Apocalypse of Peter, the punishment for each sin in Hell

[emmyfair]

Dear most holy fuckface, I take a break now from filling out job applications and bored masturbation to offer up this meal of frozen macaroni. May it nourish me, that I may continue to rock on in the way that most pleases you.

Laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes ....

[Mark Dreher]

Dear most holy fuckface, I take a break now from filling out job applications and bored masturbation to offer up this meal of frozen macaroni. May it nourish me, that I may continue to rock on in the way that most pleases you.

No Shirley, you can not have my number.

This is why you have not got any movies recently.

The attitude missy.

Do you call your directors "holy fuckface"?

This is why you don't work very much.

Crystals get you all worked up, I can see.

Try and channel Gandhi.

After you are done with the sex, of course.

[Shirley MacLaine]

This is why you have not got any movies recently.

wat

[Mark Dreher]

I love the Cadillac crossover and if I had the bucks I would buy one in a heartbeat. Of course they are just Chevy's with a different body dropped on them.

In the light

I walk unassisted

In the dark

I stub my toe

"I am the way, the truth, and the light" John 14:6

Some famous guy said that.

A choo.

Said the haiku.

Bless you.

I did.

[Mark Dreher]

wat

Your not Shirley MacLaine the movie star?

Well now I am embarrassed.

Never mind.

[Hane]

I was puzzled to see that the first post in this thread was about nail polish, but then delighted to see that I put the OP on ignore back on the Yuku site. Bye, invisible person!

[Mark Dreher]

I was puzzled to see that the first post in this thread was about nail polish, but then delighted to see that I put the OP on ignore back on the Yuku site. Bye, invisible person!

After she read each and every post.

That is very naughty.

It would be very very boring to not read my posts.

Would lady ga ga read them? You must ask yourself that.

She would read them.

A fundy close up.

Right in the cross hairs.

This is all too easy.

Fish in a barrel.

So this message is to Hane.

But of course she wont get it.

But you know, just in case..

[JesusFightClub]

I'm a Honda person, myself. That said, I've never understood why someone would buy a luxury-type car in station wagon form. A station wagon BMW or Mercedes? Why?

I wish I could do the shaved head thing. I'd worry about sunburns and looking like a man. Sometimes I wish I could have hair like Black people and grow it into an afro and let it be free to sway in the wind. My luck it would be a bitch to comb and way too thick. ;)

I prefer the Acura NSX if we're talking Firebird/Camaro-looking cars.

I cannot speak to cars, but strongly doubt you will look like a bloke if you shave your head!

Sunburn can be a bit of a risk in hot weather. To imagine what I look like, it's Sinead O'Connor in the video for "Nothing compares...." (cept not as pretty) so I do have some hair. But in the heat it's easy manageable to spray on some sunscreen. I only ever got burnt once.

[Mark Dreher]

I cannot speak to cars, but strongly doubt you will look like a bloke if you shave your head!

Sunburn can be a bit of a risk in hot weather. To imagine what I look like, it's Sinead O'Connor in the video for "Nothing compares...." (cept not as pretty) so I do have some hair. But in the heat it's easy manageable to spray on some sunscreen. I only ever got burnt once.

You know it really says in the bible that men should only wear mens clothes and that women should only wear womens clothes.

As a rule.

And Joan of Arc was burned at the stake for wearing mens clothes.

Granted, that may be a little excessive.

But the same rule still applies.

And if you are a women wearing docker boots?

Don't get me started.

"A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this". (Deuteronomy 22:5)

I think God was saying "my beloved men should look like men, and my beloved women should look like women".

Or God will "detest you".

And that is bad.

God wants Ozzie and Harriet.

Not Rosie and Klinger.

[JesusFightClub]

You know it really says in the bible that men should only wear mens clothes and that women should only wear womens clothes.

As a rule.

And Joan of Arc was burned at the stake for wearing mens clothes.

Granted, that may be a little excessive.

But the same rule still applies.

And if you are a women wearing docker boots?

Don't get me started.

"A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this". (Deuteronomy 22:5)

I think God was saying "my beloved men should look like men, and my beloved women should look like women".

Or God will "detest you".

And that is bad.

God wants Ozzie and Harriet.

Not Rosie and Klinger.

I've got a pair of Doc Martens on, does it count? ;)

Mark, believe me, I look like a woman. 24/7. No one is ever going to mistake me for a man. T'aint happening. Length of hair, immaterial. ;)

[Mark Dreher]

I've got a pair of Doc Martens on, does it count? ;)

Mark, believe me, I look like a woman. 24/7. No one is ever going to mistake me for a man. T'aint happening. Length of hair, immaterial. ;)

Well wearing "Doc Martens" does have a connotation doesn't it?

