Joy and Austin: Engaged!

[Tangy Bee]

Well, I guess business will definitely be good at Fort Rock Camp. Things will pick up for sure with a "Duggar" living close by. Austin's sister is still pretty involved with things. Went to her husband's facebook page. I really regret that....

[LawsonBatesEgo]

21 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I also kind of hypothesize that Jessa realizes now that she could have done better. But I don't think JB was thinking of getting back at her. I think he just gave the go ahead because he knew he could keep a man boy in line easier than a grown man. 

But Jessa is meant to wear the pants in the family no matter how many times fundies act like god made men the one who wears the pants. Jessa wouldn't like a guy like Jeremy because she can't boss him around. And Jeremy doesn't want someone like Jessa. She's definitely not meek. 

I agree with this. I think Jessa realises she could have done better and married someone with more prospects/money if she wasn't so impatient to get out of the TTH. I wonder if she looks at someone like Jeremy and wishes she waited rather than locking herself in with the manchild. 

But I think she also realises that if she married someone older and who had actual life experience (like Jeremy), he wouldn't be so easily bossed around and may not blindly worship the ground she walks on the way Bin does. I think Jessa is someone who needs to feel like her man puts her on a pedestal and lets her be in charge. 

[BamaBelle]

16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I guess I see it that way because I'm dominant in romantic relationships. My first BF and I dated a long time and it was good at first but he just let me completely bulldoze him. I not only wore the pants, but the boots, the shirt and the fucking hat. It gets really old after awhile when you feel like the only adult in the relationship because he just constantly defers to you. This is all speculation but I see it between Ben and Jessa and imagine it will get worse unless he learns to stand up to her. Or maybe she doesn't care that she basically has three kids to deal with all the time. But I imagine it will bother her eventually. 

BTW if you are curious, my first BF is a nice person and found a better match and is married and I've found a better match as well. My husband doesn't let me completely bulldoze him. I just wear the pants. Not everything else ;-)

Totally agree to this. Senior year of HS I started dating a very nice boy who was a couple of years older than me (he was 19 I was 17).   Fast forward to graduation and he proposed (very typical for the area I grew up in) and I accepted. He was spineless and I dominated him emotionally and psychologically. I entered college and expressed I didn't want to get married before I graduated.  He wanted to get married right away. He was so spineless to me that he had a covert meeting with my Dad (they went hunting together) trying to convince him to force me to drop out, so that we could go ahead and get married.  Immediately after Dad called me and we met for lunch.   Dad relays the conversation to me and says "I've never told you what you will and won't do when it comes to major adult decisions; but if you don't get rid of this boy I will, and my way will put me in prison and him six feet under."  I agreed to really think hard about it and realized it had to end. 

A few years later, I matured and realized I preferred guys who challenged me, disagreed with me and could have a conversation beyond hunting, fishing trucks and how much they loved Jesus; which is how I found Mr. Belle. 

ETA: Said boy is now happily married to a lovely woman who has borne him two daughters and four sons and is more than happy staying home rearing their children, head of the floral committee at church and cleaning his fish. 

[GoatZombie]

18 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

Jessa and Jeremy:  Just think about the books in the closet and the look on his face.  They'd drive each other batty in less than 30 minutes.

Oh yeah, this so much. I think Jessa and Ben are a good match even if they lack chemistry.  Of course she could have done much better, but in her situation she lucked out. Ben is virtually harmless, she could have ended up with much worse when fishing only in the fundie pond. I always got the feeling that Jessa is very much the woman behind the man. She makes Ben think/feel like he is the headship and goes along with his hobbies like the football camp and flame/rap thing (probably keeps him busy and out of her hair!), but ultimately she's wearing the pants and isn't doing anything she doesn't want to. I think she is exactly where she wants to be. Ben is lucky to have her and he knows it. I think he will grow up and not let himself be totally walked on but I don't think he will become some assertive, domineering person. He is a dope and doesn't think too deeply about things so probably won't even realize she is bossy, he's happy in his little world with his pretty tv star wife and getting easy income from JB.

