Jinger/Jeremy: Not as Interesting as Jingerbread

[spookytwoshoes]

11 minutes ago, mpheels said:

Just chiming in to say that pastor's husbands and partners can also be very busy. My church is a very small Methodist congregation - our pastor is technically full time, but she splits her time between the church and managing a UMC-sponsored group home. She is the only paid staff member - everything else is volunteer. Her fiance runs all of the sound and lighting for the church (nothing fancy, but it's a very old building, so it can be finicky). He keeps tab on maintenance issues, in conjunction with our board of directors. He also steps in as the "master of ceremonies" when the pastor is away - he reads the announcements and introduces the guest preacher for the sermon.

3

I'm glad you brought this up. I was careful to say that pastor's spouses are valuable. I belong to a church at ordains both men and women. At my husband's last assignment, his co-pastor was a woman who was married. Her husband helped out occasionally with maintenance work around the church but couldn't do too much because also had a full-time job. At that time, I was working full time as well and helping out at the church as much as I could.

However, this is where I saw an interesting double standard for pastor’s spouses. When the pastor’s husband helped out, people were super grateful. People talked about how good of a man he was, gave him baked goods, thanked him endlessly. He was just a really nice guy doing things for the church despite being busy with other things. For me, the expectation was different. Helping out at the church was seen as my job, secondary to the job I went to college for and was actually getting paid for. While I got the occasional thank you, there was still gossip going around (fucking church gossip, man) as reasons for not me being more involved. These ranged from me being lazy to not being a Christian, to my husband and I getting divorced. People just could not fathom that the pastor’s wife had other shit to do.

I don’t know if it's the same in your church, I hope it's not. My church is by no means conservative but that double standard is still there. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

55 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

I'm Jewish and my Rabbi's wife is hardly involved in anything the temple does. She always held a full-time job and just did not have time to do more. 

Many of the older members of my temple did not like that was not involved.   

Many older women always seem to forget how much work just having young kids is. The church we attended a while ago had a young family, their youngest (of 3) was a year older than my oldest, and when the kids were small she did a weekly bible study for women and did a few things.  As the kids got older she started doing more and more until the youngest started driving and then she started working full time at the church.  And yes we had old biddies there as well who had nothing but time to snark on what others did , or did not do.  

[Pasta]

I'm sorry if I came off offensive.  I didn't intend it that way. I believe that pastors wife's do have a heart full of work in their church and community. I Just don't equate that to anyone named duggar. 

[BackseatMom]

I think it's a fair question. Some spouses (especially the women) in that position are worked way beyond 40hrs per week (I'm looking at you, Chabad Houses). Others hardly do anything. How does Jinger fill her days?

[Jana814]

My Rabbi has been at my temple since 1978.  The previous Rabbi's wife was involved and when the new one came the older members expected the same from the new one. 

My Rabbi's wife started "Torah for tots" that is still popular today. She says the prayer for Israel during Yum Kippur and that's about it. I remember back in 1997 she passed out during the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah service she was sick but she came to services because she didn't want to be bad mouth for not going to services.  

[Hmmm_idolatry]

2 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

My friends husband is like that only they aren't fundies, he's just a sexist asshole. 

Mine too.  They're both attorneys.  She is the better attorney, has the better job, and earns a lot more money than he does, yet he calls the shots.  I wish she would tell him to fuck right off, but instead she goes right along with his BS.  It makes me very sad.  

[St.Clara]

15 hours ago, Pasta said:

Do you think Jinger cooks? I imagine  their husbands expect them to cook, right? What does a pastor's wife do all day? Hell, what does a missionary wife do all day? What do the children do all day?? Gypsy girls are expected to clean and cook every day. Do the suckggars do this too?? 

Before Jessa and Ben were married there was a TH with JB and they asked him if he thought that Ben would get to see a warm homemade meal every day. JB grinned and said something along the lines of "Well, maybe in some journal or other, but certainly not in real life..." So while I am convinced that it would be Jessa´s job to make sure they have something to eat (by opening the cans and warm over whatever is in there or by making the sandwiches), it does not seem to me that in the Duggar world she  is required to actually cook.

