Bro Gary Hawkins 20: Setting Up a Tent at the Train Depot

[Xan]

He's back!

I haven't heard anything lately about his mother.

[Ozlsn]

LORD the time is all the good. The good time is all the LORD. The good LORD is all the time.

Gary... I feel like you missed a few opportunities there.

[Joyster]

It's Sunday.  Gary did his usual go to church and to surrender something post. 

Gary got his name on a marquee, and he posted it with the hope of people attending.

Spoiler

And, he posted about Jesus passing by.  I thought Jesus should always be around; that's how Jesus knows what sin we're doing and how many tracts Gary littered public bathrooms with.  Jesus doesn't just pass by like a ghost.  Gary makes Jesus sound like a bowel movement.

Spoiler

Gary's sister, Kim, who usually posts prayer requests for her mama, has posted absolutely nothing about her being in the hospital. She has posted two recipes since Gary mentioned his mom having COVID and seizure-like movements. Gary's adult children have not posted prayer requests either.  I fast-forward skimmed the last three sermons of Gary and did not mention his mom except for an incident last year.  Therefore, I am concluding that his mom is okay for now.  

In the parts  I fast-forwarded, I got to hear Gary's thoughts on algebra (useless), texting (he does it to encourage pastors but his fingers get tired), and difficult words (he doesn't use them correctly but the one he didn't use correctly that morning was Becky's fault).  He also went on his kick about old-time preachers dying and proclaiming Jesus; his daddy had a record of the sounds of old-time preachers dying, so that proves it.  Gary's not looking forward to the government killing him with dull knives, but he should die proclaiming the Lord.  Oh Gary, you make the best martyr ever in your imagination.  Since you admitted somewhere in my fast-forwarding that you think you are healthy because you haven't gone to the doctor in 5 years, you're much more likely to die from a heart condition.  I wasn't trying to recap and took those thoughts completely out of context, but that's pretty much what listening to any Gary sermon sounds like.  I captured this screenshot and couldn't let it go.  Holy wresting Batman! (Actually, wrestling Batman in this instance was a Wesleyan guy who claimed he didn't sin since 1983, which Gary knows is a LIE! Gary tells the congregation he sinned since waking up that morning, but it's none of their business how he sinned.)

Edited September 4, 2022 by Joyster

[Joyster]

I peeked at Gary's sermon today to see if he mentioned his mom.  He didn't.

Gary did say he's doing something he doesn't usually do.  He's preaching a series on joy.  He'll teach you how to spell it and live it.  He  also used a visual aid!  I fast-forwarded, and he wrote only two words on that whiteboard.  The whole sermon seemed to be about making sure you come to all the services.  All the other things you do are a waste of your time.  I tried to get a good CC screenshot to show you the inspiring visual aid.

[Ozlsn]

Going to guess the whole "joy" thing was going to be "Jesus, others, yourself"... did he get to the last two words or was he too busy with hairy hands?

[Joyster]

Gary is upset about Halloween.  He sounds like a toddler having a tantrum:  It's my page!  

 

And, Gary, you won't have to lie for me.  I'll admit to the crime of having a cutesy witch door hanging and carving pumpkins.  Your heaven doesn't sound fun at all.

Spoiler

The comments on Gary's posts are bizarre.  First, we have David's explanation of how all holidays are pagan.  There is some truth to what David's saying about origins, but seriously, people don't think, "Hmm, Easter is coming.  Good.  I can use some sexual revelry!"  If you feel that it does, don't celebrate it. 

Spoiler

To top that off, we have Jerald (I'm not blacking out their names; if they make stupid comments like these, they should get the recognition) who shows us the Christian virtue of telling off the preacher when he didn't agree about something.  And Josh, I have no idea where to go with your comment.

Spoiler

 

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, Joyster said:

And Josh, I have no idea where to go with your comment.

That is.. quite the leap. I mean there's as much evidence for that as there is for Dec 25th, although Oct seems slightly more likely for watching flocks at night. 

[AmazonGrace]

Gary I think you should know that Helloween is touring right now. https://www.helloween.org/

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Thank You @Joyster for the updates on Gary's mom.

39 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

That is.. quite the leap. I mean there's as much evidence for that as there is for Dec 25th, although Oct seems slightly more likely for watching flocks at night. 

