Bro Gary Hawkins 20: Setting Up a Tent at the Train Depot

[Xan]

27 minutes ago, Joyster said:

He is fine with potential churches asking him about scripture, but they now want to know about something that’s coming in your closet, and that’s none of your business. Once you’ve been washed in the blood, it shouldn’t matter. They want to dig down so far, and he thinks he knows why, and he’ll get to it eventually. 

Yeah.  I listened to this part too.  I agree with @Alisamer, the churches probably want to know about those divorces and they have every right.  Just because God forgave Gary, it doesn't mean that it's been erased from his history.  

And what happened to his new lectern?  He's only had it a few weeks.  He had to go get another one?  

Gary is okay with a preacher watching porn but he's not okay with people wearing bathing suits at the beach.  Okay...  I guess if that preacher is fond of preaching about hell, he can get by with anything.

Gary just said that America was founded on the King James Bible.  I'm noping on out now.

[Joyster]

@Xan I think the story of the lectern Gary told is the one he got in June, the wooden cross one.  What we didn't know was that Gary drove to the Indianapolis area to get it.  At least, I think that's what the story means.

Gary is now in Pennsylvania and will be there until the middle of August.  I will also be in central PA for close to two weeks during that time close to a church he preached at a couple of times before.  Maybe I'll get a sighting.

Becky posted for prayers for a family who had a house fire in Georgia.  The three year old son died and the mother of the child was severely burned.  I hate this line, "We know God does not make mistakes."  Becky didn't write it but it was on the post she shared. Even if you believe that with all your heart, it's a shitty thing to say right after a tragedy.  Does the Brady Family Ministries sound familiar to anyone? I know I've looked at their page before, but I'm not sure why.  It was their grandson that died.

 

 

Edited July 26, 2022 by Joyster

[Xan]

1 hour ago, Joyster said:

Does the Brady Family Ministries sound familiar to anyone? I know I've looked at their page before, but I'm not sure why.  It was their grandson that died.

I looked them up.  They appear to be another traveling ministry family.  

I don't know why it didn't occur to me before but last night I started thinking of Gary and the Rods and realized that they are basically in a fundamentalist circuit.  It's a lot like the old vaudeville or burlesque circuits in earlier times.  A number of these families just travel around to open slots to entertain the little churches.  Since there's so many of these acts, the churches must be accustomed to having guest speakers and performers pretty regularly.  And, like vaudeville, it's for the entertainment factor.  If you're truly fundie, you can't trust mass media and the usual television and movies but you can always go to church and hear someone else preach about hellfire and listen to a few hymns.  

I don't think of Jill or Gary as headliners.  They're filler acts at best.  At the last church, Jill's family performed after T. A. Lester spoke.  I looked him up and he spoke glowingly of Lester Roloff -- Gary's old crush.  Now that was a circuit star!  (Now I'm having trouble getting "Gypsy" out of my head with Jill starring as Mama Rose.)

Another guy who used to be an inspirational speaker commented on how much he enjoyed being on the road.  He said it was great having other people provide his meals, being able to stay in hotels, getting a lot of praise, and picking up an honorarium at the end.  But he said it wasn't as real as being a preacher for one church where you really connected.  It made me think of Gary and of how much he really doesn't want to connect.

[Alisamer]

Exactly. Circuit preachers, going around and preaching revivals and camp meetings and special services at various churches, just like old times. At the fundie-lite church I grew up in we had a revival every year with a guest preacher for the week. I enjoyed it because they sometimes had a fun gimmick (one was a caricature artist), interesting music, or they handed out little gifts for the children. It meant an hour of church each evening, but we got one of those amazing church potluck meals at least one night and got to run around and play before and after. 

Gary's type doesn't sound like the sort of revival preacher I'd have enjoyed hearing, though. 

But yeah it is just like vaudeville and such. Travel around, set up in each area for a few days, take up a love offering then move on to the next marks.

[Xan]

So many posts on Facebook...  Becky wants us to see her microfiber Tupperware towel.  I honestly didn't realize that she used makeup and mascara.

Spoiler

Gary wants us to see his food again.  Don't worry.  It isn't weenie gravy.

Spoiler

Gary thinks we should be seeking God.  (Frankly, I didn't know that He was hiding.)

