Kelly Bates had another miscarriage

[ilovetchotchkes]

Is it possible that she wasn't even pregnant? I don't know much about pregnancy test false positives, but could she have just had a late period because of perimenopause and then got a wrong result on a cheap pee stick? And then when she got her period a little late she just assumed it was a miscarriage?

From what I know , its not possible to have a false positive unless you're on certain fertility drugs.

peeonastick.com/hptfaq.html#6

[Paisy]

See one of the hardest parts of miscarrying for me was needing to act like everything was ok.

I think it's even harder for me when people expect me to act like everything is ok because I should be used to this by now or something. Perhaps this is why miscarriage is one of those things people don't like to talk about. Women handle it so differently from one another.

[Distant Lines]

Distant lines, I did not twist your words. You were very clear, outside of close friends and family (if that) you believe it is wrong to tell people until farther along.

Why am I hung up on this? Because the problem with the bates family isn't that they told people...it is the moralizing they do when they tell people. Is it in poor taste to post on your blog when the pee is barely dry? I can't imagine how. Because you might make people uncomfortable when you are the 1/4 pregnancies that ends in miscarriage? Well I just don't think that is poor taste. If people are ok with friends, family and whoever meanders by knowing they are pregnant that is their personal preference. If they take that opportunity to point out that being pregnant, becoming a martyr of militant fecundity, and making a sideshow out of your grief is in poor taste.

Being pregnant and then losing the pregnancy and then just telling people, yes we are sad, we had a miscarriage, thanks for asking is just one way of dealing with it, it doesn't need to have a value judgement placed on it. Just as reasonable are people who wait until whenever to tell people because they don't want to deal with the discussing a miscarriage.

Like I said, for me and in my miscarriages the hardest thing was just pretending that nothing was wrong. The news got around at work quick, most people said nothing or I am sorry....but everyone knew enough to understand if I was not up to my cheery self. In contrast, once we learned we might terminate I was not ready to share with people...but it was hard and I got a lot of people insisting that I smile, cheer up, asking what was wrong...etc. I wasn't ready to share, but if I had I actually think it would have been easier emotionally at work...people would know, the news would get around and no one would ask me things I didn't know how to answer.

My words said I did not think I would, not what I think other people should do. It simply means because of my beliefs it does make it harder for me to understand the need to tell so many people that she doesn't know.

[Gizmola]

I think another poster earlier stated that basically, they don't tell friends, family, the world about either the two-second old pregnancy or the miscarriage for love and support the way that I would imagine 99% of us would. I imagine normal people tell whomever they wish about a pregnancy and/or a miscarriage because they want to share happy news or they want support in times of bad news.

I believe what the Bates (and Duggars) do is tell everyone to boast about how much God loves them and how very, very special they are for following God's plan in regards to their holy, gold-plated wombs. They believe it's part of their "ministry." The more "blessings" they have the more they are attesting to the glory of God. I imagine that's why they can deal with the cognitive dissonance of saying that only "God opens & closes the womb" BUT take drugs in order to sustain a pregnancy. Further, taking the drugs to sustain a pregnancy is part of their desire to reemphasize over and over how it is a BABY the moment the sperm hits the egg. Not a zygote, embryo or fetus - it's a baby, one of their children. That's also why they publicize their miscarriages: to spread the word that they have lost a CHILD. It's propaganda. Pure and simple. Dressed up in flowered frumpers with smiling countenances with an "aw, shucks, we just love children" attitude -but at its heart is propaganda designed to influence other people into thinking just like them. And the more people who think like them, the more people will vote like them. They present themselves as family-friendly, wholesome, independent (no govt aid), down home, real, patriotic Americans who value home, God, family, and the sanctity of life. The more people want to emulate them in any way the easier it is for politicians who share their views to seem less dangerous - "Oh, Rick Santorum also loves his miscarried babies!!!" Because in the end, their (Bates, Duggars, etc.) desire is to turn this country into "a Christian country" complete with law outlawing abortion, controlling access to birth control and basically imposing their religious beliefs on us all.