I've always heard Jesus was actually born in April, and TPTB moved it December.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I was looking at @ Bad Sermons on Twitter for Nathan Rager clips and I came across a Bro Gary clip. It's old and vintage Gary.  Here's a link for the clip.

Edited September 6, 2022 by Bluebirdbluebell

[postscript]

For someone who wants to encourage others and “be a help,” Gary spends an awful lot of time in his sermons talking about himself. What does his congregation care about how he feels about algebra, or even whether he smokes or drinks? And somehow his sins and malapropisms always seem to be Becky’s fault. 

[AmazonGrace]

In other news, Gary was reading the Bible and failed to understand what was going on. There's a  pretty good chance these people were not afraid because anyone lived such a clean and righteous life but because Jesus had a demon kill 2000 pigs.  https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+5&version=KJV

Spoiler

Ok folks as I was reading in the book of Mark chapter 5. It said that the unclean man was made whole. And people came to see what was done and they where afraid. It's sad that people that live Holy, Peculiar, Rightoues that people are afraid. See if you seek after the LORD to live right that should be a great thing. But not in these days. We'll I'm not Perfect but want to live as close to GOD as I can and make a differences. Living a clean life for JESUS is what JESUS is looking for.

Bro Gary Hawkins

 

Are we would be - yes be would we are.

Spoiler

Ok folks if the LORD has given you another day. And you are Saved. Go tell someone about JESUS. If you are lost get Saved before it's to late. GOD not done are we would be out of here. Let's see what today will bring.

Bro Gary Hawkins

 

[Mrs Ms]

During the ride home today, my 7yo and 4yo were arguing about grammar and were WAY more coherent than bro Gary! That includes the 4yo still not being able to pronounce at least four different letters. 

[Xan]

Gary posted this:

So, by Gary's own standards, Gary is a failure. 

Sounds about right.

Edited September 10, 2022 by Xan

[Joyster]

It's Sunday, and according to Gary, there's only one way to be a good Dad and Mom.  I bet you can guess what that is!

Spoiler

Also, Becky had a birthday, and Gary wrote a nice birthday post for her.  Warning: there's a kissing photo.

Spoiler

The church Gary is at today has photographs on the wall of some guy who's not Jesus, which is very weird to me. Maybe the Gateway Baptist church rents out space.  The sanctuary looks like a church furniture surplus store with all the different pews and chairs squished together.  I tried to get a screenshot of the photographs on the wall.  At this part, Gary was going on about how America was turning into a socialist and communist country and how Estes Pirkle made this great film about it (I can't even start on this one--too much eye rolling is going on, and WTF Gary--those films aren't the KJB!).  Anyways, he's trying to explain Estes' filming and told the congregation to ask his wife about it because she speaks better English, and somehow CC got Gary speaking Cuban.

Edited September 12, 2022 by Joyster

[AmazonGrace]

Do you ever look at Gary and see Jesus?

Spoiler

Ok folks is there enough evidence in you that the lost can see JESUS?  The lost is looking but not sure what they are seeing.  People of GOD we are to be different. KJB 
Bro Gary Hawkins

Can't say I have but I have seen Jesus in toast so we're good, Gary.

[AmazonGrace]

Willing I'll being  doing... out out passing out... Great party guys...If need high let me know.

Spoiler

Ok folks LORD willing I'll being doing a message for the Church planters in the Morning for Gateway Bible Baptist Church Albion NY. If you're in the area come on out at 10 Am. Then out out passing out Tracts and inviting them to Church.  If need directions let us know 
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

Gary no do grammar, Gary only do KJB

[AmazonGrace]

Spoiler

Ok folks adding works to Salvation is Preaching another gospel. The Gospel of JESUS is free and nothing has to be add. JESUS paid it all.

Bro Gary Hawkins

And this, my friends, is why he doesn't work.

[Xan]

Bro Gary is posting his sermonettes on Facebook again:

Apparently, Jesus likes sentence fragments, random capitals, misspelling, and missing commas.

He's also sporting a snazzy tie.  I guess it ties the black pants/navy shirt outfit together.

Spoiler

 

[postscript]

The comment about not following preachers (excuse me, Preachers) makes no sense. Gary himself idolizes some of those fire and brimstone guys from the 60s and 70s, and he would certainly not turn away anyone who wanted to follow him. 

