Dillards 48: Proselytising Prick Preaching to People

[nst]

the moment he publicly thanked a child molester who (allegedly) molested his wife the bottom of his life dropped out for me. 

everything else he did is predictable and gross. 

[Daisy0322]

10 hours ago, Beermeet said:

Ew!  I had a horrible thought.  Seeing as he paints her toes too. Foot Fetish. 

Haha that was my first thought when I saw the picture! I would be surprised if Jill knew though.

[SapphireSlytherin]

8 hours ago, grandmadugger said:

So who owns the house that they are living in? 

I'm not posting any further information about where they live. If I can find it, anyone can find it. I don't want to be the one responsible for random/fandom/fundiestalkers showing up on their doorstep.

[HarleyQuinn]

10 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

Haha that was my first thought when I saw the picture! I would be surprised if Jill knew though.

Maybe he suggested she go barefoot on their wedding day. 

[VelociRapture]

9 hours ago, artdecades said:

I know this has been discussed to death but wow Jill is just so bad at social media. I was looking at Jessa's Christmas photos on IG and she has a pic of Israel and Spurgeon with their toys and it is so darn cute. They are adorable little cousins playing and laughing together.

Compare that to Jill's photos of Israel, where we only see him when he is either doing something wrong (messing with the laundry, getting stuff in his hair, whatever) or that bored out of his mind video of Dullard reading the bible to him.

Who would have known that Izzy is a cute happy kiddo based on Jill's photos.

That’s not entirely accurate. I thought the laundry and hair photos were actually kind of funny. Maybe not Jessa-level, but it showed that Izzy is a normal kid who gets into mischief. I didn’t get the sense that Jill was upset at him - I got the sense that she thought the situation was just kind of funny and she wanted to share that for whatever reason. 

Jill also has shared photos of her and the boys acting pretty normally - Izzy as her cocoa and cookie buddy, taking walks with them around the neighborhood, Izzy’s attempt at taking a photo of Sam, Sam being her cuddle buddy, a really adorable photo of Sam looking confused and Izzy holding him very sweetly... Jill isn’t as good at presenting a polished or “perfect” image as Jessa can be at times, but she isn’t hyper-focused on showing only embarrassing or bad stuff either. 

Note - I don’t think Jill is the best parent by any means and I do seriously question some of the choices she’s made or helped make... but I also get the sense that she’s the better parent in that relationship. She doesn’t seem standoffish or distant with her kids the way Derick does at times. When I see a photo of her with the boys she usually looks pretty comfortable and so do they. If she cut the preaching crap and added brief explanations for some photos (like “Izzy isn’t trying to kidnap his brother, he just isn’t great at giving gentle kisses yet”) that alone would do wonders for her social media. Dropping the whole, “OMG GET YOU A GODLY GUY WHO RUBS YOUR FEET AND READS TO THE KIDS ONCE EVERY THREE MONTHS!” act would be even better.

[acheronbeach]

Jill is clueless about what others will view as worrying parenting.  It's really a reflection on how abnormal and negligent her own upbringing was.  What was her thought process when posting a pic of Izzy smothering Sam?  Or pics of what looks like bruising, without explanation?  

It's only compounded by Derick's harsh and uncaring personality.  It's a perfect storm of stupid and charmless.

[Icea]

2 hours ago, Desertrose said:

 I thought it was odd that while she was pregnant they took off to CA. 

 

 

I don't think it was that strange, Derick was always the center of attention in CA, the only place where he could out-stage Jill. While there she and Israel were completely dependent on him, seeing as they didn't speak the langage, were pretty isolated and it was so incredibly "dangerous". When they came back to the US that was no longer the case, Jill had her family around and didn't have to rely on Derick for every little thing that happened, and she was clearly the bread-winner of the family. When she became pregnant with Sam even more attention was given to her and I'm guessing his ego couldn't handle that. So, the best way to shift focus back to him was to go back to CA, the place where he clearly was in charge of his family. If Jill hadn't had such complications with Israel's delivery, I'm sure they would've stayed in CA and had Sam there.

[Carm_88]

I think part of Jill's problem is that the photos are often grainy. For example, the foot rub picture (Not that I want it to be clear) but it could be Derick or just a random creepy guy! Then it's all hashtags, which as I stated before, I find people don't really read. Then she sometimes has pictures of herself pulling that shocked face and it just makes me roll my eyes. Be natural, there is no way that the face is natural. 