Spoiler

And Gary tries his hand at being profound.

Spoiler

 

[MayMay1123]

I see Becky has discovered filters, here's hoping she gets better at it. She's a pretty lady, she doesn't need them, imo

[postscript]

Thank you, Gary, for posting semi-appetizing food. But how do you eat corn on the cob to get such a weird pattern. It’s not rows, it’s not circular, it’s oddly spaced to be a random bite. I’ve wasted way too many brain cells on this conundrum. 

[Xan]

5 minutes ago, postscript said:

Thank you, Gary, for posting semi-appetizing food. But how do you eat corn on the cob to get such a weird pattern. It’s not rows, it’s not circular, it’s oddly spaced to be a random bite. I’ve wasted way too many brain cells on this conundrum. 

Don't feel bad.  I sat and puzzled for quite a while over that piece of onion pushed to the side.  I need a better hobby.

[MayMay1123]

2 minutes ago, Xan said:

Don't feel bad.  I sat and puzzled for quite a while over that piece of onion pushed to the side.  I need a better hobby.

Was that the white thing that looks like an egg? And what's the red thing with a face on it? Just kidding, but it looks like a lil face! Is it watermelon? Seems like we both have the same hobby lol

[Ozlsn]

4 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

I see Becky has discovered filters, here's hoping she gets better at it. She's a pretty lady, she doesn't need them, imo

You know before JRod I doubt I would have looked at that photo of Becky and immediately gone "filter". So apparently those threads are educational about more things than I'd realised. Thanks Jill!

[Dana723]

6 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

Was that the white thing that looks like an egg? And what's the red thing with a face on it? Just kidding, but it looks like a lil face! Is it watermelon? Seems like we both have the same hobby lol

I thought it was a tomato, but when you asked, I went back, and now I don't know what the hell it is.

[Ozlsn]

4 hours ago, Dana723 said:

I thought it was a tomato, but when you asked, I went back, and now I don't know what the hell it is.

Pretty sure it's tomato with dressing on, and the white thing is onion. And now I desperately want a Greek salad with feta.

[AmazonGrace]

New rule: if you post photos of the food on your plate, snap them before you eat.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

On 7/25/2022 at 3:19 PM, thoughtful said:

The cars began to edge?

That is meaningless.

This one isn't even by Gary (or Becky, for that matter), and yet I am left wondering, yet again, what the original writer even meant. Did the cars hydroplane? Move over to the side of the road? Cut the grass near a walkway, fence or house (hey, that's what the verb "edge" calls to my mind)?

Was it a misheard speech-to-text? Did the cars begin to itch? To hedge their bets? To make a pledge? To dredge something up? To jump off a ledge? To drive a wedge?

Actually I was re-reading this and I looked up edge in the dictionary. 

Edge is both a noun and a verb. 

As a verb, it can mean 

Quote

2. to move or force gradually

Source: Merriam Webster (link).

[Ozlsn]

In that context though edge usually has a direction. The cars edged forward, or began to edge backwards, or were edging sideways. Saying the cars began to edge without a direction included sounds wrong to me.

Also seriously, pull over in a bad storm if you can do so safely ffs.  Being swept away in flash flooding because you couldn't see clearly that there was water over the road ahead or aquaplaning because the tyres aren't making contact with the road helps no one. Terrible metaphor for what they were trying to convey.

[AmazonGrace]

And it presupposes that the storm stays put or moves the other way that you're driving. But it's quite possible that your original spot sees sunshine earlier than  your destination.  

You could, of course, see the weather report and drive past the storm to wherever it's sunny but then you might find you have wasted gas to be miles out of your way   

[thoughtful]

When last I recapped a Gary message, it was back in Grace Baptist, in Ekron KY, on 7/17, and I stopped at the halfway point. To continue:

Psalms 103:12: As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Gary says "has" instead of "hath," but does OK otherwise.

Gary is free from sin - he does his usual bit about the outer man not getting saved, he still sins, but the inner man cannot sin because he's been "warshed inna blood." More standard Garyriffs follow.

He mentions a song, and, for reasons only Gary knows, puts his ssssss at the end of the title, so it comes out sounding like it's about gang fighting in LA:

Spoiler

"Ah mean listen ah cannot comprehend the part from th'north to th'west to th'east to th'south of how far mah sins're gohn!"

