Bro Gary Hawkins 20: Setting Up a Tent at the Train Depot

[Xan]

I can't find anyone else singing it but I did find the full lyrics.  Apparently, it's a poem written by Susan Soria,

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[thoughtful]

The blood has been applied, and Gary triggered my song cue alert (it's a good song, if performed well, so that's OK):

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[Xan]

Gary continues to feel the need to post his thoughts on Facebook.  (I see that @thoughtful got there first!)

I have no idea if there is an afterlife.  Most days, I don't think so but occasionally I do.  On those days, I hope that Gary hits the Great Beyond and discovers that Jesus is not, in fact, sitting at the doorway with a bucket of blood and a pen and that there are no Chinese restaurants and that John the Baptist is nowhere to be found.  I want him to finally understand how wrong he's been his entire life.  I'd even risk wanting to be in Gary's heaven just to witness it.  Or maybe Jesus will be sitting there and saying to Gary, "No.  You got it all wrong.  That's not how any of this works."  That would be fine too.

Edited August 16, 2022 by Xan

[Bluebirdbluebell]

2 hours ago, Xan said:

Gary continues to feel the need to post his thoughts on Facebook.  (I see that @thoughtful got there first!)

I have no idea if there is an afterlife.  Most days, I don't think so but occasionally I do.  On those days, I hope that Gary hits the Great Beyond and discovers that Jesus is not, in fact, sitting at the doorway with a bucket of blood and a pen and that there are no Chinese restaurants and that John the Baptist is nowhere to be found.  I want him to finally understand how wrong he's been his entire life.  I'd even risk wanting to be in Gary's heaven just to witness it.  Or maybe Jesus will be sitting there and saying to Gary, "No.  You got it all wrong.  That's not how any of this works."  That would be fine too.

I think we've shared this before, but this cartoon came up in my newsfeed recently (link).

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I didn't change the name in the cartoon. That's the name the cartoonist chose.

[Dana723]

21 hours ago, Xan said:

Gary's put up the link to a YouTube video. This was a movie made over 50 years ago that's basically a sermon by Estus Pirkle.  He says that Communists are trying to take over America where they'll make everyone work 7 days a week and will shoot people in the street who are trying to remain Christian.  

I'm listening to it now.  Old Estus is against mini skirts and is praising the no-longer-used McGuffey readers.  He's against television and sex education.  He says that, since the advent of television, crime has increased 1000%.  People are choosing to watch tv instead of reading the Bible.  I fear Mr. Pirkle doesn't have much more use for the truth than Bro Gary.

This thing goes for a hour.  I've listened to about as much as I can stand.

  Hide contents

Gary is overly fond of preachers from the 50's and 60's.  He's got a bad case of Miniver Cheevy-itis.

You have to watch the Cinema Snob's review of this - it is one of the funniest things I've ever watched! 

 

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[Joyster]

1 hour ago, Dana723 said:

You have to watch the Cinema Snob's review of this - it is one of the funniest things I've ever watched! 

 

 

I wish I could react with the laugh reaction, the WTF reaction, and the thank you reaction.  Maybe even an eye roll reaction because Gary fell for the poorly acted and bad special effects in that movie.  I thought it was just a sermon and didn't want to watch it; I didn't realize it was a sermon mixed in with two bizarre plots (communists overtaking an American church going community and Judy's mother dying from her  disappointment of Judy wearing a miniskirt, putting on makeup, and going out on Saturday night).  I highly recommend Cinema Snob's review; his commentary was hilarious.  Estes Pirckle was Gary's type of preacher.

Warning: The film has a lot of Christians being murdered; even though the effects were poor: I have a hard time seeing people pretend to murder others, especially children.  I still thought it was worth watching.

Edited August 17, 2022 by Joyster

[thoughtful]

Pirkle's The Burning Hell is another film Gary recommends, and the Cinema Snob has reviewed that one, as well:

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[Xan]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Pirkle's The Burning Hell is another film Gary recommends, and the Cinema Snob has reviewed that one, as well:

Estus Pirkle was a pretty sick and twisted little man.  That second one was even more gory than the first one.

[thoughtful]

9 hours ago, Xan said:

Estus Pirkle was a pretty sick and twisted little man.  That second one was even more gory than the first one.

The fact that there's a beheading in each of them is . . . beyond me. Although, that could have been Ron Ormond begging to use his beloved "special effect" again.

