Dillards 86: It's a Long Way to Tipperary

[dawbs]

1 hour ago, Grace said:

I know a couple of people who were "My dad didn't go back for the last test after his vasectomy" babies ?

It's apparently really common. EVERY time I cite this as "reason I'm not pregnant ", the doctor immediately asks is we did this.

According to the Mr's vasectomy doc, a lot of guys hate the test and just....don't. 

Which I don't get. If I'm having surgery, let's make sure its for a reason! 

[Bobology]

31 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I’ll speculate from the video: JB is the person that they have issues with. The only trip Jill wants to take is a vacation. She has no interest in foreign mission work. And if a network came calling and let the Dillards call the shots, they’d exploit their kids in a hot second. I thought for sure they’d reference child exploitation as a reason for stopping the show, but nope. They still have some work to do-

Agree; I'd still rather have them as next door neighbors than any of the others.

Do you think they might be savvy enough to not use child exploitation as a reason since people would throw it back in their faces that they put their kids on Instagram and Youtube? Yes, they are still doing it but they  have complete control over what is shared as opposed to the editors/producers choosing. I realize they are doing it for money, so still exploitation... with control.

[Idlewild]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

I’ll speculate from the video: JB is the person that they have issues with. The only trip Jill wants to take is a vacation. She has no interest in foreign mission work. And if a network came calling and let the Dillards call the shots, they’d exploit their kids in a hot second. I thought for sure they’d reference child exploitation as a reason for stopping the show, but nope. They still have some work to do-

I agree - if a TV show wanted to pay them to revisit Nepal and Central America with their kids they’d be there in a shot - after assuring themselves it was what God wanted of course.

Yes, they’ve made progress, yes the family split must be painful but I think they did and do enjoy the perks of fame. If they were determined to do overseas missions they’d be doing it then chance being pulled away’ doesn’t wash. If JB or TLC scuppered a chance 3 years ago there’d surely be others since. 
Their time in the ‘mission field’ was a joke - neither learned Spanish before they went and both acted like white saviours in their blog.

I hope they don’t go back to TV- their children deserve respect and privacy especially if they are going to school rather than home school.

[Pecansforeveryone]

I have really cheered on a lot of Jill's changes. However, I can't remotely support them being "missionaries". My bigger issue is with evangelical missions which focus heavily on prosteleyzation which I am strongly opposed to.  

[wendy-sparkles]

55 minutes ago, Bobology said:

Agree; I'd still rather have them as next door neighbors than any of the others.

Do you think they might be savvy enough to not use child exploitation as a reason since people would throw it back in their faces that they put their kids on Instagram and Youtube? Yes, they are still doing it but they  have complete control over what is shared as opposed to the editors/producers choosing. I realize they are doing it for money, so still exploitation... with control.

I have honestly felt really uncomfortable at times, especially earlier on in their YouTube channel, with the amount of access we had to footage of the kids, particularly Israel.  They have cut down on it a bit, but I still think those boys are at a fairly high risk for exploitation - the Dillard's issues with Counting On are very clearly limited to money and control. Jill's benchmark for what is an acceptable amount of exposure for children is obviously skewed (through no fault of her own) and my hope is she realises this/works through it in therapy before it's too late. I was reading an article about the Stauffers and it mentioned that other family vloggers they associated with were posting videos about their daughters first bras and their sons voices breaking/first shaves. I really hope the Dillards never become proper professional YouTube family vloggers, which seems to pose as much if not more risk to children than TLC.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

3 hours ago, dawbs said:

It's apparently really common. EVERY time I cite this as "reason I'm not pregnant ", the doctor immediately asks is we did this.

According to the Mr's vasectomy doc, a lot of guys hate the test and just....don't. 

Which I don't get. If I'm having surgery, let's make sure its for a reason! 

 

I don't understand why they hate the test, most men masturbate frequently, why does the jar change anything, aside from something to aim at. 

[Heidijoey]

 
I don't understand why they hate the test, most men masturbate frequently, why does the jar change anything, aside from something to aim at. 

When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant he had to take a sperm sample to the lab to be tested. He did his business at him and said it was so awkward carrying a paper bag with his sperm cup in it and passing it off to the lab tech [emoji1787]. I felt so bad because that morning I had found out I was pregnant but didn’t want to tell him over text and wanted to surprise him when I got home from work.


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[OHFL2009]

2 minutes ago, Heidijoey said:

When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant he had to take a sperm sample to the lab to be tested. He did his business at him and said it was so awkward carrying a paper bag with his sperm cup in it and passing it off to the lab tech . I felt so bad because that morning I had found out I was pregnant but didn’t want to tell him over text and wanted to surprise him when I got home from work.
 