Its been said before, but we think they're not happy because we wouldn't be and were raised differently with different goals. Do I think its sad? yes. Do I think its a waste? yes. Do I feel pity for them? yes. Do I think they're miserable? no. But they'd think the same or worse about me. I think it really takes a lot for people that deep into a sheltered cult and brainwashing to be unhappy when they follow the path laid out for them and are being praised by their family and peers for doing so. People who become unhappy and leave usually either veered from that path so are not getting all the reinforcement and praise or they had enough exposure to the outside world and are naturally intelligent enough to think their way might not be the only way,
 

[Four is Enough]

Oh, @BamaBelle, you could have written my story! Serious boyfriend wanted to get married as soon as I graduated high school. (He had graduated the year before.) I wanted to go to nursing school. He pitched a fit. I broke up with him. He was with another girl and married within six months. 

I saw him later. YEARS later, at a local eatery. He was with his son. His wife must have been somewhere near, because when I said, "Well, Name Middle Name Last name! As I live and breathe!" he started looking around and trying to get away. I said to his son, "It's ok, I used to know your dad a long time ago"... and deer in the headlights look.

Found out later she was a REAL jealous type. It's a shame. I only meant to say hi and wish him well.

[buggers]

Wow wow wow. Been busy with midterms and just caught up. Can't say I am surprised, but I do have hope for this one. I can see Austin and Joy living on the campground, or near it, and running the came alongside his parents. This kind of life will give Joy a sense of freedom that the other girls didn't get as much. And their children will grow up outside which (1) fosters a sense of independence and (2) gives Joy some breathing room. In addition, the fact that they actually have known each other is wonderful. It's not a weird age and experience difference (JINGE AND JEREMEY). And Joy doesn't look creepy and adoring yet. So I'm crossing my fingers. 

As far as a fundie wife goes, I'd say Joy lucked out.

[NakedKnees]

On 3/3/2017 at 10:14 PM, mango_fandango said:

Is it just me, or does Austin remind anyone else of Chad Paine? 

 

Yes that's it! That is SO it. I couldn't put my finger on it. They have such similar quiet, calm, and in many ways un-macho mannerisms.

To be clear, I am not sold on the magic of Chad Paine. I don't get how a husband exhibiting normal love and decency toward their wife is worthy of praise, although it is nice to hope that Cherin won't sacrifice themselves for a ginormous quiver.

[Exposedknees]

I wandered over to the Fort Rock Camp website to see about it as a wedding venue. As I'm reading about it:

It's described as "Burrowed against the Ozark National Forest, founders Terry and Roxanne Forsyth have recreated an 1800s fortand old west town." I can't help but notice a few things: there's no saloon or square dancing which would be authentic to the old west but not in fundie land;  Several photos of guests have women in shorts and tank tops >gasp<; The skillet tossin" could be a neat bridal shower activity....

It looks like Joy could be happy there but she would have to really pare down her guest list...

Maybe a year in to married life will have Joy in a tank top

[buggers]

2 minutes ago, Exposedknees said:

Maybe a year in to married life will have Joy in a tank top

I think she'll have to dress more scandalously  out of necessity. Living and working on a campground, it's not practical to wear skirts and sandals all the time... We might not see it on the show, but I bet we'll see some candid shots or fan pictures of Joy in pants in the next year or so. 

[GoatZombie]

12 minutes ago, BamaBelle said:

 I entered college and expressed I didn't want to get married before I graduated.  He wanted to get married right away. He was so spineless to me that he had a covert meeting with my Dad (they went hunting together) trying to convince him to force me to drop out, so that we could go ahead and get married.  Immediately after Dad called me and we met for lunch.   Dad relays the conversation to me and says "I've never told you what you will and won't do when it comes to major adult decisions; but if you don't get rid of this boy I will, and my way will put me in prison and him six feet under."  I agreed to really think hard about it and realized it had to end. 

