Dillards 27 - Allergies, Fever, and the Dangers of Being a White Baby

[twinmama]

10 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

ETA: @twinmama I have a friend who turned 16 the day of the September 11th attacks. We didn't realize until he mentioned it at practice that night. Not the greatest birthday he's ever celebrated

It's all up from that one though! lol My husband and I have a rather dark sense of humor. I always think I should get him a birthday card that says "I'll never forget... your birthday!" Gotta laugh so you don't cry.

[Fascinated]

Aw, thank you, @twinmamaand @VelociRapture.  I didn't mention it for sympathy. But I was getting a bit ragey. 

[twinmama]

1 minute ago, Fascinated said:

Aw, thank you, @twinmamaand @VelociRapture.  I didn't mention it for sympathy. But I was getting a bit ragey. 

Everyone deserves to be remembered and I am always happy to hear another little NICU baby's story. Don't hesitate to share your boy and his life

[Carm_88]

3 minutes ago, Fascinated said:

Aw, thank you, @twinmamaand @VelociRapture.  I didn't mention it for sympathy. But I was getting a bit ragey. 

And for a completely understandable reason. The original poster was beyond rude! Sorry for your loss. 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

3 hours ago, Jug Band Baby said:

You can worry about someone else's baby while still worrying about your own.  Concern isn't zero-sum.  Hold your NICU-baby's warn hand and be in solidarity with the mother who doesn't know if she'll ever get to touch the warm hand of her child again or if the outside forces threatening her child will be her death.

Can you pretty please stop policing other people's feelings? Because, you know, people less perfect than you, sometimes,  like when their micropreemie is barely living and often dying in NICU (try consulting micropreemies survival rates in NICU 30 yrs ago), well they may feel very raw, jealous, angry, guilty and completely absorbed in their pain. And even if they can lucidly understand that it doesn't make sense they feel raw because their world is full of tragedy and yet the outside world doesn't notice, no news outlet coverage of the worst moments of their life, the world goes on unperturbed, they can't help it! You know what, their feelings are legitimate! Telling Penny her feelings were all wrong and she should have felt what you think is the right way to feel is quite shitty. I hope you don't do this sort of things irl.

[PennySycamore]

@VelociRapture, @Fascinated, @Kittikatz,  @SassyPants,  and@laPapessaGiovanna,  thank you all for kind and wise words.  

@Fascinated, I'm so sorry for your loss, and @Kittikatz, I'm sorry that you lost your beloved brother.   Nobody should have to go through what we went through.

@Jug Band Baby,    you might want to get to know a poster before you come with guns blazing in a personal attack.  I don't know why I might have been bothered by the Baby Jessica stuff in the fall of '87, but I don't remember much of anything from that fall.  My mind was just not on events outside the NICU.  

Thanks to @twinmama and @laPapessaGiovanna, too!

[twinmama]

1 minute ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

completely absorbed in their pain

This is such a good point. I honestly have no idea if my boys were ever in a life or death situation in the NICU. They weren't micropreemies by gestation, and they were barely by weight. But to us, parents who expected 6 pound chubby babies born near term, oh god the 2lb bright red fetuses who could not breath on their own it felt very life or death. It was terrifying on a level I can't explain. It's only luck that we left the NICU with our boys eventually. I feel like it could have gone either way, one infection, one complication can change a perfectly health and on track preemie to a dying baby.

[Fascinated]

@laPapessaGiovanna, my god you always nail it. Thank you.  

[Carm_88]

9 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

completely absorbed in their pain.

Numbness is how my parents described my brothers situation, when they weren't sobbing their eyes out, they were numb. I know that I walked around in a fog. 

[Iamtheway]

4 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I'm so very sorry for you and your parents' loss.  

 

That's an interesting way to look at things. I don't know if their situation really fits the definition of Stockholm Sybdrome though. To the best of my knowledge, Stockholm Syndrome is developing feelings of attachment to a captor. I suppose it could be argued that their parents are their captors, but I think I view their situation as more of being brainwashed than anything. 

