Bontragers/Bowers/Helferich 9: Oh Nos! Chelsey Married a Maxwell!

[JermajestyDuggar]

I can’t imagine giving birth less than 10 months after first having sex. It all just seems so fast. How do you wrap your head around all that change? 

[fundiefan]

29 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I don't understand Allison. Today in her stories she posted an advertisement of a beauty product and hours later she posted about the baby who was born 10 days ago. Like if she had somehow forgotten to post about that event??!!! It looks weird in the stories: first an ad, then a baby.

And the post. A short sentence. A dark picture. Ten days after the birth. It has been all very cold since the beginning of the pregnancy. 

Well, some Bates co-sleep while others sleeptrain, so I suppose not all fundies raise babies the same way. I doubt all fundies follow the Pearls . But I'm afraid Allison will be like her mom and sister.

I'd actually say it's all been very cold since the wedding.

The only thing since the wedding itself that she posted about with more than a few random sentences and you could tell she was excited about was the ladies retreat she handed down to one of her sisters-in-law now that she's a married woman & no longer in charge of ministering to all the single ladies. 

I've never seen a fundie bride so uninterested in waxing poetic on being a newlywed and having a baby 10 months after the wedding.  

Edited June 14, 2021 by fundiefan

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I agree with everyone else. It's odd to me that Allison didn't post sooner to the birth. I certainly understand that right after labor a new mom needs her rest, but most people want to share the news sooner than later both out of excited joy for the new baby and to reassure everyone that the birth went well and Mom and Baby are healthy. 

Welcome to the world, Malachi and sorry about the cult. 

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I can’t imagine giving birth less than 10 months after first having sex. It all just seems so fast. How do you wrap your head around all that change? 

Or the no touch or frontal hug or private conversations to having sex all within hours of the “I do.” No privacy, to all sex, all of the time has to be mind and body numbing. Holy cystitis.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I wonder if it will depress Allison that her family won’t see the new baby until august at the earliest. Chelsy is so far away that I can’t imagine her driving all the way to Allison’s to see the new baby. Especially when she’s pregnant and has 2 toddlers. 

[FundeyMonkey]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

I don't understand Allison. Today in her stories she posted an advertisement of a beauty product and hours later she posted about the baby who was born 10 days ago. Like if she had somehow forgotten to post about that event??!!! It looks weird in the stories: first an ad, then a baby.

And the post. A short sentence. A dark picture. Ten days after the birth. It has been all very cold since the beginning of the pregnancy. 

Yeah, where are the happy family pics? It’s just one black and white photo with a couple of sentences. You can’t see too much of Malachi’s face either.

Even the comments are rather stock standard- “Congratulations”. That’s all. One commenter asked if they could send a present, but that was it really.

It’s all rather weird. To me, it’s obvious that she is not happy.

[SPHASH]

Wow Allison had the baby who is now going on two weeks old and not a peep on the Bontrager insta or the blog?  Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Wow Allison had the baby who is now going on two weeks old and not a peep on the Bontrager insta or the blog?  Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

The Bontragers don’t announce births until the parents announce. I bet they will announce soon. The Bontragers aren’t the ones being weird. It’s Allison being weird by not announcing for 10 days. Chelsy didn’t wait that long. 

[Caroline]

I agree that something is not right with Allison.  I'm not ordinarily effusive and my baby was born before SM was what it is today, but even I  was over the moon to have a healthy baby and I couldn't wait to introduce her to everyone.

I was super tired for the two weeks that followed her birth, but even still I was willing to talk to any and all about what I considered the most special baby in the world.  I thought that's how most new moms felt, especially the Fundie variety.

I hope nothing is seriously wrong like ppd or a sick baby. That would be horrible.

Edited June 15, 2021 by Caroline

[Lgirlrocks]

2 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The Bontragers don’t announce births until the parents announce. I bet they will announce soon. The Bontragers aren’t the ones being weird. It’s Allison being weird by not announcing for 10 days. Chelsy didn’t wait that long. 

I hope she doesn’t have postpartum depression. It must suck to not have your family there for such a huge moment in her life.

