Bro Gary Hawkins 9: He still makes my dinner come back up

[Candydandy]

Ok folks we know Bro was at the beach for Christmas. May I ask why doesn’t he bring Becky,who loves the beach, to the beach when it is summer? Weren’t they in SC in the summer? Why are his grody toenails in a picture? Eww. Why is he always in a recliner? Hello folks, Bro and family need a place to stay but must have a recliner! 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Candydandy said:

Why is he always in a recliner? Hello folks, Bro and family need a place to stay but must have a recliner! 

Maybe the recliner is the source of his connection to the divine, or a talisman - something magical. The Recliner of Gary -- like Harry Potter's wand, or The Doctor's Tardis, or Moses' staff.

A Magical Object covered in Cheeto dust and sweat stains -- inspiring!

[Dandruff]

4 hours ago, Candydandy said:

Ok folks we know Bro was at the beach for Christmas. May I ask why doesn’t he bring Becky,who loves the beach, to the beach when it is summer?

Other people will be there, scantily clad?

[thoughtful]

6 minutes ago, Dandruff said:

4 hours ago, Candydandy said:

Ok folks we know Bro was at the beach for Christmas. May I ask why doesn’t he bring Becky,who loves the beach, to the beach when it is summer?

Other people will be there, scantily clad?

[Carol]

The gross factor in this photo isn't measurable.  I would kill the person who misused my home like they have.  It's beyond disgusting.

[keepercjr]

8 hours ago, Carol said:

The gross factor in this photo isn't measurable.  I would kill the person who misused my home like they have.  It's beyond disgusting.

Yes totally.   My husband’s aunt and uncle house sat for us when we went out of town for 2 weeks a few years ago (they live in Mexico and were in town visiting relatives so it was mutually beneficial.. they got a place to stay by themselves and took care of the house and animals in return) and my house and yard looked better when we returned than when we left!  I was very grateful for them and their care.

 

[MarblesMom]

I am not sure which is worse: repeated up the nostrils or a random nasty foot.

[thoughtful]

44 minutes ago, MarblesMom said:

I am not sure which is worse: repeated up the nostrils or a random nasty foot.

So, when we don't feel like using the old expressions:

the lesser of two evils

between the Devil and the deep blue sea

between a rock and a hard place

between Scylla and Charybdis

(did I miss any?)

FJers can say "between Gary's nostrils and Gary's bare foot."

 

----

ETA - it just occurred to me that the midpoint between Gary's nostrils and his foot would be somewhere even more disgusting.

Ick.

[Texas Heifer]

Ok folks, Sis Lisa asking the real questions.

[Spinosaurus]

Does a family actually need a slogan?

[Dandruff]

41 minutes ago, Spinosaurus said:

Does a family actually need a slogan?

Typically not.  I take theirs as a self-reminder to keep their eyes on the grift if the Lord doesn't arrive.

[Beermeet]

On 12/26/2018 at 11:22 AM, Mar said:

Ok folks, did you go into debt because your presents was made with each other money? And did you know that Santa not real? 

His spelling/leaving out words and letters/ punctuation is especially bad in this post. He probably had too much pink weeny gravy. 

Oooooo, I'm loving your FB that's in German? Fun!  Sorry, dork moment ?

50 minutes ago, Spinosaurus said:

Does a family actually need a slogan?

Ummmm, yeah they do!  Bro. Gary's is " The weens in Maine make the gravy pink". Ours is more like " Pass the Grey Poupon " as we chill in our Rolls Royce. ???  Not really but it could be! 

@thoughtful You are pure comedy!  I love it! Thanks for many laughs!  

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks it looks like Bro has found a friend!  Another evangelist with a tent.  Sounds like they’re gonna meet up! Dueling Preachers!!  Can I hear a big HAYMAN!!!   Two tents no waiting.  Kill me now!!!

Spoiler

Gotta watch the video and find out about this drinking.  Pour me one.

[Spinosaurus]

12 minutes ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

OK Folks it looks like Bro has found a friend!  Another evangelist with a tent.  Sounds like they’re gonna meet up! Dueling Preachers!!  

Along the lines of

 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks Bro Gary and crew are at his mom and dads house to get what they need before hittin’ the Ol’ Gospel Trail. Bet ma pa are thrilled.  Tried to watch the video but I just can’t, maybe later tonite after smokin’ a big joint.  