I do agree that it's likely very difficult to even consider separating from the lifestyle - even if they wanted to - because they have those feelings of attachment to their family though. Difficult, but not impossible.

I am so, so sorry for your loss as well. No parent should ever have to bury their child.  

I actually saw a documentary about the events that named the Stockholm Syndrome a while ago and it was really interesting. So I know it's not real Stockholm Syndrome. That is when people are being held against their will and the Duggars have no idea they are captives of the cult. And they don't think they could live better lifes if they separated from their family. This is the life they want, not just for themselves but for everyone.

Just like I don't think I would live a better life if I separated from my family and everything I was thought to believe. 

I'm sure if there was a tv show following my family around (thank God there isn't, it would be more boring then CO) the Duggars and their friends could have a forum just like this one called Free Iamtheway where they talk about the dangers of a heathen lifestyle and criticise my parents for not giving me a godly upbinging and caring for my soul. And then they would turn on me for keeping the heatheness up with Miniway when I'm an adult. Some would defend me though, since I don't know any better. They'd feel sorry for Mr Way that doesn't have a sweet, joyfully availible wife. Some would have hope that he might turn me a bit more conservative but others would claim he is just as heathen as me and just hides it better. 

I would google myself (because who doesn't) and find the forum but it would only make me sad for the people that didn't understand how my lifestyle was the best one, it wouldn't make me pick up my bible and question everything I believe is right. 

The difference is I'm not grifting money to go around trying to convert people to my heathen, feminist, pro-choice lifestyle. And I don't have a show/ministry to show the rest of you how you should live while simultaniously trying to bore you to death with my visits to the dentists and having a fake emergency when I can't find my toddlers gloves before walking him to daycare.

Actually that happens everyday and might be better tv then some CO episodes. I'll call TLC. 

[Gobsmacked]

Having had a baby in Nicu for 13 days then seeing same child have two emergency surgeries with a an hours prior warning 14 years later for a condition which ought to have been picked up at birth or at least by the age of 2 (we lived in an area not known for good paediatric care as we found out later), the fog and numbness is sadly so real. A world war could have broken out on both these occasions without us noticing a thing. The whole world shrinks to whatever is happening inside the Hospital walls. 

[Iamtheway]

I'm so sorry for all of you that has lost a loved one way too soon especially ones who havn't even had a chance to live. No one should have to go through that. 

I once read something that has really stuck with me. It was a chronicle about being bored and having a dull, grey day and how thankfull you should be. Because for someone out there it's the worst day of their life. 

I read it really long ago but I still think about it often and especially every time I see an ambulance. 

[MargaretElliott]

Guys, whenever a baby or child's life is in danger, whatever the reason, whatever the situation, I think we can all agree that it's a tragedy. No need to quantify or justify any kind of grief. Let's just honor the lives lost, and support those who are experiencing emotional trauma, whatever the nature of it might be- sorrow, anger, numbness, whatever. They deserve support and kindness. Period.

Much love and hugs to everyone who has shared their stories 

[church_of_dog]

For years I thought I had a memory of JFK's assassination.  I was a year and a half old and the tv was on and I apparently said, in toddler language, "Mommy, why are you crying?"  (probably more like "Mommy cry?")

Anyway it was only around ten years ago that it occurred to me that my mental image of this scene was in the family room of the house THAT WE DIDN'T MOVE TO UNTIL 1967 -- in other words, my mom told me that story of what I said, but I don't actually have a memory of it.

I should have memories of MLK and RFK's assassinations in 1968, as I would have been 6 years old by then, but I just don't -- not sure why.

So my first big-event memory is of the first moon landing in 1969.  I was 7.  I remember watching the launch on tv and being disappointed that so soon after liftoff they were in the blackness of space and there was nothing to watch anymore, until they got to the moon.  Then after they landed, I remember going outside after dark and looking up at the moon and being CERTAIN I could see the LEM module driving around with the little USA flag sticking up from it...

