Lori Alexander 16: Protecting Men's Jobs from the Assaults of Women

[Red Jumper]

It's even better to use one of these with solid walls: saves water and energy. It also can be used for hand washing once the children have upgraded to the big tub /when they are not having a bath (I think my mother still uses the one she bought when I was little. So it lasts - lets say a bit longer than 10 years ) They are bigger and cheaper than the so called baby bath tubs that are sold here.

[feministxtian]

I never used a baby bath tub. Newborns got bathed in the sink (or like a sponge bath), bigger infants (sitting up) got bathed in the kitchen sink and toddlers went in the tub. But, then again, my last baby was born in 1990 and we were broke....

[polecat]

20 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

This!!!  Consider your post liked eleventy bajillion times.  

Today is my wedding anniversary and the amazing man I married took us out to a tapas restaurant for lunch.  We drank wine, we ate, we talked, we laughed, we lingered, we had flan and coffee, we talked and laughed some more.  We were two married people in love having a wonderful afternoon.  

And you know what -- we're like that over leftovers at home. We talk  -- about everything --  although we don't always agree. We challenge each other to think and consider the others' ideas, He doesn't demand that i agree with him because he likes the fact I have a brain and I use it.   He makes me laugh as no one else can.

Bottom line:  We like each other. We always have -- being friends before we fell in love.  And, no LoriKen we didn't choose to be in love -- it just .....happened. I'm not sure Lori and Ken ever liked each other as people before they got married.  I'd bet real money they don't like each other now.

(I don't think they really love each other either, but that's another post)

 

Happy anniversary! We have a March anniversary, too (which was also this week, lol) -- I don't often meet people married this month.  My husband is my best friend. We're not among those couples who can say we never ever argue, but I can honestly say there's no one I'd rather argue with.  

I agree with you that they weren't friends then or now. I think Ken was infatuated because he thought she was pretty (or maybe just pretty hot, who knows). I think Lori wanted a husband/provider to take care of her. To be fair, a lot of men seem to start dating women because they like their looks. But if there's nothing underneath those looks, the attraction dies out pretty quickly. Most women who marry men for their wallets tend to get traded in for newer models at some point. Lori didn’t either because she’s a master manipulator or because Ken doesn’t want to lose half his stuff. Maybe both.

[Chocolatedefrauded]

Honestly, I like hearing about FJ marriages much more than Lori's harangues about submission. I think if you need a "system" like submission, you're probably don't have mutual interests & desires keeping you together.

when we were broke, we agred to discuss any purchase over $20, unless it was grocery shopping. We still tend to tell each other about bigger purchases, say $100. Yesterday I spent $14 on new earrings & I told him that I felt weird spending money just because I like something. He said I should do it more often. 

I think Lori would never compromise, which is vital in most marriages, so they went to the other extreme. She probably never let him forget it when she gives in. They don't seem able to calmly discuss things. So maybe submission is the only way for those two to not kill each other? Hard to tell with someone else's marriage... 

[feministxtian]

1 minute ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

Yesterday I spent $14 on new earrings & I told him that I felt weird spending money just because I like something. He said I should do it more often. 

Were you listening to the conversation hubby and I had earlier? I told him summer was coming and I really wanted a pedicure to have "summer ready" feet, but I didn't want to blow the money. His response? "GO GET DONE"! I probably won't because to get all "done" it's close to 100 bucks...but maybe a pedi and wax...

[polecat]

17 minutes ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

I think Lori would never compromise, which is vital in most marriages, so they went to the other extreme. She probably never let him forget it when she gives in. They don't seem able to calmly discuss things. So maybe submission is the only way for those two to not kill each other? Hard to tell with someone else's marriage... 

 

bbm --  I bet you hit the nail on the head with this one for sure. iirc, she mentioned once that he reminds her not to argue, but I can see her going the other way, too: "Oh Ken, I'm submitting!" 

Urg, I don't know how anyone can stand being around them. 

[Hisey]

1 hour ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

Honestly, I like hearing about FJ marriages much more than Lori's harangues about submission. I think if you need a "system" like submission, you're probably don't have mutual interests & desires keeping you together.

when we were broke, we agred to discuss any purchase over $20, unless it was grocery shopping. We still tend to tell each other about bigger purchases, say $100. Yesterday I spent $14 on new earrings & I told him that I felt weird spending money just because I like something. He said I should do it more often. 

I think Lori would never compromise, which is vital in most marriages, so they went to the other extreme. She probably never let him forget it when she gives in. They don't seem able to calmly discuss things. So maybe submission is the only way for those two to not kill each other? Hard to tell with someone else's marriage... 

