definitely gone around the bend. She needs some serious help. It seems she wants to dwell on the loss instead of trying at all to adjust.

Leaving Abigail aside, it doesn't matter whether it was a late loss or not. I was never lucky enough to have had any pregnancy. If I had, any loss would have been major to me. When you're pregnant, looking forward to this baby being born, ready to welcome him into your family it doesn't matter if the loss was early, late, or somewhere in between.

[NurseNell]

I took a picture of Leo's little casket in front of the alter.

:angry-banghead: Good grief, she's a Smith College graduate, surely she knows the difference between alter and altar.

[GeoBQn]

I'm a Phi Beta Kappa, and I only learned in the last 6 months that there is a difference between stationary (not moving) and stationery (paper goods).

[Coconut Flan]

One of my daughters lost a pregnancy at 13 weeks not that long ago so I'm familiar with the situation. She opted for the D&E which the doctor said was basically a D&C. It depends on the size of the fetus according to her. To me a late loss is closer to viability than just barely at the beginning of the second trimester. I understand the feelings of loss and grief, but Abigail doesn't ever seem to do anything except make herself feel worse. I feel like she does everything she possibly can to draw attention to herself and her grief rather than try to be constructive. And yes, it's all about her and no concern about any grieving her children may be doing or need to do. Yes, I grieved for the grandchild not to be and daughter grieved, but we didn't let it take over our lives for weeks on end and put on a public spectacle. Nor did we do anything to draw attention to the situation so that random strangers would have the chance to make clueless remarks.

The thing that set my daughter off was the insurance company sent a healthy pregnancy gift box that arrived about a month after the pregnancy ended. Too bad they don't have a faster operating system to catch up with claims processing.