He must have been pissed when Pirkle wanted to make The Believer's Heaven - no opportunity for beheadings. Although there's still some violent death. Oh, and Gary's beloved Carl Lackey is in it.

Cinema Snob did that one, too:

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[Joyster]

For once something Gary said is not confusing.  Clearly, Gary is not of God since god isn't the Author of confusion.

Also, Gary was in Jamestown, NY yesterday at the Lighthouse Baptist Church.  He included a map to the church like not figuring out how to get to the church was the reason people weren't attending.

[thoughtful]

On 8/3, Gary was at Pilgrim Baptist Church in New Castle PA for a Wednesday evening service.

There are noisy fans in the church, so I may miss some. The captions are having trouble, when Gary says they need to "get back to what this thing's all about, that's uh, gettin' the death burial an' resurrection of our lord an' savior out t'the lost in that worl':"

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They also have their usual troubles with his lickety-split rendition of "If ya can, yer willin' an' able, stand for th'readin' of th'worda God:"

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https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+2%3A12-25&version=KJV

"Capernaum" becomes "Capius," and the captions hear it as "kephas." Lots of other stumbles and errors, including saying that the temple had been built in 46 days, not 46 years.

But, hey, it's not like he holds the text to be holy or perfect or anything, or ever reads this verse and claims it means the entire bible.

Oh, wait.

While burbling into his "it's nice to have a building, but the real church is the people" bit, Gary jokingly criticizes them: "When you got a hundred foota snow amen it's nahce t'have this place ah would say when ya - when it was a hunnert degrees ya have air conditionin' but y'all just don't believe in 'em an' maybe you'll git raht with God wonna these days amen."

The captions have trouble with "y'all:"

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After more familiar blab, Gary gets to his title: What Church Should Be Like," and goes right into talking about Carl Lackey the Muleskinner.

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Yes, I saved some screenshots of Lackey, as Abraham, when watching the Cinema Snob's takedown of The Believer's Heaven.

Gary says that, like Donald Trump, you either loved Carl Lackey or hated Carl Lackey. The captions experiment with spellings:

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He screams about old ways and old preachers, smoke stacks and bad contemporary preachers, how they had better "amen" if they want to get out on time - the usual.

One new thing - he says "Ah thank God for the organ, amen."

He means the musical instrument - my apologies to all of your inner 12-year-olds.

That launches him into this: "Ah remember brother Danny Farley don't know if y'know brother Danny Farley down in uh Houston Texas but he told brother Jesse Haley no brother Jesse uh"
Jacob: "Grego."
"Grego, a blahnd preacher fellow if ya don't know him or not he said 'Hey, they say the - un organ's dead, come on up here an' show 'em how t'play it.' He made it come alahve, amen. You know what ah think about far as music? Ah don't know much about it mah wahf's got a little bit about it mah boy's got a little bit about it mattera fact where we were stayin' at the preacher's boy take me all the way over here, an' ah didn't answer until ah was stopped amen, but he takes me over an' asks me if he could give mah boy a GITtar 'cause he was over there today hangin' out an' uh playin' music an' Christian music amen! But how church used to be."

And he's back to reminiscing about the imaginary days of old. In case that was hard to understand, Gary had a memory about someone who played the organ well, and their host's child has asked if he can give a guitar to Jacob. I have no idea what the "I didn't answer until I was stopped" was about.

He mentions that he also has a message about why church isn't fun anymore, and they should have him back to preach that one. "The gah gave me the check already so you may not wanna pay me - he may take it back when ah git done ah don't know amen."

Chuckles - these people seem to like Gary's jokes.

So, Mr. "I don't have a set fee, I do this to save others and live off of love offerings" got paid by check this time. I wonder how often that happens. I suspect this is a fill-in for a missing preacher, and those might be gigs that pay a set fee that each church determines.

Gary stumbles over the word grandchildren, then gets it right. I think he'd be horrified by what the captions make of that:

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He looks like a snake unhinging its jaw to eat something large, in that screenshot.

He's screaming about how he would thank God if all of his family was in church, says be wouldn't complain about it, then says, "You've lost the light an' you'll have to answer to God for that amen! Some of y'all'll get that after a whahl."

There are some chuckles, so there must have been a reference to something I couldn't see - maybe a light bulb burned out right before he said it.

Gary's back to old-time preachers, and isn't sure of the name of the man nicknamed "the walkin' bahble."

Captions:

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The captions get another crack at Carl Lackey's name:

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He screams the old story about the preacher who built a church despite his largest donor, a doctor, trying to boss him around, then leaving. Haven't heard that one in a while.

