Eighteen Batesesss

[Nashville92]

I've always wanted at the minimum 2 kids, close in age.  I would love to have 4 or 5.  When I say that people give me the oddest looks and comments.  Having 2 kids is the norm where I live

[elliha]

2 minutes ago, Nashville92 said:

I've always wanted at the minimum 2 kids, close in age.  I would love to have 4 or 5.  When I say that people give me the oddest looks and comments.  Having 2 kids is the norm where I live

I have always wanted to have at least 3 kids but would have loved 4 or even 5 or 6. I have two now and that is what my husband wants but it seems like he is not completely against 3 now that we have 2. They are 4 years old and 7 weeks so it won't be toworrow but perhaps we would then start trying when the little one is 2 or so. I am 34 so not young but still not close to death's door, both mom and my sister had babies in their late thirties easily so I am likely to be fertile then too. Even though I would love that number three I am also somewhat charmed with the idea of knowing that if I don't I will have kids aged 6 and 10 when I turn 40 and know they will be adults way before I am old myself. My sister is in menopause with a teen and it is not always easy to have moodswings in both mom and daughter. 

[Fascinated]

I always wanted to have kids when I was young so that I'd still be young(ish) when they left home. It is sound reasoning. We had three under the age of four. The transition from one to two is eye opening, to say the least. But then with number three you find you've run out of arms and parents (assuming one is in a relationship)!  I had my last child a week after I turned thirty.

I also wanted to be a young enough grandmother to be able to get down on the floor and play with our grandchildren.  And I do that. And I can lug them around, too. But, our two who have small children are older than we were.  So I find that I'm fucking old!  I am not kidding when I say it's exhausting looking after them. (Plus they touch any weird thing that crops up on me, like a mole, for example. Embarrassing!).  My mum was 48 when I had their first grandchild. I was 57 when our first was born. Big difference!  And our kids will be even older I expect. I worry that in a generation or two kids won't have any grandparents at all.

Rambling. Sorry. 

[Palimpsest]

21 hours ago, Escapefromfundiedom said:

With the Batesesseses and the Duggars and these other familes - it's not the family size that makes their lives a nightmare, it's their ideology and I wish that people could find a way to stop conflating the two things. 

Hmmm.  I do see what you mean. I feel sorry for those who want and can afford bigger families  who get criticism from outsiders because they have not restricted themselves to the "regulation" 2.5 kids approved these days.

It is not the size of the family - if parents can cope financially, enjoy their children, and parent effectively.  I would argue that when you get into double digits that is going to be a serious issue.  I actually don't understand how people can effectively parent when their families get beyond 5 or 6, let alone into double digits.   But perhaps that is just me.

Yes, it is the ideology that requires people to procreate indiscriminately when they might not enjoy huge numbers of children, might not be able to support them, and might become overwhelmed by the parenting requirements and fucking half-ass them for God (or Gothard).  See so many Quiverfull families.

For the Batesessses and Duggar parental units - their lives are certainly not a nightmare.  They have successfully implemented the buddy system (to the detriment and parentification of the older children), harnessed unReality TV, and are doing quite well financially these days, thankyouverymuch.

Whether their children and grandchildren will do as well is another question.  There are many QF families living in poverty thanks to the ideology - and I find their parents selfish and neglectful.  MMV.

 

[Fascinated]

I'm overposting tonight but can I just say how much I love seeing 'Bateseseses' (with various spelling, of course) in these otherwise serious type conversations?  Also, that my iPad predicts it?  So satisfying. 

[season of life]

2 or 3 kids is the average number around here. My mom has two friends with 4 kids and I knew a girl with 4 siblings in HS, but that was due to twins from medical intervention. I would like 3 kids, 4 if it is financially possible. It's funny, I went from thinking the ideal age for kids was 27, then 29-30, then 25-26.