Spoiler

 

[Beermeet]

@Don'tlikekoolaid  Why can't you live a block away so we can smoke big spliffs and watch Bro. Gary together?!  So unfair.  * pouts*

[Dandruff]

WV?  He should go preach to the Rods.

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, Beermeet said:

5 hours ago, Spinosaurus said:

Does a family actually need a slogan?

Ummmm, yeah they do!  Bro. Gary's is " The weens in Maine make the gravy pink".

OK, folks. Picture this. The curtain opens on a stage set for a scene from Shaw’s Pygmalion or My Fair Lady; Professor Henry Higgins’ study. But, instead of Higgins and Pickering, you see Steve and Teri Maxwell. Rather than Eliza, there, in a recliner, barefoot, is Brother Gary.

The goal is doctrinal, not linguistic – Steve is trying to get Gary to understand where he will go when he dies, rather than focusing on weens. But, every now and then Steve feels the need to correct pronunciation, as anyone would when trapped in a room with Gary.

The servants are played by - well, they are, actually - Steve’s single daughters.

SERVANTS:
Quit, Dear Daddy Stevie!
Quit, Dear Daddy Stevie!
Hear our plea
Or Sunday we
Will quit, Dear Daddy Stevie!
“Death, not weens, say ‘ah-men,’”
Pounding, pounding in our brain!
“Death, not weens, say ‘ah-men,’
Learn that life is pain.”

STEVE MAXWELL: Believe through pain, and Heaven you will gain.

BRO GARY (slowly): The weens in Maine will make the gravy pink!

STEVE MAXWELL: Again?

BRO GARY: The weens in Maine will make the gravy pink!

STEVE MAXWELL: He’ll never get it! He’ll never get it!

BRO GARY: The weens in Maine will make the gravy pink!

STEVE MAXWELL: He’ll never get it! He’ll never get it!
Now, try again – once we are slain?

BRO GARY: Weens will stain
Gravy plain!

STEVE MAXWELL: What end will our faith gain?

BRO GARY: A trip to Maine!
The weens in Maine will make the gravy pink!

STEVE AND TERI MAXWELL: We strive in vain, and boy, do those feet stink!

STEVE MAXWELL: In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire...?

BRO GARY: Hayuhmens hardly happen!

(TERI plays the xylophone)

BRO GARY: Plain biscuit gravy looks like come!

STEVE MAXWELL: Now I give up, this man can’t think!

BRO GARY: Gravy’s pink! Gravy’s pink!

STEVE MAXWELL: He’s driving me to drink!

BRO GARY: It’s pink! It’s pink!

STEVE AND TERI MAXWELL (giving up), BRO GARY:
The weens in Maine will make the gravy pink!
The weens in Maine will make the gravy pink!

(they dance)

 

[keepercjr]

If they are going to WV it is probably to see Becky's kids as that is where they live.  I hope it is a nice visit for the kids.  Couldn't care less about Gary and Becky.  Those kids will never have an answer as to why their mom chose Gary over them. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

@thoughtful you could move to Hollywood and write movies and stuff. You are so funny and I luv you.

[Spinosaurus]

@keepercjr, yes, it is a shame.  I take comfort in the fact that if they're living with their Dad and his husband they're going to have a lot more stability, not to mention a far better education, than if they were travelling around in a van with an illiterate, work-phobic child-molester.

[Dandruff]

7 hours ago, Spinosaurus said:

I take comfort in the fact that if they're living with their Dad and his husband they're going to have a lot more stability, not to mention a far better education, than if they were travelling around in a van with an illiterate, work-phobic child-molester.

Who I hope will keep a good distance while Becky is with her kids.

[Spinosaurus]

Ah, it's nearly midnight.  Gravy new weens, everyone!

[Briefly]

We had lunch at Incredible Pizza today. They have a varied buffet and most of it pretty good.  I did not get it, but I noticed that they had cut-up sausages in a reddish gravy sauce.  It's possible that the sausages were actually weens cut up.  But I had to wonder if Gary was going to show up!

[keepercjr]

That is a terrible picture Gary!  I don’t think “side profile” is your good side.  And is that the best smile you can muster?  Though maybe we should be thankful it isn’t an “up the nostril” shot.

He almost looks suspicious as to why someone is following him lol