He shrieks about how he still loves hearing about the crucifixion, and likes hearing about "Jesus shedding his precious blood" and "hangin' ohn th'ol' rugged cross."

He tells them he needs to finish before I Love Lucy comes on. They laugh.

He announces Romans chapter 12, and that he is going to take a drink of water while they turn pages. We hear a man's voice from the congregation:
"Brother, most of the folks didn't know you were coming. This is a surprise."
Gary: "Hallelujah. Ah wasn't surprahsed ____________ (? It's at 11:55, if anyone wants to take a crack at it. Whatever it is, it gets a laugh).

More later.

 

[thoughtful]

I found some behind-the-scenes pictures of the making of Estus Pirkle's films.

https://www.bynwr.com/articles/holy-man-in-the-holy-land

It seems this guy is doing a documentary on Pirkle and Ormond.

Quote

Brian Rosenquist is a filmmaker, animator, stereoscopic 3D photographer, writer, and special FX artist. He is currently working on the definitive documentary feature on the films of Ron Ormond and Estus Pirkle. Brian is also the Director of Photography/Editor on 2D/3D performance footage shot exclusively for byNWR.com. He has somehow managed to juggle all of this while also holding down a day job with Color By Deluxe for more than eleven years. Brian loves Godzilla, Little Richard, and Elvira equally.

 

[AmazonGrace]

Spoiler

He's screaming about how he would thank God if all of his family was in church, says be wouldn't complain about it, then says, "You've lost the light an' you'll have to answer to God for that amen! Some of y'all'll get that after a whahl."

There are some chuckles, so there must have been a reference to something I couldn't see - maybe a light bulb burned out right before he said it. 

IDK feels like some people might laugh just to make sure no one thinks they didn't get it. 

[Xan]

Gary is just so very... stupid.  I don't understand how churches keep asking him back unless he works cheap.  Maybe it's a case of "We only have about $30.00 or $40.00.  I guess Gary Hawkins would come preach for that because no one else will."

I went to a small, rural church when I was a child.  Even in Appalachia, we had preachers who could read and could speak in complete sentences.  I don't think my congregation would have even had Gary for a revival service.  Then again, dumb is more popular than it used to be.  

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

  Hide contents

He's screaming about how he would thank God if all of his family was in church, says be wouldn't complain about it, then says, "You've lost the light an' you'll have to answer to God for that amen! Some of y'all'll get that after a whahl."

There are some chuckles, so there must have been a reference to something I couldn't see - maybe a light bulb burned out right before he said it. 

IDK feels like some people might laugh just to make sure no one thinks they didn't get it. 

Possibly. Again, this was partly my fault for not saying that some of the chuckling happened before he said his "after a while" thing. So something light-related might have happened while he was ripping through the stuff about family.

Gary zooms on and on so ceaselessly that sometimes it's hard to tell which fragments of his wordspew have to do with his subject of the moment, his declared topic, or something in the room.

48 minutes ago, Xan said:

Gary is just so very... stupid.  I don't understand how churches keep asking him back unless he works cheap.  Maybe it's a case of "We only have about $30.00 or $40.00.  I guess Gary Hawkins would come preach for that because no one else will."

It could be, especially if he's subbing for a pastor, and nobody else is available.  That would explain a lot of his preaching opportunities.

What's really awful are the places that invite him when the pastor is there, and for revivals, that seem to be run by people who think Gary is the bee's knees. It's bizarre to me, but I've stopped being puzzled by it at this point. Those people are out there.

I just hope that they are, as they appear to be by the tiny numbers in the churches, vanishingly few.

What burns me up is whoever keeps inviting him back to the Navajo Nations churches. "Hey, let's get that racist idiot who insults us to come back! That's a great idea!"

😡

 

[Joyster]

A Facebook friend of one of the Hawkins children asked when people started homeschooling.  The multitude of responses were interesting; some were alarming.  Becky chimed in:

I was surprised when Gary mentioned the curriculum in one of the sermons @thoughtful summarized..  It sounded like an awful curriculum, but hopefully it provides structure.  With the amount they travel, how many days do you think Jacob even does the lousy curriculum?  One day a week?  

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Joyster said:

  With the amount they travel, how many days do you think Jacob even does the lousy curriculum?  One day a week?  

Good question. Becky has always seemed organized and I assumed was pretty strict with herself about fitting it in no matter what. But, since she admitted in that comment that they break for travel days, who knows?

