John and Alyssa Webster 14: Is It Time to Say the Family Is Complete?

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I guess she was never cut out to have so many children. She would have done fine as a mom of one or two children. If she only had the first two, the chaos would be manageable, she could dress them up cute, they could go to co-op most days, Alyssa could clean the house  in the mean time, take them to dance class and have enough energy to cook proper meals and do activities with them once they return from co-op (preferably outside to keep the house clean).

With 5 young kids, one of them a baby, you have to cut corners somewhere, the day only has 24 hours. A clean house and kids dressed up cute are non-negotiable for Alyssa, so I guess the healthy cooking was one of the things that had to go.

I don’t even want to think about the meals I would make if I had 5 kids. I would be much more of a disaster than Alyssa. But I know my limits.

[Mama Mia]

The tacos were actually normal soft tacos, just in an oven. There was chicken, onion, lime, canned tomato/chili - the sugar was 1 teaspoon, which people often use a pinch of sugar in many savory dishes to bring out the flavor. She did use margarine instead of butter or oil on the  tortillas before heating . But to say the tacos were basically fake butter and sugar is really, really not accurate. 

Edited February 12 by Mama Mia

[CaptainFunderpants]

15 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I guess she was never cut out to have so many children. She would have done fine as a mom of one or two children. *snip*

Yup. I bet 18-year-old her, having grown-up in a family of 19, figured that five or so would be fine.

Then she found out she really liked having one kid, and was probably fine with two, but knew because of the man she married, she would have to have at least five or six. As of Zoey, it seems like gave up on trying to create the life she didn't have for her kids, and now they're parentified just like she was -only with cuter clothes and more popular processed foods.

[marmalade]

1 hour ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Yup. I bet 18-year-old her, having grown-up in a family of 19, figured that five or so would be fine.

Then she found out she really liked having one kid, and was probably fine with two, but knew because of the man she married, she would have to have at least five or six. As of Zoey, it seems like gave up on trying to create the life she didn't have for her kids, and now they're parentified just like she was -only with cuter clothes and more popular processed foods.

Didn't Alyssa say early in her marriage that she wanted six? I seem to recall that as her magic number.

[dawn9476]

39 minutes ago, marmalade said:

Didn't Alyssa say early in her marriage that she wanted six? I seem to recall that as her magic number.

I want to say in one of their earlier Q & A's, she said when she first got married she wanted 10. It went down to six after having Allie. I think after Maci, she said she was good with 4 but enter Rhett. It looks like she may end up having at least 6 if Rhett is not the last one.

Edited February 13 by dawn9476

[JillyO]

I think when you grow up as one of 19, in theory, six kids probably does seem like a small/manageable number. However, the reality is that six kids is A LOT, especially when they’re spaced close together like Alyssa’s are. And I don’t think Alyssa ever gave herself the choice to think “huh, two kids are really exhausting for me. Maybe this is all I can handle.” 

[GreenBeans]

3 hours ago, JillyO said:

I think when you grow up as one of 19, in theory, six kids probably does seem like a small/manageable number. However, the reality is that six kids is A LOT, especially when they’re spaced close together like Alyssa’s are.

If Alyssa wasn’t one of the oldest kids, she may only have experienced the Bates household being run by lots of sister moms. Which she does not have as of now. She may not have realized that until your oldest children have grown up, there are several years where you are on your own with lots of babies and toddlers.

11 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Then she found out she really liked having one kid, and was probably fine with two, but knew because of the man she married, she would have to have at least five or six.

Also, she knew she was expected to have at least one son. They may have stopped (or at least spaced out a lot more) a kid or two earlier if they had had a boy earlier on.

[rebeccawriter01]

3 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

If Alyssa wasn’t one of the oldest kids, she may only have experienced the Bates household being run by lots of sister moms. Which she does not have as of now. She may not have realized that until your oldest children have grown up, there are several years where you are on your own with lots of babies and toddlers.

For better or worse, Gil and Kelly treated her as an older daughter - replacing Erin who was permitted time for piano/music and had chores that included teaching music. She was buddied up with a few of the middle boys and younger girls - Josie, Warden, Callie and Ellie? She also got the bulk of the cooking (which was a weird thing with Kelly's expectations). 

[SassyPants]

I think Alyssa is currently in her Michelle laundry room meltdown season. I also think Alyssa is in a unique situation in her family, because she has a larger family, a husband who works away from home and is NOT the sole business owner, and does not have her own ability to legitimately get away from the home (like Josie). None of her sibs are  in a similar situation. I am sure Chad, Evan, Zach, Mr Katie are all at their family’s beck and call. I’m not sure about Bobby as we see very little of the Smiths’ existence. Alyssa has to deal with her kids, alone, most of the time, and likely doesn’t have anyone to turn to who is in a very similar situation.

