John and Alyssa Webster 14: Is It Time to Say the Family Is Complete?

[AbysmalCollins]

I think Alyssa will go for six because in large family circles that's the beginning of "wow you have a large family." I have four, and most large family groups I am in or friends I have with 4+ view me as having a small large family. No ones impressed that I homeschool and keep my house clean because I "only" have four kids. Alyssa wants praise and validation that she's "omg super mom" but that only comes (from some) at 5/6+ kids. 

[gobucks]

2 hours ago, AbysmalCollins said:

I think Alyssa will go for six because in large family circles that's the beginning of "wow you have a large family." I have four, and most large family groups I am in or friends I have with 4+ view me as having a small large family. No ones impressed that I homeschool and keep my house clean because I "only" have four kids. Alyssa wants praise and validation that she's "omg super mom" but that only comes (from some) at 5/6+ kids. 

I think they will decide to try for a boy for a friend for Rhett. 

[rebeccawriter01]

So I am usually not too hard on Alyssa in regard to being overwhelmed and tired. I have my own health issues that leave me struggling to do what I need to do. I worry that people judge me in that way too.

However, today's video was horrible. For a woman who got out of Rocky Top at the first opportunity and seemed determined not to be Kelly Jo 2.0, she has done the opposite. She showed the three oldest girls who all share a bedroom and bunkbed situation. The girls (Allie) have built a fort like structure with blankets - perfectly normal - so that they each have their own room. Read the room, Alyssa. Your kids are telling you something. She then says she is planning this super special party for Rhett next month for his first birthday. I get it. First birthdays are special. Then she announces like she is writing a tell all or just won the lottery, she is going to celebrate all the girls' birthdays in one party. Can they not have that tiny sliver of individuality? 

I get that there are benefits to not having multiple parties. There are benefits to the guests too. However, these girls are now being lumped in together as some unit. Allie who is going to be nine in April has to share a party with her seven, five, and three year old sisters? Yes, it does appear that they were all born January - April. She already buys them the same gifts for Christmas and other holidays - I can't even think of what an almost nine year old and just turned three year old would possibly like in common in terms of toys. 

I know she isn't reading this and I'm just being dramatic, but here it goes. Alyssa, you have four daughters who have different personalities, interests, hopes, and dreams. Get to know them. They are probably awesome people who love you for no other reason than you are their mother. They aren't going to stay this young and loving forever. Maybe shut your mouth and truly listen to them. I bet you would like them.  

[marmalade]

Well, we all predicted this would happen. It's sad to see, and I hope the girls run at the first opportunity. The way it's been going, in just under one year, I can only imagine how bad it will become as Rhett (and any future brothers) get older, allowed to play sports, given more freedom, etc. 

The light has already left Allie's eyes. What horrible parents.

[dawn9476]

Did Allie and Zoey switch places? Because when they first revealed the bunk bed situation, Allie had the top bunk, The new video made it seem like Zoey has the top bunk, which makes more sense. Allie seemed like she would be too big for that top bunk.

[dawn9476]

They all didn't get the same toy at Christmas. They all got tennis shoes, but it terms of toys, they all got something different. Allie got something that was going to go with a gift John's grandparents were giving her. Lexi got a bunch of play construction tools, which kind of surprised me. Not sure about Zoey and Maci but I know it wasn't the same as the other two.

ETA: I just skimmed through that video again and yeah. They all got two pair of shoes, but in terms of toys, they all got something different. Allie got all the princess dresses for her big dolls and she was going to get something else for them from her "me maw" aka John's mom.  Lexi did get a tool set. Zoey got what looks to be a Barbie doll or knock off barbie doll with some accessories.

Edited February 24 by dawn9476

[postscript]

I had a similar reaction to the video. Rhett gets a one-year birthday party elaborate enough to be planned one month in advance and the girls have to share a party? Even if it’s a big party, that doesn’t make it right. And both John and Alyssa are cooing over Rhett and giving him a lot of individual praise. In practically every video, John says something about how wonderful it is to have a son. Yes, Rhett is a baby and babies are cute, but he gets as much real estate in these videos as his four older sisters combined. They come across as cute, intelligent girls with spunky personalities. It would be nice to hear more about their individual interests. 

Edited February 24 by postscript

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 hours ago, rebeccawriter01 said:

So I am usually not too hard on Alyssa in regard to being overwhelmed and tired. I have my own health issues that leave me struggling to do what I need to do. I worry that people judge me in that way too.