My husband recently had to do this; we live out in the middle of nowhere, and the doctor's office he had to take it to was in town. They told him the sample had to be delivered within 45 minutes, but we're right about 45 minutes away with decent traffic, which is never a guarantee. The doctor's office was closed to in-person visits other than dropping off samples, so he couldn't do it there. Poor guy had to do the sample at his parent's house, which is right near the doctor. That was an interesting conversation with his mom ?

[The Mother Dust]

On 10/1/2020 at 11:10 AM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

If you are sensitive to hormones, like I am, they can be a nightmare. I had a horrible experience, but sadly I dragged it out for 7 years because of fat shaming OBs, two of home said I was too fat for them to even consider treating.  When I was trying to complain about how I was feeling and possibly getting it taken out after 6 months.  I'm 5'8" & at the time weighed 250 lbs. Because of the IUD & the horrific  treatment by 3 different OB/GYNs I've gained almost 70 pounds from the IUD, depression and then depression meds.  Fat shaming doctors can suck my FAT ass. 

I digress, (sorry ADHD gets me like ooh new topic) I agree IUDs have improved a lot over the last few decades, compared to what they were back in the 90's when I first considered getting one. I know 4 other women who had the Mirnia IUD, like I did and none of them had any problems, they loved it which is why I got mine. 3 of the 4 are on their 3rd one now the 4th is on her 2nd one.

Issues with the Mirnia IUD are rare, but they are there, if you get it put in and find you are gaining weight for no reason, or you are suddenly feeling anxious/depressed etc, have it removed ASAP.  The doctors will tell you it is impossible, because of the low dose of hormones, but it isn't. of the millions of women who use them every year, 10s of thousands have adverse reactions to them. Just tell your doctor you don't care what they think on side affects, you don't feel right & it all started when you got the IUD, so take it out because that is what YOU WANT. 

Only tried hormonal BC once, when my hub and i first got together i went on the pill.  IT WAS THE WORST.  It basically gave me reverse morning sickness.  I threw up every evening like clockwork.  I was then DONE with chanceing that reaction again.  We moved to condoms which worked well, until I was able to persuade/coerce my GYN to tie my tubes.

[Meggo]

1 hour ago, OHFL2009 said:

My husband recently had to do this; we live out in the middle of nowhere, and the doctor's office he had to take it to was in town. They told him the sample had to be delivered within 45 minutes, but we're right about 45 minutes away with decent traffic, which is never a guarantee. The doctor's office was closed to in-person visits other than dropping off samples, so he couldn't do it there. Poor guy had to do the sample at his parent's house, which is right near the doctor. That was an interesting conversation with his mom ?

So.... here's my story. Hubs had to give a sample and then I had to drive it across the border to get it to my doctor. I kept it in my cleavage to keep it at body temp. And got stopped for a random inspection at the border! EEEEP. "Anything to declare ma'm?" 
Nope - nothing at all. 

Not illegal - but nice and awkward...

 

[indianabones]

I want to know exactly what Derick meant when he said that they had had an opportunity to do long-term international mission work "but the opportunity was taken away from [them]."

Someone sounds bitter...

Edited October 7, 2020 by indianabones

[SassyPants]

8 minutes ago, indianabones said:

I want to know exactly what Derick meant when he said that they had had an opportunity to do long-term international mission work "but the opportunity was taken away from [them]."

Someone sounds bitter...

Wasn’t it uncovered that the Dillards were canned from SOS (is that the org they were associated with? The org managed by the Rev that married Ben and Jessa?) 

Im not quite sure how foreign missions work. My friend’s daughter is involved in mission work in India and she goes for a few months and is back for an equal length of time. It seems many of these programs involve a great deal of travel back and forth. Seems like a waste of money. Maybe it has something to do with Visa limits? 

[jljohnson527]

I want to know exactly what Derick meant when he said that they had had an opportunity to do long-term international mission work "but the opportunity was taken away from [them]."
Someone sounds bitter...

My assumption was that it had something to do with the vague statements about “making their own choices” related to “leaving” the show. Pure speculation.

[baldricks_turnip]

Re: third Q & A video, did anyone else get the impression that Jill was holding back tears right at the end when she is hugging Sam?

I have warmed to her a lot through these videos (prior to this she was my least favourite non-molesting Duggar child). I appreciate her willingness to be honest and vulnerable. Even if the motivation is just doing what will bring an audience for the $$, it still takes courage.

