Seewalds 43: Pants may Have Been Worn Or Not

[Melissa1977]

My cousin is the only "Christmas baby" in the family. He always had a present (we bought him a toy and his parents did something special like go to the cinema). A few days later, he had Christmas presents. I write in past tense because he's an adult now.

A kid does not need a lot of toys. I know. But please... Give him a birthday gift and a cake!!! Make the kid feel special in his day! Also if he has too many toys, a puzzle or a nice storybook are good gifts, too.

I also have a friend whose birthday is December 25! So they have a cake that day, instead of the typical Christmas desserts. 

Edited February 11, 2020 by Melissa1977
Clarify

[BlessingsVonFundiePants]

12 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Could you please explain this a bit more for those of us who don't like to click on them?

Why did they do this?

 

Apparently Ben and Jessa decided at Christmas that giving kids lots a gifts at once means the kids don’t appreciate the  individual gift, and decided that for birthdays they would give one gift per day for the birthday week (I understand the rationale, but I personally think it’s another fundie exercise where tiny kids are being forced to offer up childhood joy as a sacrifice on the alter of building godly characters). Then they decided that the birthday gifts should be practical and educational. And then it seems Jessa couldn’t be bothered wrapping gifts for a three year old so poor little Henry got open up an amazon box or envelope each day with a birdfeeder, some different books, a pair of binoculars that he has to share with Spurgeon and underwear. Yay for childhood! 

 

[Glasgowghirl]

My dad was born on Christmas Eve and I always make a point of getting him two different gifts for each thing, even if it is just a tin of shortbread or a box of chocolates to open when I've maybe not had much money. He said that growing up people forgot his birthday all the time or tried to pass a small gift as a present for both, that made me thankful for being a June baby, got presents half way through the year and a lot of the time it was nice summer clothes, my sister, who was born in January hated the fact I got nicer clothes as present than what she did for hers. 

[nvmbr02]

My sister's birthday is a few days before Christmas and she has always had a birthday celebration. My parents were very firm with that. I have a few friends that wont even decorate for Christmas until after their child's December birthday has passed. In our house, my mom decorated the day after Thanksgiving. Then she would put up a few birthday decorations up, just like she did for the rest of us. 

[FluffySnowball]

6 hours ago, BlessingsVonFundiePants said:

Apparently Ben and Jessa decided at Christmas that giving kids lots a gifts at once means the kids don’t appreciate the  individual gift, and decided that for birthdays they would give one gift per day for the birthday week (I understand the rationale, but I personally think it’s another fundie exercise where tiny kids are being forced to offer up childhood joy as a sacrifice on the alter of building godly characters). Then they decided that the birthday gifts should be practical and educational. And then it seems Jessa couldn’t be bothered wrapping gifts for a three year old so poor little Henry got open up an amazon box or envelope each day with a birdfeeder, some different books, a pair of binoculars that he has to share with Spurgeon and underwear. Yay for childhood! 

 

This is really sad. Parents should also have their children’s wants in mind. Education is important, but not everything ought to be educational and used to teach children a lesson. Having fun and being silly is just as much part of a happy childhood as learning is. 

Edited February 11, 2020 by FluffySnowball

[nvmbr02]

I honestly think we do the opposite of Ben and Jessa when it comes to gift giving.  2 of my kids' birthdays are within 5 weeks of Christmas (1 5 weeks before, and 1 2 weeks after) so I do understand where they are coming from with having too much given at one time. We decided since they get so much from family on Christmas we scaled back what we give them and instead give them a big gift and go all out for their birthdays. The other benefit for us is it is a little easier to budget when we aren't buying 3 expensive gifts (plus gifts for the rest of our family and friends) all at the same time. 

[Melissa1977]

I think Jessa is following some trendy parenting advices. The no toys rule, or the no wrapped boxes or the "one daily gift for a week" is something my unmaterialistic (atheists) friends would do. Her videos about kids food, or the one about not buying too many outfits, are the same style. 

As she seems a caring mother, and the kids have toys and books, I think the weird birthday celebration is not a big deal. But is sounds still a bit sad. 

[FluffySnowball]

The son of one of my mothers friends actually started crying last December. He got an advent calendar leading up to Christmas and one day the gift was a new panty (as in underwear panty). He was upset... When his mum told the story it was a little funny, but joking aside, he had hoped for chocolate and then was disappointed. So I did indeed feel a tiny bit sorry for him. However, getting underwear for your birthday sounds far sadder.

All this isn’t to say I don’t notice we complain on a high level here: yes, that’s a luxury problem. But still, the emotions a child feels aren’t any less important just cause we lead privileged lives. 