Exactly! I have often thought that Lori was incapable of compromise, and that submission or "rebellion" are the only options she can see. That's why she pushes for it in other marriages. She thinks that ALL women are like her. 

Mr. Hisey is always encouraging me to spend on myself, and I do the same for him. I hate to see him do without something he really wants. In nearly 30 years of marriage, I can count on one hand the times he's told me I shouldn't buy something I want. Even then, he usually says it like, "Well, maybe wait till we get our tax refund. . ." or "Are you sure we don't have one of those at home?" He trusts me to know when we can afford something or not, and actually I'm much cheaper with myself than I am with him. 

[feministxtian]

I made my husband cry early on in our relationship...I had gone shopping and bought him a couple of pairs of jeans. No big deal, he needed decent jeans. I brought them home and gave them to him and he literally started to cry. His X wife NEVER bought him a damn thing. He was blown away that I even thought of him while I was out. Our first Christmas together I bought him a really nice jacket and he almost fell over. I rarely buy things for myself but I'll blow big bucks on him. I can't see either one of those doofuses doing that. 

[Imrlgoddess]

Honey & I fight... But ya know what we fight about? One not allowing the other to bend over backwards for them. We argue other who's going to take care of who more. 

@feministxtian I see so many similarities in the things you always describe & my own life. 

Truth be told........ I hate being married. Always have. From day 1 with the ex at 21.... I've hated the idea of codependency. I love(d) my ex & love my current husband.... But I hate knowing that each time I've lost tiny pieces of myself over time simply because it's a natural process. You drop that guard, trust & put faith in... and if (when) something happens, you don't remember how to do everything alone because you had a natural backup. I love the companionship.... But losing even a scrap of my independence is indescribably hard. 

[feministxtian]

Just now, Imrlgoddess said:

Truth be told........ I hate being married. Always have. From day 1 with the ex at 21.... I've hated the idea of codependency. I love(d) my ex & love my current husband.... But I hate knowing that each time I've lost tiny pieces of myself over time simply because it's a natural process. You drop that guard, trust & put faith in... and if (when) something happens, you don't remember how to do everything alone because you had a natural backup. I love the companionship.... But losing even a scrap of my independence is indescribably hard. 

It KILLS me that I am financially dependent on my husband. I mean it KILLS me. I HATE it! Like, I'll go without rather than ask him for ANYTHING...even stupid crap like deodorant. I'd pray I wouldn't run out of gas rather than ask for gas money. Being dependent on anyone is just something I don't like. I mean, my hubby would walk through fire for me and I know it, but I'd rather burn than ask for his help. It's easier for me to take care of someone else than to ask someone to take care of me. I love my husband beyond measure, but I hate having to rely on him for a place to live, etc. Writing this out, it seems incredibly fucked up but that's just the way it is. 

[bitterseltzer]

On 3/11/2017 at 9:40 AM, Koala said:

And can I just say that every.single.time I read Lori's blog, I realize how AMAZING my husband is???  I am so grateful to have such a wonderful marriage.   Seriously, he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have a marriage like Lori and Ken's.  

I think think this is half of why I read this stuff. Lori's ideas of marriage were what I was taught was my inevitable future. The cocktail of being gay, abused, and told my future resided in a marriage that required my utter submission to a man just added another layer of trauma to the crap cake.

I'm in a really great relationship with a woman now and I spend every day stunned that it's real. And every time those old messages about marriage or the doom and gloom declarations of sinful gayness twinge in the back of my head, I can remember that if was people like Lori I was expected to be.

[cara]

Hi friends! I've been lurking for a while, this is my first post 

A while ago I posted a comment on her "Teaching Children about Pornography" Facebook post calling her out on her use of the word 'f****t' in the post. I would have loved if she or her readers would have explained themselves but unfortunately there was no response. The comment wasn't deleted though  

[onemama]

I love this comment by Joyce on Lori's latest blog post:

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Hi Lori! I read the Bible, and this is what I follow from Matthew 22:37-40: “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Following these two commandments can be hard. Thanks and blessings!

The post was the typical list of prescriptions for everyone but the men, and a reminder that women and children not sticking to their "prescriptions" is weakening the Church.  Like this stuff:

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 Many women are in rebellion to God’s plan for them. People are looking for Christians who walk the talk; who live lives that are contrary to popular opinion, who are raising godly offspring, mothers who love their children more than their free time or careers and are sacrificially giving their time and energy to their families, and older women who are pouring their lives out for the  younger generation by helping and being an example to them of godly womanhood.

A good dose of judgment. And some more evidence that Lori is completely unaware of how her non-followers perceive her.  I guess denial is bliss. 

