John and Alyssa Webster 14: Is It Time to Say the Family Is Complete?

[ifosterkittens]

I am glad Alyssa has that type of relationship with her grandparents. She gets to spend quality time with them and form a deeper connection with them. I imagine it would be easier for her grandfather to be in his own home, which would allow Alyssa to spend quality time with her grandma and have the opportunity to have real complete conversations. As opposed to I Love You day which is probably a bunch of surface level conversations given the huge number of people, all the activity, and having to keep tabs on the children.

I know I treasure the time I had with my nana, and one time it was just the two of us, and we were able to discuss some things that would have probably not been discussed in a larger setting. Her insights were really important to me, and I'm eternally grateful I had that opportunity. It makes sense to me why Alyssa would prioritize smaller gatherings where she can really get to visit with others. Also, those smaller gatherings might be less stress and less overwhelming and more enjoyable than the craziness that can come with a wedding or I Love You Day. 

Edited March 9 by ifosterkittens

[SassyPants]

I definitely think that Alyssa spending time with her grandparents at their rural SC home was more honorable than traipsing up to TN for a weekend to celebrate ILY day with the larger, extended family. I am happy to see that Bill and Jane receive frequent visits from their grandchildren, and maybe an extra hand with tasks too. I hope Gil and KJ are also regularly visiting and lending a hand as well.

[marmalade]

I know Michael visited fairly recently. 

Gil and KJ? Who knows? I imagine the last time they saw his parents was ILY day. Bill doesn't like to be away from home, so Nathan flew them up for just the one day. Who knows how much time Gil spent with his ill father?

eta Just saw on Reddit that Trace and Lydia (with Jud and Jeb) brought Papa Bill a new chair. He had a couple falls getting out of what I suppose was his regular one.

Edited March 10 by marmalade

[rebeccawriter01]

2 hours ago, gobucks said:

This week's video... Alyssa and Rhett go to Papa Bill's farm. They flew. John took all 4 girls to co-op by himself. John had some problems at work that he was trying to fix while at co-op "so that was interesting". The girls did good for the day so he treated them to Panda (I assume Panda Express) and McDoanld's for Zoey who doesn't like Panda. The farm is still decorated for Christmas. I do think it speaks to Alyssa personality that she would rather spend money to fly by herself to the farm and spend that one on one time with her grandparents than bother coming up for I Love You Day party craziness. Alyssa cleaned up Christmas and mopped, swept, dusted, etc to surprise them. John took the girls to Costco to buy some lights for the laundry room. John says Sunday is the hardest day without Alyssa because he doesn't know how to get them ready for church. "Anybody know how to do girls' hair!?!" Allie said she knows but Zoey won't let her do her hair. Alyssa says it is bittersweet to say goodbye to the grandparents every time she leaves the farm but she's obviously excited to see John and the girls. I'm sure they will enjoy the footage in years to come of Jane with the baby. 

I get what Alyssa means about saying goodbye. There is this deep gut feeling with aging relatives who are deteriorating with their health. You know it could be the last time. So you try to say all the things you need to say but you can't quite do it because what if it isn't the last time? I'm not going to blame her for not taking the girls. 

1. Jane and Bill don't need the chaos of five children under 10. Bill's dementia is evident and he's reportedly not doing well in terms of people and different spaces. He doesn't need the yelling, laughing, crying, fighting, playing, etc. 

2. Alyssa cleaned the house - they still had Christmas decorations up - and was apparently trying to lessen the load on her grandparents. She can't do that with kids asking her for things, wanting to know can they do something, asking for food, etc. With just a baby there, she had pockets of time to do things for them versus being a house guest who created more work. 

3. This is sad, but they probably want Alyssa's kids who remember Jane and Bill to do so with memories of healthy, playful, vibrant great-grandparents and not frail or sickly. Dementia is cruel. It can be very hard on anyone, but especially children who don't know why someone doesn't remember them or sees an adult unable to care for himself. My grandfather had diminished cognitive abilities after he had a brain tumor. I hate that I remember him that way more than I remember a younger and healthier version. As I got older I could handle it well, but at 7 I took it personally that he didn't know my name or who I was at times. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I actually prefer visiting my parents when it’s just them as opposed to a ton of extended family around. Because it can get loud, impersonal, and exhausting. So I can understand avoiding ILYD and just seeing them at their house. 

[Giraffe]

I have a lot of criticisms for Alyssa but I respect her only taking one child and rhen cleaning their house. She's always seemed like someone who would love having her own cleaning company. 