I know I sound a little deranged, but these people piss.me.off. Fuck 'em.

ETA: because I do know the difference between it's & its

[OkToBeTakei]

I saw this last night before I went to bed. I did not really invest any great feeling in it then.

I saw it this morning. Same feeling.

Bit harsh? I don't care. I don't know her I don't care. She has 19 lovely children. She is at that age. It is not surprising.

I probably could invest some feeling in to the fact that because I am fascinated by the whole Duggar/Bates TV fundie life which led me to FJ in the first place. Does morbid fascination dictate I should sympathise? Maybe.

But I don't.

I think in regards to telling people you are pregnant or not is a personal choice. I think Social media and the way people connect 'now' has changed. Some like to tell you what they eat every meal. Oversharing is part and parcel of the modern world. Is it better than my Mother's era where 'pregnant' was a whispered word? Hehe...undoubtedly. But I have to agree, with every poster who said telling somebody, anybody in some way brings bad luck ..PULEASE! Enough with the old wives tales. If you want to share your news before the magic 12 weeks (and when is that an absolute certainty of a positive outcome anyway?) To each their own.

I'm going to fundie hell I suppose. :(

[Austin]

To be clear, as apparently I wasn't, it's not the early announcement of pregnancy to family and friends that I find questionable, it's the blasting it out over the internet on open blogs and public facebook pages that I question. Family and friends can be a needed comfort should the situation end unexpectedly. A random fb "friend", remembering eight months after the fact and posting, "Hey, did you have your baby?" puts everyone in an awkward situation.

But again, these are personal decisions.

[Buzzard]

I have absolutely no sympathy for Gil or Kelly. They know the boat they're in and the risks they run. I feel bad for the kids, the girls in particular. They are undoubtably excited about the prospect of a new baby. They probably chart the growth of the fetus on a chart in their rooms. They have no responsibility for the risks their parents take and no understanding of the statistics.

There will have to be a funeral, likely more "country" than the Duggars. I'd expect some type of memorial service (michelle will be there, of course). The kids will sing and they'll bury the pad in a little box they make themselves, right behind the chicken coop. TLC will film it, of course. They'll net 50k. The leghumpers on facebook will cry... Thats why they put it on the blog. Since the show was failing horribly the extra eyeballs are their only hope. I'd expect some Bates reruns to show up in friday night slots soon as tests...

[ILoveJellybeans]

I am sorry to hear of her miscarriage, it isnt a nice thing to happen to anyone.

I do agree with the idea of not publically telling people (except for a few close friends who can support you if something goes wrong) til youre past about 12 weeks, because of how common it is to miscarry before then. Mainly because of what Austin mentioned-people who dont know you very well asking you about the baby 9 months later, and having to tell everyone that you have lost the baby.

My mom used to tell everyone as soon as she found out she was pregnant, til she miscarried at about 10 weeks. I remember telling my whole class that I was going to be a big sister again, and then after the summer was over, I had to tell them that I wasnt, and that was sad for even me so I cant imagine how sad it must be for the mother. Then there was also the questions by my younger siblings about why they were going to have a baby brother or sister but why they arent now, and I imagine how hard it is for a mother having to answer constant questions about it from the other kids.

[emmiedahl]

I completely understand if people need support from family and friends during miscarriages. I am uncomfortable with being the recipient of large amounts of sympathy, personally. I never know how to respond. I tend to keep situations to myself until I have worked them out in my head just so I am in a place where I can more gracefully handle the personal trauma of other people's reactions.

Kelly Bates is a special case because I get the feeling she is just adding another number to her count, kwim? Like she wants everyone to know because "Look! We had another baby for Jaysus!" And also to show that she is a martyr for the cause of quiverfull.

[treemom]

I can see that Austin, I understand now.

I also suspect my views are flavored by the not quite rational but totally reasonable feeling I always had that there never was a safe time. It is hard for me to put myself into the head space I had before my first late term loss...so it could be I am doing a lot of projecting here, not only on others but also the treemom of times past.

