People is reporting that Michelle Duggar miscarried MERGED

[theologygeek]

Does she really want to die?

Maybe she just doesn't care either way. If she doesn't die, God spared her because he wants her on earth to do his will. If she does die, she is a martyr who died for God's will. Does a terrorist who calls himself a Muslim really want to die? Extremists are happy at the prospect of either outcome.

[Mama Mia]

I feel very bad for them - both the parents and the kids. It doesn't matter if I think having 20 kids is crazy ... it is still a child that they will be mourning.

I lost a baby at around 16 weeks - had some bleeding and cramping first and was on bed rest for a week or so hoping that it would be okay - when I finally miscarried I almost bled to death and had to be hospitalized - and it was just like going through labor - a milder labor, but still - the whole process is the same, but with no baby at the end. It was the saddest thing I've ever gone through.

[treemom]

Yes, but there are sOme harsh words being said that honestly, you might not think is harsh until you read it. Not the miscarriage part, but the "why do people kiss a dead baby- ew" kind of thing. Or making fun of others who hold funerals, or who say it's creepy to "carry a dead baby inside you". Like, you can have your opinions, but if you don't expect that kind of thing, it can be jarring to say the least.

The person who said the feeling after a missed miscarriage was creepy was speaking of her own experience. Can we allow her that please?

I am one of the women who held two children not born alive. Hopefully people will understand that any hive vagina is going to have a range of experiences and personal comfort with death.

But I think forcing a child to kiss a dead anything is eww...and wrong.

[caitiedid313]

Delurking to say that I feel very sad for Michelle, but mostly, I am really relieved by the news. While I hope there won't be a VSE about this, knowing the Duggars and TLC, I'm definitely expecting it. I do think it will be interesting to see how they handle the whole thing for the cameras. Since the Duggars are constantly all, "God's will" and "leaving it up to God!" etc., I can't help but think that maybe in Michelle's case, it was God's will to not leave 19 children motherless, with their already overlooked micropreemie daughter being shoved to the side to focus on a potentially suffering and severely disabled J'20. Something tells me that God's will doesn't work that way in their eyes.

Edit: Having experienced a m/c, I don't wish pregnancy/child loss on anyone, but I can't help but think that this is the best outcome under these extreme circumstances. I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way.

[Stickers]

Cynical feelings: I feel like if this doesn't become a very special episode, then something else is clearly going on. They've let TLC film everything for the last 5 years, why stop now? Because what they want the public to think happened, didn't really happen.

I feel bad for the kids, I do think they could get blamed by their parents if they weren't totally joyful about the pregnancy all the time.

Personally speaking, this happened to my mother (at 4 months) when I was 11. I was relieved and happy. I wasn't going to be tied to my moms dick (abusive) boyfriend forever, I wasn't going to have to take care of a baby, my grandparents didn't have another kid to support/mostly raise. My mother is just not a good mother. She's very lucky I'm resistant and my grandparents had no issues taking care of me.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Michelle has to get a cerclage to successfully stay pregnant. She has high bp issues leading to severe pre-eclampsia, even possible eclampsia (if they took Josie to save Michelle's life, it had to be to the point of eclampsia). She has carried 19 babies, including 2 sets of twins, so she's at very high risk of uterine rupture, not to mention the three or four c-sections, sending that risk even higher, and adding scar tissue to her uterus.

The possibility now of her successfully carrying a baby to term or even NEAR term is so low, like ridiculously small. I know people with less risk than her who were told to never get pregnant again. How can she not be scared of death? All I dealt with was pre-e and induction at 37 weeks along with oligahydraminos (low amniotic fluid) and I am scared to death to get pregnant again. Does she really want to die?

I will admit I don't watch the show, only hear news like this from afar. However... I can't help but wonder how much Michelle really wants to have (or try to have) more kids, and how much she feels roped into it by the family's early decision to become the TV stars they have. I mean, maybe she feels she can't go back on her word now, or whatever? That she has to keep up appearances? Her entire self-worth being tied up in the image, by this point?

I would hope the Duggars at least switch to NFP timing methods or something if they feel the need to keep up appearances, but... who knows.

Meanwhile, isn't the Bates family closing up on the Duggars' record? It might be cynical of me but I can't help but think that too plays a role. There's not only the image at stake, but quite possibly actual money.

[lauracat7]

No one deserves a miscarriage, not even Michelle, losing a pregnancy is a terrible loss whether # 1 or # 20. I can understand how Michelle's and Jim Boob's condescending "fault-based beliefs" about miscarriage, a God who rewards/punishes, etc. would absolutely feel like acid poured on a raw heart.

I find the whole "announcement" issue bizarre and disturbing- why announce at all if you request privacy during a difficult time?

Some people think health care workers or locals might have tipped off the media- not saying it isn't possible....

Even if that happened, or if TLC was filming gender announcement, the Duggars could simply have opted to let their voicemail fill up with messages, not respond to calls or not contact the media. Boob does have some final cut say, and could have refused to allow TLC to make the announcement,film 6the funeral etc., but of course he didn't/won't becaue of his fealty to the almight dollar.