[Nashville92]

I used to want to get married young but I'm 27 so that's not happening.  The cost is outrageous, I don't know how my mom did it with twins 

[VelociRapture]

Expecting our first now (I'm 28 and he turns 29 next month.) We agreed on two, but are open to adding a third if we feel capable of raising three the way we want to - meaning, being able to provide the basics as well as save for college educations, pay for some extracurricular activities, take some vacations, etc.

We've been talking spacing lately too. I said I don't want to get pregnant again before baby girl hits 2.5 in summer of 2019 - mostly because I had a pretty tough first trimester and I want our daughter to be more self-sufficient in case I have ridiculous fatigue and morning sickness again. We agreed it depends on whether we have a bigger place or are close to moving into a bigger place though. Either way, we intend to be done before I hit 35. 

3 hours ago, Nashville92 said:

I've always wanted at the minimum 2 kids, close in age.  I would love to have 4 or 5.  When I say that people give me the oddest looks and comments.  Having 2 kids is the norm where I live

I thought I wanted four or five. Then I got pregnant.

And now I think my grandparents are crazy for having four kids in five years - mom was born June 1959, Aunt was September 1960, Uncle One January 1962, and Uncle Two May 1963. I honestly don't know how they handled so many young kids at once. I'm just going to go ahead and assume they secretly know magic.

 

[feministxtian]

There are advantages to having kids young. There are disadvantages too...I was 38 when my first granddaughter was born...the nurses kept referring to me as my daughter's sister...it got pretty funny. I was 18 when my daughter was born and she was 20 when she had her first baby. I was 48 when my most recent grandbaby was born...

Now, if only we had more $$ to be able to have fun...

 

[CharlieInCharge]

7 hours ago, Fascinated said:

 Also, that my iPad predicts it?  So satisfying. 

When I started getting autocomplete for Duggars and the spell check stopped trying to change Jinger to finger I knew I was an FJer. Satisfying indeed 

[Melissa1977]

On 18/9/2016 at 1:56 AM, Escapefromfundiedom said:

 

 

Do you have kids? Why do you think "life gets really ugly at home" with 5 kids? Yeah...maybe they'll stop. Maybe things will be tough for Whitney and they'll decide to stop...but you have to understand that people from this world are raised to view kids as a blessing, so the loss of personal time, the loss of privacy (both of which they never had much of to begin with growing up in large families)...it's not a big deal. Plenty of families, fundie and secular will tell you life with more than 1.5 kids is quite beautiful despite the chaos. I've found that 3 was infinitely more difficult than 4. I guess I just don't understand where people get off with this idea that life with more than one or two kids is such a horrid nightmare.  With the Batesesseses and the Duggars and these other familes - it's not the family size that makes their lives a nightmare, it's their ideology and I wish that people could find a way to stop conflating the two things. 

 

Yes I have 2 kids.

What I'm traying to say is that a having lot of little kids (plus homeschooling, so mom is never alone) can easily overwhelm a person. In fact, I know a lot of people who get overwhelmed by just 2 kids close in age (not talking about me here).

Yes, you can be very happy with eleventy kids if you DECIDE to have them and you live with not economical struggles and have a quiet personality. But fundies don't have big families because they decide it, but because they think it's a God's commandment. Yes, they say kids are a blessing, but we all know it's only empty words (you don't beat a blessing, you don't starve a blessing, you don't cover sexual abuse of a blessing). 

Imagine not liking kids, or hating pregnancy, or loving kids but also loving free time to develop your interests, but being forced to have one kid and another and another and not being able to stop. This is quiverful. And it sucks.

[BlessaYourHeart]

13 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

 

I thought I wanted four or five. Then I got pregnant.

And now I think my grandparents are crazy for having four kids in five years - mom was born June 1959, Aunt was September 1960, Uncle One January 1962, and Uncle Two May 1963. I honestly don't know how they handled so many young kids at once. I'm just going to go ahead and assume they secretly know magic.

