Jinger and Jeremy: Love and Marriage

[Carm_88]

9 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I took my husband's short, easy to recognize Irish last name over my long, hard to pronounce and forever butchered maiden name. The only solace with the long, hard to pronounce name, you always knew when someone was going to call it (when last names were being called out). There would always be this long pause and they would start with the first initial sound B and then another long pause.

 

My first name is like that. There would always be a pause and then if they decided it was too hard, they'd go with the much easier last name. 

[MargaretElliott]

My last name is Welsh. Potential future Mr. Elliott's last name is German. Both are constantly butchered. Rock. Hard place.

I honestly couldn't figure out how to pronounce Vuolo in the beginning. In my head, it's "voo-oh-loh" with three syllables, instead of "voh-loh." I still pronounce it like that in my head.

[Iamtheway]

24 minutes ago, missegeno said:

Interesting that everyone else seems eager to get rid of last names that are hard to spell and with non-English letters. I love my last name because it sounds nice and isn't a generic white name. I often pass as nonhispanic white and I love that my last name keeps that half of me from being lost. I used to hate my last name because it brought about all the racism I encountered as a child but I came to love it and now am really attached. Lol. Nonetheless, I get giddy thinking of being Mr. and Mrs. Boyfriend'sFirstandLastName. I know the roots are horribly misogynist but it's a unity thing to me. We've talked about him taking my name but decided it wasn't for us. I'm not sure what we'll do, ultimately, if we do get married. I think it's sad that Jinger and Joy probably haven't talked to Jeremy and Austin about their hopes and expectations for marriage as much as my partner and I have in our heathen, sexually active dating relationship. We fully intend to get married but don't want to rush into it. A foreign concept to them, I know.

We figured it would be a pain if we ever wanted to move to Australia. And the letter would just be switched for an o and no one would ever know. Or be able to pronaunce it. 

Mr Way also didn't want his parents to be sad he dissed their name for mine. Pretty sure they got why I didn't want to be Iamtheway Female bodypart though ...

After we were married Mr Way got in to researching family history and started regretting he didn't take my last name. We're NOT changing again though. Total pain!

A couple of months ago we were signing some contracts and needed to initial each page. I got through 50 pages before I realised I was using my old initials. We've been married for six years!  

[samurai_sarah]

3 minutes ago, MargaretElliott said:

My last name is Welsh. Potential future Mr. Elliott's last name is German. Both are constantly butchered. Rock. Hard place.

(snip)

Go Wales!

Sorry, I'm German and have a soft spot for Wales. I'll see myself out.

[fundiefan]

11 hours ago, Fun Undies said:

When I got married, I kept my maiden name.  Half the people were like, "You go girl, keep that independence!"  The other half were like, "Huh??", and I had exactly two people tell me I should legally get it changed asap, so as not to keep "confusing people" (said by like 70 year old men).

I never changed it because after my Dad passes away, that's the end of his family name (all his siblings are half siblings with different names, and the girls of the same father, married and went with their husband's names).  My brothers obviously have our name, but with their special needs, I don't think they'll end up having children of their own.  So our sons actually have my last name, with my husband's last name as a middle.  Most people are cool with it.  My hubby's family didn't mind either, but that's probably because there's like four male cousins who can carry on the name as well

My cousin's husband took her last name when they got married.

He is one of five boys. His family name will 'go on'.

My cousin is the only surviving child of two only children; her older sister died about 15 years ago.

If I ever get married again I will not be changing my name. I did the first time, then got divorced and took my maiden name back...I have no moral argument or even feminist argument against it - do whatever you want. I am just done changing my name and life to account for it.

[Season of life...]

I kept my maiden name although I love my husband's last name. I have a very common first name, and I like my short, odd surname. 

Early last century an ancestor decided to say "screw you" to the rest of the family, and changed the spelling of our last name. Whenever I come across someone who shares this name, and that happens rarely, there is almost always a family tie. I like being on the rebel side of my family!

My husband and I didn't know whether I was going to take his last name up to the moment I had to sign our marriage certificate. My hand just refused to sign a new name, and so I kept my own. Thankfully, he didn't mind, and it has never been an issue with us.

It's been quite the issue for his family, though, and they won't acknowledge that I don't share his name. I believe they think they are getting over when they address things as Mrs. Husband's Name, but I just smile, because the combo does look classy, I admit. 

I just joke and say his name wouldn't have moved me far enough up the alphabet to make it worthwhile to change all the documents. 

[picklepizza]

Long time lurker, first time poster here!

I just had to weigh in on the name changing discussion. I was recently married in the summer and happily gave up my maiden name for my husbands surname.

As a feminist who runs in a lot of feminist circles I definitely had to defend this choice. But, I believe feminism is rooted in women having the right to choose what is best for them. This is where things with people like Jinger get tricky. She will never have that choice in this issue and on so many more in the future. 