[nelliebelle1197]

On 2/12/2024 at 10:31 AM, Mama Mia said:

The tacos were actually normal soft tacos, just in an oven. There was chicken, onion, lime, canned tomato/chili - the sugar was 1 teaspoon, which people often use a pinch of sugar in many savory dishes to bring out the flavor. She did use margarine instead of butter or oil on the  tortillas before heating . But to say the tacos were basically fake butter and sugar is really, really not accurate. 

No one said that. The salsa had the sugar and she smeared butter on the soft flour shells

[gobucks]

On 2/7/2024 at 9:49 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think the kids do AWANAS on Wednesday. 

I think this year or last year, Alyssa said that her and John teach/volunteer AWANAS. 

Edited February 13 by gobucks

[JermajestyDuggar]

45 minutes ago, gobucks said:

I think this year or last year, Alyssa said that her and John teach/volunteer AWANAS. 

I never did AWANAS, but from the outside looking in, it seems so pointless. It’s just memorizing Bible verses right? I just don’t see the point of that. I understand teaching children stories from the Bible and what you should learn from those stories. But the memorization just seems like a waste of time. 

[gobucks]

Because how else can you pretend you are better than other Christians? lol

[candygirl200413]

@JermajestyDuggar it's really sunday school but during the week! so like twice a week doing the same thing to be honest? (I never went but my cousin did and when she'd tell me about it I was like bro what was the point lol)

[postscript]

Video up about their Valentine’s Day. Titled “his first Valentine’s Day.” Please stop the favoritism with Rhett. It’s like the girls barely exist in Alyssa’s mind.

Their tradition is that John gets Valentine’s presents for the girls and Alyssa for the boys. Thus, this is the first time Alyssa has had to do anything. They start with Rhett and go up by age. Alyssa got Rhett a set of blocks and a stuffed lion. She tries to get him to pay attention to the stuffed lion, but he’ll have none of it. He only wants the blocks. Later in the video, she tries again and says he really likes the lion, but we see him tossing it aside every time she hands it to him. 

Then John gives cards and presents to the girls. He’s really sweet here, bringing each present out behind his back. Maci gets a fancy cup and the three older girls get cross-body bags in different pastels. By the time Lexi gets her present, they’ve figured it out. Lexi says “bet Allie gets a purse” even before John brings it out. Alyssa tells the girls they got purses because they’re now earning money for chores and this makes it easier for them to take their money with them if they want to buy something. 

[rebeccawriter01]

On 2/12/2024 at 8:02 PM, marmalade said:

Didn't Alyssa say early in her marriage that she wanted six? I seem to recall that as her magic number.

She has changed that number a few times even at the beginning.

While pregnant the first time she had a conversation with her sister-in-law she throws out a few numbers and settles on 10. With Jane she said if the next one (Zoey) was a girl she would stop there.  After Allie was born she said six or eight.

In the second episode of the series of BUB, she says, "We both love children and we would both love a big family. I don't know that I could handle 20 kids, but I am willing to try. I think that I could handle, you know, eight, 10, you know, I think I could do 10. *pause* We'll see about the rest."

Edited February 17 by rebeccawriter01

[nolongerIFBx]

On 2/17/2024 at 9:24 AM, postscript said:

Video up about their Valentine’s Day. Titled “his first Valentine’s Day.” Please stop the favoritism with Rhett. It’s like the girls barely exist in Alyssa’s mind.

. . . . 

They really make me mad. One of the incidences that made me leave the IFBx was when the assistant pastor got in the pulpit and announced that he and his wife were expecting their first child. A boy. See, unlike his brother who had two girls first, he didn't need any practice. This was said as his sweet nieces sat right in front of him in the pew.

[Expectopatronus]

On 2/19/2024 at 9:02 AM, nolongerIFBx said:

They really make me mad. One of the incidences that made me leave the IFBx was when the assistant pastor got in the pulpit and announced that he and his wife were expecting their first child. A boy. See, unlike his brother who had two girls first, he didn't need any practice. This was said as his sweet nieces sat right in front of him in the pew.

The final nail in the coffin for my previous dentist was when I was pregnant and he asked if it was a girl or boy. When I said “girl”, he shook his head and said “that’s not good. The world needs more boys”. I get that it was cultural but still, I was done after that. I tolerated a few errors, some over billing but after that, just nope. 

