Maxwell 28: You Can Leave Your Vest On!

[IReallyAmHopewell]

40 minutes ago, church_of_dog said:

The Moody Family Buys Matching Vests 

 

NOOOOOOO! She doesn't need more incentive to crank out another nightmare. But, the first to buy and positively review it wins vest that matches Gifted Writer Sarah!

[Palimpsest]

Thanks, @Lisafer, I bow to your song writing skills.  I was scared to tackle that one!

Just for @MamaJunebug though.  This one was hard because you have to suspend disbelief and accept that Jesse has left home.  Perhaps it is just a temporary "ministry" trip though.

And so many people did covers of this song I don't know who actually wrote it - perhaps it was Janis Ian.

Eh.  Sorry, Joan Baez.  I think your version was my favorite.

Jesse Come Home (A Woodpile's Lament)

Jesse come home, my logs are a mess
Where they pile; now it's getting old.
Jesse my mate, we're all in distress
In the yard, all apart, it hangs on my heart

And I'm leaving the chips on the ground
No I'm not scared; I wait for you
Hey Jesse, it's untidy, come home.

Jesse the beds are still bunks, recalling
You sleep; and I remember too.
All the splinters are dusty and fading away
Anna still sets a place on the table at noon

And I'm leaving the chips on the ground
No I'm not scared; I wait for you
Hey Jesse, it's untidy, come home.

Jesse, they're spread in the yard,
It's like when you're gone, they leave it for you.
All the twigs and the bark have been having a lark
And are making me blue; hey Jess, me and you.

We'll tidy the pile up with such care 
I'll fix up the chips, we'll not despair
Hey Jesse, it's untidy, come home,

Oooh, oooh, ooh,

Come home.

 

 

[Lisafer]

1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

Thanks, @Lisafer, I bow to your song writing skills.  I was scared to tackle that one!

It was hard! Getting the rhythm right is really tricky! I had to write it out, muttering to myself in a demented fashion! 

[Palimpsest]

1 minute ago, Lisafer said:

Getting the rhythm right is really tricky! I had to write it out, muttering to myself in a demented fashion! 

That is why I always say I really can't write song parodies on demand. Poetry parodies are easier.

Song parodies usually come to me when I am blasting out golden oldies as I do house work.  I like to dance a bit and sing (badly) as I scrub and dust my ceiling fan.  The alternate words usually come to me as I sing along.   Thanks to MJB and Jesse's woodpile my fridge is now spotless.  

[The Mother Dust]

22 hours ago, Lisafer said:

Palimpsest hath inspired me to do dreadful things. Disclaimer: I think Jesse would have potential to be a decent guy if he didn't hold some pretty dickish religious beliefs. So this little parody is tongue-in-cheek, with no offense intended to any future Mrs. Jesse:

 

Jesse is a friend, yeah

He’s a friend to the elderly,

But lately something’s changed that ain’t hard to define,

Jesse’s got himself a girl that can really toe the line.

 

And she’s got a Godly countenance,

But she’s looking at his muscles, I just know it,

And he’s giving her the sidehugs after 9pm

 

You know

She puts meat in the burritos, Jesse’s girl

Homeschools twenty kids, Jesse’s girl

Where did he find a woman like that?

 

They climb 14ers every year,

There doesn’t seem to be a reason to change,

You know Steve thinks it’s dirty when her buttons look so cute,

FJ wants to tell her it’s OK

But the point is prob’ly moot...

 

@Lisafer and @Palimpsest please do a fundified version of this in honor of our thread title.  Just imagine the Maxwells doing this ?     By the way, I love everyones thread title suggestions, but I like @Elegant Mess's "You Can Still Keep Your Vest On!" ?

Spoiler

 

 

[Black Aliss]

14 hours ago, Marian the Librarian said:

It pains me mightily to admit I have *anything* in common with Terified - but she does make a valid point about glued book bindings. While I certainly can't answer her "What's the Best Bible?" question, I can say that anyone who's worked in a public library in the past couple of decades has seen newly-published books returned with broken bindings after only 2 or 3 circulations. Abject patrons are full of apologies, but it's not their fault - the materials and binding processes being used by publishers are just awful, compared to the good ol' days, so normal handling often results in what I call Grand Canyon Spine.

Well, poor quality, plus the tendency for people to mark their place by setting the book down open, with the cover facing up.

Surest way to destroy a binding.

[PennySycamore]

@Marian the Librarian,  I remember checking the book Nurse out of the library about 40 years ago.  I may have been the first person to check it out, but if not, there were only a couple of patrons before me.  The glued binding came apart.  I told the librarian about it and she said that was because some hardback books were using glued rather than sewn-in bindings.  

I just checked some of my hardback books.  Many, but not all, have sewn bindings.  If you're not going to get a sewn binding, you may as well get a paperback.  

[MamaJunebug]

3 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Thanks, @Lisafer, I bow to your song writing skills.  I was scared to tackle that one!