[Chickenbutt]

When I was 5 my parents divorced and my bio father never saw my brother and me again (at least until I was 35 and he was dying, but that is a whole 'nother story). My mother remarried when I was 12. She asked my bio dad if we could use my stepdad's surname. He agreed, but refused any adoption ideas. So I grew up using XXXXXX. I never had it legally changed. I used it in school, for a drivers license, for the military, I used if to get a passport etc. I have never written my bio name since I was 12. When I married, I married under the XXXXXXX, then took Mr. Butts name. Wonder how legal all that was.

[Karma]

But how could you get a passport in a name not legally yours?  When applying for a passport I had to show my birth certificate, my marriage certificate (I changed my surname to mr karma's), and then a change of name certificate when I had a mid life crisis and formally deleted the middle name I'd always hated.  

Not disbelieing you, @Chickenbuttl just curious! 

 

 

[Chickenbutt]

It's been so long ago, I don't really remember. When asked about my surname I may have put First name, (Bio surname) XXXXXX. There was never anything in writing between my bio dad and mom. Just a verbal agreement. So I had nothing to show. I got my first passport 40 years ago, maybe it wasn't as strict back then? I truly don't remember ever having to prove the name.

ETA: My brother also used the XXXXX name from age 14. He also got a passport, joined the military and his daughters were given the XXXXX surname at birth.

Another thought: When I renewed my passport after getting married, I did have to show my marriage certificate which showed First Name XXXXXXX changed to Mr. Butt's surname.

[defraudedbychipendales]

On 11/17/2016 at 11:51 AM, front hugs > duggs said:

My husband is English, and he and his family don't believe in seeing each other the day of at all. So I said goodbye to Mr. Front Hugs around 2pm on a Thursday and didn't see him until aisle time at 5:30pm on a Friday. All sorts of feelings!

Did you put a half penny in your shoe? 

[Imagine20]

I didn't change my name. I never intended to, since I'm an only child and I didn't want my dad to feel like he lost his name. Luckily, in my husband's culture, women don't change their name so it worked well for everyone! 

[Karma]

@Chickenbutt I don't think it could happen that way these days, but the world was a very different place 40 years ago, so yes, as you say proof of ID just might not have been as strict back then.

Speaking of names, how weird is it that my mum's father didn't know how to spell her name until she got her birth certificate in her late teens?  Her mother had died when she was 3, and her maternal grandparents raised her till she was 11. She then had a year with her paternal grandparents before going to live with her dad and step mum.  On a book he gave her as a teen, he's misspelt her name.  Odd.

[Lurky]

39 minutes ago, defraudedbychipendales said:

Did you put a half penny in your shoe? 

I gave my sister a silver sixpence to put in her shoe, but I'd never heard of the custom until she was asking me where she could get one!

[Percy]

We argued about name changes before we got married.  Mr Percy had already changed his name,at his father's request, to that of the step father who raised his father ( while Mr Percy's brother kept the family name).

I wanted to keep my name, he felt very strongly about me taking his name, almost like I was rejecting him if I did not take his name.

I am the youngest of 4, 3 older brothers so in theory my family name would continue with their children.

Forward 30 years, Mr Percy's brother had 2  boys who continue the family name.  My brothers had 7 girls and 1 boy, none of them married yet so watch this space. We have 2 girls, so potential for further name issues to continue.  Mr Percy now insists his girls keep their family name and admits to being hypocritical.

Both girls tell him it is not his choice whether they keep their name or change them.

[Kangaroo]

My surname is one of those lovely names that isn't really a word or have meaning in any language, and the way it's spelt and pronounced are completely different. Throw everything you learnt on the English language out the window when pronouncing it! I'd personally consider changing my surname if/when I choose to marry. I can't really say for certain being quite young and not in a relationship.

My mum changed her name when she got married because her surname was one she got teased a lot about as a child. There was also a girl in my grade at school who's surname was "Hooker", which obviously resulted in some not so nice things being said. I can completely understand wanting to change your surname if it spares your child from being teased, or you have issues with difficulty pronouncing it.

 

I thought a nice compromise was two girls I went to school with. Their mother kept her name when she married. All the sons have the fathers surname, and the daughters have the mothers. It's unusual, but it was nice. They referred to themselves as the "Smith-Jones family" for example, but the boys were the "Smith's and the girls were the 'Jones's".

[actuallyjessica]

I changed my name when I got married, I was a little sad to do so, because unless my sister does not marry, or give her future children their father's last name, my maiden name will end, as there are no males to carry in the surname and my cousins already have children who share their father's surname.

There was the option of keeping my name, of course, but I wanted to share a name with my husband. We thought about having him take my maiden name but the thought did not get very far due to my mum's brother having exactly the same name as my husband... so that would've been confusing.

We've been married for 2 and a half years now and my husband does not speak with his narcissistic, alcoholic father or his criminal side of the family who share the same (uncommon and very German) surname as us, and would very much like to sever the tie of our name to theirs. We live in a small enough place that when people hear the surname, if they knew of the family they would immediately make the connection. We don't want to have anything to do with them or their doings any longer. So definitely want to change it....