He talks a bit about dealing with those Catholics up north who need Jesus, and his encounter with the Mormons in Utah.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+5%3A14-15&version=KJV

Gary's free from darkness.

"Now, mah wahf, she likes t'sleep ah mean listen hey it cain't be too dark. Ah know ah know the bahble says over in John chapter three those that, uh y'know, hangin' aroun' the dark, an' lovin' th'dark, ah'm a little concerned about people lahk that amen! So we couldn't go t'Alaska in th'summertahm y'say 'Wha?' They don't know what dark is in there."

If you couldn't follow that, I think it was supposed to be a joke about Becky liking it really dark when she's trying to sleep, Gary being "worried" about her loving the dark so much, and how they can't go to Alaska during the "midnight sun" times of year.

He tries to be funny about the sun coming up at 4:30 when they were in Maine, saying he doesn't think even Jesus gets up that early.

He doesn't understand why people talk about the blue grass of Kentucky, when, "everywhere ah've ever been, it's been green."

Back to his serious point - there are people all over the world in darkness, because "the Christians ain't shinin' that laht. Our laht's been dimment."

A new Garyism? The captions are confused:

Spoiler

He does his bit about comparing Jesus being inside you to being pregnant, with his new side-comment about men thinking they can get pregnant.

"Mah son called me th'other day an' he works at the grave - at the graveyard. God, ah'm glad it's him - ah don't hang out aroun' dead people. But he said, y'know, he told him he goes t'church an' he's a preacher an' all these things, an' he went in the office th'other day an' - he does got a dead job, sometahms he just sets aroun' does nothin', ah mean, easy money. But he said some them started askin' questions. Ah said, y'know, 'That's good,' but ah said 'Y'know what? Sometahm y'can't answer th'questions, sometahm, y'gotta live th'answer."

Captions:

Spoiler

He tells them they should give out tracts, because they're right outside of Louisville, KY, where people need Jesus. "Is this, Akron? That raht? Must not be much to it, it ain't even ohn the map amen."

He goes back to needing to live like you're saved, then some other old saws of his - Hollywood trying to make Christian movies, then: "Ah'm free from darkness, ah don' wanna be around it. Ya say 'Wha?' That's where dead people are."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+14%3A16&version=KJV

"Ah'll tell ya what ah'm set free to - ah got a comforter."

After more standard stuff, he mentions the "pandemic, or ah call it a plandemic. Amen! They're plannin' another one in November. HALLELUJAH! Glory t'God, ah'm lookin' forward to it."

His usual "ah despahse what's gohin' ohn" but "Bahden's not our problem," the problem is the church, we're in the last seconds, stuff follows.

But Gary has a comforter. "Ah got a peace that passes."

Um, Gary, if you don't remember to end that quote with "all understanding," it pretty much reverses the meaning.

"Listen, bein' in the ministry is not hard - easy."

Too late, Gary - your slip is showing.

He says that preachers want to talk and talk to him, because preaching is lonely. "Ah was up in Illinoiss'n talkin' t'the preacher, ah', settin' up  - ah was tryin' t'set up a gospel tent mah wahf an' mah boy done most of it but they don' realahze what they done they left me alone an' ah had t'set it up bah mahself one tahm ah just gettin' payback on 'em amen! But th'preacher was wantin' needin' somebody t'listen to him. They get lonely."

His usual crap about modern preachers not being able to agree to disagree and still "fellowship," his not liking "cliques," and their needing to support their pastor, follows.

This is when he says "As long as we git th'doctrines, the main doctrines raht, amen, an we git it settled on the bahble, phooee on yer little horse - yer little pit pee, Haymuh! Git over yerself, y'ain't as good as you think y'are amen. Ah dunno wha ah said all that but it was worth it amen. Got a comforter go t'Romans chapter six if somebody would cut that clock off it would be great for me amen."

He meant "pet peeve" but the captions, as @Joyster said, represent exactly the sounds he made:

Spoiler

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

As usual, he leaves off the last five words - another Gary habit that makes no sense.

"Ah'll tellya another thing you kin be set free - punishment."

He does his bit about how foolish it would be to pay for a restaurant meal after someone already paid for it, as a metaphor for wanting to pay for your sins when Jesus already paid for them.