[Idlewild]

34 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I think Jessa is following some trendy parenting advices. The no toys rule, or the no wrapped boxes or the "one daily gift for a week" is something my unmaterialistic (atheists) friends would do. Her videos about kids food, or the one about not buying too many outfits, are the same style. 

As she seems a caring mother, and the kids have toys and books, I think the weird birthday celebration is not a big deal. But is sounds still a bit sad. 

I honestly think it’s not something they’re particularly invested in but she wants to establish her YouTube presence to earn some non Daddy cash so she has to come up with ideas. Nobody cares about her ‘modest fashion’ any more, Ben’s preaching is hardly going to bring in the crowds & having children is pretty much the Duggar USP so that’s what she talks about. 

[Chickenbutt]

I think I have shared this before, but my younger son was born on Dec 26th. We always found it hard to celebrate his birthday like we did for his older brother. Friends on vacation, visiting grandparents, no one interested or able to attend a birthday party etc, around Christmas time. So we started 1/2 birthdays. We celebrated our son's 1/2 birthday in June. He had a party, a cake, presents, and friends just like all the other kids did. On his actual birthday he got a card from us. I also refused to allow anyone to give him a birthday present wrapped in Christmas paper. If someone brought him a present in Christmas paper, I would rewrap it before giving it to him. I also never allowed "this is your birthday and Christmas present". I kept random things in the closet to wrap for his birthday if someone did that. 

Now he is an adult and remembers having summer parties, bunches of friends over and they are all good memories. These days I just hand him cash on his birthday....lol. 

[JesSky03]

My birthday often falls on Easter, which isn't as bad as Christmas but it's still kind of crappy. I think my 15th birthday fell on Easter and we spent the day at an extended family member's house. I guess my mom was trying to surprise me with a cake there but did so by ignoring my birthday up until then. I ended up crying at the gathering thinking everyone forgot my birthday and basically forced them to bring the cake out. 

I'm also still bitter about my birthday that fell on Easter 3 years ago. We went to the in-laws and it was just super low key, my birthday was like an oh yeah it's her birthday too kind of thing. My MIL bought a carrot cake and basically said I hope you like it since no one bothered to actually ask me what I preferred ahead of time. Most of that bitterness is directed at hubby though because he should have been the one to make sure the day was special for me. It looks like Easter will hover close to my birthday the next several years and then land on my actual birthday again in 2028 so he's got multiple opportunities to redeem himself and I'm going to start setting my expectations now ?. 

I might have to be careful about making birthdays special for my kiddos. My daughter is 1/29 and my son is 2/20 so semi close to Christmas and super close to each other. I think it will be tempting to have combined birthday parties but idk if that would go over well and I want them to each have their own day. Just sucks trying to plan winter birthdays- I wish we could just setup at a park but it's too damn cold. 

[Cheetah]

I actually like the idea of spreading the birthday gifts out for a 3 year old.  But I would do fun gifts, not boring ones.  And wrap them - if you want to be more eco-friendly, just keep using gift bags over and over.  

That said, my middle kid's birthday is a couple of weeks before Christmas.  One year when he was around 4 or so, the birthday presents from other relatives trickled in a little late, there was a 'friend' party in there somewhere, and then we must have opened Christmas gifts from extended relatives on one side before traveling to another relatives' for Christmas.  All that to say, he had been opening gifts just about every other day for 2 weeks by the time Christmas was over.  And then he was a little let down when there weren't any more the next day :-).  

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

My birthday often falls on Easter, which isn't as bad as Christmas but it's still kind of crappy. I think my 15th birthday fell on Easter and we spent the day at an extended family member's house. I guess my mom was trying to surprise me with a cake there but did so by ignoring my birthday up until then. I ended up crying at the gathering thinking everyone forgot my birthday and basically forced them to bring the cake out. 

I'm also still bitter about my birthday that fell on Easter 3 years ago. We went to the in-laws and it was just super low key, my birthday was like an oh yeah it's her birthday too kind of thing. My MIL bought a carrot cake and basically said I hope you like it since no one bothered to actually ask me what I preferred ahead of time. Most of that bitterness is directed at hubby though because he should have been the one to make sure the day was special for me. It looks like Easter will hover close to my birthday the next several years and then land on my actual birthday again in 2028 so he's got multiple opportunities to redeem himself and I'm going to start setting my expectations now ?. 

I might have to be careful about making birthdays special for my kiddos. My daughter is 1/29 and my son is 2/20 so semi close to Christmas and super close to each other. I think it will be tempting to have combined birthday parties but idk if that would go over well and I want them to each have their own day. Just sucks trying to plan winter birthdays- I wish we could just setup at a park but it's too damn cold. 