[OkToBeTakei]

To be clear, as apparently I wasn't, it's not the early announcement of pregnancy to family and friends that I find questionable, it's the blasting it out over the internet on open blogs and public facebook pages that I question. Family and friends can be a needed comfort should the situation end unexpectedly. A random fb "friend", remembering eight months after the fact and posting, "Hey, did you have your baby?" puts everyone in an awkward situation.

But again, these are personal decisions.

I find no correlation between what individuals choose to do and Kelly Bates. None at all. She and others like her are so out there.

I think anything anybody chooses to do or say or not is entirely a personal choice. But yes as I said before the Social network phenomena is certainly a factor.

Just this past month I am watching a dear friend posting a week by week link to a popular pregnancy link..she has done this from week 4.

Another friend gave birth at age 45. First baby. Very much wished and longed for.

A friend of my daughter going through experimental Cancer treatment in Germany..her Dad updates daily. Age 9.

A cousin who died. From a rare Cancer. Her daughter is posting all her memories.

A friend got ' The Killers' tickets.

There is a disjointed sense of reality.

I think you do what you like. I told my Mum i was pregnant the day I knew. I wonder now would I do it on Fb..probs not. Again I think you do what you are comfy with.

I told my close friends about my miscarriage. I needed them.

[Minerva]

I think another poster earlier stated that basically, they don't tell friends, family, the world about either the two-second old pregnancy or the miscarriage for love and support the way that I would imagine 99% of us would. I imagine normal people tell whomever they wish about a pregnancy and/or a miscarriage because they want to share happy news or they want support in times of bad news.

I believe what the Bates (and Duggars) do is tell everyone to boast about how much God loves them and how very, very special they are for following God's plan in regards to their holy, gold-plated wombs. They believe it's part of their "ministry." The more "blessings" they have the more they are attesting to the glory of God. I imagine that's why they can deal with the cognitive dissonance of saying that only "God opens & closes the womb" BUT take drugs in order to sustain a pregnancy. Further, taking the drugs to sustain a pregnancy is part of their desire to reemphasize over and over how it is a BABY the moment the sperm hits the egg. Not a zygote, embryo or fetus - it's a baby, one of their children. That's also why they publicize their miscarriages: to spread the word that they have lost a CHILD. It's propaganda. Pure and simple. Dressed up in flowered frumpers with smiling countenances with an "aw, shucks, we just love children" attitude -but at its heart is propaganda designed to influence other people into thinking just like them. And the more people who think like them, the more people will vote like them. They present themselves as family-friendly, wholesome, independent (no govt aid), down home, real, patriotic Americans who value home, God, family, and the sanctity of life. The more people want to emulate them in any way the easier it is for politicians who share their views to seem less dangerous - "Oh, Rick Santorum also loves his miscarried babies!!!" Because in the end, their (Bates, Duggars, etc.) desire is to turn this country into "a Christian country" complete with law outlawing abortion, controlling access to birth control and basically imposing their religious beliefs on us all.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

[BayLee_10]

Obviously it's hard to me, at age 69, to relate to these days of pregnancy tests and sonograms to indicate health and gender. Until we old gals were 3 months along and our docs could hear a heartbeat with a stethoscope we weren't sure. Most often women would announce their pregnancies to close families and friends at that point, and to others when they began to 'show' at about 5 months. 'Pregnant' was a word not often used back then, it was 'expecting.' Therefore I have no idea whether it's proper to announce a pregnancy at the first sign on a pregnancy test.

What I do know is that as long as I choose to watch shows with religious ideas different from my own, nothing is going to change on any of them. The kids will grow up, as the Rolloff's have, Fundamentalist Christians will continue to have larger family than I would ever dream of. The Brown's will continue in their Polygamist lifestyle, Kate will continue to be an obnoxious drama queen, and I will watch, fascinated, just as I did when I first watched, 'Meercat Manor' and that's because those shows are so different than my own experiences.