Jill is the better parent because I don't feel like Derick wants to be a parent. He doesn't enjoy the kids in the way that Chad, Zach, or Ben do. He seems to put all the work on Jill. Now, we see very little of their lives and will see less, but it all comes across as strained and it gets my second hand embarrassment flush going. 

[onekidanddone]

15 hours ago, Beermeet said:

Ew!  I had a horrible thought.  Seeing as he paints her toes too. Foot Fetish.  I mean, who knows but, lots of foot action and it popped into my head, so, you have to be grossed out with me, cause we're tight like that, LOL.

 Ew. 

Doesn't Gothard also have a thing about feet? Are foot fetishes a 'thing' in their fundie world?

[Imagine20]

Could Derick have been jealous of Jill being the more well-known of the two and that's why he ditched his day job for CA and now social media trolling? Does he just crave attention in that way? Could this be another reason they're off the show? (I think his Jazz comments came after the firing.) There's got to be more to this story than wanderlust and needing to save people who don't need to be saved. He's trying to prove something and he's failing spectacularly.

There's just something off about Derick, and I can't put my finger on what it is.

[HarleyQuinn]

30 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

Doesn't Gothard also have a thing about feet? Are foot fetishes a 'thing' in their fundie world?

Yes. I read through all the posts about him on Recovering Grace and I think every single report of abuse from him mentioned him putting his foot on someone else's 

[Georgiana]

23 minutes ago, Imagine20 said:

Could Derick have been jealous of Jill being the more well-known of the two and that's why he ditched his day job for CA and now social media trolling? Does he just crave attention in that way? Could this be another reason they're off the show? (I think his Jazz comments came after the firing.) There's got to be more to this story than wanderlust and needing to save people who don't need to be saved. He's trying to prove something and he's failing spectacularly.

There's just something off about Derick, and I can't put my finger on what it is.

I think that Derick is an expat.  It's easy to conflate expatriotism with having a "travel bug" or "wanderlust", but they aren't quite the same.  Some people genuinely want to LIVE in other countries, want to LIVE among other cultures, want to experience LIFE beyond the borders of their home country.  It can be a very deep need, and it can be a very core part of a person's identity, especially if they identify it young (which I did and it seems that Derick did).  That's really the core difference between Derick and Jill: Derick is an expat; Jill likes to travel.

I don't think Derick is happy living in the US.  I am not sure he ever will be happy living in the US.  Living in another country is a really unique experience, and one that permeates ALL aspects of your life.  If THAT is what you need, if THAT is what drives you, if THAT is what fulfills you, there's really no substitute.  There's NO WAY to live that sort of life in your home country.   Travel doesn't make up for it.  I'm a partial expat, and I am not particularly fond of travel.  I don't give a flying fig about most "touristy" things.  What matters to me, what I want to experience, is LIFE elsewhere. THAT's the need.  THAT's what I find compelling.  It's this incredible and unique human experience that I knew from an early age that I MUST have.

And I think Derick identified that part of himself before Jill.  Even on the show, he was VERY clear about that being a core part of his identity, and was looking for a wife who was ALSO an expat.  But he got Jill. I think he's unfulfilled on a very deep level.  I think he's unhappy on a very deep level.  And I think he blames Jill for that because SHE is the one who is unable to function outside the borders of AR.  She's a literal ball and chain from his perspective, tethering him to the prison of the US. And I think he feels betrayed because she was sold as something she wasn't.  I'm not pointing fingers or assigning blame, I'm just saying: from Derick's perspective, he got a lemon in a spouse as well.

I often defend Derick on this because I GET IT.  I get that need.  I get that desire.  I don't think it's possible for Derick to be happy with Jill.  She simply CANNOT meet his needs as a partner, because one of his needs is to live outside the US.  That's a legitimate need.  That's not something he can control.  That's not a choice.  That's part of who he is.  And Jill simply cannot meet that very core need.

As for who he has become post marriage and post the destruction of his dreams, I think his transformation is best summed up in the immortal words of Langston Hughes' Harlem:

What happens to a dream deferred?

 

      Does it dry up

      like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore—

      And then run?

      Does it stink like rotten meat?

      Or crust and sugar over—

      like a syrupy sweet?