He tries to do a dramatic yell of the supposed last words of Jesus from John, but it comes out: "IT! IS! FINNISH!"

"Ah want t'celebrate the resurrection every Sundee ya say 'Wha?' 'Cause he erected."

While extolling the virtues of Jesus hanging on the tree and taking the cat-o-nine-tails for him, Gary revels in telling them that his momma came pretty close to beating him that much.

"Ah don't haveta be punished. Ya say 'Wha?' Ah'm covered in blood."

In his excitement to tell them about Nicodemus, he says "Dickademus."

Gary, stop giving us ideas for new nicknames for you.

He yells about how, being saved (on July 11, 1999), he doesn't have to pay the punishment. And "now that ah'm in the ministry, guess what? Ah don't have t'pay for anything, ya say 'Wha?' It all comes from the Lord. What little bitta money ah got in the bank comes from God. What little bitta money mah wahf takes from me it comes from God."

The "fahve dollars or somethin'" that he pays for diesel? "Ah don't put it in - God does."

He tells them about the time he complained about gas prices and God told him to shut up, then mocks people who complain about "Joe Bahden" on Facebook, instead of realizing that their lack of prayers is the problem. They made Donald Trump a god, instead of just voting for him and realizing that God allowed those "four good years."

This doesn't get quite as good a reception as he wants, it seems, since he returns to the pulpit mumbling "'Bout half of ya agree, the other half'll just git over it amen."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+2%3A1-2&version=KJV

"Ah'll tellya what happened t'me - ah was brought alahve. Ah'm not dead anymore."

His usual bits about godbothering everywhere he goes, and not liking people before he was saved follow. Now he loves everyone, even if he hates their religion (and can't pronounce it):

Spoiler

Gary gets "called with , uhhhh- what is it called, Becky? Lahf insurance," because "ah guess people are dahin' on the rampage pretty good."

He re-tells the story of Albert Adamkoski's drowning, in his usual messed-up storytelling way. He says "Now ah wanna say, he dahd a hero. But so is Jesus. That little girl's got life because daddy went in an' got her. We can have life because Jesus took the worst punishment that can be taken."

Man, I hate manipulative uses of real-life tragedy like this.

Gary announces "1 Corinthians 6, verses 17, real quick-lahk," and starts mumbling about how that's not what he wanted, etc. Eventually he realizes it's 2 Corinthians.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+6%3A17-18&version=KJV

"Ah'll tellya what happened t'me - ah got set free from all that filthiness."

"Ah wouldn't - mah great grandfather what he done before mah lahf got nothin' to do with me, but he was a bootlegger. An' the gentleman back there, ah hope ya don' mahnd me sayin' this, in North Carolahna had the best. PRAISE GOD! Amen. Now we'll move ohn t'spiritual things amen."

And he goes back to talking about how he no longer indulges in the filthiness of the world. But now we know his great grandfather was a bootlegger. Do we have a Horrible Stereotypes Gary Brings to Life Bingo Card?

"See here's the thing - whenever ah trah t'talk t'people about different things, they always wanna bring up 'Well, y'all Baptists don't never preach ohn - uh uh uh uh obese.' It's a sin if you do it, amen? Ah been guilty a few tahms. Thank God, God forgives me, amen. Ah almost obesed over some fish th'other day, ah'm tellin' ya raht now, you couldn't got - that was some good stuff. Ah didn't know Illinoiss could cook that good a fish - it prob'ly come from North Carolahna more'n lahkly amen! Shifted up there amen. Amen. Hey - ah don' wanna be in the filth."

I wonder if Becky explained later that "obese" is an adjective. But we have another Garyism.

"Y'know, during this - thing - we had Donald Trump in th'office an' he said he was gonna drain the swamp? We found out just how filthy and wickit politicians - politicians are. Now ah wanna say somethin' to ya. Ah'm not a Democrat. Ah couldn't be a Democarat if ah wanted to ya say 'Wha?' You can't be saved and be a Democrat. AMEN! If any Democrats in here, mah wahf will protect me amen! You know what? We found out how muddy it is. But ah'm gonna letchu know somethin'. We got just as many dirty filthy Republicans as we do Democrats."