Then in '72 I remember seeing the news about the Munich Olympics and the terror attacks there.

Then in '74 there was Watergate and Nixon's resignation (I was at summer camp when he made his resignation speech, and they brought a radio into the dining hall so we could listen), Patty Hearst being kidnapped.  And (I'm cheating now by looking things up as I would never remember when they happened now -- but once reminded, I do remember them) Baryshnikov defecting to the US.

[Iamtheway]

Another face that is etched on my mind is that of a young boy that died in the Hillsborough disaster, when the stands collapsed and 96 people died. 

There were horrible pictures from the stadium in the newspaper of peopel being crushed against the fence. I will always remember his face. 

Just like I will always remember the face of a refugee boy from an article from last year. He was standing with his mother and sister. They were the only surviving from a family of nine. Their story was horrible and so so sad. The look in his eyes haunts me. 

[Lurker]

A very early memory for me at 5 was a plane that crashed in Brooklyn in 1960 that only one survivor (I learned later he died). 

I remember clearly J F K's assination, our nuns were called to the office then returned to our classrooms and told us the news in tears.

I live in Brooklyn, about four miles by car  from the site of the Twin Towers, less as the crow flies over the water.  I was leaving the house to go to work when there I heard a crunching sound, thought it sounded like a multi car crash, then saw the plume of smoke.   I knew people who were killed in the Towers, some professionally, some parents of my childrens friends.

 

[Cheetah]

On March 18, 2017 at 8:12 PM, RosyDaisy said:

I remember Elvis Presley's death.

Ha... "funny" story about that one... I was about 8 years old and over at a friend's house when his mom came out to say that Elvis had died.  I had never heard of Elvis.  My friend was heartbroken.  So I do remember Elvis dying, but there was no emotional impact for me personally except being baffled that my friend was so sad.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

1 hour ago, Cheetah said:

Ha... "funny" story about that one... I was about 8 years old and over at a friend's house when his mom came out to say that Elvis had died.  I had never heard of Elvis.  My friend was heartbroken.  So I do remember Elvis dying, but there was no emotional impact for me personally except being baffled that my friend was so sad.

I was at a babysitter's house and she had a complete meltdown. At least I wasn't with the babysitter who had a life size poster of him in the bathroom.

[DaisyD]

My first news memory would have to be Challenger. I was 5 and my teachers at after school daycare were all crying. They didn't properly prepare me for what I was about to see. That one is burned into my brain. 

Desert Storm was when I was in 4th grade. I remember watching what looked like a laser light show or something on the news every morning before school. 

Columbine was my senior year. I was just glad I was graduating in a couple of months.

I was in the Navy when the attack on the USS Cole happened. That one hit really close to home.

I was still in the Navy and now pregnant on 9/11. I used to listen to a radio station out of Mexico on my drive into work, so I didn't hear about it then. I stopped at the food truck and overheard a couple of sailors talking about planes crashing into buildings. I wondered what movie they were talking about. When I got to morning muster, the LPO came in and said "The second tower just fell." That's when it dawned on me that those guys hadn't been talking about a movie. We spent the rest of the day glued to the tv (I was on temporary duty because of my pregnancy, so nothing pressing to do that day). My whole world changed that day. Also, most of you are making me feel really old.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I've been trying to think what my earliest "news memory" is, mostly nudged by everyone else's posts. I vaguely remember Expo '74 in Spokane, but only because my family went there, in matching red, white, and blue t-shirts my mom made. I remember when Caitlyn Jenner (then Bruce) showed up on the Wheaties boxes and millions of television ads, but not when she (he) actually won the decathlon gold medal. I remember the celebrations for the bicentennial, but mostly in a general way. (Disneyland had a fun musical "ride" called Sing America! or America Sings! that summer.)

So, I guess my earliest defined moment memory would be when my mom was sad because Bing Crosby had died. I got him mixed up with Bill Cosby until she explained that, no, Fat Albert hadn't died. (Now that memory mades me sad for more recent reasons.  )

 

[Destiny]

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