Bontragers/Bowers/Helferich 9: Oh Nos! Chelsey Married a Maxwell!

[Lgirlrocks]

I think it’s kind of creepy he was praying about her before he met her. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

11 hours ago, fundiewatch said:

The Maxwells/Steve said they were already looking to move to a regular church, so they can invite people to come and newcomers would feel welcome, but they didn’t really see an option to stop with their ministry until COVID hit. They’re not always transparent of course. 

The reason the nursing home worked for them is because Steve was able to run it and serve as a pastor. For some time, the only "church" the Maxwell's attended was the one they started back in 2002 inside said nursing home. I'm not sure if Steve is a pastor in the eyes of Christian Fundamentalists. On the Maxwell's website it says that he is the pastor for Amazing Grace Baptist Church. However, if he is not, then, technically, the nursing home church would be viewed as a ministry outreach to most fundies. Also, if Steve is not a trained pastor, then he could have trouble finding a church that will hire him to be one. The Maxwells finding a church, to me, is only a temporary thing as Steve wants to continue leading his own church. 

[eljayem]

2 hours ago, MomJeans said:

Wow.  That timeline.  Riveting stuff. 

I know what a weird blog post. I note that she didn't say when she started praying about him. And for all "reminiscing and memories" there were no memories lol  unless you count the young women's retreat and his sisters. She didn't elaborate at all on what HE was like, what they did together. No talk about what he does, where he lives, where THEY will live, their future plans and dreams. Maybe she really likes his family in particular his sisters and that was the draw card actually lol

[Dominionatrix]

So they briefly met twice in group settings after his sisters had primed him to be interested, he secretly talks to her dad, and then—bam!—they’re in a relationship. Was he even on her radar as a prospect before they were official? Was the first time she was even considering him the day he revealed her dad had already signed off and it was time to court? Even by their standards, shouldn’t a girl have a chance to pray about a guy before entering a relationship with him? I hope she’d at least had some inkling what was going on prior to him approaching her for a relationship with her dad’s say-so already in tow, because otherwise that would be an excruciating split-second decision. The pressure must have been enormous. 

I certainly hope she’s happy. 

[Smash!]

Wow. To me it sounded she was desperate to get married and said yes to a relationship with a guy she briefly met a few times. I‘m sure his sisters told her on and on how wonderful he is, so maybe she indeed bought into a dream that resembled in no way reality?

How creepy her future husband spoke to her dad several months and neither bothered to tell her. 

[Angelface]

Allison seems to have got the “decided upon by the men “style of relationship which requires lots of hard work and sacrifice, usually by the woman. Denver and Praise seem to have been so lucky to have genuinely fallen in love with each other. At their wedding they shone with happiness and joy. Hard work and sacrifice don’t seem to have featured for them. If I was in Allison’s position I would be as resentful as anything that I did everything by the book but ended up with something distinctly lacklustre and not of MY choosing!

[Lgirlrocks]

3 hours ago, Smash! said:

Wow. To me it sounded she was desperate to get married and said yes to a relationship with a guy she briefly met a few times. I‘m sure his sisters told her on and on how wonderful he is, so maybe she indeed bought into a dream that resembled in no way reality?

How creepy her future husband spoke to her dad several months and neither bothered to tell her. 

She probably said yes because of her dad giving his blessing. Marlin and Becky want to be empty nesters as fast as they can. She may have felt pressured to say yes. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

There are people out there who are not into romance. They aren’t into big gestures and constant passion in a relationship. I’m one of those people. My husband knows that giving the kids a bath while I sit on my ass and relaxing is a million times better than new diamond necklace and passionate poetry written just for me. But I have always thought Allison is more of the romance type. And I get the feeling Jeremiah isn’t like that. I just kind of figured she wasn’t a Charlotte Lucas that can happily settle because she doesn’t need to be swept off her feet. I think Allison is probably convincing herself that she is like that because she’s married a man that isn’t into big romantic gestures. 

[MomJeans]

13 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

I think it’s kind of creepy he was praying about her before he met her. 

Honestly, I think there is missing information:  His parents and Allison's parents had discussed setting them up; his sisters were sent to meet Allison and report back, they liked her so his Dad told him they found him a probable wife. 

So that summer, she wasn't just a random girl his sisters met once at a retreat. The parents were trying to create a courtship, and Jeremiah was told that he would be introduced to Allison shortly. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, MomJeans said:

Honestly, I think there is missing information:  His parents and Allison's parents had discussed setting them up; his sisters were sent to meet Allison and report back, they liked her so his Dad told him they found him a probable wife. 

