Lori Alexander 16: Protecting Men's Jobs from the Assaults of Women

[freealljs]

Lori makes marriage sound like prostitution. Wife gives husband sex in exchange for money, health insurance, clothing, and shelter. Very depressing.

 

[December]

4 hours ago, louisa05 said:

I think some of it comes from the obsession with males and females being so inherently different. If you truly believe that we are so fundamentally different in every aspect: social, emotional, intellectual, in interests, hobbies, capabilities etc..., then it is easy to believe that compatibility and teamwork is impossible for a straight couple.

 

Agreed. Views like these lead to all or nothing mentalities. There can't just be a grey area, like noting there are some biological differences, and women tend to have a certain trait that men usually don't. There have to be unyielding rules of existence for them to obey. Otherwise it might be necessary to admit that we're all responsible for our own behavior and its impact on our lives and relationships. 

[onemama]

1 hour ago, freealljs said:

Lori makes marriage sound like prostitution. Wife gives husband sex in exchange for money, health insurance, clothing, and shelter. Very depressing.

 

I hate that, but sadly, a lot of married couples seem to see it like that. The wife gives the husband sex. I've heard it from Christians and people who don't profess a belief in a God.  

[lilwriter85]

5 hours ago, onemama said:

I hate that, but sadly, a lot of married couples seem to see it like that. The wife gives the husband sex. I've heard it from Christians and people who don't profess a belief in a God.  

I've heard similar things as well. 

[RosyDaisy]

That is so sad. Sex is a wonderful, pleasurable thing.

[older than allosaurs]

12 hours ago, freealljs said:

Lori makes marriage sound like prostitution. Wife gives husband sex in exchange for money, health insurance, clothing, and shelter. Very depressing.

 

Maybe what makes it seem even more depressing is that their language about marriage in the abstract is so exalted: The image of Christ's love for His Church!  or "When man is created, He is almost done, but not quite. The capstone still must be placed. The crown must still be set. The final glory touch, the woman, must be presented to the man. " (Doug Wilson); or  "The right order of marriage is something positive and glorious, and no more to be hidden than the glory of the sun, moon and stars" (also Doug Wilson).

And then their descriptions of marriage in action is so reductive. She cooks and puts out and submits; he provides (if he feels like it) and leads and disciplines. Enjoying each other's company seems not only superfluous but downright suspicious. Where's the glory in that?

 

[Red Jumper]

16 hours ago, onemama said:

 I don't believe Lori is the "submissive wife" she claims to be and I don't believe Ken is half as "commanding" as they both want to believe he is.

I think you are getting pretty close to reality. Examples
Lori said Ken never told her how to vote. Wouldn't a "commanding" man tell his wife who is the right candidate? The women-do-not-need-the-right-vote-card seems off: You have the right to vote, so if you use it it would be 2 votes for your candidate instead of just the man's one vote.
Lori lets Ken cook his breakfast and offers only salads. Wouldn't a "commanding" man expect well prepared warm (i.e. cooked) meals? If he would expect that and not get it, this would be disobedience.
Ken said the house is clean but not spotless. He also said that a wife's task is to keep the house spotless (both found here on FJ if someone like to search for the quotes). Therefore Lori is either not his wife or not godly submitting.
 
Question: what happens if a husband thinks his wife's cooking skills simply suck? If read here on FJ about fundies "cooking" which are below anything my DH and i find worth eating. If the chef of our family would serve something like that, there would be a major riot and a "leave it to me, honey"

[Koala]

Today's post is a throwback.  It's essentially a "how to guide" on forcing your husband to treat you as a submissive, whether he wants to or not.

Some might see some irony in that, but not Lori.  

The breakdown:

Quote

Some of the women I mentor tell me their husbands don't want them to be submissive.  I encourage them to ask their husbands these questions ~
 

Why is she trying to override these husbands who she claims the women should be submitting to?  If they say they want things a certain way, who is Lori (an easily deceived woman )to question it?

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You don't want me to please you?

Most spouses try to please each other...because love.  It has nothing at all to do with submission.  My husband just offered to make me cheese toast.  Why?  He knows I love it, and he wants to make me happy.  He's wonderful like that.  We both try to make each other happy.

Quote

You don't want me to give you sex when you want it?

I would venture that most husbands would be insulted at the thought of being "given" sex.  I would assume they are more interested in mutually enjoyable sex with their spouses.  Not the sex for money exchange that Lori is always bragging about.

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You don't want me to fix your favorite foods?

 Like the Big Salads Lori makes every night?  Or the meals she has him cook for himself?

Making favorite meals is not a sign of submission.  My husband is the better cook, and he actually enjoys it.  For him, cooking a favorite meal is an expression of love.  Has nothing whatsoever to do with submission.

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You want me to continue arguing and quarreling with you?

Happy marriages don't need a submission model not to argue and quarrel.  My husband has been my best friend since I was 16 years old.  I can't even remember the last time we argued.  

Quote

You like it when I give you the cold shoulder?