Just for @MamaJunebug though.  This one was hard because you have to suspend disbelief and accept that Jesse has left home.  Perhaps it is just a temporary "ministry" trip though.

And so many people did covers of this song I don't know who actually wrote it - perhaps it was Janis Ian.

Eh.  Sorry, Joan Baez.  I think your version was my favorite.

Jesse Come Home (A Woodpile's Lament)

Jesse come home, my logs are a mess
Where they pile; now it's getting old.
Jesse my mate, we're all in distress
In the yard, all apart, it hangs on my heart

And I'm leaving the chips on the ground
No I'm not scared; I wait for you
Hey Jesse, it's untidy, come home.

Jesse the beds are still bunks, recalling
You sleep; and I remember too.
All the splinters are dusty and fading away
Anna still sets a place on the table at noon

And I'm leaving the chips on the ground
No I'm not scared; I wait for you
Hey Jesse, it's untidy, come home.

Jesse, they're spread in the yard,
It's like when you're gone, they leave it for you.
All the twigs and the bark have been having a lark
And are making me blue; hey Jess, me and you.

We'll tidy the pile up with such care 
I'll fix up the chips, we'll not despair
Hey Jesse, it's untidy, come home,

Oooh, oooh, ooh,

Come home.

 

 

YOU::: MY HERO!!!!!!

Thank you ... brilliant. Brilliant!!! 

[nelliebelle1197]

3 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

That is why I always say I really can't write song parodies on demand. Poetry parodies are easier.

Song parodies usually come to me when I am blasting out golden oldies as I do house work.  I like to dance a bit and sing (badly) as I scrub and dust my ceiling fan.  The alternate words usually come to me as I sing along.   Thanks to MJB and Jesse's woodpile my fridge is now spotless.  

Well, your cabinets are not polished so you should really get off the internet and fix that, young lady.

[Palimpsest]

10 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Well, your cabinets are not polished so you should really get off the internet and fix that, young lady.

Hell, no.  The Maxwells are not the only people with a schedule.  Thorough kitchen cleaning (as opposed to normal daily clean-up) happens on Friday. 

Unlike the Mexhellions, I am now ahead of schedule because my fridge has already been  cleaned inside and out, thankyouverymuch, Ms. Nellie.

And my cabinets are not polished. I wipe them down.  I have a white kitchen with black counter-tops and red accents.  Advice to all -- white cabinets really show every single smudge and black quartz counters show every single spilled coffee granule and fleck of dust.   I still love my pretty kitchen though. 

 

[Lisafer]

8 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Hell, no.  The Maxwells are not the only people with a schedule.  Thorough kitchen cleaning (as opposed to normal daily clean-up) happens on Friday. 

Unlike the Mexhellions, I am now ahead of schedule because my fridge has already been  cleaned inside and out, thankyouverymuch, Ms. Nellie.

And my cabinets are not polished. I wipe them down.  I have a white kitchen with black counter-tops and red accents.  Advice to all -- white cabinets really show every single smudge and black quartz counters show every single spilled coffee granule and fleck of dust.   I still love my pretty kitchen though. 

 

What day do you do burrito filling prep? As a working woman, I have a hard time fitting two arduous days of burrito prep into my week. Can you give me some advice to help with that? ?

[kmachete14]

@Marian the Librarian

I am a 5th grade teacher. I have sets of our classroom novels purchased in 2001 that are still in good condition today. The ones from 2007 are falling apart, literally pages falling out and spines cracked. Last year I purchased new books to replace the 2007 copies and after ONE YEAR I already have ones losing pages!

Kids are a little rough with the books, but mostly respectful! They don't lay them flat or dog ear the pages! And the 2001 books undergo the same treatment and are basically fine. 

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

16 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

What day do you do burrito filling prep? As a working woman, I have a hard time fitting two arduous days of burrito prep into my week. Can you give me some advice to help with that? ?

You see your problem don’t you?

You have no business being in the workforce taking a job from a penis-haver whilst neglecting your burrito stuffing duties.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

You see your problem don’t you?

You have no business being in the workforce taking a job from a penis-haver neglecting your burrito stuffing duties.

“Burrito stuffing duties” sounds disturbingly sexual. 

[Lisafer]

1 minute ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

You see your problem don’t you?

You have no business being in the workforce taking a job from a penis-haver neglecting your burrito stuffing duties.

Oh, I'm sorry! I had this all backwards. I thought the penis-haver was supposed to, er, stuff my burrito...

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

“Burrito stuffing duties” sounds disturbingly sexual. 

How dare you kink shame me.

[Lisafer]

ETA: I see Jermajesty and I were having the same thought!

[JermajestyDuggar]

Sorry double post!

[Palimpsest]

38 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

What day do you do burrito filling prep? As a working woman, I have a hard time fitting two arduous days of burrito prep into my week. Can you give me some advice to help with that? ?

Why, my precious little flower, obviously you have not been paying attention.  First, how dare you work outside the home.  But if you must, obviously you have to produce at least 3 SAHDs to process the filling.  All you need to do is supervise, silly.