Where does Gary get his endless collection of extra-long, bizarrely-themed ties? Is there a shop somewhere that specializes in ties with Bibles, crosses, and American flags? The people I know who still occasionally wear ties all favor solid colors or unobtrusive stripes. 

[Joyster]

Gary made a list. I now know he can count to 11.  I think he forgot the need to go to a KJB Baptist church in person, but he'll probably add that tomorrow. Speaking of church, Gary will be at a TWO week revival in Groton, New York.  That's a lot of Gary.

Spoiler

Gary's daughter posted a vague Facebook post about how everything is good after her appointment.  A commentator asked if she was pregnant, and she replied no.  I think it had to do with the follow up for whatever surgery she had.  However, Gary's mom commented with a lower case l with an accent mark over it.  I assume this means good or praise the Lord; I tried looking it up and found nothing explaining it. I took it as evidence that she is well enough to comment with an ambiguous accented letter on her granddaughter's page.

Gary's sister asked for prayer for a special  unnamed request.  I'm hoping the request is for Gary getting a real job and taking over some of the care of his parents.

ETA: @postscript, I received the following ad on the Gary thread after your post was added.  I don't think the ad overlords realize  that Gary, while he loves bizarre ties, he would only wear KJB approved ties.  He would never be caught dead wearing a pink tie with dogs riding bicycles.

Spoiler

 

Edited September 18, 2022 by Joyster
riffle

[AmazonGrace]

Gary yesterday: "You don't need works"

Gary today: "You need dress standards"

[Joyster]

I think Becky took over Gary's Facebook page.  I cannot imagine him saying or punctuating any of this.  Soooooooo cute!!!!!

[MayMay1123]

10 hours ago, Joyster said:

I think Becky took over Gary's Facebook page.  I cannot imagine him saying or punctuating any of this.  Soooooooo cute!!!!!

Ok, they are super cute! But Gary would never say that lol

[Alisamer]

On 9/5/2022 at 3:05 PM, Joyster said:

Gary is upset about Halloween.  He sounds like a toddler having a tantrum:  It's my page!  

The comments on Gary's posts are bizarre.  First, we have David's explanation of how all holidays are pagan.  There is some truth to what David's saying about origins, but seriously, people don't think, "Hmm, Easter is coming.  Good.  I can use some sexual revelry!"  If you feel that it does, don't celebrate it. 

  Hide contents

 

This dude is amazing. Like, a kernel of truth covered in a thick coating of badly spelled misinformation. 

My favorite is "wickens and druids" which I think means Wiccans and druids. Pretty sure Wicca came about in what, the 1950s? They weren't the ones originally celebrating the solstice. They celebrate them NOW, of course. But in pre-Christian times most of the people on the planet celebrated the solstice... it was when the days started to lengthen again and there was hope and light, they'd made it through into the darkest days of winter, and could look forward to the spring coming again. What's not to celebrate?

Basically all the pagan celebrations are like that - it's how the passing of the year was marked in ancient times. Imbolc is the first early beginnings of spring. Ostara is the equinox, when day and night are in balance. Beltane is the beginning of Summer. Litha is midsummer. Lammas celebrates the first harvest, particularly of grain. Mabon (this week!) is the beginning of autumn and the equinox. Samhain is the last harvest, preparation for winter, and the beginning of the dark time of the year, and thus is a time to honor the dead. Yule is the darkest day, when the days begin to lengthen.

I'm learning this stuff and celebrating these days this year for the first time. I wish we had these as official day-off holidays TBH, they are nicely spaced throughout the year. It makes perfect sense - these marked the times for planting and harvesting and that sort of thing, celebrating times of plenty and sharing in times of lack. 

"Aluminati?" 

On 9/5/2022 at 6:10 PM, AmazonGrace said:

Gary I think you should know that Helloween is touring right now. https://www.helloween.org/

I didn't know Helloween was still together!

16 hours ago, Joyster said:

I think Becky took over Gary's Facebook page.  I cannot imagine him saying or punctuating any of this.  Soooooooo cute!!!!!

Those really are super cute. Like I know Tupperware is kinda an MLM, but they make good stuff and some of it is really cute.