So that summer, she wasn't just a random girl his sisters met once at a retreat. The parents were trying to create a courtship, and Jeremiah was told that he would be introduced to Allison shortly. 

Just like the Bontrager Bowers matches. 

[fundiewatch]

The relationship certainly appears very arranged. I hope she has peace in it, and that the babies come few and far between. 

[MomJeans]

I bet the amount of arrangement involved is one of the reasons Allison gave such a blah description of their courtship.  

She's a total romantic, and has always droned on and on that if you follow the rules, God will bring you your soul mate.  And she watched Chelsy and (it seems) Denver really find that. 

She always imagined she'd have this epic tale of seeing a man at a wedding, feeling Jesus whisper in her ear, and that man sending her roses every day of their courtship or something.  

Even if Allison's content with the results, she's probably a bit embarrassed that in the end, Marlin was husband shopping for her through all the other ex-Amish/Mennonite families he could find, and the guy they found was so shy, they had to have his sisters do the pre-courting work for him.  

(I met my husband at a hospital, so I'm not one to say all marriages have to have a great first meeting story ?)

[Nothing if not critical]

2 minutes ago, MomJeans said:

(I met my husband at a hospital, so I'm not one to say all marriages have to have a great first meeting story ?)

I met my husband in a chemistry lesson - but then I really wasn't looking for a husband back then... ?

[fundiefan]

I read this :

September, 2019: We started dating. Unbeknownst to me, thru the spring and summer, Jeremiah had continued to pray about me, and called my dad to ask permission to get to know me better. He waited till Family Camp to ask me to start a relationship. I said yes.:)

as:

September, 2019: We started dating, unbeknownst to me. 

And you know what? It made sense. Until I read the other sentences and noticed my mistake. 

[deborahlynn1979]

And we STILL know nothing about Jeremiah. What is his favorite color? Hobbies? Does he make you laugh? What does he do specifically for a job? What are his hopes and dreams? 
 

And as for Allison herself: how has she adjusted to being in a new state, away from her family? How does she spend her days? Does she have any friends apart from her sister in laws? 
 

I tend to believe Allison isn’t as unhappy with her life as some people speculate, but these lackluster blog posts, in comparison with how she used to write, are slowly convincing me I’ve been wrong.

[fundiefan]

I, personally, wouldn't go so far as to say she is unhappy because we know absolutely nothing but what she publicly filters through her rose colored, rule laden, glasses.

But, I do believe she was not prepared for the life she is living and there is adjustment, and that adjustment doesn't fit into the rule book she was sold so she doesn't know how to do it.

Edited May 31, 2021 by fundiefan

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 hours ago, deborahlynn1979 said:

And we STILL know nothing about Jeremiah. What is his favorite color? Hobbies? Does he make you laugh? What does he do specifically for a job? What are his hopes and dreams? 
 

And as for Allison herself: how has she adjusted to being in a new state, away from her family? How does she spend her days? Does she have any friends apart from her sister in laws? 
 

I tend to believe Allison isn’t as unhappy with her life as some people speculate, but these lackluster blog posts, in comparison with how she used to write, are slowly convincing me I’ve been wrong.

Tbf when I was married I wouldn't have been thrilled if my then husband was blogging about me.  The trivial stuff like my favorite color would make me feel silly and the deeper stuff would be posted over my dead body.  Maybe her posts are less engaging as she's balancing sharing and privacy?  I have no idea, it could be anything.

[Maggie Mae]

This phrasing is so odd to me. Why would she know that Jeremiah had continued to pray about her? Who uses "unbeknownst" in 2021? Why not say something along the line of "I found later that Jeremiah had been praying about me and had even called my dad!"  

Quote

 Unbeknownst to me, thru the spring and summer, Jeremiah had continued to pray about me,

And if someone had called my dad to talk about me, I would have run the other way as fast as possible. Which isn't super fast anymore, but it might have been faster than whatever loser would want to talk to my dad instead of ME about MY life. 

2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Tbf when I was married I wouldn't have been thrilled if my then husband was blogging about me.  The trivial stuff like my favorite color would make me feel silly and the deeper stuff would be posted over my dead body.  Maybe her posts are less engaging as she's balancing sharing and privacy?  I have no idea, it could be anything.

