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Bro Gary Hawkins 20: Setting Up a Tent at the Train Depot


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This exchange took place under Gary's post about people not wanting to get up early for church:

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Gary is really outstanding in his total devotion to his preferred narrative, over human decency or empathy or sympathy or kindness.

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12 hours ago, Xan said:

I want to hear more about that nudisty center in NC...

I was curious too so I googled, because I'm from NC and had never heard of that. Apparently there are 3 nudist resorts in NC, but I'm betting the one he was on about was Whispering Pines as that one is at the beach just north of Myrtle Beach SC, in Ocean Isle. There's no nudity on the front page of their website, but you may well wonder if you fell into a time warp - I haven't seen a website quite like that since the mid-late-90's! It is definitely a site to be seen.

Edited by Alisamer
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3 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I was curious too so I googled, because I'm from NC and had never heard of that. Apparently there are 3 nudist resorts in NC, but I'm betting the one he was on about was Whispering Pines as that one is at the beach just north of Myrtle Beach SC, in Ocean Isle. There's no nudity on the front page of their website, but you may well wonder if you fell into a time warp - I haven't seen a website quite like that since the mid-late-90's! It is definitely a site to be seen.

That website is . . .something. The resort itself sounds a lot like the place where the Rodrigues family just stayed, minus Amish neighbors and plus nudity. Many of the same activities and amenities. Can’t help wondering how Gary knows about the place. 

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4 hours ago, postscript said:

 Can’t help wondering how Gary knows about the place. 

He has told a story about how (pre-salvation, I think), he almost had to go do some work at a nudist camp. It's unclear what he was doing for a living at that point - construction, maybe? I think he wasn't feeling well, and skipped work that day. Jesus saved him from going to the nekkid place with a miraculous germ, I guess.

It could have been that one. But I wouldn't be surprised if Gary knows about the nudist camps just because his fellow self-righteous locals gossip and tsk-tsk about it.

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What are the odds that he faked being sick to avoid going? 

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33 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

What are the odds that he faked being sick to avoid going? 

I may be remembering this wrong (it's  been a long time since he's told the story), and I'm not sure how much of this was Gary implying it in his babbled telling of the story and my inferring it. But IIRC,  he called in sick not knowing where the crew was going to be sent that day, and found out afterward that they'd been sent to a nudist camp.

Which doesn't mean he didn't fake being sick, because . . . Gary. But I don't think he faked sick to get out of going to a nudist camp.

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Ok folks -- if you don't go to church today, you are tell Gary he not all that important.

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45 minutes ago, Xan said:

Ok folks -- if you don't go to church today, you are tell Gary he not all that important.

Good to know - my actions are clearly reflecting my feelings, then.

Also this - I figure Stirewalt's all-caps rant is his version of Gary's "stupid people" voice, and he is imagining an answer from a backslider, since he is usually in agreement with Gary.

ETA - Gary seems to see it that way - he gave it a thumbs up.

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On July 20 Gary was at Berean Baptist Church in  Greenwood Indiana. @Joyster covered the first five minutes here:

After the upholstery upholding, the captions have some trouble with "Berean Baptist Church:"

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Here's what he says about the shooting: "Ah don' know when the funeral happens or whatever possibly y'show up fer th'funeral'n sorta at least just uh uh let th'people know yer prayin' for 'em, amen."

The captions know Gary's heart:

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"And uh for a man that ah don' know like th'preacher said you know ah don't know whether th'gah is saved or not but you know what? Ah'd hate for a gah t'dah an' go to Hell to trah t'save Gringle. Amen?"

I assume that "gringle" is whatever is floating around in Gary's head for "Greenwood." Captions:

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"An' he was talkin' abut shh - that many shots that hit th'person, ah'll tellya what, an' ah'm gonna read about David here, just in a second, bu bah what he's sayin', you know what he' sayin' - lost - God sometahms uses lost people ah know some preachers don't believe that, that's OK they have th'raht t'be wrong amen. But God prob'ly put that - put his - steadied his hand, because God loves America AMEN! An' he loves people, because wha? He sent his son t'dah ohn th'cross. An' ah could believe that could would've been raht in th'middle of it. But listen t'that raht there, everybody listen, ah'm not, listen, give that man, you see, you see that man on - go take him out to dinner. Amen? Verses twunny nahn, first Samuel chapter 17, verses twunny-nahn ah'll give y'all tahm t'git there, th' gah back there gimme two bottlesa water." He drinks. "Brother Tony Hudson would say y'want me t'preach a whahl, amen."