They spend 20 minutes in the evening picking over the beans while you test their memories of Bible verses.  They then put the beans in large containers and cover them with water.  That takes three minutes, tops.  Then sleep, Bible time, and diligent chores.  The next day they drain and bung the beans into crockpots, add minimal spices, and turn on the crockpots.  Five minutes at most.  Now set them more chores and Bible time.  You have to work.

The hard labor starts 12 hours later when they divvy the cooked beans up into other containers for the freezer.  That takes about 30 minutes with all hands on deck.  You label the containers when they are full.

But when I was working a full time job myself outside the home I usually spent one day a month all. by. my. little. self. cooking multiple recipes in quantity for freezing in individual portions.  It was healthier and saved much money on take-out.  I still do that because I don't like cooking much.  "Once a month" cooking concentrates the pain, is energy efficient, and buying in bulk is economical.

 

[knitwit]

I feel like it's always the Maxwell girls and feeling so sad about wasted potential that brings me out if lurker-dom, but here I am.  I went to Tits2 to see Sarah's first writing advice post and spotted the last one (the first post was last June...why has it taken so long to do four posts on this topic?!) and couldn't stop myself from reading it.

*sigh*

I read about Mary having to have every literal scenario photographed for her tomorrow from, and I think of how much amazing fan art I see online, especially from something like Critical Role ("nerdy-ass voice actors playing Dungeons and Dragons" online).  Pictures of, say, a blue Tiefling in "a really cute dress" with hamster unicorn spiritual guardians floating around her, all based just off of a verbal description from a player, which makes for such gorgeous art.

And Mary has to go to a supermarket and break eggs on the floor to draw that simple scene. 

If I believed in hell, I'd be certain there was a room already reserved for Steve-O.  As someone who loves reading and writing fiction, don't even get me started on Sarah.

[nelliebelle1197]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

“Burrito stuffing duties” sounds disturbingly sexual. 

You need to take that up with Steve's Reversal.

[Granwych]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

“Burrito stuffing duties” sounds disturbingly sexual. 

If I think of the Maxwell's stuffing said burritos, I agree.  But wait, don't the Maxwells believe in meatless burritos??

1 hour ago, knitwit said:

I feel like it's always the Maxwell girls and feeling so sad about wasted potential that brings me out if lurker-dom, but here I am.  I went to Tits2 to see Sarah's first writing advice post and spotted the last one (the first post was last June...why has it taken so long to do four posts on this topic?!) and couldn't stop myself from reading it.

*sigh*

I read about Mary having to have every literal scenario photographed for her tomorrow from, and I think of how much amazing fan art I see online, especially from something like Critical Role ("nerdy-ass voice actors playing Dungeons and Dragons" online).  Pictures of, say, a blue Tiefling in "a really cute dress" with hamster unicorn spiritual guardians floating around her, all based just off of a verbal description from a player, which makes for such gorgeous art.

And Mary has to go to a supermarket and break eggs on the floor to draw that simple scene. 

If I believed in hell, I'd be certain there was a room already reserved for Steve-O.  As someone who loves reading and writing fiction, don't even get me started on Sarah.

Steve has made his own Maxwell-styled hell, and they're all firmly entrenched.

[MamaJunebug]

7 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Hell, no.  The Maxwells are not the only people with a schedule.  Thorough kitchen cleaning (as opposed to normal daily clean-up) happens on Friday. 

Unlike the Mexhellions, I am now ahead of schedule because my fridge has already been  cleaned inside and out, thankyouverymuch, Ms. Nellie.

And my cabinets are not polished. I wipe them down.  I have a white kitchen with black counter-tops and red accents.  Advice to all -- white cabinets really show every single smudge and black quartz counters show every single spilled coffee granule and fleck of dust.   I still love my pretty kitchen though. 

 

I’d actually prefer the colors that show every smudge.  As is, spills hide within the granite-look countertops and sneakily blend in to the wood tone cabinets and by the time I notice them all, it’s spatula and Maguc Eraser Time! ¡No bueno!

[fundiewatch]

A few thoughts on MaxBurritos:

NR-Anna makes burritos with meat AND she uses store bought Costco tortillas. I think this actually makes her hugely rebellious. 

I believe that the original Maxwells (Immediate Family) may be freezing their beans now and rolling day of, with their much-blogged about homemade tortillas. Talk about some using sour cream and some liking cheese. Many choices!

NR-Anna may be the most rebellious of them all! The ABC girls are all about those tortillas and they eat burritos every Sunday, and here she is with meat and seasonings and premade shells. Making them in huge amounts while hugely pregnant, and exposing Reversal Anna the whole thing (as she is there in the pics grinning away). I really think NR-Anna is remarkably happy with her life. She glows. Still with some awful beliefs though. 

[Dandruff]

8 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

The hard labor starts 12 hours later when they divvy the cooked beans up into other containers for the freezer.

I wonder if they weigh the containers to make sure that portions are exactly the same.