Jump to content
IGNORED

Bro Gary Hawkins 20: Setting Up a Tent at the Train Depot


Coconut Flan
 Share

Recommended Posts

LORD the time is all the good. The good time is all the LORD. The good LORD is all the time.

Gary... I feel like you missed a few opportunities there.

  • Haha 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's Sunday.  Gary did his usual go to church and to surrender something post. 

Gary got his name on a marquee, and he posted it with the hope of people attending.

Spoiler

image.png.a8f81382087b6efc3a9cf1c2f994cfc8.png

And, he posted about Jesus passing by.  I thought Jesus should always be around; that's how Jesus knows what sin we're doing and how many tracts Gary littered public bathrooms with.  Jesus doesn't just pass by like a ghost.  Gary makes Jesus sound like a bowel movement.

Spoiler

1555784225_Screenshot2022-09-0410_01_00AM.thumb.png.61f54c4dc4f17c38bed2dab96082cc57.png

Gary's sister, Kim, who usually posts prayer requests for her mama, has posted absolutely nothing about her being in the hospital. She has posted two recipes since Gary mentioned his mom having COVID and seizure-like movements. Gary's adult children have not posted prayer requests either.  I fast-forward skimmed the last three sermons of Gary and did not mention his mom except for an incident last year.  Therefore, I am concluding that his mom is okay for now.  

In the parts  I fast-forwarded, I got to hear Gary's thoughts on algebra (useless), texting (he does it to encourage pastors but his fingers get tired), and difficult words (he doesn't use them correctly but the one he didn't use correctly that morning was Becky's fault).  He also went on his kick about old-time preachers dying and proclaiming Jesus; his daddy had a record of the sounds of old-time preachers dying, so that proves it.  Gary's not looking forward to the government killing him with dull knives, but he should die proclaiming the Lord.  Oh Gary, you make the best martyr ever in your imagination.  Since you admitted somewhere in my fast-forwarding that you think you are healthy because you haven't gone to the doctor in 5 years, you're much more likely to die from a heart condition.  I wasn't trying to recap and took those thoughts completely out of context, but that's pretty much what listening to any Gary sermon sounds like.  I captured this screenshot and couldn't let it go.  Holy wresting Batman! (Actually, wrestling Batman in this instance was a Wesleyan guy who claimed he didn't sin since 1983, which Gary knows is a LIE! Gary tells the congregation he sinned since waking up that morning, but it's none of their business how he sinned.)

1477339178_Screenshot2022-09-038_39_58PM.png.de0d04521edbad129c9cec832490e5d8.png

Edited by Joyster
  • Haha 3
  • Thank You 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I peeked at Gary's sermon today to see if he mentioned his mom.  He didn't.

Gary did say he's doing something he doesn't usually do.  He's preaching a series on joy.  He'll teach you how to spell it and live it.  He  also used a visual aid!  I fast-forwarded, and he wrote only two words on that whiteboard.  The whole sermon seemed to be about making sure you come to all the services.  All the other things you do are a waste of your time.  I tried to get a good CC screenshot to show you the inspiring visual aid.

image.png.2cee9490677abb4962b78a21ae4362e6.png

  • Upvote 1
  • Haha 9
  • Thank You 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Going to guess the whole "joy" thing was going to be "Jesus, others, yourself"... did he get to the last two words or was he too busy with hairy hands?

  • Upvote 2
  • Haha 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gary is upset about Halloween.  He sounds like a toddler having a tantrum:  It's my page!  

image.thumb.png.ef538eb6410df87d9965627174702686.png

 

And, Gary, you won't have to lie for me.  I'll admit to the crime of having a cutesy witch door hanging and carving pumpkins.  Your heaven doesn't sound fun at all.

Spoiler

image.thumb.png.15d54fc35fb5a26accc739a4785a6b7a.png

The comments on Gary's posts are bizarre.  First, we have David's explanation of how all holidays are pagan.  There is some truth to what David's saying about origins, but seriously, people don't think, "Hmm, Easter is coming.  Good.  I can use some sexual revelry!"  If you feel that it does, don't celebrate it. 

Spoiler

image.thumb.png.a77f6b9795f72078937ce5aae186f378.png

To top that off, we have Jerald (I'm not blacking out their names; if they make stupid comments like these, they should get the recognition) who shows us the Christian virtue of telling off the preacher when he didn't agree about something.  And Josh, I have no idea where to go with your comment.