In case the beginning of that was unclear, Gary thinks God was right there, steadying the hand of the person who shot the shooter.

Finally, he reads from the Bible, and immediately launches into a weird riff about whether the pastor will like him or not, and, I think, whether he's still getting a free meal.

"And David said, What have I now done? Is there not a cause? Is there not a cause now ah dunno how long the brother ah don't know a whole lot about him he'll figure out real quick-lahk you know ah ah ah'll know whether he says 'It was nice knowin' you' or whether he says 'let's go out - let's go do this' or whatever he said he was gonna do t'start with amen?"

Captions:

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He rocks back, raises his arms, and uses his deep, stupid/hifalutin'-person voice to say "Preachers don't lie," then laughs.

He finally gets to his point, that their pastor wouldn't be doing all the good things he does if there wasn't a cause, then he rhapsodizes about his friend Mike Stout for a while.

"Ever since ah've know him he's been in a wheelchair. He's halfway completely halfway paralahzed. An' he's been at that church for 20 years - Becky - 27 years ah don't know fer sure. An' he's stuck it out. But the last six month has been rough."

He warns them against bad-mouthing someone else (I don't know why), then rattles on about how Mike was supposed to go home yesterday (from a hospital, I assume), "An' then all of a sudden - they hadn't even been doin' therapy with him, he wadn't even able t'set up bah hisself and Miss Jeannie couldn't even help him set up."

He does his usual bit about how, if he complained on Facebook, Mike would post "at least you can get up and walk." Gary claims his solution was to complain, but not on Facebook, because he didn't want Mike to see it.

"Ah don't wanna be in brother Mike's shoes, amen?  Ah don't wanna be in y'know ah mean ah'm just sayin' th'part listen hey but is there not a cause? Y'think about America listen ah wanna say somethin' t'ya ah'm not preachin' just politics or whatever an' everything but ah'm gonna tellya something we better get back t'realahzin' there is a cause. America was founded on not Christianity, America was founded on uh the rights of havin' the right speech, amen? America was founded on the King James bahble it's a sad day that we're livin' in that some Baptist preachers today they carry it but they don't believe it."

Oh, Gary - you get my hopes up by saying the US was founded on "not Chrisianity," and then dash them.

I'm kidding, of course - Gary never gets my hopes up.

He jokes about how long he's going to preach, the clock not agreeing with his watch, them wanting to get rid of him, then "What was ah sayin' Becky."

They seem to think he's hilarious.

He launches into the "our country's in a mess" bit, blaming people of God who don't pray, as usual. And he actually criticizes Trump, but for a very Gary-esque reason.

"Now whether you lahk Donald Trump or not that's yer bidness, an' ah will say somethin' to you listen hey ah'm a little bit concerned about him gittin' back in office because ah'm gonna tellya raht now if you don't remember, raht before we had this pandemic or plandemic or whateverya wanna call it, amen, he give away part of Isril's land."

Captions:

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"Y'don't remember that? He give away part of Isril's land. An' seven days later here we got a pandemic. See you go t'messin' with God's people - better be keerful. Y'know, if you and if you don't think ah know what ah'm talkin' about go home everybody's got google look it up on the Internet, find out what he really done."

So, it seems that someone gave Gary a whole new theory about Covid, after all this time. 

He does say he will probably still vote for Trump. And he's off on his Steve Anderson tangent for a while, then he whines about people who have fallen off coming to church.

Gary's not going to quit, because Jesus never quit on him. The captions have some problems with his routine about how he's never been beaten with a cat-o-nine-tails, but he's been "cussed" at. So does Gary, drifting off to . . . well, see for yourself:

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And he's off onto "the Fox's booka martyrs."

I usually divide these up, if I can, by Gary's bible readings, but he shows no signs of reading anything new, and this has gotten very long. More about the fox and his book later.
 

 

 

 

Edited by thoughtful
riffles. spoiler problems
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4 hours ago, Xan said:

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Ok folks -- if you don't go to church today, you are tell Gary he not all that important.

JESUS, neither YOU nor Gary is all that important.

Next?