 

This sounds kinda similar to my first "serious" boyfriend. Essentially let me bulldoze him. He was extremely clingy and unconfident. He also had a deep fear of loneliness and can't deal with being single. He'd let me do and say anything i wanted, even if i'd ask him if he was sure about something he'd always lie and agree, out of fear of me leaving him. He was totally spineless though, never stood up to me, his family, or friends. He asked me to marry him very early on in the relationship (2 months in..)  and of course I refused and should have seen this as a red flag, The relationship was long distance so it was able to go on longer than it would have otherwise. Over the next 2 years he'd always be trying to get me to move in with him or get married. I was in uni at the time and living overseas, he was constantly trying to manipulate me by trying to convince me that I should drop out, that I didn't have the drive to graduate,  that I wasn't "really" happy where I lived, etc. Basically he wasn't supportive of my life at all unless it had to do with moving in with him.  I told him he could move in with me but of course he wouldn't leave his own country. This eventually turned into him harassing my family and friends, even people he's never met. Always asking what i was doing, where I was, trying to get these people to convince me that I wasn't happy in my life. He even outright asked people why I didn't love him enough to drop everything and live with him. He feighned it as concern for me, lol. It didn't take long for people to start telling me what was going on especially those who didn't know him. I think basically he was a control freak but also spineless, so he would try to manipulate quietly and wanted the girl to give up her life and live with him where he can  feel secure because he "controls" everything, I ended it of course but I stupidly remained friends. I thought once he was over me, everything was fine, But skip ahead 3 years, he found out I was sleeping with (no, not even dating!) someone. I didn't talk to him about my love life but I also didn't make any effort to hide it because it shouldn't matter. He basically had a meltdown because he thought for the whole 3 years we were going to get back together and I was going through a "phase" of wanting to be alone. He is so unstable he is still being medicated to this day...and recently I found out he was trying to do the same thing to another girl (also who lived overseas) and had another psychiatric hospital level meltdown when she said she wasn't dropping her life to move in with him after only knowing him for a few months.
 
 

[jillymuffin]

Hey everyone, first-time poster/long-time reader here, but thought I'd share some info I came across on J&A's wedding. I follow Sierra on Instagram and she did a live video last night. Jonathan Hartono commented during the video that he was coming to the U.S. to visit from April 20th to May 17th, and then commented a :(. Sierra asked why, and he responded that he would be missing Joy's wedding. So it sounds like Joy's wedding will be sometime after May 17th. 

[seraaa]

2 hours ago, GoatZombie said:

Its been said before, but we think they're not happy because we wouldn't be and were raised differently with different goals. Do I think its sad? yes. Do I think its a waste? yes. Do I feel pity for them? yes. Do I think they're miserable? no. But they'd think the same or worse about me.

This nails it, I think. For them to be unhappy, first their underlying beliefs and values would need to need to change. As long as they're not experiencing any cognitive dissonance, they will not feel discontented.

For the same reason, it's why a lot of us writing on this website would feel unhappy in the same situation. We have different expectations.

 

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

I think Ben knows on some level he's way out of Jessa's league, and was super lucky to have landed someone like her---famous, pretty, etc., so he acts in awe of her more than domineering towards her. To be honest, I would have married someone like that if I'd been born fundie too, because (I imagine...) your partner would be way more malleable if they are in awe of you, so you have more control that way. I imagine if Jessa goes to him and says, "Honey, I want to pick up some caviar from whole foods to serve as an appetizer for our guests tonight. Its $30 a can, I hope that's cool..." Bin would just be like, "OK sounds good! Ah tah, ah tahhhh*...."

Thank goodness I'm not fundie, and got to marry someone I consider my emotional and mental equal.

*The noise all the boys in that episode of South Park called "Bebes boobs destroy society" made whenever they saw Bebes boobs 

[VBOY9977]

1 hour ago, jillymuffin said:

Hey everyone, first-time poster/long-time reader here, but thought I'd share some info I came across on J&A's wedding. I follow Sierra on Instagram and she did a live video last night. Jonathan Hartono commented during the video that he was coming to the U.S. to visit from April 20th to May 17th, and then commented a :(. Sierra asked why, and he responded that he would be missing Joy's wedding. So it sounds like Joy's wedding will be sometime after May 17th. 