 

      Maybe it just sags

      like a heavy load.

 

      Or does it explode?

[karen77]

2 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

I think that Derick is an expat.  It's easy to conflate expatriotism with having a "travel bug" or "wanderlust", but they aren't quite the same.  Some people genuinely want to LIVE in other countries, want to LIVE among other cultures, want to experience LIFE beyond the borders of their home country.  It can be a very deep need, and it can be a very core part of a person's identity, especially if they identify it young (which I did and it seems that Derick did).  That's really the core difference between Derick and Jill: Derick is an expat; Jill likes to travel.

I don't think Derick is happy living in the US.  I am not sure he ever will be happy living in the US.  Living in another country is a really unique experience, and one that permeates ALL aspects of your life.  If THAT is what you need, if THAT is what drives you, if THAT is what fulfills you, there's really no substitute.  There's NO WAY to live that sort of life in your home country.   Travel doesn't make up for it.  I'm a partial expat, and I am not particularly fond of travel.  I don't give a flying fig about most "touristy" things.  What matters to me, what I want to experience, is LIFE elsewhere. THAT's the need.  THAT's what I find compelling.  It's this incredible and unique human experience that I knew from an early age that I MUST have.

And I think Derick identified that part of himself before Jill.  Even on the show, he was VERY clear about that being a core part of his identity, and was looking for a wife who was ALSO an expat.  But he got Jill. I think he's unfulfilled on a very deep level.  I think he's unhappy on a very deep level.  And I think he blames Jill for that because SHE is the one who is unable to function outside the borders of AR.  She's a literal ball and chain from his perspective, tethering him to the prison of the US. And I think he feels betrayed because she was sold as something she wasn't.  I'm not pointing fingers or assigning blame, I'm just saying: from Derick's perspective, he got a lemon in a spouse as well.

I often defend Derick on this because I GET IT.  I get that need.  I get that desire.  I don't think it's possible for Derick to be happy with Jill.  She simply CANNOT meet his needs as a partner, because one of his needs is to live outside the US.  That's a legitimate need.  That's not something he can control.  That's not a choice.  That's part of who he is.  And Jill simply cannot meet that very core need.

As for who he has become post marriage and post the destruction of his dreams, I think his transformation is best summed up in the immortal words of Langston Hughes' Harlem:

What happens to a dream deferred?

 

      Does it dry up

      like a raisin in the sun?

      Or fester like a sore—

      And then run?

      Does it stink like rotten meat?

      Or crust and sugar over—

      like a syrupy sweet?

 

      Maybe it just sags

      like a heavy load.

 

      Or does it explode?

Well, maybe she could be ok living in another country, just one that is more westernized, or at least 1st world. Somehwere she doesn't have to worry about being murdered constantly. OBviously Central America wasn't the best choice. 

[Georgiana]

Just now, karen77 said:

Well, maybe she could be ok living in another country, just one that is more westernized, or at least 1st world. Somehwere she doesn't have to worry about being murdered constantly. OBviously Central America wasn't the best choice. 

Considering she literally lived in a tightly controlled and guarded compound in Central America, I am not sure there is any other country that she would feel "safe" in. Objectively speaking, I am pretty sure that Jill was safer in her compound than I am in my house in an increasingly gentrified urban area.  Her safe-space is the rural Bible belt.  She could move up here to Seattle, and I bet you she would have the SAME meltdown.  Because things are different, and that is a threat to her.  Because we are "others", and she was raised to view ALL "others" as a significant threat.  Because she's going to get a LOT of side-eye for how she acts up here (and frankly probably anywhere outside of her bubble), and in many cases will receive overt push-back and possible hostility from annoyed locals.  Because everything not white-bread, pre-processed Protestant mid-West America is a threat to her, and eventually the threats pile too high, a crime happens (as it does EVERYWHERE in the world), and she spirals that out of control in her head and melts down.  

Her "danger" wasn't actual, credible threats.  It was change.  It was new things.  It was simply a different environment that she couldn't process or predict.  The threat was the unknown.    

Girl is, without a doubt, the OPPOSITE of an expat.  She is a HOMEBODY.  Anything she is not intimately familiar with is DANGER to her, and she doesn't have the skills to process that healthily.  She needs her bubble to function.  