 Way to go, Joyce, reminding her that there actually are non-gendered instructions that apply to everyone  

[onemama]

Lori quotes Matt Walsh in her post "can men lead their homes", so I went in search of what Matt Walsh wrote, and, surprise! Yes, he said what she quoted, but he said a lot more.   I'm not a Matt Walsh fan, by the way. He seems a bit too brash and loud-mouthed, but he's not a Trey or a Dave, or even a Ken.

Matt Walsh: 

Quote

 

1. We should never expect more from our wives and our children than we expect from ourselves.

 I can’t expect my wife or my children to do anything I’m not willing to do.

I can’t expect anyone in my family to sacrifice more for it, to work harder for it, to give more to it, or to be more of the spiritual foundation of it.

 I should be striving every day to work the hardest, do the most, make the most sacrifices, and to be that spiritual rock. Not in a competitive way, but in the way that a good leader must march faster and harder if he wants to lead from the front, which is the only way to lead. 

2. We should demonstrate moral courage.

We have to ask ourselves: Are we living self-sacrificially and with integrity?

3. We should go to church and pray with our families.

4. We should get plenty of exercise. (He's not talking about going to the gym)

Fathers and husbands should be sources of wisdom. But wisdom is the final product. The ingredients are knowledge, experience, and faith. 

5. We should die.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.”

Just as Christ loved the church? But Christ died for the church. Is that really our job as men? To die? Apparently so.

We must die to ourselves.

 

I don't agree with everything he wrote, but the "headship" he talks about sounds a bit different from the "headship" and leadership that Lori's commenter describes.  Matt focuses on what a man has to do to earn honor and respect. He talks about leading by example, not by subjugating his wife and children. He doesn't talk about a husband's right to dominate, discipline or demand anything from his family.  Lori's commenter is all about the RIGHTS a husband DOES HAVE, his GOD-GIVEN authority. 

Matt does go into a husband's duty to stand up to his wife if she's acting irresponsibly 

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Rather than submissively cooperating with his wife’s decision to put her feminism ahead of her family, a man should offer some guidance. I think I really upset people the most when I used the phrases “be a man” and “put your foot down.”

But he talks about wives putting their foot down too, if needed:

Quote

Now, if I had said that women should “put their foot down” in opposing the destructive and counter productive behavior of their husbands (which they should, of course), nobody would be offended. 

I disagree with his last line. Plenty of people would be offended. Plenty of men still believe they have the right to discipline and correct their wives, but their wives should always resort to "winning them without a word".

 

[Chocolatedefrauded]

This is something that has been bugging me for a while. Why do fundies act like their men working to provide for their families is better than the average person's working?

They probably don't work longer hours. We all have to eat so we all have to work or get money somehow. Is it because they think of Jesus while working? Or do they believe average guy spends his money on his own things instead of food & rent for his family? 

I know plenty of men who work 2nd jobs to provide, if necessary. But what average guys don't do is go around bragging that they provide for their families. It is a given, a bare minimum.

[Red Jumper]

Thank you @onemama for that digging.

the question is: who is Matt Walsh's audience? Had he
Is it the Treys, Daves, Loris and Kens of this world? Then I think it would be great to hear women "put your your foot down". Let them be offended. If they want to grow and learn, they will, if not there is nothing lost.
Is the audience the liberal Christians or those evil feminists? You might give them some food of thought, but rephrase it to the I-perspective: I want to lead my family hence.. not the man must lead the family hence. Otherwise no-one here will be able to hear what you said.
Over all there is more evil done in this world by the women-must-submit-group. How many women stay in an abusive marriage because of the Submit-talk and how many because of the Be-a-role-model-talk?

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

In today's screed against "Beuaty and the Beast" ('cause you know, the dreaded gay character) Lori says this about movies and TV in general (bolding mine):

"I don’t watch anything with premarital sex or adultery because when you see people having sex, it’s for real. They aren’t just pretending."

But .. but..... t she goes on to say that of course we all know that depictions of lying, stealing, drinking,, drugs and murder are just made up because the shows are trying to tell us these things are bad.

Trying to wrap my head around this, but Lori actually believes sex scenes are real, that people are really having sex???? And that no one in Hollywood is noticing and slapping an X rating on the films?

WTH!  Is she watching porn?  Because I've only ever heard that sometimes the sex in porn is real. 

Just when I think that Lori has said the most outrageous thing possible, she utters an idiocy like this.

[louisa05]

In today's screed against "Beuaty and the Beast" ('cause you know, the dreaded gay character) Lori says this about movies and TV in general (bolding mine):
"I don’t watch anything with premarital sex or adultery because when you see people having sex, it’s for real. They aren’t just pretending."
But .. but..... t she goes on to say that of course we all know that depictions of lying, stealing, drinking,, drugs and murder are just made up because the shows are trying to tell us these things are bad.
Trying to wrap my head around this, but Lori actually believes sex scenes are real, that people are really having sex???? And that no one in Hollywood is noticing and slapping an X rating on the films?
WTH!  Is she watching porn?  Because I've only ever heard that sometimes the sex in porn is real. 
Just when I think that Lori has said the most outrageous thing possible, she utters an idiocy like this.