Although JB did not explicitly say so, I think he doubted that Jessa was even able to cook. And, to be honest, it even seemed to me that JB expected Ben to be veeeery grateful for getting to marry this pretty daughter of JB´s even if she could not cook (along the lines of "Anybody can make you a sandwich..."). But I may be wrong in that last point.

[VelociRapture]

I was fortunate enough to be a SAHW for about a year before our daughter was born. It did get boring at times to be honest, but I spent my time on the following ways:

- Taking care of the dog we adopted about a month after I left my job. During Tax Season (January to April) I was 100% responsible for her, so I spent a lot of time walking her around town.

- Watching my infant nephew for about two months in the spring while his parents worked.

- Cook (I've gotten pretty good!)

- Clean

- Took care of the shopping.

- Shoveled after storms so husband has somewhere to park. Luckily, the HOA hired a much better company for that this year. They came a cleared the road and driveways really quickly.

- Knitting (I knit a "sunshine" color blankie after my miscarriage to keep my mind busy - my daughter uses it all the time now.  )

- Reading. 

- Watching bad TV/movies.

- Gestate 

Turned out to be a good thing I was home during that time. I didn't need to worry about using PTO when I miscarried or when I was suffering from really bad morning sickness May through June. 

I can't attest to what the newly married Duggars do to spend their time. I would think Jinger might be pretty busy though considering her husband is a Pastor and other posters have mentioned how big a role that can be. I just hope she isn't volunteering at their pregnancy crisis center thing or anything. Last thing anyone in that position needs is a Duggar blabbing on about Devil Pills and the evils of abortion. 

I would guess Jill had spent time cooking, cleaning, hanging with her buddies (James especially seemed to pop up a lot), prepping for baby, and she may have spent time doing Midwife stuff. Jessa is the wildcard for me because I don't remember her having any interests before marriage.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing for them to have that time before becoming mothers though - even if they aren't doing much. The eldest daughters were worked extremely hard at very young ages. They could use this time to try and work on hobbies or figure out who they are or work out how they want to run their own homes... or just relax a bit. I think they earned a bit of time considering their shit childhoods. 

[nst]

On 4/8/2017 at 8:26 AM, Four is Enough said:

Well, Jill can be having her nervous break down, and Jinger can have her privacy, because Jessa is being the brand right now.. She is holding the standard. She is probably coaching Joy on how to have a wedding. She's probably coaching Anna on how to improve Josh.

I don' think for a second that Jessa talks to Anna without the camera present. 

Jill is so quite this season of life I wonder truly what is going on.   Jessa is coaching no one because she wants to the glory and standard. 

Joy will find her way with her husband's social media

[RosyDaisy]

A fundie preacher's wife? Gossiping with other ladies from church.

[sophie10130]

If the Duggars pre-kids spent any time throughout the day thinking about their beliefs or soul searching and doing nothing else, I would consider that time well spent for them. But that's just me. 

I was out of work for longer than Jinger has been married. People just stay home sometimes. I did a lot of reading and crafting and watching a LOT of Netflix. My husband was gone for about half out that, so it was just me day in and day out. It got a bit maddening, honestly. In the end, it made me understand Jill's clingy-ness a bit better. I'm pretty clingy, but when you're home alone all day it's hard NOT to think about every tiny thing your spouse may or may not be doing. It gave me a lot more time to be anxious, which was a bad thing. But I also got to relax and do things when I wanted to do them and watch all the shitty TV I wanted to with no judgement.

[calimojo]

I hope Jinger is spending her time reading and broadening her horizons  I hope that Jeremy is encouraging her to broaden her world view.  I hope that if she finds her way to the internet and comes to FJ, that she finds enough that would challenge her belief system while not also making her feel attacked or defensive.

 

Now,  remember Hope and Reality are different things.  Chances are, Jinger is learning her way around Laredo and getting to know church members.  And likely being brought along to outings where her mild level of celebrity might be useful to recruit more people to Jeremy's church.  And, other than that she is probably living out the whole Helpmeet bullshit and spending time deeply mis-interpreting the bible as she has been trained to do and as her husband does. 