But what would we change it to?

We've discussed coming up with a completely new surname, or using his mother's last name (his parents never married), simply in honour of his late-grandfather who he was extremely close to. Their surname is very common - Miller.

The only thing holding us back is the thought of people prying to ask why, or assuming the decision has been made out of spite.

[trustworthy]

2 hours ago, MargaretElliott said:

My last name is Welsh. Potential future Mr. Elliott's last name is German. Both are constantly butchered. Rock. Hard place.

I honestly couldn't figure out how to pronounce Vuolo in the beginning. In my head, it's "voo-oh-loh" with three syllables, instead of "voh-loh." I still pronounce it like that in my head.

I do too.  I suspect that in Italian, depending on where in Italy they're from, it's "Voo-oh-loh" -- but it's probably been Americanized for a long time.

[Karma]

When we married 24 years ago, mr karma, normally very traditional, said it was up to me to choose.  I was looking forward to building a new family with him - the karma family - so decided to change my name.  I had three brothers, and no pressure from my parents to keep maiden name.  I'm also about keeping things simple, and it's been easier having the 4 of us with the same name.  

These days I'm also happy I changed names because one of my brothers has two ex wives still using my maiden name and I wouldn't want to have the same surname as them!  Like @actuallyjessica my maiden name was uncommon and in our area everyone knows everyone.  

@actuallyjessica if you ever move from your area, that'd be the best time to change names.  I can see why you want to change, but yes  I think it'd be very difficult when you're established in an area to change it without getting quizzed about it by nosy parkers.

[wotdancer]

Husband wasn't at all adamant about me taking his name, but I wanted us to share a name in case we ever have children...it was just important to me that we all would share that name.

I wanted to keep my maiden name as part of my name, partly because that's my family too haha, and partly because my degrees are under that name. I just have 4 names - First Middle Maiden Married. At work I use "First M. M. Married" on documents.

But I have told husband many times that, next time, he changes his name instead lol. Such a pain in the ass....

[calimojo]

Like another poster from earlier,  I kept my maiden name because my dad died when I was 10 and our last name is rather rare.  My husband has never cared.  Most of my kids friends knew me by my husband's last name, which is the name my kids have.  It was never a big issue to me to correct them. 
 

Keeping my own name was personal for me but I have gotten some pretty angry responses from people over the years about doing it.  Most assume I am some rabid feminist and that is why I kept it.  Well, yes, I am a feminist, but in all honesty that didn't play a part at all.  It was really  just for my dad.  And, really, if people don't get that, then they are assholes. 

 

My kids have my last name as a middle name.  I have noticed my daughter using both names more lately, which is nice.  Unfortunately, our names don't flow well together, like some names do, but I do think it is sweet that she uses it sometimes. 

 

 

[grandmadugger]

I use my maiden name as my middle name. Taking my husbands name was very important to him. He had been in a common law marriage before because she took his last name and that meant married.  Otherwise he didn't see a point to getting married. I only wanted to keep my maiden name because that's what my degrees are listed as. Professionally though it would never work to have kept it. Kids just don't get not changing your name. As far as being referred to as Mr. and Mrs. Grandpa Dugger doesn't bother me.  It's only used in formal settings and about the only time hubby gets mentioned. He plays in the shadows so most don't even know his name  

[Casserole]

2 hours ago, Chickenbutt said:

It's been so long ago, I don't really remember. When asked about my surname I may have put First name, (Bio surname) XXXXXX. There was never anything in writing between my bio dad and mom. Just a verbal agreement. So I had nothing to show. I got my first passport 40 years ago, maybe it wasn't as strict back then? I truly don't remember ever having to prove the name.

ETA: My brother also used the XXXXX name from age 14. He also got a passport, joined the military and his daughters were given the XXXXX surname at birth.

Another thought: When I renewed my passport after getting married, I did have to show my marriage certificate which showed First Name XXXXXXX changed to Mr. Butt's surname.

Definitely was much less strict in the "olden" days. My dad JUST found out the middle name he thought was his is actually wrong. He was renewing his license and they noticed his social security and birth certificates had different middle names. He and his parents never knew. The worker at the DMV didn't know what to do, so his newest license is Dad MiddleNameA MiddleNameB Casserole.

His dad stopped at the irish pub prior to going to the registry office to fill out his birth certificate when he was born. Oops. 

[defraudedbychipendales]

Okay  finally watched.

1. I definitely see Catholic/Eastern/"traditional" (what I think of as traditional) wedding traditions - walking the Moms and Grams down the aisle.

2. Wonder how much sermonizing was cut out for tv

3. Like everyone else,  what was the Josie crown "princess" thing? Made no sense.

[Chickenbutt]

@Casserolehahhahahaha Olden days? Are you calling me old? Which is fine if you are, because I am old.