Spoiler

image.thumb.png.a5f2775748f3bd419cb3d2165cb532a3.png

 

  • Upvote 1
  • Haha 1
  • Thank You 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Joyster said:

And Josh, I have no idea where to go with your comment.

That is.. quite the leap. I mean there's as much evidence for that as there is for Dec 25th, although Oct seems slightly more likely for watching flocks at night. 

  • Upvote 5
  • Haha 1
  • I Agree 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank You @Joyster for the updates on Gary's mom.

39 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

That is.. quite the leap. I mean there's as much evidence for that as there is for Dec 25th, although Oct seems slightly more likely for watching flocks at night. 

I've always heard Jesus was actually born in April, and TPTB moved it December.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

For someone who wants to encourage others and “be a help,” Gary spends an awful lot of time in his sermons talking about himself. What does his congregation care about how he feels about algebra, or even whether he smokes or drinks? And somehow his sins and malapropisms always seem to be Becky’s fault. 

  • Upvote 7
  • I Agree 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

In other news, Gary was reading the Bible and failed to understand what was going on. There's a  pretty good chance these people were not afraid because anyone lived such a clean and righteous life but because Jesus had a demon kill 2000 pigs.  https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+5&version=KJV

Spoiler

Ok folks as I was reading in the book of Mark chapter 5. It said that the unclean man was made whole. And people came to see what was done and they where afraid. It's sad that people that live Holy, Peculiar, Rightoues that people are afraid. See if you seek after the LORD to live right that should be a great thing. But not in these days. We'll I'm not Perfect but want to live as close to GOD as I can and make a differences. Living a clean life for JESUS is what JESUS is looking for.

Bro Gary Hawkins

 

Are we would be - yes be would we are.

Spoiler

Ok folks if the LORD has given you another day. And you are Saved. Go tell someone about JESUS. If you are lost get Saved before it's to late. GOD not done are we would be out of here. Let's see what today will bring.

Bro Gary Hawkins

 

  • Upvote 1
  • Haha 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

During the ride home today, my 7yo and 4yo were arguing about grammar and were WAY more coherent than bro Gary! That includes the 4yo still not being able to pronounce at least four different letters. 

  • Upvote 4
  • Love 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gary posted this:

531933567_Screenshot(11070).png.0a40069f111df5caca8d5a8272cf58f9.png

So, by Gary's own standards, Gary is a failure. 

Sounds about right.

Edited by Xan
  • Upvote 4
  • Haha 11
  • Love 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's Sunday, and according to Gary, there's only one way to be a good Dad and Mom.  I bet you can guess what that is!

Spoiler

1855270580_Screenshot2022-09-116_58_25PM.png.b8b5e747891df32fe83d39752c452884.png

Also, Becky had a birthday, and Gary wrote a nice birthday post for her.  Warning: there's a kissing photo.

Spoiler

860321227_Screenshot2022-09-116_57_53PM.png.930358fbd3e059dcd365dd87aa51b708.png

The church Gary is at today has photographs on the wall of some guy who's not Jesus, which is very weird to me. Maybe the Gateway Baptist church rents out space.  The sanctuary looks like a church furniture surplus store with all the different pews and chairs squished together.  I tried to get a screenshot of the photographs on the wall.  At this part, Gary was going on about how America was turning into a socialist and communist country and how Estes Pirkle made this great film about it (I can't even start on this one--too much eye rolling is going on, and WTF Gary--those films aren't the KJB!).  Anyways, he's trying to explain Estes' filming and told the congregation to ask his wife about it because she speaks better English, and somehow CC got Gary speaking Cuban.

image.png.c09f3003a2b7027504dd5c21d95e5139.png

Edited by Joyster
  • Thank You 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you ever look at Gary and see Jesus?

Spoiler

Ok folks is there enough evidence in you that the lost can see JESUS?  The lost is looking but not sure what they are seeing.  People of GOD we are to be different. KJB 
Bro Gary Hawkins

Can't say I have but I have seen Jesus in toast so we're good, Gary.

  • Upvote 1
  • Haha 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Willing I'll being  doing... out out passing out... Great party guys...If need high let me know.

