Dillards 87: Experts on Everything!

[AussieKrissy]

I have taught my daughter just to call it her vagina. I know it’s not “correct”. But I think it’s the most “commonly” used correct term used by kids. Eg Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina” saying. So I just went with that. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Yep, and 18/20 years ago when I was teaching my kids proper terminology, this was a new concept and vagina was the "proper" term to use at the time.   

I'd rather a child be taught it is a vagina than a flower, or a cookie, or a whowho or as my friend taught her daughters a sheesh. 

Edited November 17, 2020 by allthegoodnamesrgone

[Idlewild]

Many years ago I used to be on a parenting forum & we always joked about the ‘vulva brigade’ who came swooping down if anyone said vagina instead of vulva! 
As a criminal lawyer I’ve unfortunately had to watch videos of children testifying about sexual abuse and the some of the words children have been taught to use   are shocking. I think the saddest was a girl who referred to her vulva as her ‘Mary’ .

[Giraffe]

Penis & vagina were the “proper” words I was familiar with well into adulthood, too. A vagina is part of a reproductive system so in that sense it doesn’t bother me that vulva wasn’t taught (even though yes, it should be, and if I had kids that’s the word I’d now use). I appreciate learning real words and not “pee pee hole” or any other stupid euphemism. 

Edited November 17, 2020 by Giraffe
Sentences are good

[SorenaJ]

I was taught the words for vulva and penis in Danish, and they translate to "peeing wife/lady" and "peeing husband/man" 

 

 

[PennySycamore]

Back in the 80s, we had a number of fundie neighbors.  My daughters liked to play with this one family of girls.  One afternoon, it came up in the little girls' conversation about what little boy parts were called.  I debated with myself briefly as I wondered if the Wood girls' parents would be upset that I taught their daughter the proper terms.  I felt that teaching this little girl the right terms was the correct thing to do no matter how the parents felt.  

[AprilQuilt]

I'm working hard to say 'vulva' with my toddler, although it's not a word that came at all naturally to me at first. I won't mind using other terms for it here and there, just like we might say 'tummy' as well as stomach, but it's important to me that she knows the correct word and is never embarrassed to use it. For safeguarding but also so she knows it's a body part like any other, and nothing to be ashamed or secretive about.

I've also started verbally noting when I touch her genitals during changing, nothing huge, just 'I have to wipe your bottom/vulva now, because if I don't clean it you could get sore' etc etc. And thank her for letting me. I try to involve her in wiping and drying herself where appropriate. I don't want to make a big thing of it, just to acknowledge that touching isn't a given. 

 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

The whole teaching your kids who can and cannot see/touch their genitals is hard. You can't say NO ONE can see/touch them because there are times where it is proper, you can't say only mom and dad, because maybe mom or dad shouldn't be allowed near children. It got easier as they got older, the more they understand so you can explain the fine details the better. Then there is teaching them that it is okay for them to be curious about their body, but that exploration should be done in private. I recall when my DD was about 4 I walked into the living room to find her spread eagle looking at her vulva, I told her she needed to do that either in her room or the bathroom, because mommy, daddy and big brother didn't want to look at her vagina. my son had done something similar with his penis, and both were told that what they were doing was fine but it was for them and them only. Then I'd have to remind them that mom & dad would still have to help bathe and wipe bottoms and it was fine if we saw them naked or Auntie or grandma or grandpa when they were giving them baths at their house. Sometimes doctors would have to look but only if mom and or dad said it was okay.  It is hard, to explain why these people are ok at this time but not at this time and yes you can look at your genitals  but only in private but mom and dad can still see you naked.  They were probably 10/11 before it all finally made sense to them, why this person at this time but not this person at that time why it is ok for them all the time but mom and dad only some times

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I came back to add I LOVE this little song/chant what ever you want to call it, but I can't edit my post, stupid work making me work. 

Don't be polite to  men who creep you out,

Don't be polite to men who creep you out.

Don't be polite to them it's not your job to comfort men.  

Don't be polite to men who creep you out. 

 

How I wish we could get these G2 & G3 Duggerlings to understand 1 that women don't have to tiptoe around creepy guys and 2 that guys need to stop being creepy when a woman says they are being creepy. 

[baldricks_turnip]

1 hour ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

The whole teaching your kids who can and cannot see/touch their genitals is hard. You can't say NO ONE can see/touch them because there are times where it is proper, you can't say only mom and dad, because maybe mom or dad shouldn't be allowed near children.