However, today's video was horrible. For a woman who got out of Rocky Top at the first opportunity and seemed determined not to be Kelly Jo 2.0, she has done the opposite. She showed the three oldest girls who all share a bedroom and bunkbed situation. The girls (Allie) have built a fort like structure with blankets - perfectly normal - so that they each have their own room. Read the room, Alyssa. Your kids are telling you something. She then says she is planning this super special party for Rhett next month for his first birthday. I get it. First birthdays are special. Then she announces like she is writing a tell all or just won the lottery, she is going to celebrate all the girls' birthdays in one party. Can they not have that tiny sliver of individuality? 

I get that there are benefits to not having multiple parties. There are benefits to the guests too. However, these girls are now being lumped in together as some unit. Allie who is going to be nine in April has to share a party with her seven, five, and three year old sisters? Yes, it does appear that they were all born January - April. She already buys them the same gifts for Christmas and other holidays - I can't even think of what an almost nine year old and just turned three year old would possibly like in common in terms of toys. 

I know she isn't reading this and I'm just being dramatic, but here it goes. Alyssa, you have four daughters who have different personalities, interests, hopes, and dreams. Get to know them. They are probably awesome people who love you for no other reason than you are their mother. They aren't going to stay this young and loving forever. Maybe shut your mouth and truly listen to them. I bet you would like them.  

It reminds me of Braggie choosing to be induced with her boy twins on the birthday of her older twins. So she can get 4 birthdays out of the way on one day each year. 

[rebeccawriter01]

8 hours ago, dawn9476 said:

They all didn't get the same toy at Christmas. They all got tennis shoes, but it terms of toys, they all got something different. Allie got something that was going to go with a gift John's grandparents were giving her. Lexi got a bunch of play construction tools, which kind of surprised me. Not sure about Zoey and Maci but I know it wasn't the same as the other two.

ETA: I just skimmed through that video again and yeah. They all got two pair of shoes, but in terms of toys, they all got something different. Allie got all the princess dresses for her big dolls and she was going to get something else for them from her "me maw" aka John's mom.  Lexi did get a tool set. Zoey got what looks to be a Barbie doll or knock off barbie doll with some accessories.

I was talking about the stocking stuff. They all got magnet men, little ring toy things (to which Lexi said, "oh look I got the same thing as Zoey and Maci), the squishmallow things, etc. The primary difference was that Lexie got joke cards and Allie received game cards. The individuality came in with their initials on their necklaces and mini bags. There were ways to individualize those. Give Allie earbuds to use to listen to her own music or whatever outside the "classroom." Give Lexi (if she likes building and crafts) some of those little puzzle games where you try to open the box or something similar. 

They tend to get them these same cheap things for their Easter baskets, Valentines, etc. I'm not advocating for expensive or extravagant. For someone who dislikes clutter, Alyssa tends to opt for these cheap items that are going to get lost easily and mixed in together. From what Alyssa has shown, they don't get to keep their toys in their rooms but use the living area on the upstairs landing as a collective spot for all the toys. Yes, that helps with the organization and cleanliness of the house, but it also means that like Alyssa experienced with all her brothers and sisters everything (for the most part) belonged to everyone. How long until there is the large group closet for the girls where clothes are shared and intermingled? 

It seems quite minor until you realize that one of the issues on display with the Bates as adults is that they tend to want to own things. Even in their late 20s and early 30s they are just now discovering the responsibility of having something of your own that can't be taken or used by someone else at a moment's notice. It's a challenge with siblings at any childhood age, but even more in larger sibling groups where the lines are blurred with shared rooms (Erin's girls only have their individual bunks as "their own" space). 

There are some major missed opportunities that I picked up on here.  

Edited February 24 by rebeccawriter01

[0 kids n not countin]

If she wants to combine birthdays, why not combine the two who have a January and February birthday, and the two daughters who have a March and April birthday.  I don't have kids so what do I know, but if I did, I'd want to celebrate each child's birthday separately. How will her daughters feel when Rhett has this big party, and the four of them get a celebration lumped together, two of who's birthdays will have been months ago by the time April rolls around.  From what I've seen in her Instagram she does theme birthdays, I hope the girls' party will not be one theme for all 4, but include 4 theme elements to acknowledge what each one likes.  I know it's been said to death, but those poor girls, I feel for them.