[Kiki03910]

14 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

The final nail in the coffin for my previous dentist was when I was pregnant and he asked if it was a girl or boy. When I said “girl”, he shook his head and said “that’s not good. The world needs more boys”. I get that it was cultural but still, I was done after that. I tolerated a few errors, some over billing but after that, just nope. 

FFS, the world doesn't need more boys. The human race would probably be just fine if there were 90% fewer. I'm mostly being facetious, but genetically at least we'd be fine. At any rate, what a very rude thing he said to you.

[JermajestyDuggar]

21 minutes ago, Kiki03910 said:

FFS, the world doesn't need more boys. The human race would probably be just fine if there were 90% fewer. I'm mostly being facetious, but genetically at least we'd be fine. At any rate, what a very rude thing he said to you.

I think macho men don’t like to think about that. That the human race could go on just fine with less men. And that China has problems because there are so many more young men than young women. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

If you’ve ever watched any zoo show, you will know they are always hoping for girls. Zoos are all about conservation these days. So if they have a pregnant elephant, rhino, cheetah or whatever, they always seem to be hoping for a girl. Because girls are more important in the preservation of an endangered species. Sure they couldn’t go on with like 1 male and 100 females. But they could absolutely go on with 70 females and only 30 males. 
 

I personally have 2 sons and value them very much. But I don’t value them because they are boys. I value them because they are my kids. I would value them just as much if they were girls. However I do think I would worry about them more if they were girls. Because I know how hard it can be. 

[nolongerIFBx]

17 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

The final nail in the coffin for my previous dentist was when I was pregnant and he asked if it was a girl or boy. When I said “girl”, he shook his head and said “that’s not good. The world needs more boys”. I get that it was cultural but still, I was done after that. I tolerated a few errors, some over billing but after that, just nope. 

Did you later wish you had responded, "Why?" I really wish I had had the guts to walk out of that service. I'm not a confrontational person but I have learned that people have to be confronted with their idiocy ignorance before they will even consider that what they said was not okay, not a joke, and very hurtful. Guess we did what we could by walking out permanently.

Edited February 21 by nolongerIFBx

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, nolongerIFBx said:

Did you later wish you had responded, "Why?" I really wish I had had the guts to walk out of that service. I'm not a confrontational person but I have learned that people have to be confronted with their idiocy ignorance before they will even consider that what they said was not okay, not a joke, and very hurtful. Guess we did what we could by walking out permanently.

When you are genuinely shocked by a person’s so called joke, that takes over your brain. It’s so hard to come up with some sort of comeback when your brain is so surprised by a person’s ignorance. Don’t feel bad. The vast majority of people wouldn’t be able to construct a quick comeback in that kind of situation. 

[3splenty]

I have 3 girls. I've had people ask if I regretted not having a son. 

First of all, that's up to the guy, not me. Second, I would have loved a boy, yes, but I wouldn't have the kids I have now. My sweet, empathetic oldest daughter, my fiesty, outspoken middle daughter, and my loving, smart-mouthed youngest daughter make my world go round.

I was not able to carry any male children to term, they all passed prior to 24 weeks, but each has a name and a special place in my heart. Testing proved they were all male and had issues that were incompatible with life. Sometimes I sit and wonder who they'd be today. 💙

So when people keep pushing, "But you need a boy! All you have are girls!" I tell them I lost my sons. That usually shuts them up pretty quickly.

I like to think they'd be proud of me for shutting the nosy people down.

Edited February 21 by 3splenty

[Keys]

2 hours ago, 3splenty said:

I have 3 girls. I've had people ask if I regretted not having a son. 

First of all, that's up to the guy, not me. Second, I would have loved a boy, yes, but I wouldn't have the kids I have now. My sweet, empathetic oldest daughter, my fiesty, outspoken middle daughter, and my loving, smart-mouthed youngest daughter make my world go round.

I was not able to carry any male children to term, they all passed prior to 24 weeks, but each has a name and a special place in my heart. Testing proved they were all male and had issues that were incompatible with life. Sometimes I sit and wonder who they'd be today. 💙

So when people keep pushing, "But you need a boy! All you have are girls!" I tell them I lost my sons. That usually shuts them up pretty quickly.

I like to think they'd be proud of me for shutting the nosy people down.

Hugs, mama. 💜 this is why these types of comments/questions (hand-in-hand with “when are you having more kids”, “when are you going to try for a baby”, etc) are never ok. You just don’t know what people have gone/are going through.