And Gary goes on about the devil's filthy mud pile of gossip (not fun gossip, he says, but filthy gossip), and how he doesn't want to be caught up in it.

He winds down with some standard shit about getting saved and getting free, prays,  grabs his towel, bible and water bottle and runs like the devil is right behind him.

Edited July 31, 2022 by thoughtful
riffle

[Black Aliss]

On 7/29/2022 at 1:59 PM, Xan said:

Don't feel bad.  I sat and puzzled for quite a while over that piece of onion pushed to the side.  I need a better hobby.

Oh! That's an onion! I was wondering why there was a hard-boiled egg with the rest of that meal. 

[postscript]

I went back and enlarged the food photo. The cream-colored sluglike thing in the front appears to be an onion. I’ve stared at the white oval Behind the fork for a long time and can’t see anything but a hard-boiled egg. Why? An egg doesn’t go with the rest of the meal. Was this a pot luck and someone brought eggs? 

I’ve also spent a lot of time looking at the red thing on the left and can’t decide if it’s a tomato or a watermelon. This would all have been so much simpler if Gary had snapped the photo before he began eating. 

So much to unpack in his latest message. For claiming he loves everybody, he sure preaches a lot of hate (you can’t be saved and be a Democrat? Well, maybe not according to Gary’s narrow definitions, but still, WTF?). I’m also amused that Gary’s great-grandfather was a bootlegger. Curious if he means an actual distributor of illegal alcohol, or if he was really a moonshiner. Don’t throw that tidbit out there and not expand on it, Gary. 

[thoughtful]

Gary also preached the Sunday evening service at Grace Baptist in Ekron KY on 7/17. After some congregational singing, and solos from Becky (ending with Preach On), Gary comes up to preach.

He complains about "entertainment" in churches for a while, announces James chapter one, does his thank-yous while they turn pages, and tells them he'd like to set up his tent next time.

He stumbles through:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+1%3A22-30&version=KJV

The worst errors:

KJV:  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.
BGV:  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father of - is - is this, To the visit of the fatherless in th'widows, the afflicted, and to keep. (long silence) himself unspotted from the world.

"Tonaht, with the help of the Lord, ah wanna preach ohn - Whatchure Salvation - Doin'? What's Your Salvation Doin' ah wanna say this t'begin with; ah don' believe ya have ah don' believe ah don' believe in working - your way t'Heaven."

The church's Facebook page says the title of the message is What About Your Salvation.

After some of the usual  blather about how salvation can only come through belief (and some wandering to find the portable microphone, which doesn't seem to be amplifying him very well), Gary reminds them that something was said that morning "maybe it  was durin' Sunday school or maybe it was during some gossip tahm" about being "doers."

He's having a lot of trouble getting this message moving. I think he's distracted by his problems with the sound system. He fumbles through some "perlis tahms" crap, can't think of the word "dangerous," tells them to put on the whole armor of God, and blurts out lots of familiar fragments that don't have much to tie them together.

He announces that the next reading will be Psalm 51. "Everybody remembers the story of David, ah'm sure. Another man that made a lotta mistakes. Had too many women. Had a lot of porcupahns, amen!"

Spoiler

"An' it messed him up. An' here's what he said in Psalms chapter 51 an' verses 12; Restore unto me the joy of mah - thah salvation; and uphold me  - uphold. Me with thah - free spirit."

KJV: Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

You can't lose your salvation, but you can lose the joy of your salvation. The devil (via the media) is suckin' the joy out of people.

He picks up the pace a bit, yelling about how people are joyless and don't smile and don't even know what they're mad about.

"We set in there, we go t'bed, we lay there, we ponder, our mahnds go t'wonderin' listen ah'm gonna tellya somethin'. Ah'd be very careful lettin' mah mahnd do a whole lotta wonderin'  - that's when ya mess up!"

Now, there's a very Gary-esque philosophy.

He starts yelling about "yo-yos," and Steve Anderson, who started "a new IBF" and is going to burn in Hell. Yo-yos like Anderson are miserable - they have no joy.

And he screams on, sounding pretty angry about people who are angry, unlike joyful Gary. He doesn't know why people are angry, because "they still gettin' a check from Joe Bahden. Ah ain't got  one - ah ain't got no check from him. Ya say 'Wha?' Ah don't want guv'mint money, ah want God's money."