What a shame the entire family could not even have a week before Jim Bob was giving interviews, making the announcement, etc. about the miscarriage.

Nothing would have changed had they chosen to wait a week or more to publicize the news. They could have asked Kelly Bate not to post about # 20 on her blog if they felt it was needed.

I worry about Josiah being blamed, but I think Michelle may also choose to blame TLC and the WORLD Tour, or indirectly blame Josie for her prolonged and no doubt (to her at least) stressful stay in Israel. "If Josie hadn;t needed to stay so long in Israel....." I can almost hear it.

No way will Michelle ever blame herself, because after all, God has blessed them with 19 flowers.

My hunch is that with low ratings and backlash against the Duggars, TLC will film a VSE around # 20 and funeral, plan to cancel and give Boob the opportunity to save face by claiming God told he and Michelle to stop the show.

What a clusterF$ck of denial, heartbreak and uncessesary blame- hopefully this disaster will end...Joy, Siah and others will escape to safety...And Je$u$ wept.....

[emmiedahl]

The person who said the feeling after a missed miscarriage was creepy was speaking of her own experience. Can we allow her that please?

I am one of the women who held two children not born alive. Hopefully people will understand that any hive vagina is going to have a range of experiences and personal comfort with death.

But I think forcing a child to kiss a dead anything is eww...and wrong.

Yes, I was the one who said it was creepy. I was almost in my second trimester and starting to show. I could not forget I was pregnant but I wasn't. It was hella creepy and I hated it. I would think I felt movement every time I had gas or whatever, and then remember. A few times in the week it took to actual start losing the baby, I saw pregnant women, and the rage I felt toward them was even creepier. I was so relieved when the actual miscarriage started, even when I was in the hospital because of blood loss.

I'm sorry if someone is offended by that. It was one of the most terrible things that I had to mentally deal with, and so much worse than my other miscarriages. But FJ is not a place where we hold back those nasty details until we really want to do so. A lot of women here have had miscarriages or pregnancy traumas that do not end in a live birth, and we should not have to shut up about relevant, on topic experiences because a noob wants us to be nice.

[celestial]

I will be gratified but surprised to learn that it's presented as a mystery and not a celestial whack upside the head.

I will gladly deliver them a "celestial" whack upside the head! (no actual threat of violence intended ;) )

[VeraAnne]

I've never been pregnant but I would definitely not want to carry a dead baby around inside me, and I can't imagine what it's like for women who have

I had a very, very drawn out miscarriage earlier this year. We found out that the baby was dying at 6 weeks, that it had died at 8 1/2 weeks, and I finally miscarried at 14 weeks via D&C.

It was...not as horrible as I thought it would be, and I wasn't disgusted by it. I just wanted it to be over so I could move on. I don't know how I would feel if I had been further on during the loss, but I'm also sure that my doctor wouldn't have let me go so long to try to have a natural miscarriage if there had been more tissue because of a larger baby.

[Mama Mia]

I think it makes sense for them to make and announcement right away.. As just a regular person , even before the internet , when I lost a baby by second trimester miscarriage - one of the many heart-wrenching parts was having to deal with people not knowing and asking how the pregnancy was going.

That would be magnified a thousand fold for the Duggars. Letting the 'world' know what happened would seem to make perfect sense.

I actually hope they do have an episode about losing the baby ( if they are comfortable with that )... miscarriage is a topic that people don't know that much about, and many people aren't aware that people grieve following that loss.

[VeraAnne]

I could not forget I was pregnant but I wasn't.

Yes! This, exactly. I also started to show and that was probably the most horrible part of the whole thing. It just felt like my body had betrayed me.

[Ms A E]

I hope they allow the children time and space to grieve and question privately.

Yes. This is a very sad situation, and the children will likely have a wide variety of feelings about it. I wish I could hope that all of these feelings would be validated by their parents. I do at least hope they will not make the children's grief a public spectacle.

[emmiedahl]

I worry about the kids as well. This will be very difficult for them, and I worry that the parents won't be equipped to handle the grief.

[Guest Anonymous]

I know I'm going to regret posting this and I know I'm going to come across as a horrible bitch, but...

I just lost my son at 13 weeks a month ago. He was our second child. It was by far the worst thing that has even happened to me and even though I have a wonderful husband and an amazing 2-year-old to keep me going, there are still days I when I can barely function from grief. I have a hard time dredging up much sympathy for Michelle, who beat and blanket-trained her kids until she got a reality show and keeps breeding like a farm animal while her daughters raise her babies and she lives high on the hog on TLC's money, when there are women like me who have lost unborn children that were actually loved and adored and not just seen as #20 to keep the money rolling in. Right now I feel like she cheapens my heartbreak.

Yeah, I know how bad that sounds, but I was going to give my little boy the whole world. He wasn't just some ticket to fame. He wasn't just #20. He was everything to me. :cry:

I understand too and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Koala]

miscarriage is a topic that people don't know that much about, and many people aren't aware that people grieve following that loss.