But, on the off chance that she ever dives into FJ,  I just hope there is a voice inside her head that will encourage her to think critically and question much of what she was forced to believe.

[LawsonBatesEgo]

All I hope is that Jinger has time to explore her interest in photography in some capacity. 

She deserves that much after being raised in this shitty cult. 

[Kak]

6 hours ago, calimojo said:

But, on the off chance that she ever dives into FJ, 

I think she'd think we're a pack of hateful bitches who criticise her hair, her weight, her fake tan, her make up, her family, how she spends her time etc etc. I doubt FJ would be anymore than that to her.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

10 hours ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

All I hope is that Jinger has time to explore her interest in photography in some capacity. 

She deserves that much after being raised in this shitty cult. 

I would hope that her or all of them would get to explore any hobby that they found interesting.  I would love to see one of the girls cut her hair into a pixie cut and dye it rainbow colors, just for fun. I want to see one of the boys grow his hair out like Harry Stiles.  See one of them run off and write poetry and hang out in cliche coffee houses with other wanna be hipster poets and artists.  Or have one of the girls run off and join the military , or one of the boys become a hair stylist, break a gender norm because it is what THEY want to do with their life, and just to shake up their parents rigidness and control on the kids and finally allow them all to make their own life choices.    

[Chickenbutt]

@allthegoodnamesrgoneYour post brings something to my mind....how do the Duggar's feel about the military? Would they allow one of the boys to join should they want to? I seriously doubt they would allow one of the girls to join.

Isn't ALERT a paramilitary mindset? Thinking about this makes my head hurt.

[Four is Enough]

I'm pretty sure no Duggar or Gothardite will ever join the military. What if an ebil womin had to give one of the men an order? And they wouldn't be under the proper umbrella of protection!

[Bad Wolf]

They've said they would be proud if one of their kids wanted to join the military, but we know it won't happen. The services now want well educated enlistees, not SOTDRT graduates.

[PainfullyAware]

I really think it's important not to assume that stay at home spouses are all going stir crazy, popping Valium and wasting our days! I have a chronic illness so I stay at home now. It was a hard adjustment but I have a routine now which makes life much easier. I think that's a key element to having lots of free time. I have taken freelance writing online and connecting with other people with similar conditions. I taught myself calligraphy. I audit free online courses at places like Coursera. I go out to cafes when I'm able to in order to read or work online. I look after my health. Personally, I avoid watching Netflix in the day, just to create a separation between 'day' and 'evening' activities. Having them blend together made me feel like I was just killing time until my husband got home. 

Although I don't stay home by choice, it's really made me reevaluate my feminism around work/home. I used to pay lip service to the choice to work or stay at home but really wondered why anyone would choose the latter. I didn't have a lot of respect for that choice. But now I think about all the valuable contributions made and personal satisfaction gained by spouses who stay at home. Look at the crafting that most of the posts by people who stayed at home for a period of time engaged in, or the caregiving that they provided. Just because work isn't paid doesn't make it less valuable and just because you may spend your time on personal hobbies for personal enjoyment doesn't mean that goal doesn't have intrinsic worth. Many stay at home spouses also engage in critical volunteer and community work, as able. It's weird for me to think I will be a stay at home wife (and hopefully mother) because that was never my plan. But I understand the choice now and think that those of us in that situation and role really do deserve equal respect. (Not directed at FJers but just a general belief about how feminism sees women and men who stay at home).

[feministxtian]

3 hours ago, Bad Wolf said:

They've said they would be proud if one of their kids wanted to join the military, but we know it won't happen. The services now want well educated enlistees, not SOTDRT graduates.

To enlist...you have to be a REAL HS grad, no GED unless you have at least 15 college credits to go with that GED. The last I heard (I could be wrong) the Air Force was giving preference to people with an AS or AA degree over a HS diploma. So...I don't see any of the Duggar boys being eligible to enlist. 