[HeartsAFundie]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I actually prefer visiting my parents when it’s just them as opposed to a ton of extended family around. Because it can get loud, impersonal, and exhausting. So I can understand avoiding ILYD and just seeing them at their house. 

Exactly how I feel about all my in-laws.  One on one they are fine.  But get them together in a group and it becomes a contest as to who can outshout who as well as everyone jockeying for my MIL's attention.  It's overwhelming and way too much sensory overload on my poor little ears.  Plus I always end up going home with a sore throat due to trying to get my point across in the crowd.    

I have never done well with a "Who the hell are all these people?" situation in any setting to begin with, so I totally get Alyssa wanting that one-on-one time with her grandparents with as few distractions as possible.      

Edited March 10 by HeartsAFundie

[JermajestyDuggar]

31 minutes ago, HeartsAFundie said:

Exactly how I feel about all my in-laws.  One on one they are fine.  But get them together in a group and it becomes a contest as to who can outshout who as well as everyone jockeying for my MIL's attention.  It's overwhelming and way too much sensory overload on my poor little ears.  Plus I always end up going home with a sore throat due to trying to get my point across in the crowd.    

I have never done well with a "Who the hell are all these people?" situation in any setting to begin with, so I totally get Alyssa wanting that one-on-one time with her grandparents with as few distractions as possible.      

I will often find a quiet room to hide in and regroup.

[Melissa1977]

5 hours ago, Giraffe said:

She's always seemed like someone who would love having her own cleaning company

She had it until she her heart health issue and enjoyed the job. John stayed at home while she worked at evenings (not sure if it was every evening or just some days, but was quite often).

[gobucks]

9 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

She had it until she her heart health issue and enjoyed the job. John stayed at home while she worked at evenings (not sure if it was every evening or just some days, but was quite often).

It was called Jonny on the spot! 

[Kiki03910]

On 3/9/2024 at 3:24 PM, gobucks said:

This week's video... Alyssa and Rhett go to Papa Bill's farm. They flew. John took all 4 girls to co-op by himself. John had some problems at work that he was trying to fix while at co-op "so that was interesting". The girls did good for the day so he treated them to Panda (I assume Panda Express) and McDoanld's for Zoey who doesn't like Panda. The farm is still decorated for Christmas. I do think it speaks to Alyssa personality that she would rather spend money to fly by herself to the farm and spend that one on one time with her grandparents than bother coming up for I Love You Day party craziness. Alyssa cleaned up Christmas and mopped, swept, dusted, etc to surprise them. John took the girls to Costco to buy some lights for the laundry room. John says Sunday is the hardest day without Alyssa because he doesn't know how to get them ready for church. "Anybody know how to do girls' hair!?!" Allie said she knows but Zoey won't let her do her hair. Alyssa says it is bittersweet to say goodbye to the grandparents every time she leaves the farm but she's obviously excited to see John and the girls. I'm sure they will enjoy the footage in years to come of Jane with the baby. 

Props to Alyssa. I wonder how many times Kelly has cleaned/helped clean Bill and Jane's house. JUST KIDDING. The answer is fucking zero times.

[rebeccawriter01]

1 hour ago, Kiki03910 said:

Props to Alyssa. I wonder how many times Kelly has cleaned/helped clean Bill and Jane's house. JUST KIDDING. The answer is fucking zero times.

She couldn't even manage to make it downstairs for breakfast while Papa Bill was serving it. 

[imokit]

Also props for John who didn't make a kid have food they didn't like and actually catered to preferences by bothering to get her a separate fast food order.

[JermajestyDuggar]

On 3/11/2024 at 12:04 PM, imokit said:

Also props for John who didn't make a kid have food they didn't like and actually catered to preferences by bothering to get her a separate fast food order.

I have often figured this is why a lot of kids may go hungry in these big families. You eat what’s served, or you don’t eat. I bet that was both a Duggar and Bates rule. I bet plenty of kids went to bed hungry because they hated what was served for dinner. 

[marmalade]

57 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I have often figured this is why a lot of kids may go hungry in these big families. You eat what’s served, or you don’t eat. I bet that was both a Duggar and Bates rule. I bet plenty of kids went to bed hungry because they hated what was served for dinner. 

Tater tot casserole AGAIN????

[GreenBeans]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I have often figured this is why a lot of kids may go hungry in these big families. You eat what’s served, or you don’t eat. I bet that was both a Duggar and Bates rule. I bet plenty of kids went to bed hungry because they hated what was served for dinner. 