[JermajestyDuggar]

14 minutes ago, Lgirlrocks said:

I hope she doesn’t have postpartum depression. It must suck to not have your family there for such a huge moment in her life.

I bet that’s part of it. Fundies push so hard for their children to be best friends with each other and so close to their parents. But then when the daughter is supposed to leave and cleave, she could be devastated. She’s away from her friends and family with a new baby. It’s good that Jeremiah’s family is around but not even Praise is there anymore. She’s in Iowa with Allison’s family! Well I should say, she’s on the road with Allison’s family. 

Edited June 15, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[Angelface]

That is rather a large baby for a first baby. It really does seem strange that she has only just posted that he has arrived. Maybe she was concentrating on letting family and friends know? 

[ElizaB]

Totally out there theory- but I wonder if Allison is currently having less "connectivity" now that she is married. Smart phones are expensive so that could be something that her headship has chosen for them not to have. They also might not have wifi at their house so she possibly can't post things whenever she wants to. 
 

[browngrl]

I follow a number of cat and dog rescues and the way the report the demise of one of their rescues is by showing a black and white picture, so Alison's post about her new baby made me do a double take. The announcement feels  pretty frosty to me. There is a reasonable chance I'm reading too much into it but I don't know... Alison and the Bonts have felt "off" for a while. Could they be like other Qanon folk who are all worked up that Trump has not sailed triumphantly back into office?

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I would say it could be PPD or maybe she had a C-section, but she has been acting like this the whole time. She announced the pregnancy late. She hasn't seemed as excited most of the pregnancy as most first time moms I've known. She's married and was probably hoping to have a baby relatively soon. I hope everything is all right.

[FundeyMonkey]

Maybe she doesn’t get along well with the Helferichs ?

She also doesn’t have her friends around her and just isn’t happy in Minnesota?

One thing she loved doing in Iowa was having coffee dates- even if they were mainly with her brothers. Maybe it’s not a thing in her locality now.

I don’t live in the USA and I have not been to that part of the country so I am not aware of what is in her area.

Like I live in a city where cafés are a big thing but I know that’s not the case in other parts of my country.

[eljayem]

2 hours ago, ElizaB said:

Totally out there theory- but I wonder if Allison is currently having less "connectivity" now that she is married. Smart phones are expensive so that could be something that her headship has chosen for them not to have. They also might not have wifi at their house so she possibly can't post things whenever she wants to. 
 

That is a good theory. I was expecting the media silence between courting-engagement-marriage because they tend to only last around 6 months and they become a professional full-time 24/7 girlfriend, then when engaged they have to pull together a large wedding in 3 months or less so they really don't have time for social media. But usually after the honeymoon it picks up again and with Alison it really didn't.

One of my theories was that she has split her social media - she has other accounts or apps that are private where she posts all the personal stuff to a trusted circle of friends and family and the blog/IG is going to be for "business" stuff - which is on ice because of wedding/pregnancy.

But then I went back and read a blog post from when she and Jeremiah were "dating without knowing it" and she was self flagellating herself for being too money driven and time poor so I doubt that theory now.

[theologygeek]

5 hours ago, Caroline said:

I agree that something is not right with Allison.  I'm not ordinarily effusive and my baby was born before SM was what it is today, but even I  was over the moon to have a healthy baby and I couldn't wait to introduce her to everyone.

I was super tired for the two weeks that followed her birth, but even still I was willing to talk to any and all about what I considered the most special baby in the world.  I thought that's how most new moms felt, especially the Fundie variety.

I hope nothing is seriously wrong like ppd or a sick baby. That would be horrible.

Glad I'm not the only one who thought that something was off since the wedding.  I don't think Allison is as happy as she says she is.  

[Melissa1977]

5 hours ago, ElizaB said:

Totally out there theory- but I wonder if Allison is currently having less "connectivity" now that she is married. Smart phones are expensive so that could be something that her headship has chosen for them not to have. They also might not have wifi at their house so she possibly can't post things whenever she wants to. 
 

I doubt it. Fundies worship smartphones (as everybody else) and need internet to be connected between them.

