Eighteen Batesesss

[BlessaYourHeart]

11 minutes ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

So sorry @BlessaYourHeart! I pray that both your physical and emotional recoveries go well ❤️

I'll be ok  I'm only 21 and have a whole life in front of me and university to finish. 

Its bitter sweet really. On one hand it's tough, I'm in a lot of pain and I was around 7 weeks and didn't know I was pregnant until the bleeding started so there was no real excitement or anything before that. But I just feel a strange emptiness right now that I can't really explain. 

 

My boyfriends parents won't let us sleep in the same bedroom so I can't imagine how they'd react if the pregnancy had of sustained! 

My mum is fantastic though as she went through the same thing at my age so she's really empathetic which is really good. It gives my boyfriend someone to talk to as well as me

[alba]

My two are literally two and a half years apart.

I had HG with both pregnancies, and having an almost two year old was actually really good for me. I'm a SAHM, and since #1 was so young he wasn't in any kind of programs, so, when I felt like death I could literally just stay at home with him. When he napped, so did I. I basically did nothing in the house and my husband was ok with it. Both my boys are super calm and chill kids though, so that could be why I had it so good. I would turn the TV on Peg + Cat when I was really bad, and he would watch it and play with his toys. The only hard part was feeding #1. Husband would give him a good breakfast before he went to work, and a good dinner when he got home. I was the cracker or eggo lunch giver. He also ate a lot of snacks. Nothing with any kind of scent.

We play on having four kids, with #3 and #4 also having a two and a half year age difference. #2 and #3 will have an almost four year age difference, due to just some life stuff. We have the months picked out already, lol. [emoji14]

I originally wanted six, but that's just not doable. We don't have that kind of house, and since we aren't having them super close together I'm too old for that. My husband wanted two, but when he saw how calm #1 was he was down for three. Now that #2 is just as chill, he's cool with four, lol.

In my world it seems like two kids are all that's really allowed. Though, because I have two boys it's "ok" that we have a third. Ya know, so we can have a girl. My FIL said to my husband "It's too bad you'll never have a girl." after we told him #2 was also a boy. According to them we aren't allowed to have a third.

My parents had four daughters, no sons. People seemed to think they kept going after two because Dad wanted a son (you wouldn't believe the number of people who said, "Your poor dad!" after learning he had four girls, like we somehow weren't good enough).

Hugs to@BlessaYourHeart

[Melissa1977]

6 hours ago, BlessaYourHeart said:

Thats if I'm lucky enough to even have kids. I'm currently going through an early miscarriage and unsure if it's something wrong with me or just this particular pregnancy! 

Don't worry, an early miscarriage is very common and doesn't mean you'll have pregnancy problems in the future! now you need some time to recover from your loss, but you're very young, please don't worry too much. Send you my best wishes!

[YeahWhatever007]

Alyssa's pregnancy photo shoot is cracking me up because she doesn't even look pregnant. She looks like she just ate a decent sized dinner if that. 

I was thinking the same thing! What's the point of maternity pics when you're as tiny as she is? She could've waited until she was like 8 months pregnant!

[VelociRapture]

8 hours ago, BlessaYourHeart said:

I'm really close to one of my second cousins (my eldest cousins daughter) as she's only slightly older than me and we look like twins so we pretend we are . I'm also really close to her mother

im also godmother to a few of my other cousins kids so they'll always play a huge role in my life.  

My kids will never be at a loss for family as I'm very family orientated and have really close relationships with aunts and 1st/2nd cousins. 

I guess because I had such great relationships (and still do) with a lot of my extended family and there was always a sense of belonging and comradeship between us all; I wish my kids could have the same experience. They'll only have my boyfriends sister and her husband and my boyfriends brother and his (soon to be) wife. Thus far boyfriends sister only has one child and won't have anymore. So my kids will have very little actual cousins.

Thats if I'm lucky enough to even have kids. I'm currently going through an early miscarriage and unsure if it's something wrong with me or just this particular pregnancy! 

I'm really sorry!

Please remember that most early miscarriages are not the fault of the parents - it's just something that, unfortunately, happens without explanation a lot of times. Short of doing hard drugs and purposely punching your stomach, there really isn't anything you personally could have done to cause or prevent this. That's what my Doctor told me when I experienced one earlier this year.

I hope you're doing ok and that your Doctor doesn't find any contributing conditions (like Erin Paine has to deal with.) If you want or need to talk, let me know. 

ETA: Saw your other post. I'm glad your mom has been able to help you with this! It's sad she experienced it too, but it's so helpful having someone you love and trust able to help you work through it emotionally. 