Am I the only one who wishes everyone would forget about her birthday.  I don't know what more I'd want than maybe a cake (no candles, no writing) and wishing me a happy birthday.

Mine is coming up and I've had to put my foot down with my daughter that I don't want to discuss it anymore...I've agreed to one low key suggestion and done.  She wants to turn everything into an event.  I will happily wear a party hat and make treats to celebrate my grandpibbles birthday, but the best present one can give me is to not make a fuss about it.

Which, I got push back at work when I told the person who orders the cakes to skip mine.  Apparently that will deprive everyone of cake and that's mean so I should suck it up.  Yeah...no.

[SassyPants]

Part of Jessa and Ben not wanting more crap, and let’s face it, unless some fan is sending it, the childhood gifts that most likely grace Duggarville are basic crap, might be due to limited storage space in their very small house. People have also mentioned that the Chad Paine kids also have fewer toys and personal items than other G3 Bates’ kids, again limited space. My own daughter has asked that we limit stuff for her young child for the exact same reason. People can only store so much crap. Plus, why would a Duggar need to buy toys? Maybe just mosey on over to that Duggar storage shed warehouse, it’s all there,  in triplicate.

[Glasgowghirl]

I think Jessa was just trying something out and maybe didn't put as much thought into it as she should have. 

[lizzybee]

19 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Part of Jessa and Ben not wanting more crap, and let’s face it, unless some fan is sending it, the childhood gifts that most likely grace Duggarville are basic crap, might be due to limited storage space in their very small house. People have also mentioned that the Chad Paine kids also have fewer toys and personal items than other G3 Bates’ kids, again limited space. My own daughter has asked that we limit stuff for her young child for the exact same reason. People can only store so much crap. Plus, why would a Duggar need to buy toys? Maybe just mosey on over to that Duggar storage shed warehouse, it’s all there,  in triplicate.

Yeah, I was just telling my husband last night that I'm tired of buying toys. It really is overrated and they really don't play with but like a fraction of what they have. The rest just turns into mess makers that they dump out and strew everywhere. It's very unfun for us as the parents. And plus also you hide stuff or take it away because they're not really playing with it? They don't even notice...because they don't care about it. My children often care more about a box or a balloon than they do about any kind of high dollar cool or educational toy I could imagine buying them. I couldn't hide a balloon. My toddler would beg for that until I went and got it. He hasn't seen his play kitchen in two months because I haven't gotten their playroom usable yet in our new space. I don't think he's even thought about it. 

[SassyPants]

43 minutes ago, lizzybee said:

Yeah, I was just telling my husband last night that I'm tired of buying toys. It really is overrated and they really don't play with but like a fraction of what they have. The rest just turns into mess makers that they dump out and strew everywhere. It's very unfun for us as the parents. And plus also you hide stuff or take it away because they're not really playing with it? They don't even notice...because they don't care about it. My children often care more about a box or a balloon than they do about any kind of high dollar cool or educational toy I could imagine buying them. I couldn't hide a balloon. My toddler would beg for that until I went and got it. He hasn't seen his play kitchen in two months because I haven't gotten their playroom usable yet in our new space. I don't think he's even thought about it. 

And my GD, much like her father, is a hoarder. Every string, paper, note, box she insists is important to her. 

[clueliss]

@HerNameIsBuffy I've removed my birthday from most of my social media to limit folks remember it and virtually yelling Happy Birthday at me all day long.  It often rubs me the wrong way/annoys me.  It also makes me appreciate people who remember what day it is without FB reminding them.

[Meggo]

2 hours ago, lizzybee said:

Yeah, I was just telling my husband last night that I'm tired of buying toys. It really is overrated and they really don't play with but like a fraction of what they have. The rest just turns into mess makers that they dump out and strew everywhere. It's very unfun for us as the parents. And plus also you hide stuff or take it away because they're not really playing with it? They don't even notice...because they don't care about it. My children often care more about a box or a balloon than they do about any kind of high dollar cool or educational toy I could imagine buying them. I couldn't hide a balloon. My toddler would beg for that until I went and got it. He hasn't seen his play kitchen in two months because I haven't gotten their playroom usable yet in our new space. I don't think he's even thought about it. 

I find this interesting because the Boy is turning 7 on Sunday. We've done decent sized parties in the past - bowling, a fun center etc. But this year - we're going with something SUPER simple. He and his two besties (whose Mom's I'm also chummy with) are getting together and going bowling. Then we'll have lunch and cake at a local place we always go to. 

I did get them tshirts for their gift bags (and a small toy - flingy dinosaurs) but it's still less money - and less useless crap - than your average gift back I think. 

But for his present from us- I found that new cool playdoh and I'm getting him a light saber. And we're going away for a few nights, just Mommy, Daddy & Boy.