As always I am very fond of the Bates, because whatever anyone thinks on FJ, I do know them and I know for a fact that, for example, Lawson does not support the family...Lawson mows lawns. Taking down trees is lucrative work because of the danger involved. A friend of my family does this work and received $1,000 for removing a large oak tree. Michaela is not the family drudge and is living her life exactly as she wants to, Erin is not a princess, she is actually very talented and it would be a shame not to use that talent. The only other fundamentalist family I know of are the Duggars and I am NOT overly fond of them, but I only know what I see on television about them, I've never met even one of them. Maybe I flew over their house on my way from Memphis to Tulsa since Arkansas is in that flight pattern, who knows?

[emmiedahl]

Obviously it's hard to me, at age 69, to relate to these days of pregnancy tests and sonograms to indicate health and gender. Until we old gals were 3 months along and our docs could hear a heartbeat with a stethoscope we weren't sure. Most often women would announce their pregnancies to close families and friends at that point, and to others when they began to 'show' at about 5 months. 'Pregnant' was a word not often used back then, it was 'expecting.' Therefore I have no idea whether it's proper to announce a pregnancy at the first sign on a pregnancy test.

That is interesting. About what year did you start having children? My grandmother had a pregnancy test in her doctor's office in the early sixties and just from a quick google, they were available a few years before then as an immunoassay--even earlier if someone wanted to mess around with live animals.

As always I am very fond of the Bates, because whatever anyone thinks on FJ, I do know them and I know for a fact that, for example, Lawson does not support the family...Lawson mows lawns. Taking down trees is lucrative work because of the danger involved. A friend of my family does this work and received $1,000 for removing a large oak tree. Michaela is not the family drudge and is living her life exactly as she wants to, Erin is not a princess, she is actually very talented and it would be a shame not to use that talent. The only other fundamentalist family I know of are the Duggars and I am NOT overly fond of them, but I only know what I see on television about them, I've never met even one of them. Maybe I flew over their house on my way from Memphis to Tulsa since Arkansas is in that flight pattern, who knows?

Your story keeps changing. You were a fangirl who sent them some material, once you talked to her sister, now you know them? If the Bates family made so much taking down trees despite not owning the right equipment (I have family members who do this and have the millions in equipment required now) then they would not be borrowing grocery money from Lawson on national TV. And the rest of what you say--you have seen the Bates family as much as I have--ZERO--and running a creepy fan page does not make you a friend.

[roddma]

I read an interesting theory once about why women stop being able to become pregnant in early middle age versus men who are can be capable of fathering children into their 70's or even later. Clearly, it's an advantage for children to have their mothers around during childhood so a cutoff point is a very good thing from an evolutionary standpoint. But there may be more to it.

Grandmothers. Our female ancestors who had their mothers around and available to help them with childbirth and child rearing probably had offspring that fared better than those whose grandmothers were too busy with their own babies and young children to assist.

So to Michelle and Kelly I say, stop being so fucking selfish. Let your grown daughters get on with their own lives, finish up raising the young kids you still have, and be there to help when the grandchildren come along. If there is a God, I would imagine that would be his real plan for you.

Having kids at a younger age does not mean the parents will be around any longer than the older ones. . My mother was almost 39 when she had my brother and 34 when she had me. She is almost 76. My husband's aunt had one at 42 and she is 80ish. One of my buddies had her daughter around early 20ish and died from an accidental OD in 2006. However, the media makes it sound like we should 'fix' everyone over 30 regardless of how many kids. Not everyone will make a good parent in their 20's or even in their early 30's. While having kids passed certain ages may be of a slighter concern, it really all depends on health. There are overweight diabetic 20 somethings who have kids as well as healthier older moms so it is unfair to put a cap on age. Besides, older moms are nothing new but nowadays we aren't as healthy as we used to be. Anyway 19 kids would be rough on any age. The difference between most older moms and the Bates and Duggars is 19 kids.

But I agree it is hard to feel sorry for someone who keeps repeating something they know could be dangerous. The leg humpers say why should they stop because of a miscarriage or preclampsia I say the reason is like I said above, most do not have 19 other kids.

[constantgardener]

That is interesting. About what year did you start having children? My grandmother had a pregnancy test in her doctor's office in the early sixties and just from a quick google, they were available a few years before then as an immunoassay--even earlier if someone wanted to mess around with live animals.