Just coming to comment on that stupidity.

Except I have no words beyond what you have said.

[Yogi]

I notice that Lori never gives any examples from her own marriage on how submission works. She never gives a personal, recent scenario as a teaching moment. I know it's because she isn't quite what she says she is, but if she did it would add such a personal touch to her blog and really draw readers so much more than letting Trey et al spew their garbage. She really has no clue how to mentor anyone.

[onemama]

1 hour ago, Yogi said:

She really has no clue how to mentor anyone.

Very true. 

[TeddyBonkers]

I'm having the hardest time following the logic in her latest post ("Should We Watch Movies With Sin in Them?"). She says that since we are not shown the homosexual sex, premarital sex, adultery, drunkenness, and stealing in the Bible, then it's okay to read. Is she unaware that the new "Beauty and the Beast" movie does not feature sex of any variety? From what I have read, LeFou dances with another man. Everyone clutch your pearls!

 

 

[onemama]

Quote

Therefore, this meme isn’t entirely accurate because if it were the Bible would be off-limits 

Did you mean, "this meme isn't entirely accurate because I didn't write it?".

See, Lori, you watch movies where men spank their wives (that John Wayne one). Mistreating your wife is sin. 

You say:

Quote

 we are commanded to dwell on the good, the pure, and the lovely. “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becomes saints” (Ephesians 5:3). These types of sins should not even be named among us, let alone entertain us!

You choose to dwell on garbage such as the "Fifty Shades" movies. You know, I didn't even consider watching them.  

You are forever poking around the internet looking for the next person whom you might lift up as a bad example. The next bit of news that you can use to make you feel better about yourself. Don't tell me you only dwell on the good, the pure, the things of good name.  You don't appear to do much of that, judging by your blog posts. 

[December]

37 minutes ago, TeddyBonkers said:

Is she unaware that the new "Beauty and the Beast" movie does not feature sex of any variety? From what I have read, LeFou dances with another man. Everyone clutch your pearls!

 

For fearmongers who are paranoid about physical affection between consenting adults, two guys dancing in a kids' movie probably has the same sort of shock value that splicing a hardcore sex scene into a kids' movie would have on the rest of us. 

37 minutes ago, onemama said:

You choose to dwell on garbage such as the "Fifty Shades" movies. You know, I didn't even consider watching them.  

Don't you know those are the only types of movies on the market? They're mandatory viewing, and everyone that sees them has to adopt what  sinful behaviors they see into their own lives! 

[Koala]

Here is a REAL example of Lori's "counseling".  I am putting it under spoiler, because of the nature of the comment.

Spoiler

Reader:

Quote

I need guidance. I’m newly married, but my new husband and I are having trouble with intimacy. I’ve read Corinthians 7 4 and I understand that sex is a very important part of marriage.

I was sexually abused for years by a family member as a child, and have suffered effects for years after. And now being with my husband is causing my stress and making me uncomfortable. And because I’m uncomfortable it’s painful for me too. I’ve asked him to be patient with me and he has, but he really wants to be with me maybe 4 to 5 times a week so he’s upset and now he’s starting to pressure me and I don’t know if I can do that right now.

Does this situation fall into the “submit in everything” box?

Lori, I really like your blog.

 

If ever there was a time for compassion, this reader presented it.  I can't even imagine what she's going through right now.  

Lori's response:

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I encourage you to listen to Michael Pearl teach through Romans at The Door on Facebook and learn who you are in Christ and that He died to free you from your sin and those committed against you. You are a new creature in Christ and can find your healing in renewing your mind with truth. It may take time but it is well worth the effort!

She acts as if she's giving out a casserole recipe.  So matter of fact, and flip.  She doesn't pause for even a moment to express sorrow over what the reader has endured.  She never advises getting professional help.  Nope, just read this post by Michael Pearl and get over it.  

My god...I honestly don't believe the woman is capable of feeling sympathy or empathy for another human being.

[usmcmom]

When J. Parker (at Hot, Holy and Humorous) or Sheila answer a question in which the reader describes past abuse, they always begin with a couple lines of compassion. They might write "Reader, I am so sorry to read of the pain you suffered in the past. Please know you are not alone and I will do all I can to lead you to helpful resources."  Then they give more objective advice. 

Ken, that's just a little picture of what empathy and compassion look like. Those are two qualities that a true mentor would have. Pass it on to your mean spirited wife.