Just simpler. And fewer toys that he'll never use. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, clueliss said:

@HerNameIsBuffy I've removed my birthday from most of my social media to limit folks remember it and virtually yelling Happy Birthday at me all day long.  It often rubs me the wrong way/annoys me.  It also makes me appreciate people who remember what day it is without FB reminding them.

I remember yours  

[medimus]

My inlaws also did half birthdays for my brother in law with a Christmas eve birthday. 

I really don't understand the problem with not wrapping/spread out/the gifts themselves. Books and birdfeeders can be great fun and my siblings and I still get a pair of underwear in our stockings at christmas from my mother (my youngest sibling is 24).

[neuroticcat]

When my oldest was turning 8 he really really wanted a massive LEGO set. So that year our birthday tradition was born... we set a budget of what we would spend on a party plus gifts. Then the kid gets to choose what they want to do with that each year. They can host a party for friends. Take a few buddies out to do something special. Or buy a big gift for themselves. Or as they get older- just take the cash. 

We didn’t plan it this way but it’s been amazing. Birthdays are still celebratory without the overkill. The kids get excited to plan for their birthdays and we don’t have the pressure of doing all the things each year or the present overload. And they’re using mad budgeting skills. Often they’ll plan an at home party on the cheap and pick out a special present too.

And this works well with the close to Christmas birthdays too.

Regardless of what the child chooses, they get to pick out the birthday meals on their day, wake up to cheesy decorations, and get a coupon book from me and their dad with chore skips or late bedtimes or extra screen time. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

I dont think there's anything wrong with variations in celebrations. My MIL had a fit when her granddaughter is being raised to celebrate Hannukah rather than Christmas. Her granddaughter gets presents just no tree or visit to Santa. It's fine. Differnces are ok. 

 

Favoritism is not ok. Ignoring a child's birthday is not ok. Differences in celebrations are. 

[SassyPants]

38 minutes ago, Meggo said:

I find this interesting because the Boy is turning 7 on Sunday. We've done decent sized parties in the past - bowling, a fun center etc. But this year - we're going with something SUPER simple. He and his two besties (whose Mom's I'm also chummy with) are getting together and going bowling. Then we'll have lunch and cake at a local place we always go to. 

I did get them tshirts for their gift bags (and a small toy - flingy dinosaurs) but it's still less money - and less useless crap - than your average gift back I think. 

But for his present from us- I found that new cool playdoh and I'm getting him a light saber. And we're going away for a few nights, just Mommy, Daddy & Boy.

Just simpler. And fewer toys that he'll never use. 

My GD has had 1 birthday party in her nearing six years of life. It was an all out shebang on her first BD, and was a joint party with her dad who was turning 38. My daughter said, never.again. I was there, both for the party and the cleanup. Ecuadorians know how to party. So every year her birthday comes, and it’s usually near, if not on Easter or during the school break, and they just gloss over the party part. This year C. Insisted that there would be a party, and my daughter said ok, and then last week, C. decided that she’d rather go up to Andes Mtns and visit family. Party averted, again! 

[MamaJunebug]

4 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Which, I got push back at work when I told the person who orders the cakes to skip mine.  Apparently that will deprive everyone of cake and that's mean so I should suck it up.  Yeah...no.

I’d say I worked in a snake pit but I like to imagine snakes have some sense of honor. The co-snakes in the office either hated me or couldn’t have cared less one way or another about my birthday.

But everybody thought they were the slickest bad guys in town for wasting a good half-hour of the employers’ time standing in a circle, passing around each birthday card, then passing out the cake, then slowwwwly eating the cake.  And THEN, heading to their 30-minute, 15-minute coffee break in the cafeteria!

Anyhoo, one year after having suggested for a couple years  that we make birthday “celebrations” optional (and being hated even more, I’m sure), I cut my cake as soon as I’d handed off the last card, said “thank you” as pleasantly as I could, took my plate and headed for my cubicle.  (Unlike most of the co-snakes, I had actual work to produce!)

I remember (with a satisfied smile) there was a brief silence, then everybody resumed their desultory conversations, dragged out the gathering for the full half-hour, and headed for the cafeteria as per usual. 

It didn’t stop them from sullenly celebrating my day again the next year, but I’d set my parameters and I suppose a good time was had by all. Oh, and for every co-snake’s birthday after that, they just assumed I’d politely laugh at the cards, take my plate and disappear.  

We do have really  good bakeries hereabouts, so I never minded the Cake part, BTW. 

And am I a snake, too? You betcha boots. Don’t cry for me - I was offered an early retirement package and never looked back! But this topic drift reminded me of one of my mini-Towanda! moments in life. ?