"Go t'Proverbs 18 - ah mean 29."

Where there is no vision, the people perish:

Gary talks about churches having vision, which seems to mean things that cost money that the congregation is expected to support. Oh, and they should go out godbothering, of course. And believe everything in the bible, even if, like Gary, they don't understand a lot of it.

While babbling on about places that need Jesus, Gary says he drove "all the way up to Oregon then down through Worshington an' down through Montana an' down into Iowa an' ah was near North Dakota."

Interesting route there, Gary. For those who are not familiar with US geography:

Spoiler

There isn't a good bible-believin' church in Ithaca New York, because "the witches closed it down."

Spoiler

He said "mah oldest boy" called a pastor they knew, asking if he could come preach at his church, and the pastor told him "they kicked me outta th'church. Ain't much of a vision f'r kickin' the pasture outta church."

"Am ah makin' senses tonaht? Go to Matthew chapter 11."

I'll see you there later.

[Xan]

I'm not sure which topic I'm more excited about, @thoughtful -- King David and the porcupines or the witches of New York.  Gary's a gold mine lately.

[thoughtful]

Continuing Gary's inspiring message from 7/17, evening service, Grace Baptist in Ekron (or Akron, as Gary has repeatedly pronounced it) KY.

"Matthew, chapter 11, verses 1."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+11%3A1-3&version=KJV

Some stumbling, and "art thout he" (Gary often imagines an extra "t" on the end of the word "thou") but not too bad otherwise.

"What about this - doubting God."

He blabs on about "good people, borned agin believers, saved, on their way to Heaven" doubting God.

He goes on to miracles. Moses and the Red Sea gets the Gary storytelling touch (nothing funny, just pathetic) and then on to Joseph (the coat of many colors one, not the fiancee impregnated by God one).

"What about Joseph? You remember Joseph? Ah mean listen hey, God put him out there in the part Joseph said, 'Hey, ah'm gonna rule mah whole family one day, ah'm  gonna be the rulers over 'em.' What did they do? They throwed him in the thing, they get his coat destroyed an' took back t'his father. He put in prison because some woman, Jezebel, amen, accused her of sleepin' with 'er. Now he's down in the dungeon. Where's God at? Hey, where's yer God at now? You know what the devil's sayin' raht now, t'people that are dependin' on what's goin' ohn? Where's yer God now, yer America's in its bad shape? And for people to be honest with themself, they look at the devil and say 'It's our fault.' Amen."

Gary admits that even he, "as a preacher," doubts God sometimes. Then he imitates, with his stupid-person voice, preachers who pretend they never doubt. For some reason, this involves raising his arms and rocking back and forth.

Spoiler

"Did you know life is not always fair? Amen! Ah don't lahk pullin' up at the pumps an' payin' that kinda gas or whatever but ah'm just tellin' ya hey! Ah know God cares. Y'say 'Wha?' 'Cause He allows it t'happen."

He goes on for a while with biblical examples of people who chose to listen to the devil.

"Go to Matthew chapter 14, look in verses 38. Wait a minute. Ah've done it again. No - Matthew chapter 26. Hold on, no, hold ohn - fourteen, verse 26. Ah'll git it raht after a wahl."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+14%3A26-30&version=KJV

KJV: And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit;
Bro Gary Version: And when the disciples saw him walkin' on the seas, they were troubled, saying, is it a spirit?

KJV:  Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
BGV: Peter ans - Peter answered him sayin', Lord, if thout be - if thout wilt, bid me come unto thee on the water.

KJV: When Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
BGV: When Peter came down. Out of the ship, he walked on the waters t'go t'Jesus. But when he saw the wind's borst'rous, he was afrightened; and begin to sink, an' he crahd Lord, save - sayin' Lord, save me.

"Here's another thing - what about yer salvation in the part when ya do haveta go through a storm?"

He does his usual bit about how Peter started sinking because he took his eyes off of Jesus. He relates going through life's storms to kids needing to take tests to advance to the next level in school, and we find out what Becky is using for Jacob's education (if you can call it that).

"We use Landmark down in Florida an' mah boy starts out on Mondee an' he's got a lesson on Mondee an' he goes through Thursdee with his lesson an' on Frahdee he has t'take a test. Ah want him t'pass that test."