 

My grandparents had 10 kids; there's a 10 month space between each of the first 7 then a 2 year gap to 8 then 3.5 years to 9 (my mum born 1955) and 4 to 10. There was also a few miscarriages; still borns and number 6's twin who died at a few weeks old. 

I seriously don't know how my grandmother did it! Imagine 7 under 7 aaahhh 

there was also a family that lived up the road from my grandparents when my mum was growing up who had 23 kids all with less than a year spacing between each one. There was another family with 15 too! 

Rural Northern Ireland and no TV I guess might be to blame! Although none of the family's where catholic. All church of Ireland 

[VelociRapture]

5 minutes ago, BlessaYourHeart said:

My grandparents had 10 kids; there's a 10 month space between each of the first 7 then a 2 year gap to 8 then 3.5 years to 9 (my mum born 1955) and 4 to 10. There was also a few miscarriages; still borns and number 6's twin who died at a few weeks old. 

I seriously don't know how my grandmother did it! Imagine 7 under 7 aaahhh 

there was also a family that lived up the road from my grandparents when my mum was growing up who had 23 kids all with less than a year spacing between each one. There was another family with 15 too! 

Rural Northern Ireland and no TV I guess might be to blame! Although none of the family's where catholic. All church of Ireland 

... Magic... That is the only plausible explanation I have for how they juggled that many kids so close in age... 

I mean, it was nearly impossible for me to watch my then 3 month old nephew while dealing with severe morning sickness this spring. And that was only one small child and my mom being available to cover for me when needed. I can't imagine how tough it can get for moms with severe morning sickness with multiple young kids like that. They either have magical powers or they're Saints. No other explanations make sense. Lol!

[season of life]

Ohhh, man, I will probably be upset about lack of sleep and cut that even 4 to 2. My sister can make up the remaining numbers. I think the benefit of reaching Duggar numbers is that you get a mix of girls/boys. Unless you're the Arndts. Then you're screwed.

[backyard sylph]

1 hour ago, season of life said:

Ohhh, man, I will probably be upset about lack of sleep and cut that even 4 to 2. My sister can make up the remaining numbers. I think the benefit of reaching Duggar numbers is that you get a mix of girls/boys. Unless you're the Arndts. Then you're screwed.

Handily, I had three girls and then three boys. A girl, bit of space, two girls close together, bit of space, boy, bit of space, two more close together. It was like two eras, in several ways. They are now 18-29, and I'm not a real energetic person these days, but I feel that I grew good people. None have their own kids so far, though, and that's just fine by me. I'll never stop being kind of a worrier, regardless of my firm belief that they are autonomous persons who can and should take care of themselves.

[JordynDarby5]

2 kids are the norm where I live too. Sometimes I wonder if its an unwritten law because those who don't have two kids really get a lot of grief. My brother and his wife decided early on they only wanted one kid. Boy or girl, they were one and done. They got a ton of grief. They should have two so their son has someone to play with, he's missing out on so much, why would anyone only want one kid. Questions if there's a "reason" why they only wanted one kid, doesn't the Mom want a little girl too? No there is no sad story, they only wanted one kid.  Our cousin and his wife decided to have they wanted a third kid. You would have thought they decided to murder someone the way everyone and their brother reacted. How selfish  they were, why would anyone want three kids when they already have two?  The ones who claim to "understand" because they had two girls and were hoping for a boy because that's got to be the only reason anyone would have a third kid it couldn't possibly simply want three kids. After the baby was born and it was a boy they started getting people asking them when they were going to have a fourth, a second son to even things out. My friend told me she was pregnant with her third kid.  I congradulated her. She told me I was the first person to do that her family, co-workers, other friends or even strangers were shocked, horrified or confused when she told them she was pregnant because she already had  one of each, why would she want a third?