But even if it was true, it would explain the few posts, but not the coldness of the messages. Loooong posts about the theory of marriage, short and neutral when posting about motherhood. 

SPECULATION. I have 2 theories. One is that Allison is not attracted to motherhood at all, which is terrible because she's going to have many of them and cannot choose another way. The other theory is that she is so obsessed with marriage that puts intentionally children in a secondary place, to make clear they are less important than the mom+dad relationship. Erika Shupe used to post about that and other fundies are in the same boat. While working in the relationship and having private time is good, always forcing the kids to the "low" position can be very damaging for them.

[SassyPants]

7 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I doubt it. Fundies worship smartphones (as everybody else) and need internet to be connected between them.

But even if it was true, it would explain the few posts, but not the coldness of the messages. Loooong posts about the theory of marriage, short and neutral when posting about motherhood. 

SPECULATION. I have 2 theories. One is that Allison is not attracted to motherhood at all, which is terrible because she's going to have many of them and cannot choose another way. The other theory is that she is so obsessed with marriage that puts intentionally children in a secondary place, to make clear they are less important than the mom+dad relationship. Erika Shupe used to post about that and other fundies are in the same boat. While working in the relationship and having private time is good, always forcing the kids to the "low" position can be very damaging for them.

Putting children second is a nice, fluffy idea, but these folks have a still wet behind the ears, newborn. Unless you have a FT staff to feed, nurture and care for said being, or absent neglect, THEY WILL come first. 

[Foudeb]

I'm glad it's a boy. The Bontragers just don't value their girls. 

Something really does feel off. Either Alison is unhappy or fundies have so many children they don't appreciate any individual child any more. 

Probably both. 

[LurkerOverThePond]

I'm thinking more and more that the Helferiches are way more rigid and controlling of social media than the Bonts. Maybe Jeremiah (or his lovely father) has told Allison not to post anything too elaborate or personal, which I kind of understand, but it totally goes against her personality before marriage. She was such a bubbly and outgoing woman and seems to have made a 180 degree turn after moving to MN. We also never saw her wearing skirt extenders before marriage. I think it's a combination of control issues and two not so compatible spouses living under in-laws' roof.

[ElizaB]

42 minutes ago, LurkerOverThePond said:

I'm thinking more and more that the Helferiches are way more rigid and controlling of social media than the Bonts. Maybe Jeremiah (or his lovely father) has told Allison not to post anything too elaborate or personal, which I kind of understand, but it totally goes against her personality before marriage. She was such a bubbly and outgoing woman and seems to have made a 180 degree turn after moving to MN. We also never saw her wearing skirt extenders before marriage. I think it's a combination of control issues and two not so compatible spouses living under in-laws' roof.

From what we saw at the wedding Jeremiah also seemed fairly shy. Maybe he doesn't want his life to be blasted on the internet (and then snarked on by the likes of us! ?  ) I get this and this is a choice a lot of people (even non-fundy ones make) in regards to choosing not to post too much online. Perhaps this is why all of her posts are just glowing advertisements of her hubby- she is trying to show that posting is a good thing and trying to get him to change his mind. I imagine it would kill her that she finally has "it all" and can't even gloat about it on the internet. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

9 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Erika Shupe used to post about that and other fundies are in the same boat. While working in the relationship and having private time is good, always forcing the kids to the "low" position can be very damaging for them.

Fundy-lites I know irl have said the same thing and it has never made sense to me.

Is a good marriage good for the children involved?  Of course!  But that's very different from your spouse taking precedence over the kids.  

Unconditional love in my world is reserved for children.  I think it's great when spouses have a deep abiding love for each other, but should one spouse turn out to be a monster in healthy people that love will die.  Kids didn't ask to be here, have no escape, no agency, and depend on their parents for their literal lives....no one should ever come before them.

[freethemall]

I wouldn't necessarily overanalyze the 10 day announcement thing - it's a trend with a lot of instagram influencers to delay announcing. Bethany Baird of Girl Defined did it, and I think some others. Some also do an obnoxious thing of announcing the baby birth and name separately to increase engagement. That, and also just those first days are busy so posting is not always a priority.