No, they don't only use it when in Florida - Gary, in his Gary way, is including where the curriculum is published.

https://www.landmarklfbc.com/wp-content/themes/LBC/images/Website Scope and Sequence.pdf

The whole pdf is a "don't know whether to laugh or cry" read. Here are some lowlights:

Quote

Landmark’s Freedom Baptist Curriculum is the
most unique, Biblical, and educationally sound
curriculum available today. LFBC is the only
curriculum owned and operated as an integral
ministry of a local, fundamental Baptist
church; in fact, as far as we can tell, we are
the first full-line curriculum for Christian day
schools and homeschools to ever hold this
distinction.

 

Quote

Communication Skills
Christians must be able to communicate
effectively whether they are preachers,
lawyers, salesmen, writers, or clerks. They
must be able to tell the “old story” in a
convincing manner that will result in changed
lives since, Lord willing, many of them will
become Sunday school teachers, preachers,
bus workers, and personal witnesses. LFBC
places a heavy emphasis upon writing and
speaking with the emphasis becoming greater
in the upper grades.

 

Quote

Scripture used in Landmark’s Freedom Baptist
Curriculum is only from the Authorized King
James Bible (KJV), that God has preserved
for the English-speaking world. When a quote
is given from a corrupted version to expose its
error, it will always be properly identified as to
the text used.

Back to life's storms - according to Gary, the Lord wants you to pass the tests, because, if you don't, you have to repeat the test.

He does his bit about needing spiritual blinders, like horses wear, to keep our eyes on the straight path, then launches into babbling about people who worship their "pasture" rather than Jesus.

If people "get out of church," it's all downhill from there. He tells a story, as only Gary can: "There was a preacher in a church where we got in, and uh he - he got up there, an' his boy was doin' things he shouldn'ta been doin', an' they - even the - the - an' people even come to 'im, an' finally after a while, the Lord - he was supposedta been a missionary. What he was supposed t'done was surrender t'God. You better be keerful not surrenderin' t'God."

Dramatic silence, then: "His boy dahd. Ah don't know if it had anything t'do with him, but it wadn't very long just a few months of maybe even a couple years ah don't know it wouldn't - it wouldn't - it was less'n two years in the lengtha tahm, an' he dahd. An' you would hear his wahf, if you would talk t'his wahf an' say somethin' t'his wahf, she'd say 'Yep, ah'm lookin' back now, ah'm seein' what God's done, an' now here we go, he didn't surrender!'"

Another dramatic silence, with raised arms and pissy face:

Spoiler

"Ah'm just gonna let you know somethin' - God's gohn' git what He wants - one way or the other. Ah'd just rather let it do it - just say 'OK, God, whatever your will is ah'm ready. You say 'Wha?' It's a whole lot easier."

God as a mafia don - a lovely image, Gary.

"Luke chapter ten, look in verses 38."

I'll meet you, Gary, Martha, Mary and Jesus there in the next post.

Edited August 1, 2022 by thoughtful
riffle

[Alisamer]

20 hours ago, postscript said:

 Was this a pot luck and someone brought eggs? 

I've never been to a potluck that didn't have deviled eggs. 

Though I'm sure Gary has some cutesy word for them or something instead of "deviled". 

[Xan]

49 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

"Ah'm just gonna let you know somethin' - God's gohn' git what He wants - one way or the other. Ah'd just rather let it do it - just say 'OK, God, whatever your will is ah'm ready. You say 'Wha?' It's a whole lot easier."

God as a mafia don - a lovely image, Gary.

Good grief.  If you don't surrender to God, he kills you?  

And Jacob's school curriculum is just pathetic.  Of course, Gary would have to have something that was KJV only "that God has preserved for the English-speaking world".  That tells you way more about fundamentalists that they would have us know.  Their god favors countries where people speak English.  He isn't really a god for the whole planet much less the whole world.

[AmazonGrace]

Spoiler

He said "mah oldest boy" called a pastor they knew, asking if he could come preach at his church, and the pastor told him "they kicked me outta th'church. Ain't much of a vision f'r kickin' the pasture outta church."

Some people might have legitimate reasons for getting rid of a bad pastor but of course Gary can't think of any.