[QuiverDance]

My kids are 18 months apart.  I am far from fundy.  I just had such a hard time conceiving the first that I didn't prevent after she was born and ended up with 2nd very soon after I stopped bf.  It was not planned, and I was thrilled.  I got my tubes tied after the 2nd because I thought I was done, and I also ended up getting an ablation.  I'm glad I did that.  I jam divorced from my kids' dad, and I honestly would love to have more kids with my new SO, and I think he would, too (he only has one and she's 21)  but I am in my early 40's, and I just don't think that would be the best idea, so I'm pretty happy that I cannot even consider it.  I always wanted more than 2, but I was 37 when number 2 was born, and I just didn't want to be changing diapers at 45.  It was the right decision.  Hopefully we will get grand babies and step grand babies.  

[BlessaYourHeart]

7 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

... Magic... That is the only plausible explanation I have for how they juggled that many kids so close in age... 

I mean, it was nearly impossible for me to watch my then 3 month old nephew while dealing with severe morning sickness this spring. And that was only one small child and my mom being available to cover for me when needed. I can't imagine how tough it can get for moms with severe morning sickness with multiple young kids like that. They either have magical powers or they're Saints. No other explanations make sense. Lol!

Well you Ireland is the land of the saints and scholars lol! 

I really don't know how my grandmother done it! All on her own too as my grandfather was out working all day and they pushed all 10 towards education so no sister-moms! All 10 of my aunts and uncles (and mum) are super close too despite there being so many of them! 

My mum stopped at 1 child though so I think having so many siblings did somewhat put her off having a large family. I didn't mind not having siblings though as I have around 30 give or take cousins on my mums side alone so there as always someone around! There's 31 years between me and my eldest cousin and everyone mistakes me for her daughter looks at us funny when we say we are cousins!

 9 of my aunts/uncles mum have between 1 and 4 kids which was pretty normal in the 70s-90s here. 

My one uncle has 7 kids all close in age but that was only because his wife kept going until she got a girl. She wanted a girl and wanted her to be the youngest grandchild and loved and spoiled by all. Then I came along 4 years after she had a girl and wrecked that for her ooops.

 I do regret that my kids won't have loads of cousins though 

[imokit]

@BlessaYourHeart I was close to a bunch of my 2nd & 3rd cousins as a kid (I've grown apart since - age and an Ocean), but if you like some of your cousins and continue to see them, your kids can still have lots of cousins.

My 3rd cousins and I were like siblings and it was an amazing childhood full of sleepovers and hijinks (the 1st cousins weren't born until I was old).

The grandchildren of the Aunt of my grandmother and as separate lot his (my grandfather's) sister's grandchildren.

[VelociRapture]

26 minutes ago, BlessaYourHeart said:

Well you Ireland is the land of the saints and scholars lol! 

I really don't know how my grandmother done it! All on her own too as my grandfather was out working all day and they pushed all 10 towards education so no sister-moms! All 10 of my aunts and uncles (and mum) are super close too despite there being so many of them! 

My mum stopped at 1 child though so I think having so many siblings did somewhat put her off having a large family. I didn't mind not having siblings though as I have around 30 give or take cousins on my mums side alone so there as always someone around! There's 31 years between me and my eldest cousin and everyone mistakes me for her daughter looks at us funny when we say we are cousins!

 9 of my aunts/uncles mum have between 1 and 4 kids which was pretty normal in the 70s-90s here. 

My one uncle has 7 kids all close in age but that was only because his wife kept going until she got a girl. She wanted a girl and wanted her to be the youngest grandchild and loved and spoiled by all. Then I came along 4 years after she had a girl and wrecked that for her ooops.

 I do regret that my kids won't have loads of cousins though 

.... Are you a Weasley?!?!?! 

[Adrienne83]

22 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Expecting our first now (I'm 28 and he turns 29 next month.) We agreed on two, but are open to adding a third if we feel capable of raising three the way we want to - meaning, being able to provide the basics as well as save for college educations, pay for some extracurricular activities, take some vacations, etc.

We've been talking spacing lately too. I said I don't want to get pregnant again before baby girl hits 2.5 in summer of 2019 - mostly because I had a pretty tough first trimester and I want our daughter to be more self-sufficient in case I have ridiculous fatigue and morning sickness again. We agreed it depends on whether we have a bigger place or are close to moving into a bigger place though. Either way, we intend to be done before I hit 35. 