I think maybe he's referring to Tabitha Paine's wedding which is the 1st of April.. I don't really think that Joy has set a date, or if she has i don't think everyone knows just yet

[PainfullyAware]

2 hours ago, Exposedknees said:

Maybe a year in to married life will have Joy in a tank top

I'm not sure about this because in the World's Strictest Parents episode that featured the Forsythe family, both the mother and daughter dressed very conservatively. I think they have the same Duggar modesty rules. I'd expect more tshirts, long Jean skirts, cardigans and boots.

[jillymuffin]

13 minutes ago, VBOY9977 said:

I think maybe he's referring to Tabitha Paine's wedding which is the 1st of April.. I don't really think that Joy has set a date, or if she has i don't think everyone knows just yet

I forgot to attach the third screenshot. He actually specifically said he was referring to Joy's wedding.

 

[singsingsing]

@jillymuffin Great catch! I was watching her live thing last night, too, and I figured he was probably referring to Joy's wedding but I missed the comment where he specifically said it. So she's definitely getting married sometime after May 17th.

[front hugs > duggs]

Or worse....before April 20th.

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, front hugs > duggs said:

Or worse....before April 20th.

Nah, he put the frowning face after his return date, so I'm pretty sure he meant he's not going to be in the U.S. long enough to go to the wedding. Before April 20th would be insane even for the Duggars. They still have to invite fifty thousand people and film all the various wedding activities TLC sets up for them.

[front hugs > duggs]

@singsingsing ugh I hate when the drag of inviting 50,000 people to your wedding disrupts the six week long engagement period  #DuggarWorldProblems

for real though- I agree- it's more likely to be after May 17th, I just don't think I'd be shocked if it were earlier. I don't think the Duggars are capable of shocking me at this point.

[jillymuffin]

@front hugs > duggs I agree with @singsingsing, his comments definitely implied it would be after he left, not before he arrived. But I honestly wouldn't be surprised either haha.... I mean a month and a half is more than enough time to plan a wedding... right??? 

[eveandadam]

Since the usual Duggar timeline from engagement to wedding is about 3 - 4 months, I would think she is getting married after may 17. also makes for warmer, better weather for a partially outdoor setting. it's probably a late may, early june wedding, before Dillard no. 2 is born. jill needs to be the moh which would be even more difficult with a newborn AND a toddler.

[Fluffy14]

1 hour ago, TeamDefraudinSquad said:

I think Ben knows on some level he's way out of Jessa's league, and was super lucky to have landed someone like her---famous, pretty, etc., so he acts in awe of her more than domineering towards her. To be honest, I would have married someone like that if I'd been born fundie too, because (I imagine...) your partner would be way more malleable if they are in awe of you, so you have more control that way. I imagine if Jessa goes to him and says, "Honey, I want to pick up some caviar from whole foods to serve as an appetizer for our guests tonight. Its $30 a can, I hope that's cool..." Bin would just be like, "OK sounds good! Ah tah, ah tahhhh*...."

Thank goodness I'm not fundie, and got to marry someone I consider my emotional and mental equal.

*The noise all the boys in that episode of South Park called "Bebes boobs destroy society" made whenever they saw Bebes boobs 

Personally, I think he THINKS he is above her.  I think, he thinks he is this intelligent free thinker who expands their horizons by dipping into the worlds of other non fundy Christians.  Flame. Jeremy. Moody. All non Gothard things.  I personally think he thinks he is leading Jessa "out of Egypt" spiritually. He is leading her out of her extreme fundamentalism. They go to a regular Baptist church, they attended a Superbowl party with women in jeans and one is even a nurse. Naw......he thinks he is great. Like Moses or something.

[VBOY9977]

1 hour ago, jillymuffin said:

I forgot to attach the third screenshot. He actually specifically said he was referring to Joy's wedding.

 

Ohh! In that case I really hope it's after May 17th

[Bad Wolf]

Jill is due in July, so they'll probably be back in early June. Joy will wait so Jill can be in/at the wedding.