I don't know why they'd break for the three reasons she listed, unless "meetings" and travel require so much grunt work from Jacob that they keep him busy all the time. He could be doing all of the loading and unloading of the truck, packing, and some of the housework. And we know he's put to work a great deal any time the tent is involved. Not sure why he can't study while on the road, but he may be one of those people who gets carsick if he tries to read or write while moving, so studying in the truck might be a no-go.

Gary claimed, in that message where he talked about it, that Jacob did schoolwork M-Th and had a test every Friday. But Gary, to put it mildly, is not a reliable narrator.

 

Edited August 20, 2022 by thoughtful
clarity

[postscript]

I also wondered why Jacob couldn’t do at least some studying in the car. My initial thought was that Gary probably can’t keep his mouth shut long enough for Jacob to concentrate. I doubt Gary considers any education other than the Bible worthwhile. 

[waltraute]

On 7/7/2022 at 2:52 PM, thoughtful said:

Jethere seemed to know what Gary was talking about in his "even the older ones are changing" post, but Joe wants Gary to be clear and specific.

Everyone sing: "To dream the impossible dream . . . "

Okay, I'm trying to get caught up in the Gary threads, but I had to jump ahead with this. If it has already been emphasized, I apologize. "He a big God" is right up there with "It Bible" for me.

Following Jethere's advice, I'm just going to do my part and go...

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, postscript said:

I also wondered why Jacob couldn’t do at least some studying in the car. My initial thought was that Gary probably can’t keep his mouth shut long enough for Jacob to concentrate

Of course, that could be true in all of the small spaces where they stay, as well. Not as close quarters as the truck, for sure, but I bet Gary can still be heard, unless Jacob slips away to another room in a church, or a hotel lobby.

3 minutes ago, waltraute said:

I'm trying to get caught up in the Gary threads, but I had to jump ahead with this. If it has already been emphasized, I apologize. "He a big God" is right up there with "It Bible" for me.

Actually, IIRC, we all missed that! Thanks for noticing and posting (and my apologies if I'm just forgetting that someone else noticed it).

It Bible, an' He a big God.

Get out your embroidery needles, folks.

[Joyster]

Gary's ranting about the lack of pastors and them wanting a paycheck which "brakes my heart is".  Pastors should be a under Shepard.  Is an Under Shepard like Underdog?

And Chad, WTF?  It took 10 minutes of him typing to get out his untruthful thought.  I kept waiting for his stupid comment to appear before I posted in case it was something good; I know, that was silly of me.  Lisa seems really blessed with all the pastors she had and Josh is wondering what's happening to the young guys in Bible colleges.  Hint Josh-- figured out from guys like Gary that there are  better ways to make a living with religious beliefs than being a pastor.  

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As a final thought, I have a new rule for IFB churches.  Never, EVER put an exclamation point after Gary Hawkins' name.  Frankfort, NY is the town to avoid for the next few days.

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[postscript]

My eyes roll every time Gary posts one of his rants about pastors not fully committing to their churches or wanting a pay check rather than doing outside work to survive, Dude, does it never occur to you that your sole source of income is love offerings? Shouldn’t the regular pastor, you know the guy who’s there all the time, receive some sort of an income from the church he’s fully committed to? Unlike you, he can’t decide not to preach at a funeral because he thinks the person wasn’t properly saved. The man has less than zero self-awareness. 

[Xan]

I'm pretty sick of Gary whining about churches needing pastors.  How dare he complain that some pastors want a paycheck but don't want to work outside the church.  Gary doesn't even want to pastor a church himself and he certainly doesn't want to do other work.  He's a perfect example of someone staying within his own comfort zone. 

I think of Gary as a waste of perfectly good oxygen.

[AmazonGrace]

IDK I think it would be super handy if I could guilt everyone whose services I need into working for free. Why stop at pastors, a plumber who did his job as a labour of love and dedication would be so cool.

[thoughtful]

24 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Why stop at pastors, a plumber who did his job as a labour of love and dedication would be so cool.

Now, why didn't I think of that before spending about a quarter of my life savings on my house over the past year? The roofer, the contractor to fix the wall and ceiling messed up by the leaking roof and do the dozen or so small repairs put off during covid - I bet they would have done it all for free if I'd only invoked Jesus and a little bit of guilt.

I'm such a fool.

My car is a beat-up 2006 model, and the living room air conditioner is failing. Hmmmm . . . .