I thought I wanted four or five. Then I got pregnant.

And now I think my grandparents are crazy for having four kids in five years - mom was born June 1959, Aunt was September 1960, Uncle One January 1962, and Uncle Two May 1963. I honestly don't know how they handled so many young kids at once. I'm just going to go ahead and assume they secretly know magic.

 

My two are literally two and a half years apart.

I had HG with both pregnancies, and having an almost two year old was actually really good for me. I'm a SAHM, and since #1 was so young he wasn't in any kind of programs, so, when I felt like death I could literally just stay at home with him. When he napped, so did I. I basically did nothing in the house and my husband was ok with it. Both my boys are super calm and chill kids though, so that could be why I had it so good. I would turn the TV on Peg + Cat when I was really bad, and he would watch it and play with his toys. The only hard part was feeding #1. Husband would give him a good breakfast before he went to work, and a good dinner when he got home. I was the cracker or eggo lunch giver. He also ate a lot of snacks. Nothing with any kind of scent.

We play on having four kids, with #3 and #4 also having a two and a half year age difference. #2 and #3 will have an almost four year age difference, due to just some life stuff. We have the months picked out already, lol.

I originally wanted six, but that's just not doable. We don't have that kind of house, and since we aren't having them super close together I'm too old for that. My husband wanted two, but when he saw how calm #1 was he was down for three. Now that #2 is just as chill, he's cool with four, lol.

In my world it seems like two kids are all that's really allowed. Though, because I have two boys it's "ok" that we have a third. Ya know, so we can have a girl. My FIL said to my husband "It's too bad you'll never have a girl." after we told him #2 was also a boy. According to them we aren't allowed to have a third.

[BlessaYourHeart]

4 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

.... Are you a Weasley?!?!?! 

Unfortunately not 

[BlessaYourHeart]

4 hours ago, imokit said:

@BlessaYourHeart I was close to a bunch of my 2nd & 3rd cousins as a kid (I've grown apart since - age and an Ocean), but if you like some of your cousins and continue to see them, your kids can still have lots of cousins.

My 3rd cousins and I were like siblings and it was an amazing childhood full of sleepovers and hijinks (the 1st cousins weren't born until I was old).

The grandchildren of the Aunt of my grandmother and as separate lot his (my grandfather's) sister's grandchildren.

I'm really close to one of my second cousins (my eldest cousins daughter) as she's only slightly older than me and we look like twins so we pretend we are . I'm also really close to her mother

im also godmother to a few of my other cousins kids so they'll always play a huge role in my life.  

My kids will never be at a loss for family as I'm very family orientated and have really close relationships with aunts and 1st/2nd cousins. 

I guess because I had such great relationships (and still do) with a lot of my extended family and there was always a sense of belonging and comradeship between us all; I wish my kids could have the same experience. They'll only have my boyfriends sister and her husband and my boyfriends brother and his (soon to be) wife. Thus far boyfriends sister only has one child and won't have anymore. So my kids will have very little actual cousins.

Thats if I'm lucky enough to even have kids. I'm currently going through an early miscarriage and unsure if it's something wrong with me or just this particular pregnancy! 

[JillyO]

In my family, literally everyone has exactly two kids. Always one boy, one girl. I have one brother. My mom has one brother. My dad has one sister. Uncle has a boy and a girl. My aunt has a boy and a girl. Kind of freaky, really.

Anyway, my family also has really big gaps between siblings, so we all grew up without any relatives in our age range. My brother is 8 years older than me. My paternal cousins are 13 and 21 years older than me. My maternal cousins are 11 and 17 years younger than me. I hope it'll be different for my kids. I would have loved to have built-in playmates.

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

So sorry @BlessaYourHeart! I pray that both your physical and emotional recoveries go well ❤️