[SassyPants]

Birthdays…and this is coming from someone with a birthday fewer than 5 days before Christmas, married to someone born on Christmas Day…we didn't have yearly birthday parties for our younger kids. Maybe they each had 1 in Kindergarten and then a couple when they were both older. They both have Summer birthdays and we were often away on vacay and celebrated during those trips. Our GD is 9 and has had 2 parties; 1 at a year and the other on her last birthday. She has a mid April birthday and her BD has often fallen over Easter break, so another easy 1 to skip. I don’t think kids need elaborate parties every year. You can celebrate and do something special as a family (or with a close friend included) and make it just as special without all the hype. Plus, not every kid likes to be the center of attention, many do, but some do not. I also think combining celebrations is OK-

[Baxter]

My two sisters and I are all born in May. They are 6 and 4 years older than me. Growing up we all had our own birthday parties. May was a very busy month for my mom!  But she felt it was important that we all got our own special day. Alyssa is being lazy. She can't be bothered to treat her girls as individuals. 

[marmalade]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Birthdays…and this is coming from someone with a birthday fewer than 5 days before Christmas, married to someone born on Christmas Day…we didn't have yearly birthday parties for our younger kids. Maybe they each had 1 in Kindergarten and then a couple when they were both older. They both have Summer birthdays and we were often away on vacay and celebrated during those trips. Our GD is 9 and has had 2 parties; 1 at a year and the other on her last birthday. She has a mid April birthday and her BD has often fallen over Easter break, so another easy 1 to skip. I don’t think kids need elaborate parties every year. You can celebrate and do something special as a family (or with a close friend included) and make it just as special without all the hype. Plus, not every kid likes to be the center of attention, many do, but some do not. I also think combining celebrations is OK-

Combining 2 might be okay if the birthdays are close. But one party to cover four months? Alyssa has pretty much thrown in the towel.

Edited February 25 by marmalade

[AbysmalCollins]

9 minutes ago, marmalade said:

Combining 2 might be okay if the birthdays are close. But one party to cover four months? Alyssa has pretty much thrown in the towel.

My two oldest are 3 days apart and I have never and will never combine them. Each kid gets their own special day.

[rebeccawriter01]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Birthdays…and this is coming from someone with a birthday fewer than 5 days before Christmas, married to someone born on Christmas Day…we didn't have yearly birthday parties for our younger kids. Maybe they each had 1 in Kindergarten and then a couple when they were both older. They both have Summer birthdays and we were often away on vacay and celebrated during those trips. Our GD is 9 and has had 2 parties; 1 at a year and the other on her last birthday. She has a mid April birthday and her BD has often fallen over Easter break, so another easy 1 to skip. I don’t think kids need elaborate parties every year. You can celebrate and do something special as a family (or with a close friend included) and make it just as special without all the hype. Plus, not every kid likes to be the center of attention, many do, but some do not. I also think combining celebrations is OK-

As they get older, yes it can make sense to combine the friends and family birthdays (not all four into one with a separate one for Rhett). Maybe Alyssa is explaining it badly, I hope that she is simply talking about the forward facing events - not inviting 11 cousins, a few aunts and uncles, some church friends, etc. over five times a year for birthdays. I do hope that she and John continue to have a cake or whatever treat they want, as well as presents on individual birthdays. Phone calls or facetime with grandparents on individual birthdays are also good. 

I don't have big elaborate parties for my girls. Their birthdays are six days apart (and one year). They are at an age now that I have one celebrate with a group of friends one weekend and the other gets the next weekend with friends. It's a rough time for me, but I am careful that they don't feel like I see them as a duo rather than individuals. The Webster kids are already so isolated that it is hard to imagine they will grow up to be normally socialized adults without some need for therapy.

[dawn9476]

I really interested in seeing where she is throwing this joint birthday party and how much that may have played in a role.  They said the party would be too big to have it at their house, so they are having it at  some kind of venue.

[GreenBeans]

15 hours ago, postscript said:

I had a similar reaction to the video. Rhett gets a one-year birthday party elaborate enough to be planned one month in advance and the girls have to share a party? Even if it’s a big party, that doesn’t make it right.