[Anna Bolinas]

16 hours ago, clueliss said:

Current thread drift reminds me of a story line on Outdaughtered.  Adam Busby got a vasectomy.  Then blew off a follow up appointment to make sure 'it took.'  Until Danielle got sick and it looked like maybe she could be pregnant.  So then Adam had to go in and get his follow up.  He was fine, she was just sick. 

They dragged that cliffhanger out for so long, to the point where I thought that Adam was going to admit that he had never gotten the vasectomy. Which I would've thought was really shitty of him because Danielle was pretty adamant that she didn't want any more kids, understandably. But no, he just never went for the follow-up. 

[JMO]

Since we are having story time about vasectomies... Years ago a family friend was doing the wash and saw blood on her husband's boxers.  She asked him and he admitted that he had a vasectomy and Surprise! It's a gift to her since they were done with having kids.  He had lied to his urologist and forged her signature on a release confirming that they didn't want any more children.  Fast fwd several more years.... she finds out by accident that he's been cheating on her with several women.  They end up divorcing and it's UGLY.  He has a serious girlfriend (in addition to the side ladies).  Ex-wife finds out that she is "trying for a baby but can't seem to get pregnant".  She cold calls her and tells her that her ex had a vasectomy and that's why she isn't getting pregnant.  But her ex, the master manipulator, has already primed his girlfriend with stories of how his ex is a mentally unstable liar who would say anything to hurt him.  So she didn't believer her, not even when she described how she found out that he had done it.  I honestly don't know if/when the girlfriend found out since I moved away and it's not really appropriate for me to ask now, but I always wonder...

[fluffernutter]

I've got a vasectomy story too. When we decided we were done having kids, he made a consult for a vasectomy. They called my husband back to give a urine sample and he was gone for what seemed like a long while. When he came out, he sat down, and I asked him what took so long  and he says "you'd think they'd give a guy a magazine or something." I realized he left the WRONG kind of sample but before I can say anything he gets called back to meet the doctor. So I am trying to tell him under my breath they wanted a urine sample. And he was like no no, they want like a before and after! ? So finally I just come out and ask the doctor what sample the nurse had wanted and he said urine, why? and then it dawned on him what my husband did. The doctor totally lost it and was dying laughing, and there's my guy standing there with his pants around his ankle. The hubs yanks his pants up and says we're leaving. Now. ?? I died. FF a year, he gets it done (at a different practice). His work had just given him a palm pilot and the first thing he used it for was tracking his ten... practice runs. He thought this was hilarious and to this day still makes palm pilot jokes. 

[mpheels]

5 hours ago, JMO said:

Since we are having story time about vasectomies... Years ago a family friend was doing the wash and saw blood on her husband's boxers.  She asked him and he admitted that he had a vasectomy and Surprise! It's a gift to her since they were done with having kids.  He had lied to his urologist and forged her signature on a release confirming that they didn't want any more children.  Fast fwd several more years.... she finds out by accident that he's been cheating on her with several women.  They end up divorcing and it's UGLY.  He has a serious girlfriend (in addition to the side ladies).  Ex-wife finds out that she is "trying for a baby but can't seem to get pregnant".  She cold calls her and tells her that her ex had a vasectomy and that's why she isn't getting pregnant.  But her ex, the master manipulator, has already primed his girlfriend with stories of how his ex is a mentally unstable liar who would say anything to hurt him.  So she didn't believer her, not even when she described how she found out that he had done it.  I honestly don't know if/when the girlfriend found out since I moved away and it's not really appropriate for me to ask now, but I always wonder...

 There are so many WTF moments in the story, but I just wanted to say that it’s ridiculous that a person has to have their spouses permission to get a vasectomy. Bodily autonomy is bodily autonomy, and no adult should have to get permission from another adult, spouse or otherwise, before having a vasectomy or having their tubes tied.  Ideally, in a healthy respectful relationship, both parties would discuss surgical sterilization ahead of time and no one would seek an intervention that their partner does not support, but that really isn’t any of the doctor’s business. And no, a person should not be able to sue a doctor because the doctor performed surgical sterilization on their spouse without “permission.”

Edited October 8, 2020 by mpheels

[JesSky03]

I was just thinking about our "sperm story" the other day and wondering if it's something we would ever tell our son if for whatever reason he was ever curious about his conception. So we were going through IUI and our doctor was a little over an hour away. She said it was fine for my husband to collect it at home so we did that for the first one and while it was successful (ended in MC), I was so stressed the entire drive worrying about whether the sample would be okay (I had it wrapped in a towel and shoved between my boobs) that when we went for round 2 I said he needed to do it closer to the office. So hubby sat way back in the third row with a blanket over his lap and ahem, collected his sample somewhere on I-41. I had to do my best to not make eye contact via the rear view mirror and it was sooo hard not to repeatedly ask if he was done yet ?.

