Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[thoughtful]

I listened to the video @keepercjr posted (while playing online solitaire so I don't have to look at Bro Gary, since listening to him is bad enough). Here are some thoughts.

Gary, your math is as bad as your language skills. If you were about 15, the story about the man who had no milk for his baby was 30-some years ago, not 20. I don't even remember how old you are, and I know that better than you do.

Also, if that man got milk, it was because of a person who provided -  they may have been inspired by their faith, but it didn't come magically from God. Those are the same people who, benightedly, give you money. Money they earned. Doing work, you fucker.

Maybe WE need to "study a li'l bit?!" Eat shit.

Believe me, Gary, the media are not telling us what we want to hear.

"We've got sissies for preachers - got no backbone!" A few seconds later: "I ain't throwin' no stones."

He can't figure out how to fit this in with his Trump-love, so he's all over the place: he has a "preacher friend" who has tested positive (he says he won't say his name, but someone says it in comments, so he repeats it, and Becky yells at him for it - he yells back), so it's real, but it's socialism, maybe God sent it, Trump is doing a great job with it, etc.

I'm sure Gary's mom is thrilled that he's told everyone that she has only one kidney, and stones in the other, and shingles.

"If God tells you not to have church, don't have it." Thanks, Gar. I think lots of people think he's sending just that message. You are making it clear what your priorities are - people need to gather where they can give you money, rather than praying at home.

His county, as far as he knows, does not have the virus. He sounds very proud of that.

Gary on cable television: "Preachin' against your television, got that stinkin' devil's tail hooked to the wall." I think we need to refer to cables - heck, all electrical cords - as the devil's tail hooked to the wall from now on!

ETA - excuse me, I missed an important adjective: all cables and cords are "that stinkin' devil's tail hooked to the wall!"

Edited March 21, 2020 by thoughtful

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

His county, as far as he knows, does not have the virus. He sounds very proud of that.

And by his toil Bro Gary plans to change it, gosh-danggit!

[FundMe]

he really does deliver his own jokes,  doesn't he?!?

[keepercjr]

This fits

[FunDeeLite]

Hey, Bro! I said this once and I will say it again.  Trump probably is the Antichrist.

[Idlewild]

Hi there, the pandemic isolation has caused me to seek further snark. 

Did he ever have a job before ‘preachin KJB’? Does he just live off donations? 

Mo wonder these grifters are getting nervous about churches going online- it’s not saving souls they are bothered about it’s having to do something other than beg for a living. 

[3splenty]

2 Thessalonians 3:10  "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat."

[feministxtian]

11 minutes ago, 3splenty said:

2 Thessalonians 3:10  "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat."

this verse is SO taken out of context. The context is the early Christians thought Jesus was coming back any minute so they didn't have to do anything but wait for Him. And, it was a Paul thing. Matthew 25:31-48 is where Jesus talks about feeding the hungry, healing the sick, visit the prisoner, clothing the naked. 

[Alisamer]

On 3/21/2020 at 3:49 PM, Xan said:

Talking about the coronavirus:  "It's not something to take lightly of but I will tell you, it's more than what meets the eye."  ...

Here's a preview of the coming tribbleation:

Oh lord. If I had more energy right now I'd do a parody song for Gary... to the theme from the Transformers (the original cartoon).

Coronavirus! More than meets the eye...

[AmazonGrace]

All viruses are more than meets the eye Gary... they're so tiny your eye can't see any of them.

[thoughtful]

56 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

All viruses are more than meets the eye Gary... they're so tiny your eye can't see any of them.

Spoiler

 

[Black Aliss]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

All viruses are more than meets the eye Gary... they're so tiny your eye can't see any of them.

Does the KJB[sic] even mention viruses? Huh?!? Then they don't exist.

[mango_fandango]

Gary doesn’t listen to Trump, he listens to GOD.

What an utter, utter moron.

STAY HOME DIPSHIT

[keepercjr]

Texas is a state that flat out refuses to order a state wide stay at home order.  Says it should be left up to individual counties.  They don’t understand that sometimes we have to protect people from themselves.  Tempting fate...

[AmazonGrace]

Okay, Gary, let's listen to God. What does He have to say about going home?

Sounds like it's pretty dangerous to be out and about:

Quote

Send therefore now, and gather thy cattle, and all that thou hast in the field; for upon every man and beast which shall be found in the field, and shall not be brought home, the hail shall come down upon them, and they shall die. Exodus 9:19

It seems like two months at home would be a good quarantine.
 