And women wearing "short hair" is actually forbidden.

"But every woman praying or prophesying with her head unveiled dishonoreth her head; for it is one and the same thing as if she were shaven." 1 Corinthians 11:5

It is really saying that a women shaving her head is shameful.

When they retook France from the Nazis, they took all the women collaborators and shaved their heads as a mark of shame.

I don't think the problem would be in identifying you as a female, I think it is a problem with your intent.

You really have to look down and see what God put between your legs, and then dress appropriately for that.

[JesusFightClub]

Well wearing "Doc Martens" does have a connotation doesn't it?

And women wearing "short hair" is actually forbidden.

"But every woman praying or prophesying with her head unveiled dishonoreth her head; for it is one and the same thing as if she were shaven." 1 Corinthians 11:5

It is really saying that a women shaving her head is shameful.

When they retook France from the Nazis, they took all the women collaborators and shaved their heads as a mark of shame.

I don't think the problem would be in identifying you as a female, I think it is a problem with your intent.

You really have to look down and see what God put between your legs, and then dress appropriately for that.

LOL, shouldn't keep engaging you. But this is funny ;)

I am a woman, very obviously so, and I am neither praying nor prophesying. So how is anything I am doing going to annoy your hypothetical God? And how are my dress and my hair the same thing?

If I looked at my, erm, lady parts, the logical form of dress would be salwar kameez. For a guy, it would be a robe, with a kind of shorts if neccessary. Do you wear a robe?

[Mark Dreher]

LOL, shouldn't keep engaging you. But this is funny ;)

I am a woman, very obviously so, and I am neither praying nor prophesying. So how is anything I am doing going to annoy your hypothetical God? And how are my dress and my hair the same thing?

If I looked at my, erm, lady parts, the logical form of dress would be salwar kameez. For a guy, it would be a robe, with a kind of shorts if necessary. Do you wear a robe?

Well JesusFightClub I have told you what little I know about dressing in an "androgynous" manner.

And of course androgynous dressing is a hallmark of homosexuals, lesbians most notably.

And very short hair is another hallmark of some lesbians.

So, as a religious person, I would always bring that to your attention.

And yes, all homosexuality and its trappings are forbidden in the bible.

[Mark Dreher]

So how is anything I am doing going to annoy your hypothetical God?

Well, God loves you.

And the traditional roles inherently will provide a person with much more "long term satisfaction" in their life.

Left wingers, dykes, homosexuals etc.. each have one overriding characteristic in their relationships:

Cheating.

Their relationships prove to be very shallow, no roots.

And those relationships blow away on the slightest breeze.

Short term.

Only Ozzie and Harriet types obtain any long term satisfaction.

If you want to be married for fifty years, you would have to be married to a man.

The rest is just dust in the wind.

Temporary.

[Shirley MacLaine]

If you want to be married for fifty years, you would have to be married to a man.

But not a left-winger!

[lawfulevil]

My hair is green, but it sure isn't short. What's God think of green hair? How bout pink?

What if I did it to please my headship?

[Sola]

My hair is green, but it sure isn't short. What's God think of green hair? How bout pink?

What if I did it to please my headship?

I quite like the idea of an emerald green merkin. What would our esteemed messiah think of that?

[Mark Dreher]

My hair is green, but it sure isn't short. What's God think of green hair? How bout pink?

What if I did it to please my headship?

Hey, God is cool.

I wear leathers, and biker colors, and sunglasses, even at night.

Not kidding.

God does not mind green hair, or even things like dreadlocks.

That means you are independent, and perhaps a little cool.

But a baldie on a girl kind of means you are a lesbo.

And that is a whole different matter.

The bible says you can't be a lesbo.

But with green hair, you just add to the cornucopia of life.

Grandmas have to point at somebody at the mall.

And the green haired people fit that bill.

[Mark Dreher]

But not a left-winger!

There will be no peace in the valley till you saddle up with a Republican.

And they are far less likely to cheat.

If that is important to you.

A liberals relationship is not real.

A farce, a joke.

If you want a real relationship, you must find a conservative.

That's what defines a conservative, i.e. - "very unlikely to cheat".

[Mark Dreher]

I quite like the idea of an emerald green merkin. What would our esteemed messiah think of that?

It sounds ok.

God is not a stiff.

I will tell you one thing that is surprising, God ENJOYS WATCHING PEOPLE HAVING SEX!!

This is true, and not made up by me.