[nastyhobbitses]

On 4/9/2017 at 11:21 AM, Pasta said:

I'm sorry if I came off offensive.  I didn't intend it that way. I believe that pastors wife's do have a heart full of work in their church and community. I Just don't equate that to anyone named duggar. 

Yeah, that's why I pretty much asked what Jinger does all day. She's on the younger end of the J-Slaves, so she didn't have to do nearly as much childcare/housework as her older sisters, every volunteering opportunity she's ever seemed to do has been either some low-effort thing orchestrated for a reality show or a week of harassing Salvadorans as "ministry", and she's never been encouraged to have or pursue a job. I can't see Jinger taking on the responsibilities of being a pastor's spouse. Maybe she'll prove me wrong.

[seraaa]

@PainfullyAware I could not agree more.

There are a ton of other ways to live a fulfilling life and contribute to society (if that's your wish) than to enter the paid workforce. Having time to purse personal interests and goals is intrinsically rewarding in itself, as you say. And there are loads of causes and campaigns to get involved with that aren't specific paid jobs.

Even if one only accounts for the economic impact of any activity,  the unpaid domestic and childcare work done mostly by women outside of formal employment is kind of undergirding our whole economy. 

https://www.forbes.com/sites/brycecovert/2012/05/30/putting-a-price-tag-on-unpaid-housework/#7f84ef6235c6

[VelociRapture]

4 hours ago, feministxtian said:

To enlist...you have to be a REAL HS grad, no GED unless you have at least 15 college credits to go with that GED. The last I heard (I could be wrong) the Air Force was giving preference to people with an AS or AA degree over a HS diploma. So...I don't see any of the Duggar boys being eligible to enlist. 

General recruitments can be found here:

https://www.usa.gov/join-military

Keep in mind two things. One, this is a list that applies to enlisted service members. Officers tend to require a Bachelors degree or other more stringent requirements. Second, this is just a general idea. Each branch likely has their own specific requirements. For example, the Marines require enlisted recruits be between 17 and 28 - not 17 to 40.

Out of all the Duggars, I would think only four would stand a chance - Jeremy, Derick and Ben. They all hold some sort of college education and fall within acceptable age ranges, depending on the branch (Jeremy would have aged out of the enlisted age bracket for the Marine Corps already.) Health is something we simply can't know about. Same with physical fitness.

None of the biological Duggar offspring, the DILs, or Austin would likely qualify for the Armed Forces - some branches will accept enlisted recruits with a GED, but I don't think they all do and I think those recruits have limited opportunities. I would guess they would only accept the best abd most promising GED recruits and, unfortunately, I don't see any Duggars who really stand out as having big potential in that way.

But that doesn't really matter. I highly doubt IBLP is big on members joining the military. I would guess that's part of the reason they started ALERT in the first place (don't know for sure though - it'd be great if someone knowledgeable could explain the background on why ALERT was started.) And I don't see any of them really having the discipline necessary to make it in that type of environment - which isn't an insult. A lot of people who grew up in normal families wouldn't do well in the Armed Forces either.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

15 hours ago, Chickenbutt said:

@allthegoodnamesrgoneYour post brings something to my mind....how do the Duggar's feel about the military? Would they allow one of the boys to join should they want to? I seriously doubt they would allow one of the girls to join.

Isn't ALERT a paramilitary mindset? Thinking about this makes my head hurt.

They are anti Military and anti government, except where the government steps in and tells other people that they can't do this or can't do that. Like have abortions, or healthcare or gay marry.  But other than that, I'm pretty sure these crooks pay little to no taxes when ever they can get away with it. 

[Mela99]

8 hours ago, Bad Wolf said:

They've said they would be proud if one of their kids wanted to join the military, but we know it won't happen. The services now want well educated enlistees, not SOTDRT graduates.

Word. They say a lot of things. I remember in that book they said, oh if one of them is "called" to a particular field, like medicine, we will help them prepare for it. But I don't think they consider it a true calling unless Daddy approves.

Makes me feel so bad for that one fundie girl who dreamed of medical school and her dad said no. So she went into medical coding.