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2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Now whether you lahk Donald Trump or not that's yer bidness, an' ah will say somethin' to you listen hey ah'm a little bit concerned about him gittin' back in office because ah'm gonna tellya raht now if you don't remember, raht before we had this pandemic or plandemic or whateverya wanna call it, amen, he give away part of Isril's land."

This was odd.  All I can find is the peace plan drawn up by Kushner basically allowing Israel to annex more property but with certain concessions.  The UN ambassador from Israel then said that Trump had okayed immediate annexation which pissed Trump off and Trump said no and explained that "I got angry and I stopped it because that was really going too far".  I guess Gary thinks that was Trump giving away land but it's a stretch.

That "plandemic" bit is getting really old.

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He's halfway completely halfway paralahzed.

This is such a perfect Garyism.

Edited by Xan
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1 hour ago, Xan said:

That "plandemic" bit is getting really old.

Not to mention that he's too befuddled to realize (or care) that his various theories contradict one another. If it was a "plandemic" and the libs are ready to make up another one soon, it wasn't caused by God to punish people who don't pray, or take land away from Israel, or whatever.

Of course, the whole idealization/condemnation of Israel and Jews is already so contradictory  - the right-wing evangelical "support" is all about the end times, and all Jews (believing, atheist, Israeli or not) are going to convert or die horribly and burn.

This just adds one more layer of contradiction to the maze that is the belief system of people like Gary. Logic is not their strong suit.

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Gary, you were in Chicago on July 4th. You were not in Highland Park on July 4th. They are not the same place. You were at least 20 miles away from the shooting and in no danger of being hit by any stray bullets. I grew up in a nearby suburb and know people who were present. For me, this was an attack on home. Please stop appropriating our pain. 

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Continuing Gary's rant in Greenwood (I used to go past a street by that name, years ago, and could never think the name without mentally hearing Wendy Hiller in Murder on the Orient Express), he goes on about Foxe's Book of Martyrs:

"Ah was talkin' to a Baptist preacher th'other day, an' ah mentioned that t'him an' he says 'Ah never heard of that.' Ah cannot believe - ah mean, this gah was in Texas, a conservative state!"

His voice shrieks up to high soprano range at the end.

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He rambles about educating the young, then says the problem is not the people of God, it's the preachers.

Make up your mind, Gary.

He says he's been listening to a gospel convention being held by Sword of the Lord, and a couple of preachers he listened to "was raht down the lahn."

I think that mean he thinks they were OK.

"We need not forsake the bahble, this is a sad day that people forsake the bahble."

The captions are naughty:

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He tells them God sent the "vahris" to "see what his people was gonna do," and does his old bit about people not going church but rushing to "Walmarts," and how it's OK to follow the speed limit (except he admits he went a bit over because he saw "a cop doin' it"), but not to stay home from church. Church people should "take yer hah-dollar educations" and get into government. "You say 'Wha?' Well, we need some conservative people."

After more crap about needing Jesus in government, he says, "An' ah'm gon' say this, if - that happened in Texas, what's that been, Becky, 3 or 4 months ago, whatever it's been - that wouldn'ta happened if they had guns there. Ah cain't believe that Abbott ain't doin' it - ah just don't unnerstand."

I assume he's talking about Uvalde.

He babbles on: "But ah guess a gov'mint can only do one - so much stuff, because then y'got all these other offilsh - officials what thank God for some people that stood up an' said 'We don't care what you say we're just gon' do it God's way.' HAYMEH!! Ah lahk people lahk 'at, amen? We needa stand up. We did stand up uh uh our forefathers makes uh th'right of speech an' that's speakin' about Jesus Christ amen? Here's what ah'm aginst when it comes t'sodomites an' transginders ah'm aginst that sin not aginst that sinner."

Besides being an utterly vile pit, Gary's brain has more of a problem with "thread drift" than any online forum with thousands of members.

While telling them that, unlike Steve Anderson, he believes that those people can be saved, and then they will "come out their sin," he gets stuck: "Second Corinthians fahve 17 - there - there's a change.  Come out from them - now, that's verses . . ." He sighs loudly, and poses like he's trying to picture the verse in the air (written in fire, no doubt):

Spoiler

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"Fahve 17. What is it Becky, read it to me somebody." We hear pages turning. "He makes a change. Amen?"
Jacob: "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

Gary joins him on "he's a new creature," without looking at him, or, of course, thanking him. As he rambles on, he mentions another bible verse, and we can hear Jacob or Becky hurriedly turning pages - in case Gary needs help again, I guess. :sad: But Gary quotes that one by memory.