I bought a book called My Underpants Rule for my kids. I've found it to be a good jumping-off point for conversations and touches on many things I want my daughters to know:
* their bodies belong to them
* sometimes a trusted grown up may have to touch their genitals if they are unwell or have had an accident
* its okay to yell or fight if they feel unsure about the situation

That last one is a big one for me because, while I never was abused, I look back on scenarios when I felt deeply uncomfortable but had been taught that you are polite to grown ups and you don't make a scene. I'm going to teach my girls that they listen to that feeling in their stomach and do whatever it takes to get out of it. If they happened to be wrong about the intentions of the person involved and that person actually was a trustworthy person, they will care more about how they made them feel uneasy despite meaning no harm than whatever screaming or hitting occurred. And if that adult does get get angry rather than question their own approach, that's a good signal to me to not let them around my kids.

[HideousGreenShirt]

DAMN, DERICK! 

This is a comment on Jill's recent nose ring post. 

[treehugger]

@HideousGreenShirt why do we not have a Wow! Reaction?  ? I’m kind of here for unfiltered Derick.  

[OrchidBlossom]

33 minutes ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

DAMN, DERICK! 

This is a comment on Jill's recent nose ring post. 

I fucking choked.... this really isn't a photoshop?

[JanasTattooParlor]

27 minutes ago, OrchidBlossom said:

I fucking choked.... this really isn't a photoshop?

It’s 100% not photoshopped!! Jill even replied to him saying that he’s more popular than she is due to the number of people replying to his comment and she also replied to that comment “???“ which I’m talking to mean that she thinks his comment is funny. I actually busted out laughing when I saw his response. At least he’s honest about it since no other Duggars are!

Edited November 18, 2020 by JanasTattooParlor
Can’t spell

[Snarkasarus Rex]

So, you think the Dillards will get an invite for Thanksgiving this year?

[SassyPants]

On this topic, Dillard is 100%. They get married for physical companionship and sex, and to move out of the TTH.

[JermajestyDuggar]

We were all thinking it. And Derick said it. 
 

2020 is fucking weird.

[purple_summer]

Listen, points were made

[Snarkasarus Rex]

Derick was being a total dick when he made that comment, but...he's not wrong...

[Melissa1977]

I find Derick's comment innappropiate and rude. Does this man drink before commenting on internet or does he lack of social skills? If I was Claire I would be pissed.

I don't think they marry just to have sex. Maybe it was Josh case. But for most fundie boys and girls marrying is the only way to get some freedom. Not very much, but some. And to be respected by their parents. 

Considering that fundies cannot live as a couple without a previous wedding, neither travelling alone, not even dating alone, marrying it's also their only way to enjoy enough time with their loved one. Derick just wanted sex? Oh great, then why to marry a fundie and not looking for a heathen girl open to have sex out of marriage?

[Bluebirdbluebell]

The other thing is Jill and Derick weren't married that young. Certainly not compared to teenagers Justin and Claire. 

Derick proposed shortly after his 25th birthday. Jill was 22. She turned 23 in May and they got married in June at ages 23 (Jill) and 25 (Derick). 

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

The other thing is Jill and Derick weren't married that young. Certainly not compared to teenagers Justin and Claire. 

Derick proposed shortly after his 25th birthday. Jill was 22. She turned 23 in May and they got married in June at ages 23 (Jill) and 25 (Derick). 

Exactly. They were young adults, but not teenagers. It is very different. People at 23-25 usually have some degree or trade or work experience, and even if they don't, people grow up A LOT from 18 to 25!

If Derick had a bit empathy, he would understand how a young fundie girls like Claire will be mortified being labeled as a "hot girl" who marries just for sex.

[Idlewild]

37 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

If Derick had a bit empathy, he would understand how a young fundie girls like Claire will be mortified being labeled as a "hot girl" who marries just for sex.

‘If’ doing a lot of heavy lifting there! He’s attention seeking. Jinger is bringing out a book, Justin is getting married. People have stopped talking about Derick.

[justmy2cents]

I think Derick was being sarcastic since sites likes this one speculate that they rush into marriage so that they could have sex. 

[Giraffe]

3 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

I think Derick was being sarcastic since sites likes this one speculate that they rush into marriage so that they could have sex. 

I agree. He was still being an asshole by saying it and he’s not wrong. Sadly, imo sex really is 95% of their reason for marrying so young.