[Free Felicity]

Since it's story time: My husband had a vasectomy before we met. He already has a son from a previous marriage. I can't take hormonal birth control anymore because it gave me benign liver tumors. It's about a 1 in 10,000 chance, and I'm the lucky one. My body does not like IUDs either. My husband is allergic to latex. A few years ago, we were talking about his vasectomy, and I found out he hadn't done the follow up testing! I had just assumed he had, and it never came up. I freaked out because I was no longer on other forms of birth control. Thankfully it turned out OK once he did the testing. The procedure had been successful, but it was a nerve racking wait to find out. 

On a related note with this, the liver tumors could potentially make it dangerous for me to get pregnant because pregnancy hormones might make them grow. I have a tilted and small uterus that I've been told would aggravate my sciatica if I were to get pregnant. Plus, I have some genetic defects that make certain birth defects and miscarriage more likely. Pregnancy is not a safe thing for me or a baby. I can't use a copper IUD, I can't use hormonal birth control, and latex condoms are out too, leaving some, but limited options. It's so important to have lots and lots of options for birth control because it is very much not a one size fits all situation. I do wonder what my life would look like if I were in a fundie family facing all of that. 

 

[JMO]

@mpheels I also agree about body autonomy. I will say that this occurred more than 20 yrs ago and in a small town. I have a feeling that the urologist was covering himself from being sued/ causing a scandal in the village where he lived and worked.  Then the guy ended up causing his own scandal. Lol 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, JMO said:

@mpheels I also agree about body autonomy. I will say that this occurred more than 20 yrs ago and in a small town. I have a feeling that the urologist was covering himself from being sued/ causing a scandal in the village where he lived and worked.  Then the guy ended up causing his own scandal. Lol 

Saying something was 20 years ago doesn't really have the weight it used to on my 50 yr old ass. 20 years ago was 2000. Let that sink in. People born by Nov 3rd 2002 can vote this year, in the US.  My DD born in 2000 is voting in her 1st Presidential election. 

[FiveAcres]

My partner's vasectomy was performed in DFW Texas in the early 1990s. From what I recollect, I did not have to give permission. However, I was asked to sign a paper that I understood that it was not reversible. I wonder if that was a way to make sure that the spouse was onboard with the procedure without actually asking for "permission." 

It seemed to be pretty low drama. I think there may have been ice packs and an OTC painkiller involved. 

[The Mother Dust]

This drift is so timely because of what I just found out last week, no joke.  My cousin is in his late 30s.  He married a woman who already had one daughter, then they had two more children together, a boy and girl, for a total of 3.  Cousin was pretty hesitant about having his second bio child, but he agreed to it because his wife really wanted a third. 

Then he was determined not to have any more, and he told everyone, his wife, me, other cousins, his parents, that he was going to get a vasectomy.  This was about a year ago, so I assumed he had had it done by now.  Imagine my shock last week when my mom called to tell me his wife was pregnant again.  Due Spring '21.  His wife is thrilled, haha.    Apparently what had happened, is my cousin had decided to put off his vasectomy because of something to do with his insurance.....I dont know details, but somehow his insurance would have covered an additional 500 bucks of the vasectomy if cousin waited to do it until 2021.  Well.
As my brother was gloating, our cousin waited to have the vasectomy to save 500 bucks, and now he's gonna spend like $500,000 (or whatever the figure is these days to raise a kid from birth to college in the U.S.)  to raise that kid.  HAHA!  

Even better, apparently the BC they were using, is his wife was on the pill.  So they conceived a pill baby.

I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for cousin though.  As I told my mom, he knows very well how babies are made, so.... ?‍♀️ he should have wrapped it up too if he was that determined.  

Edited October 10, 2020 by The Mother Dust

[Four is Enough]

On 10/5/2020 at 5:33 PM, finnlassie said:

Wait... you can reverse a vasectomy?! The things I learn on this forum! Damn you, interesting and knowledge filled people!

You can reverse a tubal, too. I know someone who had it done. She'd been told to expect that it was permanent, etc, but she did wind up having two kids after this..

On 10/7/2020 at 4:35 PM, The Mother Dust said:

Only tried hormonal BC once, when my hub and i first got together i went on the pill.  IT WAS THE WORST.  It basically gave me reverse morning sickness.  

When I first went on the pill, I took them at night, and yep.. Barfed every morning.. for several weeks. I was in my OB rotation for nursing school, and my patient, recovering from her child's birth, saw me barf and asked when my baby was due.. My instructor was not amused..