Also, their birthdays are in a range of 4 months. That’s an eternity for little kids. I don’t think they’d even be able to link the party to their birthday months ago or months later. I still remember today that happy excitement leading up to my birthday, counting down the days, and then on the day feeling so special!

It’s such a shame they’re taking that away from their girls (while at the same time giving it to their brother). Way to build resentment between siblings…

[Melissa1977]

On 2/24/2024 at 6:45 AM, rebeccawriter01 said:

So I am usually not too hard on Alyssa in regard to being overwhelmed and tired. I have my own health issues that leave me struggling to do what I need to do. I worry that people judge me in that way too.

However, today's video was horrible. For a woman who got out of Rocky Top at the first opportunity and seemed determined not to be Kelly Jo 2.0, she has done the opposite. She showed the three oldest girls who all share a bedroom and bunkbed situation. The girls (Allie) have built a fort like structure with blankets - perfectly normal - so that they each have their own room. Read the room, Alyssa. Your kids are telling you something. She then says she is planning this super special party for Rhett next month for his first birthday. I get it. First birthdays are special. Then she announces like she is writing a tell all or just won the lottery, she is going to celebrate all the girls' birthdays in one party. Can they not have that tiny sliver of individuality? 

I get that there are benefits to not having multiple parties. There are benefits to the guests too. However, these girls are now being lumped in together as some unit. Allie who is going to be nine in April has to share a party with her seven, five, and three year old sisters? Yes, it does appear that they were all born January - April. She already buys them the same gifts for Christmas and other holidays - I can't even think of what an almost nine year old and just turned three year old would possibly like in common in terms of toys. 

I know she isn't reading this and I'm just being dramatic, but here it goes. Alyssa, you have four daughters who have different personalities, interests, hopes, and dreams. Get to know them. They are probably awesome people who love you for no other reason than you are their mother. They aren't going to stay this young and loving forever. Maybe shut your mouth and truly listen to them. I bet you would like them.  

Absolutely agree with your comment. All the kids are born between january-april. Do one big party for all or do five parties. But one for the girls and one for Rhett? Excuse me? Those girls are gonna resent Rhett and, which is worse, will have their self-steem damaged. 

Personally, I think a kid born in January shouldn't be celebrating its birthday in April. That poor kid has basically forget it. No need to organise a big party of there's no money or time: a supermarket cake and a present, siblings singing happy birthday, it's enough for a kid to feel special on its day. But of course, ALL the siblings must have the same. 

[tanba]

11 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Birthdays…and this is coming from someone with a birthday fewer than 5 days before Christmas, married to someone born on Christmas Day…we didn't have yearly birthday parties for our younger kids. Maybe they each had 1 in Kindergarten and then a couple when they were both older. They both have Summer birthdays and we were often away on vacay and celebrated during those trips. Our GD is 9 and has had 2 parties; 1 at a year and the other on her last birthday. She has a mid April birthday and her BD has often fallen over Easter break, so another easy 1 to skip. I don’t think kids need elaborate parties every year. You can celebrate and do something special as a family (or with a close friend included) and make it just as special without all the hype. Plus, not every kid likes to be the center of attention, many do, but some do not. I also think combining celebrations is OK-

For me, the egregious thing is not whether and how a birthday is celebrated, but the difference between the boy and the four girls. If they decided, we’ll do one party for all of them, or this year, we do only small events for all of them, completely fine. But the singling out of the boy is what’s terrible to me. I grew up in a blended family, where my mother liked me the best and gave me a lot of favoritism, while my dad and his wife hated me. When I was with my dad, everyone would be getting a birthday party except me, everyone had a bed except me who had to make do with a mattress on the floor. My dad did not have a car that could fit all of us kids, so I was in the trunk often. Most of these are not about the things themselves, but about the unequal treatment. I remember a Christmas where my three siblings each got something like 5 large gifts, and I received one book. I was 11, while they were 6, 3 and 14. I still remember the Christmas and make a very concerted effort not to go to my dads for Christmas.

[Mrs Ms]

Unless a kid wants to have a party at a very particular thing that isn’t always available (circus or a fair or an outdoor ice skating rink) please have a party within a week or two of the actual birthday. The younger the child, the closer to the date once they understand “date”. 
Or ignore ALL birthdays, not just the ones of the young females. 
 

Tell me you love patriarchy without telling me…

[Cupcake79]

3 hours ago, Mrs Ms said:

Unless a kid wants to have a party at a very particular thing that isn’t always available (circus or a fair or an outdoor ice skating rink) please have a party within a week or two of the actual birthday. 