[AtlanticTug]

I also think it's not just Jill but the fact they rushed into having a child 0.8 seconds after getting married.  And then dragged a young baby with them to a place with no support for Jill who was stuck at home with the baby all day baking banana bread.

Yes, Jill is a homebody. Yes, she seems to be clingy. Yes, she probably benefits emotionally from having her large family around. BUT, I think that she would have had a much better time on a foreign mission trip without also being a first time mother to a potentially high needs/not chill baby. It just made everything so much harder for her. Because she was tied to the baby (and we know she breastfed for a very long time) and they were in an unsafe place, it wasn't as if she could just plop him in the stroller and go down to the local baby and me class or the corner Starbucks.

I get that they don't use birth control, but dem's the breaks. Derrick is a complete idiot and not an empathetic person so I guarantee you that he never thought twice about the logistical difficulties of dragging a young baby along on the trip, not to mention popping out who knows how many others while on the mission field. He got a spouse who wasn't well suited to the task at hand, yes, BUT I think that having Israel compounded Jill's inability to adjust 1000x.

[Sky with diamonds]

7 hours ago, nst said:

the moment he publicly thanked a child molester who (allegedly) molested his wife the bottom of his life dropped out for me. 

everything else he did is predictable and gross. 

The moments when he went after Jazz and then thanked a child molester were mind boggling to me. And to know he begged for money, and his Twitter rants...he is an egotistical pig in my books. 

[Four is Enough]

5 hours ago, onekidanddone said:

Doesn't Gothard also have a thing about feet? Are foot fetishes a 'thing' in their fundie world?

Are they expected to follow him in EVERYTHING??????

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

5 hours ago, onekidanddone said:

Doesn't Gothard also have a thing about feet? Are foot fetishes a 'thing' in their fundie world?

If that were the case, you'd think flip flops would be banned for all that defrauding toe nudity.

[onekidanddone]

Dertwit re-tweeted a real gem tonight. 

 

 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Education and options for family planning and contraception are healthcare.

Education and options for family planning and contraception are healthcare.

Education and options for family planning and contraception are healthcare...

[Rachel333]

8 minutes ago, VeryNikeSeamstress said:

If that were the case, you'd think flip flops would be banned for all that defrauding toe nudity.

I had a friend who went to those retreats and she said that flip-flops actually were banned in mixed company, and that all the girls found it super weird since none of them considered their toes something they needed to cover up for modesty.

[Daisy0322]

9 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Maybe he suggested she go barefoot on their wedding day. 

Lol I have no issue with someone having a kink as long as it's safe and consensual. But something tells me that Jill wouldn't even be aware if derek introduced a kinky side ... unless the fundie sex manual (I forget the name of that book they all get) says it's sinful.

[Fun Undies]

@Rachel333 I'm assuming everyone already knew about Gothard's foot fetish, so they wanted to "help" him not be "tempted" (which I know obviously here, probably doesn't even need to be said/explained, but it bothers me to know end when people victim blame rape victims, or slut shame based on articles on clothing - because if it was the *clothes* that "caused" the rape, then why do women/men get raped, even when they're covered from head to toe??).

Fundie logic fail once again.

As for the "foot fetish" - I can't stand feet (not even my own), but if that's what rocks his socks, I would literally consider it the LEAST revolting thing about Derick   I don't tend to go into the whole "pregnancy debate, based on a picture", but the only other time I saw Derick mess with Jill's feet, was to paint her toes when she was heavily pregnant with Israel - and I think she said Derick had been helping take care of her a lot since she's been pregnant.  So honestly, my first thought - "she's pregnant, she's sick!!"  Which is alss kind of sad to think, that that might be the only time he cares for her :S

[Sky with diamonds]

1 hour ago, Rachel333 said:

I had a friend who went to those retreats and she said that flip-flops actually were banned in mixed company, and that all the girls found it super weird since none of them considered their toes something they needed to cover up for modesty.

Didn't Michelle have something to say about feet on an old episode of 19 Kids while shoe shopping? I forget what she said, but I think it was shoe shopping for Jill's wedding. 

 

[grandmadugger]

13 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I'm not posting any further information about where they live. If I can find it, anyone can find it. I don't want to be the one responsible for random/fandom/fundiestalkers showing up on their doorstep.

I didn’t ask for their address. I just wanted to know who owns the home more specific if JB does because I find it very telling if he doesn’t.