Spoiler

Ok folks LORD willing I'll being doing a message for the Church planters in the Morning for Gateway Bible Baptist Church Albion NY. If you're in the area come on out at 10 Am. Then out out passing out Tracts and inviting them to Church.  If need directions let us know 
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

Gary no do grammar, Gary only do KJB

  • Upvote 2
  • Haha 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Spoiler

Ok folks adding works to Salvation is Preaching another gospel. The Gospel of JESUS is free and nothing has to be add. JESUS paid it all.

Bro Gary Hawkins

And this, my friends, is why he doesn't work.

  • Upvote 4
  • Thank You 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bro Gary is posting his sermonettes on Facebook again:

1681993188_Screenshot(11148).png.a416adafb72c5fef59dd124276353cf7.png

Apparently, Jesus likes sentence fragments, random capitals, misspelling, and missing commas.

He's also sporting a snazzy tie.  I guess it ties the black pants/navy shirt outfit together.

Spoiler

663033043_Screenshot(11147).png.4b6d888dda54e70afa121ff99afe3148.png

 

  • Upvote 2
  • Haha 1
  • Thank You 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The comment about not following preachers (excuse me, Preachers) makes no sense. Gary himself idolizes some of those fire and brimstone guys from the 60s and 70s, and he would certainly not turn away anyone who wanted to follow him. 

Where does Gary get his endless collection of extra-long, bizarrely-themed ties? Is there a shop somewhere that specializes in ties with Bibles, crosses, and American flags? The people I know who still occasionally wear ties all favor solid colors or unobtrusive stripes. 

  • Upvote 3
  • I Agree 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gary made a list. I now know he can count to 11.  I think he forgot the need to go to a KJB Baptist church in person, but he'll probably add that tomorrow. Speaking of church, Gary will be at a TWO week revival in Groton, New York.  That's a lot of Gary.

Spoiler

image.thumb.png.987688409cd0a70262ca65d05942e2ba.png

Gary's daughter posted a vague Facebook post about how everything is good after her appointment.  A commentator asked if she was pregnant, and she replied no.  I think it had to do with the follow up for whatever surgery she had.  However, Gary's mom commented with a lower case l with an accent mark over it.  I assume this means good or praise the Lord; I tried looking it up and found nothing explaining it. I took it as evidence that she is well enough to comment with an ambiguous accented letter on her granddaughter's page.

Gary's sister asked for prayer for a special  unnamed request.  I'm hoping the request is for Gary getting a real job and taking over some of the care of his parents.

ETA: @postscript, I received the following ad on the Gary thread after your post was added.  I don't think the ad overlords realize  that Gary, while he loves bizarre ties, he would only wear KJB approved ties.  He would never be caught dead wearing a pink tie with dogs riding bicycles.

Spoiler

image.thumb.png.1a69b17f0a5314341b02e399eadf4f87.png

 

Edited by Joyster
riffle
  • Upvote 5
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think Becky took over Gary's Facebook page.  I cannot imagine him saying or punctuating any of this.  Soooooooo cute!!!!!

image.png.30211f9fc67f39f8da4a023e4bdc461a.png

  • Upvote 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Joyster said:

I think Becky took over Gary's Facebook page.  I cannot imagine him saying or punctuating any of this.  Soooooooo cute!!!!!

image.png.30211f9fc67f39f8da4a023e4bdc461a.png

Ok, they are super cute! But Gary would never say that lol

  • I Agree 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 9/5/2022 at 3:05 PM, Joyster said:

Gary is upset about Halloween.  He sounds like a toddler having a tantrum:  It's my page!  

image.thumb.png.ef538eb6410df87d9965627174702686.png

The comments on Gary's posts are bizarre.  First, we have David's explanation of how all holidays are pagan.  There is some truth to what David's saying about origins, but seriously, people don't think, "Hmm, Easter is coming.  Good.  I can use some sexual revelry!"  If you feel that it does, don't celebrate it. 

  Hide contents

image.thumb.png.a77f6b9795f72078937ce5aae186f378.png

 

This dude is amazing. Like, a kernel of truth covered in a thick coating of badly spelled misinformation. 

My favorite is "wickens and druids" which I think means Wiccans and druids. Pretty sure Wicca came about in what, the 1950s? They weren't the ones originally celebrating the solstice. They celebrate them NOW, of course. But in pre-Christian times most of the people on the planet celebrated the solstice... it was when the days started to lengthen again and there was hope and light, they'd made it through into the darkest days of winter, and could look forward to the spring coming again. What's not to celebrate?