My mum is in her sixties and I don't believe she took pregnancy tests for me or my brother. I know that a doctor told my mum she was pregnant with me because she kept the little card where the doctor had written 'congratulations'. In the 1940s my grandmother didn't even know she was expecting twins until she was giving birth!

[emmiedahl]

My mum is in her sixties and I don't believe she took pregnancy tests for me or my brother. I know that a doctor told my mum she was pregnant with me because she kept the little card where the doctor had written 'congratulations'. In the 1940s my grandmother didn't even know she was expecting twins until she was giving birth!

Normally I would not question, but Baylee is a lying liar sort who shows up only to defend the Bates. Her stories change by the post, and I believe even her age has changed. She runs a fan page for them.

I know my grandma said she had a pregnancy test with her twins in 62 and it was indeed available at the time according to google. My grandma found out she was having twins just shortly before giving birth though! For a normal poster I would assume you are telling the truth.

[Georgiana]

As always I am very fond of the Bates, because whatever anyone thinks on FJ, I do know them and I know for a fact that, for example, Lawson does not support the family...Lawson mows lawns. Taking down trees is lucrative work because of the danger involved. A friend of my family does this work and received $1,000 for removing a large oak tree. Michaela is not the family drudge and is living her life exactly as she wants to, Erin is not a princess, she is actually very talented and it would be a shame not to use that talent. The only other fundamentalist family I know of are the Duggars and I am NOT overly fond of them, but I only know what I see on television about them, I've never met even one of them. Maybe I flew over their house on my way from Memphis to Tulsa since Arkansas is in that flight pattern, who knows?

Taking down trees might pay well per tree, but it is not steady work. Maybe one week you have one large oak, maybe for a few weeks you only have small jobs, and maybe some weeks you have none. When you have that many people depending on you, I would think it would be wise to find a job that has a steady income and maybe comes with some benefits.

Plus, if the videos are true, he gets help from the boys. What happens when those boys are men who have families and suddenly Gil has to split the earnings? Or when they leave entirely and he has to pay other workers to help out?

And then there's the fact that Gil doesn't get paid until his customers pay him. It's not a guaranteed 2 week salary sort of thing. They also may not pay in full on the first payment.

It's not a bad job. But those are a lot of variables when you have 20 people depending on you.

[browngrl]

[

However, the media makes it sound like we should 'fix' everyone over 30 regardless of how many kids. Not everyone will make a good parent in their 20's or even in their early 30's. While having kids passed certain ages may be of a slighter concern, it really all depends on health. There are overweight diabetic 20 somethings who have kids as well as healthier older moms so it is unfair to put a cap on age. Besides, older moms are nothing new but nowadays we aren't as healthy as we used to be. Anyway 19 kids would be rough on any age. The difference between most older moms and the Bates and Duggars is 19 kids.

But I agree it is hard to feel sorry for someone who keeps repeating something they know could be dangerous. The leg humpers say why should they stop because of a miscarriage or preclampsia I say the reason is like I said above, most do not have 19 other kids.

I am not sure what you mean by this. I have not heard anyone suggesting "fixing" anyone over 30. Do you mean sterilization?

The media has been reporting that fertility declines dramatically with age. Is this what you mean? If it is then I am not sure it is media fear mongering. A woman's fertility does decline dramatically with age - and by age I mean your 30's. Older mothers do have an increased risk of health issues (for mother and baby) during pregnancy/delivery. This does not mean that older mothers can not or should not have children it simply means that if having children is critical for you then you need to make it a priority sooner rather than later. This is true whether you have no children or 19 children.

As for the Bates and the Duggars - if they still want more children then they should prepare to get fertility treatment - at this point God is more than likely going to need some hard core intervention to open those wombs. I am not talking about simple things like progestrogen shots - I am taking about interventions like donor eggs, fertility meds, high risk obstetric care etc. All of which are expensive and come with no guarantees.