I have to disagree with that. I know more women who HAVE miscarried, than those who haven't. And some of them grieve, and some of them are fine. Michelle hasn't cornered the market on miscarriage.

[sableduck]

My mother lost a baby, her seventh child, at 22 weeks. My parents had a private, closed casket funeral. They were advised not to let their other children(I was 12 and the oldest) see the baby because it would look so bad by the funeral, because they could not embalm the baby. Actually, he didnt look bad, and my mom has always regretted not allowing us older children the option of seeing him. Even though it was their seventh baby, it was really devastating to my family. He was very much a wanted child, and for all I think of the Duggars, I do think that this was a very much wanted baby. I'm 14 weeks along and cannot imagine going to my anatomy scan and finding out the baby was already gone.

As far as gender, a good friend of mine found out her baby had died at 20 weeks. Because of the baby's positioning, they could not find out the gender until she gave birth. A b aby that has died in utero obviously doesn't move around like a live baby, and may not be in a good position to find the gender.

[Kitty]

You know what disgusts me about the TODAY show article on this?

There's a big picture of the Duggars when they made their big announcement.

I don't like Michelle Duggar, I won't lie. But that's... low. Disgusting. Callous. Foul. I don't know. Fuck the TODAY show.

[DinnerPlateDahlia]

I was almost in my second trimester and starting to show. I could not forget I was pregnant but I wasn't. It was hella creepy and I hated it. I would think I felt movement every time I had gas or whatever, and then remember. A few times in the week it took to actual start losing the baby, I saw pregnant women, and the rage I felt toward them was even creepier.

Ugh, Emmiedahl... So sorry.

[luckylibrarian]

I don't have much to say that hasn't been said already. I'm more concerned for the kids and their grief, than I am for Michelle and JimBob. I also hope Josh and Anna pay attention to this and reconsider their stance of leaving it up to God.

[3 is enough]

I'm sorry for their loss. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. That doesn't mean I'm heartbroken that there won't be a #20. The fetus wasn't viable, so one can only guess what issues the child would have had if he/she had been born. As we have seen, the Duggars are not the best family for a child with special needs. Then again, maybe Michelle's poor uterus just can't carry a baby to term anymore.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if the miscarriage/funeral is covered in a VSE. I never thought that Josie's birth would have been filmed, and I was wrong.

Call me shallow, but one of my first thoughts was poor Jordyn. Her birthday is going to be overshadowed/forgotten AGAIN.

[Penny]

I am sorry this happened, but too hope they don't blame anyone for the loss. I feel for the kids and hope none of them is blamed.

My first thought was that I hope the doctor tells her not to try to have any more. My second thought was that Josh probably thinks he needs to hurry up and get Anna pregnant.

[NJMom]

I worry that Michelle might go into a deep depression over this loss. It seems that the first miscarriage many years ago, when they were told it was caused by birth control pills (and I believe that this was incorrect information), changed their entire lives in that they decided to become Quiverfull and start following Gothard. It won't be easy for the family these next few weeks. I wonder what will now happen to their show.

[BoomerLynn]

While I do feel bad for them, I cannot say I am surprised. My heart goes out to the kids through all of this, especially poor Josiah. I really hope they don't blame him but I have a feeling there will be lots of passive aggressive comments directed his way. I think someone a few pages back mentioned that the crew may have had to leave when the dr. informed them that there was no heartbeat. I watched a special on discovery health about a year or so ago and there was a woman pregnant with quints on there. She went in for an u/s and one of the babies had passed and she was informed on camera that there was no longer a heartbeat. The crew stepped out shortly after that I think. I remember staring at the tv in shock that they would actually show that. I think it is very possible that it could be aired in whatever type of VSE they choose to have.

To everyone on here who has suffered a pregnancy loss, my deepest sympathies to you all. I lost twins at 21 weeks due to pre-term labor. (They were born alive, died in my arms.) I do not understand the need some of these fundies have to show their other children miscarried babies. Older children, possibly. It just seems like such a traumatic thing to subject young children to. My sons were 2 and 3 at the time and I didn't involve them at all. I told them there were no more babies in my tummy and that I was sad and that's as far as it went. They are now 6 and 7 and have been told more, that they have 2 baby brothers who died and on their bdays we do a balloon release and I let them release the balloons. I have pictures but they will not see them until they are older and can handle it.

[bananacat]

They stated that their goal was 2 dozen kids after a miscarriage. I wonder if they'll start over at the beginning. One thing is for sure, Michelle will definitely keep trying. I wouldn't be surprised to see fertility drugs, and eventually even IVF. No legitimate doctor will do it, but they can just go on a "missions trip" to a country with laxer regulations. Michelle is so self-centered that she thinks every bad thing that happens to her is about her and what she might have done wrong. She's also extremely superstitious. She'll never believe that is just a sad thing that happened that is nobody's fault.