 

Quote

You like me to always insist on winning arguments?

Who behaves this way, other than Lori herself?  I don't know anyone in a marriage that operates this way.  I am sure they exist, but I am also pretty sure that submission wouldn't fix them. 

It would just make the "submissive" spouse do something crazy...like start a blog and spend her days trying to control other women. 

Quote

You want me to speak ill of you to others?

You want me to not respect or appreciate you?

Again, these are things Lori would do.  The women I know adore their husbands, and wouldn't dream of trashing them to others.

That whole post is a mirror to the ugliness that is Ken and Lori's marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[feministxtian]

They have one fucked up relationship. I will ask my husband certain things...mostly having to do with spending money...just because we don't have a lot of it and I want to make sure what I want to do is not going to negatively impact our budget. However, I'm far from a "submissive" wife. Cooking? I fix it, you eat it. Housework? He does it because I suck at it. Most marriages don't need that passive-aggressive bullshit. 

[Koala]

33 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

They have one fucked up relationship. I will ask my husband certain things...mostly having to do with spending money...just because we don't have a lot of it and I want to make sure what I want to do is not going to negatively impact our budget. However, I'm far from a "submissive" wife. Cooking? I fix it, you eat it. Housework? He does it because I suck at it. Most marriages don't need that passive-aggressive bullshit. 

I do all of the budgeting here, but we consult each other on any major purchases.  

If it's not in the regular budget, and it's going to go over $100, we pick up the phone and say, "Hey, I am going to pick up a _____".  Obviously, Christmas is an exception, but even then we usually pick something big we both want and get that.  It's more fun that way.

We share the money, so it's just a matter of respect.  I can't think of a time that either of us has ever objected to a purchase the other was making. We pretty much always want the same things anyway.  

And can I just say that every.single.time I read Lori's blog, I realize how AMAZING my husband is???  I am so grateful to have such a wonderful marriage.   Seriously, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have a marriage like Lori and Ken's.  

[feministxtian]

1 minute ago, Koala said:

I do all of the budgeting here, but we consult each other on any major purchases.  

If it's not in the regular budget, and it's going to go over $100, we pick up the phone and say, "Hey, I am going to pick up a _____".  Obviously, Christmas is an exception, but even then we usually pick something big we both want and get that.  It's more fun that way.

We share the money, so it's just a matter of respect.  I can't think of a time that either of us has ever objected to a purchase the other was making. We pretty much always want the same things anyway.  

well...here it's clothes shopping for me. I need to re-vamp my wardrobe and I have a bad habit of going overboard. So, we talk about it. And, right now money is so tight that it can come down to putting gas in the car or buying toilet paper. So, right now, ALL purchases are discussed. When we had more money, it wasn't such a big deal...but right now it's a HUGE deal. 

[louisa05]

45 minutes ago, Koala said:

I do all of the budgeting here, but we consult each other on any major purchases.  

If it's not in the regular budget, and it's going to go over $100, we pick up the phone and say, "Hey, I am going to pick up a _____".  Obviously, Christmas is an exception, but even then we usually pick something big we both want and get that.  It's more fun that way.

We share the money, so it's just a matter of respect.  I can't think of a time that either of us has ever objected to a purchase the other was making. We pretty much always want the same things anyway.  

And can I just say that every.single.time I read Lori's blog, I realize how AMAZING my husband is???  I am so grateful to have such a wonderful marriage.   Seriously, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have a marriage like Lori and Ken's.  

I feel exactly the same way as the bolded. As I said earlier in the thread, I cannot comprehend a marriage with constant conflict or passive-aggressive games. These people don't need to find the right theology for marriage; they just need to grow up and treat each other with decency and respect. But considering how Lori treats everyone, I have a feeling that basic decency and respect for other human beings is totally beyond her ability. 

We have three bank accounts--a personal checking account for each of us and a joint savings account. That means that when I spend a chunk of money to get my hair highlighted, as long as I have met my share of the bills (which is not half or even close since I make way less-so it's not that we're splitting things like roommates) and savings, it is not his problem. Likewise when he (his own words) "buys stupid shit". It works for us. We do frequently check in on how things are going and what bills need paid and what things are coming up. We have never fought about money. We rarely fight about anything. I can't remember our last argument. And there are no passive-aggressive games. 

[polecat]

2 hours ago, Koala said:

And can I just say that every.single.time I read Lori's blog, I realize how AMAZING my husband is???  I am so grateful to have such a wonderful marriage.   Seriously, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have a marriage like Lori and Ken's.  

 

Right? Maybe THIS is how she's making marriages better. By making people grateful they're not like HER.

[onemama]

Lori on Facebook:

Quote

People who treat others unkindly are usually miserable people.

 

[louisa05]

4 minutes ago, onemama said:

Lori on Facebook:

 

She would know. 

[Loveday]

44 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

She would know. 

For once, she's the voice of authority on something. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

6 hours ago, Koala said:

And can I just say that every.single.time I read Lori's blog, I realize how AMAZING my husband is???  I am so grateful to have such a wonderful marriage.   Seriously, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have a marriage like Lori and Ken's.