And it’s not just about individual preferences or picky eating. What we’ve seen from these families hardly qualified as “cooking”. I’m not a picky eater and eat pretty much everything, as long as it’s nice food. But what they were served mostly came from a can or a package and was just thrown together in a casserole dish and heated, or some weird concoction made up by lazy parents (that horrible “poor man’s pizza” on toast, anyone?). I wouldn’t blame any kid for not liking that shit.

[Melissa1977]

Duggars and Bates probably forced- feeding their children, until there were too many children, too much chaos and no meal routines anymore. So if one of the elders was a picky eater, meals could have been a nighmare for the kid. If the youngers were picky eaters, maybe they just ate cookies or whatever they could pick or just go hungry. Do you remember poor little Jordyn D. having an empty ice cream cone for lunch? In 99% of families, a little kid her age would have been seated in front of regular food. I know not every family has the resources to big healthy meals, but... an empty cone? In a well-off family Excuse me? I doubt that was exceptional. Those poor kids raised themselves.

[dawn9476]

I wonder if the joint party for the girls is this weekend because Carlin and Evan and their kids seem to be going to FL to visit Alyssa and her family this weekend per Carlin's IG stories.

Edited March 20 by dawn9476

[Bobology]

1 hour ago, dawn9476 said:

I wonder if the joint party for the girls is this weekend

I didn't get it until I remembered the recent discussion about 4 children sharing one birthday party... Jeub-style, I guess.

[rebeccawriter01]

On 3/16/2024 at 11:19 PM, GreenBeans said:

And it’s not just about individual preferences or picky eating. What we’ve seen from these families hardly qualified as “cooking”. I’m not a picky eater and eat pretty much everything, as long as it’s nice food. But what they were served mostly came from a can or a package and was just thrown together in a casserole dish and heated, or some weird concoction made up by lazy parents (that horrible “poor man’s pizza” on toast, anyone?). I wouldn’t blame any kid for not liking that shit.

But as children did they know any better? It wasn't as though they were exposed to fresh food or quality. Kelly, who admittedly doesn't cook and grew up on microwavable dinners with a single mom, certainly didn't know how to provide good food options. Her mother did not either. Jane's cooking may have been fresher on the farm, but still was the typical southern casseroles that include canned soups, prepackaged items, etc., including baked beans that are canned and doctored with syrup and brown sugar. I think the children probably didn't realize the differences until the girls started getting married. At that point they probably had preferences toward certain sisters' cooking. 

Tori once commented when she was tasked with cooking that if you didn't like what she cooked then don't eat it. 

Edited March 21 by rebeccawriter01

[dawn9476]

Rhett's 1st birthday party was this week's video. It was a lowkey party. Only John's parents were the guests. I figured it would be really small , but I thought Kelly and Gil would have gone down to FL for it, but no.

[CaptainFunderpants]

3 hours ago, dawn9476 said:

Rhett's 1st birthday party was this week's video. It was a lowkey party. Only John's parents were the guests. I figured it would be really small , but I thought Kelly and Gil would have gone down to FL for it, but no.

Maybe he'll be included with the girls for their shared birthday celebration? If so hopefully he doesn't get all of the attention.

[gobucks]

I mean, who DOESN'T buy multiple custom jerseys for their son's birthday pics??? Custom Mama and Dad baseball jerseys with Webster 5 on the back.  The girls have ones too that have an R on it.

Edited March 23 by gobucks

[JDuggs]

3 hours ago, dawn9476 said:

Rhett's 1st birthday party was this week's video. It was a lowkey party. Only John's parents were the guests. I figured it would be really small , but I thought Kelly and Gil would have gone down to FL for it, but no.

The pics on IG were something with an elaborate backdrop and baseball jerseys for the whole family. Rhett didn’t seem to crack a smile. I get that it’s nice to have pictures of your kids, but there lives just seem like never ending photo ops.

Spoiler

 

[postscript]

Rhett seemed unimpressed with the party. Alyssa did say he’d woken up early from his nap, so he may not have been at his best. However, he took a while to warm up to the smash cake (for the record, I hate smash cakes), and he didn’t quite figure out how to unwrap presents. The girls unwrapped them, gave them to him, and he promptly threw them on the floor. In other words, he acted like a one-year-old. Later, he ran around playing with the cover from the cake container. 

Alyssa had his series of monthly pictures on the decorations, which I thought was really cute. John gushing over how big his “little man” had grown in the past year, not so much. 

This was relatively low-key for a Bates affair. They’re probably saving the elaborate stuff for the girls’ party.