The "Shekinah of God" hovers over your bed when you have sex.

The Shekinah (the Holy Spirit) brought you two together, and she likes to makes sure everything is working out good between you two.

This is in the Talmud.

Not kidding about that.

God is a voyeur.

[Mark Dreher]

I quite like the idea of an emerald green merkin. What would our esteemed messiah think of that?

I had to look that up.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merkin

And they are stylish.

I think it would be a big mistake to think that God is in anyway "anti sex".

Or a prude.

On my website, we even talk about masturbation and pornography.

Really, here is a quote:

Now we have to deal with three rather indelicate issues. And those are masturbation, pornography and anal sex. The Millennium is a very comprehensive thing my dears. How you will please God in every aspect of your life.

So we begin. Masturbation is fine. No worries. That is a scam the Catholics tried to hoodwink us with. They had to invent a whole new sin just to stir up some trade. And to sell a few indulgences. It seems that the business at the confessionals was waning. (Who told you to confess your sins to another human in the first place? Like they could actually even forgive you. You make all your confessions to God, you actually feel sorry about it, and then you repent, and stop doing it. That is how it works.) They kept running into people who could not think of any sins that they committed since the last time. So to hoodwink the rubes a bit more often, they invented a brand new sin.

"Touching yourself". What a crock. And you wonder why I will be closing their doors.

Next is Pornography. Again mostly fine. No worries. Once in a very blue moon, it can feel a little better with a little outside imagery added in. Whatever floats your boat. To each his own. Basically, God does not care all that much about it. Not a big issue. You must however strictly avoid all "perverted sex". And that is imagery that portrays any same sex interactions or any form of anal sex. That is perversion. And when you see it, you are to change that channel before your heart even beats one more time. Or it may not beat another..

Next is Anal Sex. Never. You are by now very well aware of God's opinion on homosexuals, so there is no need to repeat. All that is left is you abusing a female in that manner. And that you have done for the last time. If you ever do that again, I personally will have a hand in your fate. The female does not want to do it. Mr. Wishful Thinking. It hurts, and it is unsanitary, (you like hepatitis?) and it does not provide the pleasure for her that normal proper sex provides. That is selfish sex. You only care about yourself. And they only tell you it is ok only because you pressure them. And now the pressure is off. Because the New Holy Bible says "that you are to never do that again". I say it.

And that was dictated by God.

The sex rules for the Millennium.

[Sola]

Thing is Mark, I don't believe in any god. I'm an atheist. So basically your opinion on what you think god approves of, is just your opinion.

Me? I couldn't care less.

[Mark Dreher]

Thing is Mark, I don't believe in any god. I'm an atheist. So basically your opinion on what you think god approves of, is just your opinion.

Me? I couldn't care less.

Well you should care my dear.

When it comes to God, I do not kid around.

Look at my facebook.

facebook.com/TheViceRegent

Look at my job title.

"Personal attendant to God".

The one you don't believe in?

I blow his nose.

In "the parable of the fig tree" (Matthew 24:32-34) it says that the second coming must arrive "within one lifetime of when Israel was formed in one day".

Israel was formed with a single UN vote in 1948.

And one lifetime later.

Is right now.

[Angri-la]

But a baldie on a girl kind of means you are a lesbo.

And that is a whole different matter.

The bible says you can't be a lesbo.

What if she has cancer? Or another disease that makes her hair all fall out?

Would you kindly enlighten me to the Chapter(s) and Verse(s) where God says "And lo, a woman shall not be a "lesbo"? (Using your word), as I can't seem to find that chapter in the several translations I have in my library. Thanks.

[Mark Dreher]

What if she has cancer? Or another disease that makes her hair all fall out?

Would you kindly enlighten me to the Chapter(s) and Verse(s) where God says "And lo, a woman shall not be a "lesbo"? (Using your word), as I can't seem to find that chapter in the several translations I have in my library. Thanks.

Well Argrila, it says it specifically in verse 32 from the OP on this thread.

Lesbians are specifically singled out.

And the penalty is "you are thrown off of a cliff, over and over for all eternity".

It is a penalty that is even far worse than for murder.

Homosexuals are punished far worse than murders in Hell.

Now that is weird to consider, but nevertheless true.

And also lesbians are specifically spoken of in the book of Romans:

26For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, 27and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error. 28And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, 29being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, evil." Romans 1:26-29

And this is why a homosexual's house is in "a constant state of uproar".

"There will be no peace, says the Lord, for the wicked".

A homosexuals house is like walking into a buzzsaw.

And that buzzsaw will whirl.

Until you get yourself a man.