47 minutes ago, YeahWhatever007 said:

I was thinking the same thing! What's the point of maternity pics when you're as tiny as she is? She could've waited until she was like 8 months pregnant!

They aren't really maternity pictures - they're photos for the announcement. They did maternity photos for Allie right before she was born. I'm guessing they'll probably do the same with this pregnancy, if they decide to do them at all. 

[VineHeart137]

My husband has always said he wanted 4 kids, I said 2 or 3. Now that we have one, he has agreed to 2, and we will reevaluate after the second one to see if we want a third lol. It hit him that kids are expensive! He is one of 6 kids, plus mom and dad, that's a family of 8. They didn't have a lot of money growing up. He lived in Orlando, yet had never been to Disney until after we got married, because his parents couldn't afford to take even one or two kids at a time. (And when he was younger, Disney admission was considerably more affordable.) He wants to be able to take our kids on vacations and save for college, maybe even put them in private school, and I agree.

[QuiverDance]

Disney World is so outrageous.  I am not poor, but I haven't taken my kids yet, and honestly the alligator thing made me so angry I might never.  How much do you think they paid that family to keep their mouths shut?

[Adrienne83]

On 9/20/2016 at 4:49 AM, alba said:

 

My parents had four daughters, no sons. People seemed to think they kept going after two because Dad wanted a son (you wouldn't believe the number of people who said, "Your poor dad!" after learning he had four girls, like we somehow weren't good enough).

Hugs to@BlessaYourHeart

I totally believe that because people have said something similar to us. Everyone wanted #2 to be a girl since #1 was a boy. When #2 was a boy everyone gave us one of two responses. They either said something to the effect of too bad you'll never have a girl, or asked when we are going to try for a girl. Not a third child, but a girl.

[VelociRapture]

20 minutes ago, Adrienne83 said:

I totally believe that because people have said something similar to us. Everyone wanted #2 to be a girl since #1 was a boy. When #2 was a boy everyone gave us one of two responses. They either said something to the effect of too bad you'll never have a girl, or asked when we are going to try for a girl. Not a third child, but a girl.

I really don't get why people automatically jump to conclusions like that. I'm just happy when someone has a happy and healthy baby regardless of the sex or how many the parents have already. 

I have had one or two people mention to me (after hearing Velocibaby is a girl) that girls are supposedly harder to raise than boys. My reaction was to say baby's sex doesn't determine that, personality does. 

[season of life]

Just now, VelociRapture said:

I really don't get why people automatically jump to conclusions like that. I'm just happy when someone has a happy and healthy baby regardless of the sex or how many the parents have already. 

I have had one or two people mention to me (after hearing Velocibaby is a girl) that girls are supposedly harder to raise than boys. My reaction was to say baby's sex doesn't determine that, personality does. 

I've actually heard people say boys are harder to raise. Didn't know all these behaviors depended on your genitals! That sounds like a shitty thing to say, that a couple is trying for another baby because they may be stuck with all girls or all boys.

[seasonsoflife]

I haven't been able to find this in other threads, sorry if it's been discussed already.

It's on Michael's Instagram. She is having a girl in January.

 

*My computer was being vrazy and not loading topics properly I see it now. Sorry!

[justmy2cents]

9 minutes ago, seasonsoflife said:

I haven't been able to find this in other threads, sorry if it's been discussed already.

It's on Michael's Instagram. She is having a girl in January.

 

*My computer was being vrazy and not loading topics properly I see it now. Sorry!

Are you referring to the post about Alyssa's baby girl that's due in January, with Allie Jane holding the sign?

[seasonsoflife]

Just now, justmy2cents said:

Are you referring to the post about Alyssa's baby girl that's due in January, with Allie Jane holding the sign?

yes, i just heard she is pregnant and thought it was news but it wasn't and can't figure our how to delete it.

[justmy2cents]

Oh, ok.  Can you edit your post, delete what you wrote and just say something like old news?

[elliha]

6 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I really don't get why people automatically jump to conclusions like that. I'm just happy when someone has a happy and healthy baby regardless of the sex or how many the parents have already. 

I have had one or two people mention to me (after hearing Velocibaby is a girl) that girls are supposedly harder to raise than boys. My reaction was to say baby's sex doesn't determine that, personality does. 

I have a boy and a girl now and have been told we have the "perfect set" now. Ehh... no, they are children not a set and while nothing is decided about family size yet, having a boy and a girl is not a reason to not have more children if you want to. My parents started with a girl and a boy just like me and my husband but ended up with a family of girl, boy, boy, boy, girl. Some say they stopped having children because they finally got that second girl (me). No, they had officially stopped after 4 but I was a surprise and while I think my mom was happy to have a more even gender balance with me I am sure I would have been a much loved kid if I had been a boy too. 