Lots of familiar stuff follows, and Gary tells them that, on Judgment Day, he hopes God will let him kick the devil into Hell. "You say 'Wha?' Ah see what he's doin'. Y'see, these shootin's an' things like 'at ain't got nothin' t'do with guns if it was the gun's fault then ah'm gonna tellya wha ah'm fat mah wahf gave me a fork this mornin.'"

And he goes right back to David and the "cause," and David's killing a lion, a bear and Goliath, who God made fall forward instead of backward.  Then he jumps to Shadrack et al, says  "Belshazzar built this  - Nebuchadnezzar built this big ol - uh uh uh uh - god."

Facebook is not church - some meaningless babble about Shelton Smith follows, then his routine about staying home if you're sick, and: "Brother back there sneezed whenever we walked in, said 'Covit's in the house! Covit's in the house!' amen!"

And he returns to Shadrack and his buddies, then on to Daniel, and mocking people who tell him he shouldn't talk about government in church, because it's a sin.

No, Gary - you shouldn't do it because it's against the law of the US, you shit-for-brains.

Gary says the bible says you should "preach the whole council of God, amen" but he is babbling so fast that the captions say this:

Spoiler

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After a bit more about Daniel, he's back to people who don't do Christianity the way Gary thinks they should, then on to how God owns and pays for everything - you've heard it all before.

On to Jeremiah in prison - Gary's never been to prison or jail, except to preach. Jeremiah despaired, thinking God had gone away from him, until "all of a sudden that man Jesus was on the insahd, an' he got the burden."

I don't think Jesus is part of the story of Jeremiah, Gary.

He zooms through some blab about people he knows that are missionaries in Africa, and how he couldn't have preached like Paul and Jesus did, in hot weather and riding a donkey wherever he went.

"Ah'm gonna say this an' ah'm done. Apostle Paul thought it was a cause. See he didn't go in doin' revavahls an' doin' meetin's, to go the Days Inn, he went in - goin' to jail.

Captions:

Spoiler

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"Ah don't know what's gonna happen in America. Ah know what we better do - get in touch with God. The recipe's in secon' Chronicles an' other chaptersa th'bahble an' it's a recipe in the part if we willlll - he will."

So much for being done - he goes on for another few minutes, with his usual winding-down bits and pieces. This was an especially distasteful Gary rant.

Edited by thoughtful
riffles
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Gary actually showed some kindness, believe it or not - that upvote on David's comment is from him. I would have guessed he'd have chewed out the guy because his wife didn't have anything contagious, which seems to be the only excuse for staying home, in Gary's book.

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38 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

We did stand up uh uh our forefathers makes uh th'right of speech an' that's speakin' about Jesus Christ amen? Here's what ah'm aginst when it comes t'sodomites an' transginders ah'm aginst that sin not aginst that sinner."

Sometimes just reading what Gary said makes me want to go take a shower.  If you ever want to throw something through your computer screen, @thoughtful, I'll start a GoFundMe to buy you a new one.  Gary really is a sorry little shit.

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Gary sure references Foxe’s Book of Martyrs a lot, but I can’t help wondering if he’s ever read it. I had a copy when I was a kid, and my recollection is that it’s rather gory, which Gary would enjoy, but the language is above his reading level. It’s also pretty long, and I can’t see him perusing anything of that length.

If I remember correctly (i have no desire to read it again), it also primarily deals with the English Reformation. These were not Baptist martyrs, Gary. Their theology would have been totally foreign to you. 

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On 8/5/2022 at 8:26 AM, Alisamer said:

I was curious too so I googled, because I'm from NC and had never heard of that. Apparently there are 3 nudist resorts in NC, but I'm betting the one he was on about was Whispering Pines as that one is at the beach just north of Myrtle Beach SC, in Ocean Isle. There's no nudity on the front page of their website, but you may well wonder if you fell into a time warp - I haven't seen a website quite like that since the mid-late-90's! It is definitely a site to be seen.

Geocities called. They want their templates back! Also, can someone from that neck (not nekkid) of the woods tell me what pig pickings are?