[formergothardite]

Obviously it's hard to me, at age 69, to relate to these days of pregnancy tests and sonograms to indicate health and gender. Until we old gals were 3 months along and our docs could hear a heartbeat with a stethoscope we weren't sure. Most often women would announce their pregnancies to close families and friends at that point, and to others when they began to 'show' at about 5 months. 'Pregnant' was a word not often used back then, it was 'expecting.' Therefore I have no idea whether it's proper to announce a pregnancy at the first sign on a pregnancy test.

What I do know is that as long as I choose to watch shows with religious ideas different from my own, nothing is going to change on any of them. The kids will grow up, as the Rolloff's have, Fundamentalist Christians will continue to have larger family than I would ever dream of. The Brown's will continue in their Polygamist lifestyle, Kate will continue to be an obnoxious drama queen, and I will watch, fascinated, just as I did when I first watched, 'Meercat Manor' and that's because those shows are so different than my own experiences.

As always I am very fond of the Bates, because whatever anyone thinks on FJ, I do know them and I know for a fact that, for example, Lawson does not support the family...Lawson mows lawns. Taking down trees is lucrative work because of the danger involved. A friend of my family does this work and received $1,000 for removing a large oak tree. Michaela is not the family drudge and is living her life exactly as she wants to, Erin is not a princess, she is actually very talented and it would be a shame not to use that talent. The only other fundamentalist family I know of are the Duggars and I am NOT overly fond of them, but I only know what I see on television about them, I've never met even one of them. Maybe I flew over their house on my way from Memphis to Tulsa since Arkansas is in that flight pattern, who knows?

Yet you refuse to discuss the "shame" that it is Erin's parents refusing to let her go to a real college or go off and get a real job if she wanted to. Or the shame that they all believe that it would be horrible to go to college and have to sit next to someone with a different color of hair that believed differently than them. Or the shame that that they exploit their children on tv for money

[BayLee_10]

Michaela reminded me that everyone in the over 21 crowd realizes that they could pack up and go, they are adults, but they choose to stay with their parents. I believe it was on Kelly's website that this year Erin, Nathan, Alyssa and Tori are taking courses at or attending Crown College. Michaela and Zach have chosen to study online. Staying at home with Mom and Dad was not my personal choice, but other of my siblings chose to. Some of my adult children lived at home until they were 23 and 24. Am I saying that the Bates are perfect? Hardly, they themselves are the first to admit that. They are doing what they feel is right and that is NOT beating babies so they will stay on a blanket. I raised my children with what I knew and what felt right at the time, too. Beating babies was not part of that for me, either.

[Witsec7]

Michaela reminded me that everyone in the over 21 crowd realizes that they could pack up and go, they are adults, but they choose to stay with their parents. I believe it was on Kelly's website that this year Erin, Nathan, Alyssa and Tori are taking courses at or attending Crown College. Michaela and Zach have chosen to study online. Staying at home with Mom and Dad was not my personal choice, but other of my siblings chose to. Some of my adult children lived at home until they were 23 and 24. Am I saying that the Bates are perfect? Hardly, they themselves are the first to admit that. They are doing what they feel is right and that is NOT beating babies so they will stay on a blanket. I raised my children with what I knew and what felt right at the time, too. Beating babies was not part of that for me, either.

I'm going to offer a simple reality check here. All the Bates kids know about the RW is what their parents tell them and what they are permitted to see. These family do not receive a daily newspaper, they don't even listen to public radio. Anything their parents tell them about the RW is through their bible goggles (similar to beer goggles). They have not been raised to participate or to prepare them for the world at large.

[Mommy22alyns]

I am sorry for them as I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on anyone.

Plus I am secretly rooting for her to out-breed Michelle.

[Deleted06]

I am sorry for them as I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on anyone.

Plus I am secretly rooting for her to out-breed Michelle.

I'd like Kelly to have a set of twins just to have a higher living offspring count than Michelle.

[Witsec7]

I'd like Kelly to have a set of twins just to have a higher living offspring count than Michelle.

This is a macabre choice. Kinda like betting on two people playing Russian roulette. It's simply betting on which of these two idiots will put their life at risk first.

riffle