I do however in some way think it is fun to have a boy and a girl, while children are individuals there are some differences, whether due to culture or biology I am not going to discuss. So far I have noticed far messier diaper changes with a boy. Suddenly the little cobra rises and then... I also noticed a sad thing. I don't dress him in very traditional boy clothes and when people think he is a girl they give him more attention and talk to him more, when I dress him in the few more boyish clothes he has people talk to him less and for a shorter time and they never say he is cute (which he is regardless of what he wears). I noticed the same with my daughter when I put her in more boyish clothes too but it didn't feel like people were putting her down then, her "real self" was when she was treated better. 

[Kak]

I have 2 boys, and have also had the "poor you, you didn't get your girl" type of comments. Which is so, so stupid. If I'd had another (it wasn't really a conscious decision to have or not have a 3rd) I'd have been delighted with another boy. Or a girl. It's a cliche, but a healthy baby is the important thing. People who don't see that are fools. 

[Melissa1977]

Same here. When I told people my second pregnancy was another boy, they looked at me as if I was telling bad news. It's like having girls is better, makes you happier or something like that. I can't stand it. Children are wonderful because they are your children, not because their sex.

I'm released that it's not legal to choose babies sex. I tell you in my country will be born 90% girls. Because you know, girly clothes are so cute and girls behave better.

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

Same here. When I told people my second pregnancy was another boy, they looked at me as if I was telling bad news. It's like having girls is better, makes you happier or something like that. I can't stand it. Children are wonderful because they are your children, not because their sex.

I'm released that it's not legal to choose babies sex. I tell you in my country will be born 90% girls. Because you know, girly clothes are so cute and girls behave better.

It's so funny, because when my baby's sex comes up there's always two opinions offered - either it's rainbows and sunshine because the clothes are cute and they behave so well or there's sympathy because girls can be so difficult to raise. No in between at all. 

I'm just sitting here like, can I just be happy about having a healthy baby after miscarrying our first? Please? Thank God I have a sense of humor and the ability to call out the bullshit. Thank you pregnancy hormones. 

@ellihaI haven't noticed that with my nephew - but I only really see him right now around family and friends. He's so stinking cute though that it would break my heart if strangers didn't comment on that just because of his clothing. 

11 hours ago, season of life said:

I've actually heard people say boys are harder to raise. Didn't know all these behaviors depended on your genitals! That sounds like a shitty thing to say, that a couple is trying for another baby because they may be stuck with all girls or all boys.

My mother-in-law made a comment recently about how some people think girls are tougher to raise - she had three boys so she doesn't know personally. I flat out told her that personality is really more useful for determining that - if you have a strong willed and stubborn kid who has a talent for trouble then it's going to be tough regardless of what's between their legs. I plan to say the same thing with each person who tells me that.

And it bothers me when people get excited thinking about all the "girly" things I and our female relatives are going to get to do with my daughter one day. What about my husband and our male relatives? Are they not allowed to do girly stuff with her if she likes that stuff? And what if she doesn't like stereotypically girly stuff? Is that somehow not ok?

Same goes for my nephew too - is it somehow wrong if he wants to play with dolls or if he likes shopping more than cars or sports? Am I not allowed to do stereotypically boy activities with him because I'm his Auntie? Thank god his mommy has the same view I do on the subject. Anyone who gives him grief over any interests he may develop is guaranteed to receive an absolutely epic verbal lashing from her.

Gender stereotypes - for boys and girls - obviously piss me off a lot when presented as being definitive. 

[backyard sylph]

My boys were easier in certain ways than my girls, definitively. But as a logical person, I can't assign their gender to that as an answer. I had the boys later, we lived in somewhat different circumstances, they had older sisters, I was older, and I could name a few other personal items. I was afraid to have a boy after three girls, but of course, that was silly.

With just me and the boys in the house over the past few years from mid-teen to young adult, things are much, much quieter. When the girls blow through once or twice a year, everything is ramped up a little, and when they go back home, it's quiet again. Well, again, I'm older, and also life is a little different than it was for most people 8-10 years ago. Life is definitely different in Cincinnati than in New Jersey. And the three of them are nothing like each other except they're all interested in the details of film-making, they all like pineapple on pizza, etc.

It's easier for many people to divide us all up according to obvious groupings, and then apply each piece of subsequent evidence to their already formed conclusion. That drives me nuts, because it's lazy and thoughtless and it leads to imbalanced situations such as with these big odd families. It leads to expectations and to the lack of them. It leads to people thinking I was just a brain when I was a kid, yet steering me away from the sciences, muddling my perception of who I was meant to be for years. But I digress.