Quote

Family activities include pig pickings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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56 minutes ago, griffin said:

Maybe barbecue (??)

Basically, from what I could find (it's not a term I'd heard before). Traditions vary, of course, because of the usual elements - people, cooking, the Carolinas and their battle of the sauces - but it seems to generally involve cooking all or part of a pig.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pig_pickin'

https://whatscookingamerica.net/pork/pigpickin.htm

Edited by thoughtful
clarity
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On 8/8/2022 at 12:48 PM, postscript said:

Gary sure references Foxe’s Book of Martyrs a lot, but I can’t help wondering if he’s ever read it. I had a copy when I was a kid, and my recollection is that it’s rather gory, which Gary would enjoy, but the language is above his reading level. It’s also pretty long, and I can’t see him perusing anything of that length.

If I remember correctly (i have no desire to read it again), it also primarily deals with the English Reformation. These were not Baptist martyrs, Gary. Their theology would have been totally foreign to you. 

Pretty sure Gary had Foxe's Picture Book of Martyrs.

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I actually agree with Gary, BUT I don’t think people who express concern with gun violence In cartoons are playing those types of video games. Trigger warning: Gary’s post in the spoiler has a violent scene  with lots of blood and an automatic gun.
 

 It is upsetting to me that people like Gary can’t get the picture that when I want guns limited, I don’t mean Elmer Fudd’s hunting rifle.

Spoiler

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Hey, there's actually something educational in the comments (this is true, BTW - completely beside the point, but true!).

Spoiler

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I only know the biblical origin of Nimrod because my college conducting class used a piece with a reference to "Nimrod, the mighty hunter," the second movement of Benjamin Britten's Rejoice in the Lamb, as the assignment for conducting a choral piece in 7/8 time.

 

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17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Basically, from what I could find (it's not a term I'd heard before). Traditions vary, of course, because of the usual elements - people, cooking, the Carolinas and their battle of the sauces - but it seems to generally involve cooking all or part of a pig.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pig_pickin'

https://whatscookingamerica.net/pork/pigpickin.htm

Yep, essentially barbecue more or less. 

I don't like barbecue. With either kind of sauce. Which is essentially sacrilege around here!

Lucky for me most barbecue places make decent hamburgers as well. Carolina style - a hamburger with mustard, onions, chili and slaw. The messier the better. If you're ever going through North Carolina (maybe SC too) stop at a Wendy's and order a Carolina Classic. They do a very good Carolina style burger. Otherwise the more mom 'n pop a place is the better it's likely to be. I'm surprised we haven't seen Gary eating one of those, TBH. They are, like biscuits and gravy, one of those foods that taste much better than they look. 

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3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Hey, there's actually something educational in the comments (this is true, BTW - completely beside the point, but true!).

  Hide contents

image.png.2c6e4cd921d15eb0a8b94ad3816644e3.png

I only know the biblical origin of Nimrod because my college conducting class used a piece with a reference to "Nimrod, the mighty hunter," the second movement of Benjamin Britten's Rejoice in the Lamb, as the assignment for conducting a choral piece in 7/8 time.

 

I love that the commenter says "this is statire (sarcasm)" and then carefully explains why - presumably after realising whose post this comment was on.

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      i was given a vintage, 70 year old mink coat. It fits like it was made for me. Somehow my cousin, who is 8 years older than me came into 3 gorgeous fur coats from a granddaughter of a woman her mother knew. We’re talking women who died in the mid 60’s.  None of them would fit her or any other of the women in my family. Yay for essentially being a ball. Everyone else is about 5’7 or more and all outweigh me by 50+. 
       
      it is just gorgeous. What women in Skokie and Highland Park many years ago, when I still lived there would call a “serviceable” fur. It was the fur they’d wear to a good restaurant, but not the opera or symphony.
      do I wear it? I’d love to, and I live in hunting country so fur isn’t looked down on. But is it wrong?  Arrrgh god its pretty.
      · 5 replies
    • JoyfulSel

      JoyfulSel

      A modern day love story: Guy reaches out to you, you think he's cute so you start talking to him, give him your number. Guy then messages if you're free, you reply yes, guy never responds again. Love that. 👌
      · 1 reply
    • Maggie Mae

      Maggie Mae

      Ugh people who comment on height are the worst. 
      · 1 reply
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