Basically all the pagan celebrations are like that - it's how the passing of the year was marked in ancient times. Imbolc is the first early beginnings of spring. Ostara is the equinox, when day and night are in balance. Beltane is the beginning of Summer. Litha is midsummer. Lammas celebrates the first harvest, particularly of grain. Mabon (this week!) is the beginning of autumn and the equinox. Samhain is the last harvest, preparation for winter, and the beginning of the dark time of the year, and thus is a time to honor the dead. Yule is the darkest day, when the days begin to lengthen.

I'm learning this stuff and celebrating these days this year for the first time. I wish we had these as official day-off holidays TBH, they are nicely spaced throughout the year. It makes perfect sense - these marked the times for planting and harvesting and that sort of thing, celebrating times of plenty and sharing in times of lack. 

"Aluminati?" 

On 9/5/2022 at 6:10 PM, AmazonGrace said:

Gary I think you should know that Helloween is touring right now. https://www.helloween.org/

kuva.png

I didn't know Helloween was still together!

16 hours ago, Joyster said:

I think Becky took over Gary's Facebook page.  I cannot imagine him saying or punctuating any of this.  Soooooooo cute!!!!!

image.png.30211f9fc67f39f8da4a023e4bdc461a.png

Those really are super cute. Like I know Tupperware is kinda an MLM, but they make good stuff and some of it is really cute. 

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • samurai_sarah locked, unlocked and locked this topic
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share




  • Recent Status Updates

    • Bluebirdbluebell

      Bluebirdbluebell

      I highly recommend Not the Good Girl's Youtube channel. She is making great documentaries about cults.
      · 0 replies
    • BlackberryGirl

      BlackberryGirl

      Ohh jeeze, GrandBerry6 just came to me, snuggled his face in my neck and barfed, all over me. In my neck, in my hair, on my face, down inside my nightie all over the front of my nightie. Ohh FUCK! Bath, washed hair, cleaned sofa. Good times, good times.
      · 2 replies
    • Scrabblemaster

      Scrabblemaster

      I danced through my living room feeling awesome. From time to time I do this. Maybe wine is involved. Good music is definitely involved. It is awesome. I recommend it to you. With or without wine.
      · 2 replies
    • Hazelbunny

      Hazelbunny

      After a few months of trying to decide what kind of new computer to get and my brother telling me a Mac would be the best decision I could ever make and my sister telling me that would be the worst and I ought to stick to Windows.... I now have a used Mac. I am trying to get used to it. Not easy, but the Magnifying program is a lot better than the Windows one (that was the ultimate reason for my decision) and FJ works a lot better than on my 10-year old Laptop, too!!  
      · 0 replies
    • WannabeHistorian

      WannabeHistorian

      Y'all, holter monitors suck. And naturally the palpitations that caused this test to be ordered are remarkably absent today. 
      I'm off to go work out in the hopes that triggers it. T minus 10 hours till I get this thing off. 
      · 4 replies
    • 47of74

      47of74

      Fuck Fornicate.  Glad I got in to see this place before the world went to shit.
       
      · 0 replies
    • PreciousPantsofDoom

      PreciousPantsofDoom

      I frigging hate the toilets at this worksite. Specifically the door locks. Stupid little knoblet that isn't clear if it is locked or not. Door opens right off the main hallway and the toilet is just far enough from the door that I can't just hold the door shut in case I've got the lock wrong. I mean really people, how hard is it to design this? I just want to pee in private with no anxiety. Apparently that is too much to ask for. 
      · 1 reply
    • 47of74

      47of74

      First thing I'm doing when I get to the hereafter is finding the ancestors who moved to the US in the first place and asking them what the fuck they were thinking moving here in the first place.  Along with giving them an epic the reason you suck speech hopefully in the presence of God and the Lord Jesus Christ Himself to all of them for condemning their descendants to living in a shithole.
      · 0 replies
    • feministxtian

      feministxtian

      Its STILL snowing. Its not like I don't have a million things to do and need to take crap to the dumpster. 
      · 2 replies
    • Chocolate Lover

      Chocolate Lover

      Do any of you play Dyson Sphere Program?   For those who don't know what it is I'd suggest Googling it, because there's no way I could do it justice. 
      There's always just one more thing to do before I turn off.  Blink!  And it's 2 hours later.  
      · 0 replies
  • Recent Blog Entries

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.