Hold strong against your relatives' preconceptions, young ladies!  You'll have girly girls and all-boy boys and bully girls and sensitive boys and all the variations in-between, and the best advice I ever heard was a re-crafting of that much-vaunted proverb, which went like this, "Train up a child according to his way" (instead of "the way he should go,") which means get to know who they are as individuals and what their needs are, and proceed according to that light.

 

[elliha]

@VelociRapture It is quite interesting to try this with dressing, I think it is quite a lot of difference. I am not just talking about super girly stuff like tutus and flower headbands either, even say a onesie with pink flowers vs. a blue striped onesie gives quite a lot more attention to the baby in the flowery onesie even if it is the same cute baby. 

[CharlieInCharge]

It can have a lot to do with the outfits themselves. There seems to be more cutesy stuff for girls and more mini-man stuff for boys. Whenever I dressed my little guy in extra cute clothes (little footballer uni or nautical theme outfit with ADORB hat) he got so much attention. Little girls would be ignored in the face of his blinding cuteness. But I only had a few outfits like that, mostly it was just jeans and shirts. We go to a used clothing shop that specializes in kids clothes and the girls section is larger and an explosion of color. The boys area is far more drab. 

 

Reminds me a bit of a recent article that said clothing manufactures make way more clothes in size 6 than 16, but size 16 is way more common in the US. http://time.com/how-to-fix-vanity-sizing/

 The clothing industries seem to just do what they have always done with no regard to modern life. I want more clothing selection for me and my little one. 

 

And functional pockets. Why can I never get functional pockets in women's clothing?! 

[alba]

It can have a lot to do with the outfits themselves. There seems to be more cutesy stuff for girls and more mini-man stuff for boys. Whenever I dressed my little guy in extra cute clothes (little footballer uni or nautical theme outfit with ADORB hat) he got so much attention. Little girls would be ignored in the face of his blinding cuteness. But I only had a few outfits like that, mostly it was just jeans and shirts. We go to a used clothing shop that specializes in kids clothes and the girls section is larger and an explosion of color. The boys area is far more drab. 

 

Reminds me a bit of a recent article that said clothing manufactures make way more clothes in size 6 than 16, but size 16 is way more common in the US. http://time.com/how-to-fix-vanity-sizing/

 The clothing industries seem to just do what they have always done with no regard to modern life. I want more clothing selection for me and my little one. 

 

And functional pockets. Why can I never get functional pockets in women's clothing?! 

OMG RIGHT?! I have a "compact" mobile phone (because I have baby hands), and I can barely get it in the back pocket of my jeans. Front pocket? Not a chance.

[wotdancer]

My mom had a boy and a girl (me) in a little over 2 years (then 2 more later on), and did say that it was easier to potty-train my brother because it was summertime and she just told him to "water the car tire" or something like that until he got the hang of aiming. Then when it was time to potty-train me, she said she was at a complete loss because that tactic wouldn't work with a girl haha.

[VelociRapture]

32 minutes ago, wotdancer said:

My mom had a boy and a girl (me) in a little over 2 years (then 2 more later on), and did say that it was easier to potty-train my brother because it was summertime and she just told him to "water the car tire" or something like that until he got the hang of aiming. Then when it was time to potty-train me, she said she was at a complete loss because that tactic wouldn't work with a girl haha.

I laughed so hard at this! Your mom is awesome! 

[GnomeCat]

5 hours ago, CharlieInCharge said:

It can have a lot to do with the outfits themselves. There seems to be more cutesy stuff for girls and more mini-man stuff for boys. Whenever I dressed my little guy in extra cute clothes (little footballer uni or nautical theme outfit with ADORB hat) he got so much attention. Little girls would be ignored in the face of his blinding cuteness. But I only had a few outfits like that, mostly it was just jeans and shirts. We go to a used clothing shop that specializes in kids clothes and the girls section is larger and an explosion of color. The boys area is far more drab. 

 

Reminds me a bit of a recent article that said clothing manufactures make way more clothes in size 6 than 16, but size 16 is way more common in the US. http://time.com/how-to-fix-vanity-sizing/

 The clothing industries seem to just do what they have always done with no regard to modern life. I want more clothing selection for me and my little one. 

 

And functional pockets. Why can I never get functional pockets in women's clothing?! 

HAHA! I recently went on a very public feminist rant about the lack of functional pockets in women's clothing. Obviously ladies need pockets to handle all their business too. They would NEVER make pockets that are not functional for men. It's maddening!!!