Quote

 

And Saul also went home to Gibeah; and there went with him a band of men, whose hearts God had touched.1 Samuel 10:26

And Eli blessed Elkanah and his wife, and said, The Lord give thee seed of this woman for the loan which is lent to the Lord. And they went unto their own home. 1 Samuel 2:20

Thou sayest, Lo, thou hast smitten the Edomites; and thine heart lifteth thee up to boast: abide now at home; why shouldest thou meddle to thine hurt, that thou shouldest fall, even thou, and Judah with thee? 2 Chronicles 25:19

And he sent them to Lebanon, ten thousand a month by courses: a month they were in Lebanon, and two months at home: and Adoniram was over the levy. 1 Kings 5:14

 

 

From the New Testament. Did Jesus or the disciples have opinions about going home?

Quote

 

Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee. Mark 5:19

Then the disciples went away again unto their own home. John 20:10

And when we had taken our leave one of another, we took ship; and they returned home again.  Acts 21:6

 

 

There is also Paul who condemns eating out:

Quote

And if any man hunger, let him eat at home; that ye come not together unto condemnation. And the rest will I set in order when I come. 1 Corinthians 11:34

 

[thoughtful]

Gary's list of possible pronunciations for Corona set off my song-cue virus:

“Corrina, Corona, how you say that word?
Corrina, Corona, I can’t say that word!”
So complains Bro Gary, ’cause he’s such a turd.

“Corrina, Corona, I ain’t got no fright.
Corrina, Corona, it ain’t such a blight.” *
Grunts Brother Gary, ’cause he’s not too bright!

“We got Corona from across the sea,
It came from China, like that oolong tea.
Them folks ain’t got Jesus, so it can’t hurt me!”

“Corrina, Corona, gone to meetin’ now.
To read our old bible, full of ‘thee’ and ‘thou.’
Though they’re tellin’ us to stay home, we’ll go anyhow!”

“I’ll spread Corona ’round to all the folks,
I need my ‘haymayuns,’ and my ego strokes.
Who cares if that old man prayin’ falls right down and chokes.”

“Corrina, Corona, I’m feelin’ fine,
I know that my Jesus sent me a sign,
Now if I ain’t coughin’, gotta be divine!”

“They’re tellin’ us ‘wash up, practice good hygiene,’
I say that it’s healthy, not to be too clean!
I’m gonna touch all the doorknobs, and then go eat a ween!”

“Goodbye, Corona, I’m stayin’ well,
And if it kills me, won’t go to Hell,
Gonna go to church now, just to rant and yell!”

* Yeah, I doubt Gary knows the word "blight," but it was the perfect rhyme.

 

[keepercjr]

Damn Jerald!  a plot to stop the church!?  Comments from a live video Gary did tonight (haven’t watched yet)

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

Jerald, you go to war with China.

All by yourself.

Bye!

[keepercjr]

13 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Jerald, you go to war with China.

All by yourself.

Bye!

watching the video now.  The comment about war with china came after Gary called it "china virus", praised Trump and talked about it coming from China

[thoughtful]

Jerald, you are right, it is a plot to stop church. But it didn't come from China, heathens or any other humans:

Spoiler

They're independent little buggers, Jerald - can't control 'em.

So, stay the fuck home.

 

[AmazonGrace]

Wait, if God creates all life forms then He must have created corona viruses. So it's actually God plotting to close churches.

Anyway Jerald is going to go to war with China over giving Americans a disease that does not even exist?

[Dandruff]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

Anyway Jerald is going to go to war with China over giving Americans a disease that does not even exist?

Another member of the Bro Gary brain trust.  Also, I thought Christians don't believe in war - something about turning the other cheek?

[Ozlsn]

FB is after Christians? WTAF you talking about Jerad ?

And hey, if you want to take the risk that Texas won't have a ventilator for you... then go see Bro Gary, he  seems likely to bring you closer to God... 

[Idlewild]

Jerald is my new favourite. On his FB account he laments that the old folks aren’t coming to church due to the virus so he’d going to gather the kids ( not sure whose) and go and minister to them. Someone gently points out most homes are in lockdown. 
if he pitched up at my mum’s care home ( unlikely as we’re in England) he’d be chased out with a mop. 

[keepercjr]

9 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

FB is after Christians? WTAF you talking about Jerad ?

 

So this was in response to Gary saying that churches and pastors are saying facebook is deleting their videos.  And then Gary says his videos are gone too (they are not).