I have noticed a bit of a trend among our youngest daughter's classmates. Many of them throw their birthday parties months after the actual birthdays. I think one factor is covid. During the covid years it wasn't always possible to invite to parties around the birthday so the festivites were postponed. But this has kind of continued, maybe because someone born in January wants a pool party or something or maybe just because it became sort of accepted. I don't know.

Our older daughter and her father share a birthday. They always have a joint party for the closest relatives, but of course it's always more her party than his, because, well, she used to be a kid, now a teenager. A few years ago we did a joint party for both our daughters and their dad (born January and February), but that was because we were sick when the first party would have been. The girls have always had their own birthday parties with their friends. I would never dream about doing otherwise. They have their own friends and deserve to be celebrated individually. I guess Alyssa has another opinion.

[Giraffe]

For me the issue isn't necessarily a birthday celebration far from the birthday. To me it's the impersonal nature of how they choose to do it. I could even see a family having a big celebration for one child, a small one for another one and none for another one - IF that's what the child wants. It's that little "what the child wants" that I take issue with with Alyssa. Add to that the penis worship and Alyssa and her husband are building up a world of resentment with those girls!

Edited February 25 by Giraffe

[Mama Mia]

On 2/24/2024 at 7:48 AM, rebeccawriter01 said:

I was talking about the stocking stuff. They all got magnet men, little ring toy things (to which Lexi said, "oh look I got the same thing as Zoey and Maci), the squishmallow things, etc. The primary difference was that Lexie got joke cards and Allie received game cards. The individuality came in with their initials on their necklaces and mini bags. There were ways to individualize those. Give Allie earbuds to use to listen to her own music or whatever outside the "classroom." Give Lexi (if she likes building and crafts) some of those little puzzle games where you try to open the box or something similar. 

They tend to get them these same cheap things for their Easter baskets, Valentines, etc. I'm not advocating for expensive or extravagant. For someone who dislikes clutter, Alyssa tends to opt for these cheap items that are going to get lost easily and mixed in together. From what Alyssa has shown, they don't get to keep their toys in their rooms but use the living area on the upstairs landing as a collective spot for all the toys. Yes, that helps with the organization and cleanliness of the house, but it also means that like Alyssa experienced with all her brothers and sisters everything (for the most part) belonged to everyone. How long until there is the large group closet for the girls where clothes are shared and intermingled? 

It seems quite minor until you realize that one of the issues on display with the Bates as adults is that they tend to want to own things. Even in their late 20s and early 30s they are just now discovering the responsibility of having something of your own that can't be taken or used by someone else at a moment's notice. It's a challenge with siblings at any childhood age, but even more in larger sibling groups where the lines are blurred with shared rooms (Erin's girls only have their individual bunks as "their own" space). 

There are some major missed opportunities that I picked up on here.  

I think the identical or near identical stocking and Easter basket filler is pretty common in families though?  That’s always how most people I know have done stockings — maybe a couple of individualized items -especially if there is a big age gap - but mostly candy and generic things like fuzzy socks, stickers, card games, dollar store type toys……I know a couple people who go all out on making nice personalized stocking for each of their kids, but it’s not that common. The main gifts are usually much more specific to each kid, but even then there is often a same/similar big gift -  like one gets a scooter and another a bike, or each get a tablet, plus maybe some smaller individual interest gifts. These aren’t big families either. 
 

For the birthdays - I really hope that they are only doing the separate big birthday for Rhett and lumping the girls together because it’s his 1st. And that they are still doing something special for each of their girls on their day. Whether it’s a movie, cake at home with just them, taking a couple friends to the beach - whatever. I can see not having all gajillion relatives over for every birthday - but it would be absolutely awful to single out Rhett every year! 

[0 kids n not countin]

Does John still do the father-daughter "dates" on their birthdays?

[HermioneSparrow]

14 minutes ago, 0 kids n not countin said:

Does John still do the father-daughter "dates" on their birthdays?

I bet he'll do it for a few years and then call it quits. He's got his boy now, there's no need for those dates to make him feel special since he has what he wanted all along - a son.

In the latest video he fawns over that little boy, I've never seen him so engaged and happy. I even feel bad for Rhett, what if he doesn't meet their expectations?