This!!!  Consider your post liked eleventy bajillion times.  

Today is my wedding anniversary and the amazing man I married took us out to a tapas restaurant for lunch.  We drank wine, we ate, we talked, we laughed, we lingered, we had flan and coffee, we talked and laughed some more.  We were two married people in love having a wonderful afternoon.  

And you know what -- we're like that over leftovers at home. We talk  -- about everything --  although we don't always agree. We challenge each other to think and consider the others' ideas, He doesn't demand that i agree with him because he likes the fact I have a brain and I use it.   He makes me laugh as no one else can.

Bottom line:  We like each other. We always have -- being friends before we fell in love.  And, no LoriKen we didn't choose to be in love -- it just .....happened. I'm not sure Lori and Ken ever liked each other as people before they got married.  I'd bet real money they don't like each other now.

(I don't think they really love each other either, but that's another post)

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Bottom line:  We like each other. We always have -- being friends before we fell in love.  And, no LoriKen we didn't choose to be in love -- it just .....happened. I'm not sure Lori and Ken ever liked each other as people before they got married.  I'd bet real money they don't like each other now.

Sounds familiar...there's really nobody else I'd rather hang out with...we truly enjoy each other's company. Yeah, there are times he gets on my nerves and I get on his, but...that's just part of life. If I had to choose between "girls night out" and "our night in" I know what I'd choose. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

This is great! The co-founder of Norwex buys a $749 airline ticket for a dad in a bind. Do you think Lori would ever spring for such generosity on the spot like that? LOL. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4305266/Woman-buys-desperate-father-plane-ticket-daughter.html

[Red Jumper]

1) A mother who lets her baby cry and the nanny pick him/her up has a heart of made of stone. There is no generosity coming from this heart, even less so for strangers, even less so spontaneously, and never ever until hell freezes without wanting praise from the whole internet.

2) This lady a) had her own money because she worked outside of her home and b ) no need to ask a husband how to spend the money. Both of this will not be achievable by the lazy mentor.

[Red Jumper]

22 hours ago, Koala said:

forcing your husband to treat you as a submissive, whether he wants to or not.

just to spell what everyone sees: If I force you my man to do x, I wouldn’t call that submissive. I would call this rebellious and oppressive.

 

I like these questions: I imagined the answers my DH would give:

 

"You don't want me to please you?" : You please me like I please you (because we love each other). Sometimes we are a pain each other’s necks (because we are humans)

"You don't want me to give you sex when you want it?" : No; I like it that you like it and you like that I like it

"You don't want me to fix your favorite foods?" : Let’s keep it like it is: Most of the days I enjoy to cook, so please stay out of the way. Sometimes I am not in the mood to cook or don’t have the time, then you take over and I devour everything. Sometimes we cook up a storm together. I love your baking. But you seem to enjoy the cakes I prepare as well.

"You want me to continue arguing and quarrelling with you?" : This has never happened and will only happen when we are in the middle of a divorce. Sometimes we disagree which is great. Live would be boring if we all had the same opinion all the time

"You like it when I give you the cold shoulder?" : This has never happened and will only happen when we are in the middle of a divorce

"You like me to always insist on winning arguments?" : I like it when you are passionate in your arguments just as I am passionate in mine. Neither of us insists.

"You want me to speak ill of you to others? You want me to not respect or appreciate you?" : This has never happened; not even in the middle of a divorce.

 

I think I am really submissive wife

 

[Koala]

6 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

This is great! The co-founder of Norwex buys a $749 airline ticket for a dad in a bind. Do you think Lori would ever spring for such generosity on the spot like that? LOL. 

Lori Alexander:

Quote

 I would definitely describe myself as a taker. 

 

[December]

18 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Today is my wedding anniversary and the amazing man I married took us out to a tapas restaurant for lunch.  We drank wine, we ate, we talked, we laughed, we lingered, we had flan and coffee, we talked and laughed some more.  We were two married people in love having a wonderful afternoon.  

 

 

No, no, that obviously means you're doing it all wrong!  Congrats on your anniversary. 

On 3/11/2017 at 9:01 AM, feministxtian said:

I will ask my husband certain things...mostly having to do with spending money...just because we don't have a lot of it and I want to make sure what I want to do is not going to negatively impact our budget. However, I'm far from a "submissive" wife. Cooking? I fix it, you eat it. Housework? He does it because I suck at it. Most marriages don't need that passive-aggressive bullshit. 

 

Agreed. On top of it being passive-aggressive, it sounds like a huge waste of time and energy, too. I'm pretty sure my spouse doesn't want input on every tiny decision I make and vice versa. The idea of having to give in immediately and without question to every request/command from a spouse seems like a recipe for unnecessary drama and resentment. 

[Free Jana Duggar]

Oh my! Lori actually shared a useful idea.

 

[Showtunesgirl]

Has she only been updating FB? The last post I can see on the blog is from Friday.