I don't even have a favorite color and don't think that is important information for anyone. Who cares? I too wouldn't be thrilled if my SO blogged about me. If it was something like "favorite food" or "favorite color" he'd probably get it wrong and it would be dumb. If it was something deeper and personal, I too would be not thrilled and probably embarrassed. I don't even know what middle ground there is, really. Maybe it would be better to just tell a story about something we did together and highlight the things he did that I admire? 

[CaptainFunderpants]

5 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

*snip*

I don't even have a favorite color and don't think that is important information for anyone. Who cares? I too wouldn't be thrilled if my SO blogged about me. If it was something like "favorite food" or "favorite color" he'd probably get it wrong and it would be dumb. If it was something deeper and personal, I too would be not thrilled and probably embarrassed. I don't even know what middle ground there is, really. Maybe it would be better to just tell a story about something we did together and highlight the things he did that I admire? 

As a blogger, I always check with my S/O before I post about them. Or if I'm blogging something even the slightest bit personal about a friendship, I clear it with the person.

As for the favorite color info... It depends on the person. A number of my friends to this day would in fact reference my favorite color as having a notable impact on their first impression of me. Go figure.

But yeah, Allison's entire post is total BS. We learn nothing about Jeremiah, nor nothing of Allison's real feelings about him and the highlights of their relationship. It was seriously just a timeline. There's no spark anywhere.

[Foudeb]

Isn't she due right about now? 

Maybe it's a pre-written post put out there as filler to avoid people badgering her asking whether the baby is here yet. 

Weird timing though, in her shoes I would have my head full of baby stuff by now, the courtship would feel like old news. 

[nelliebelle1197]

12 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Tbf when I was married I wouldn't have been thrilled if my then husband was blogging about me.  The trivial stuff like my favorite color would make me feel silly and the deeper stuff would be posted over my dead body.  Maybe her posts are less engaging as she's balancing sharing and privacy?  I have no idea, it could be anything.

I think the speculation about her blogging style before she was single and after is overblown. She got married, moved away from home into a new universe, leaving everyone and everything she has known her entire life and got pregnant quickly. Everyone said before she was miserable, desperate and single (go back a few threads and read the comments) and now she is miserable, desperate and married. 
 

Her blog before was a ministry about happy stay at home daughterhood, meant to convince “young ladies” to be all pure and holy at home. Now she is married and of course the town has changed. 

[fundiefan]

Never mind.

Edited June 1, 2021 by fundiefan

[JermajestyDuggar]

I saw a change in Allison’s blog voice when she started seeing Jeremiah. We all knew she was seeing someone when she announced because we had seen how much happier she seemed on the blog. Look back on the thread and many of us were convinced she was seeing someone because of it. She was miserable after her siblings were married and she was single and stuck on the road when she would have rather stayed home and worked at the inn. But then things started to change. Her posts seemed more positive and happier. Then months later, she announced the engagement. Now since she’s been married she has seemed like she’s trying to convince us of how perfect her “real man” is and how all ladies shouldn’t settle. It just rings hollow to me.

[usedbicycle]

22 hours ago, MomJeans said:

I bet the amount of arrangement involved is one of the reasons Allison gave such a blah description of their courtship.  

I usually think it's an exaggeration that all fundie unions are arranged by the Dads. I think that a lot of them meet in group settings, feel a tingle of attraction, and then then the parents give their blessing (or not) prior to dating. But in this case, I 100% believe that it was heavily arranged. 

I think the Helferichs booked the concert in June 2019 specifically so the two could meet, since the sisters had already been priming Jeremiah to consider Allison as a future wife.

My theory is that Allison was reeling from a heartbreak and jumped into a courtship with the first Daddy-approved suitor who came along. A classic rebound story with a guy who won't break your heart, even though love isn't there. And now she's married to this guy... gah!

[HereticHick]

16 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

I don't even have a favorite color and don't think that is important information for anyone. Who cares? I too wouldn't be thrilled if my SO blogged about me. If it was something like "favorite food" or "favorite color" he'd probably get it wrong and it would be dumb. If it was something deeper and personal, I too would be not thrilled and probably embarrassed. I don't even know what middle ground there is, really. Maybe it would be better to just tell a story about something we did together and highlight the things he did that I admire? 

I also don't have one favorite color or one favorite food. But--we got zero stories about what they did together while courting. We know he's quiet and introverted, and that works with his family's construction firm. But still-- do they go for walks together? biking? horseback riding? Any hobbies? Does he sing or play any instruments? Does he hunt? Does he read the bible every morning? 

They've both gone on family mission/performance trips to Mexico--does he speak Spanish? Does he like Mexican food? Post-pandemic, do they expect to do any missioncations?