Duggars by the Dozen- General Discussion Part 18

[Kira]

Who is this guy holding Meredith and hanging out with the Duggars? He looks familiar: http://duggars.tumblr.com/post/142567469160/meredith-with-a-family-friend-source-fb#post-notes    

http://duggars.tumblr.com/post/142567534140/with-friends-and-singing-for-the-elderly#post-notes

[sophie10130]

I definitely think we would wash clothes a lot less if we still had to wash and dry our clothes by hand.

I've been reading about permaculture lately, and one lady wrote a bit about cleaning clothes. Also, this was written in the late 20th century, so laundry machines were in every house at the time. She said back in the day most ladies wore dresses every day for multiple days, but wore aprons when doing anything messy so that if company came over, they could just take their aprons off and look pristine again or put on a totally clean one. It got me thinking a lot about how much I wash my clothes. Hell, I've even read articles that say NEVER wash your denim. But that's for like super fancy $200-$300 jeans. I don't think they're talking about working-man's jeans.

Now, I do wash the clothes I work out in after every wear. But I have since learned that washing your clothes seems to be a very personal issue, but I definitely think we wash our clothes more than we used to. If that's a good thing or not, I'm not the authority. We also wash our armpits more than we used to, and I'm not complaining about that.

[ClaraOswin]

I have hyperhidrosis (which sucks SO BAD) so I maybe wash clothes more than some people. But I don't think there's anything wrong with washing things less. As long as people aren't smelly...then it doesn't bother me one bit.

[Ungodly Grandma]

6 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

Never using the same towel twice? I wonder if that's the norm and I'm just gross for only washing ours once a week. Ha! Oh well. They don't smell so I will continue doing it this way. How often do you wash your sheets/blankets/mattress pad?

Towels about once a week, sheets less often, depending on circumstances. Blankets, etc, hung out the window at least once a week, washed less often. 

[roddma]

7 hours ago, Mothership said:

I agree.  I had meltdowns and found strength and realized my limit (four kids).  I still have an occasional meltdown with an empty nest.  It is a normal thing about her.  The few times she would get into a howlers face and whisper whatever were the closest we got to normal in later episodes.  I'm guessing she had some key words that she threatened the child with that brought him back into line---along the lines of "you don't want to see mama angry!".    

This is what I was trying to express.  We're likely getting hung up (pun intended) on the whole laundry meltdown.  Quite possibly it was more about the time of day (actually night, I believe) and everything else that had gone on.  Even the lady who offered to come do her laundry.  Was it that she had someone doing laundry or she had someone showing support (which pretty obviously JB wasn't doing)?

According to the 20 and Counting book, after the 'meltdown', she took the kids to the piano lessons at 7.a.m. The lady, Nana, noticed she was nodding off and Michelle told her what happened. Nana offered to do laundry. Even before modern conveniences and with several small kids, I doubt many larger families were up at 1 a.m. with laundry. 

Im no fan either, but you have to give Michelle some credit in the early days, though she brought much of it on herself, But that's what happens when you follow rigid gender roles. Anyway, you don't need to even be a parent to feel overwhelmed

[Kittikatz]

14 hours ago, roddma said:

 

Anyhow, a number one complaint form women is how their husband/partner doesnt help  with house work. In fact I read somewhere more women would marry if there was equal division of household chores.

This is the main reason why 'just say no' has been my policy decision when it comes to marriage/cohabitation. I hate picking up after other people, and while I like cooking and don't mind cleaning up after myself and the fur babies, it would vex me beyond belief if I had to clean up after another adult (like most of my married friends seem to), and having another capable adult expect me to make dinner for them on an regular basis would take all the enjoyment out of time in the kitchen. If I met someone who was able and willing to pull their own weight around the house, it may be a different matter, but that hasn't happened, and given the culture around here, I'm not optimistic. The funny thing is that all the boyfriends I've had who tried to propose or move in have had the same stunned look on their faces when I run down the cost/benefit anaylsis/reasons why I wasn't going to let them put a ring on it (I'm an INTJ - I can't help it, everything is subject to analysis and logic). From the way the discussions went, it seems like all of them were of the opinion that it was perfectly reasonable to expect a woman who works full time to also have the primary responsibility for managing the house and taking care of everyone in it. While that may be a division of labour that works for people where the wife is primarily a homemaker, I'm not prepared to have my leisure time eaten up taking care of someone who expects me to be happy to play mummy for them while they add on work to the household equasion....  I can totally see why people who have too many jobs, like Michelle did before she could draft her children into the workforce, could be driven to meltdown by a 'simple' household chore and an unsupportive spouse. I wonder if things in the Duggar family would have been different if Michelle had found the Chutzpa to force the new washer issue? If I were in that situation, assuming I didn't just rip the cheque out of uncooperative husband's hand, I'm afraid I'd be starching someone's shorts until they came to appreciate the need for new laundry equipment...

The katzhouse washes sheets and bath towels weekly, sometimes more frequently in the summer, blankets every couple of weeks and underwear, socks and shirts that have had direct skin contact hit the laundry after one wearing. Other clothes may get more than one wearing if they are not smelly or obviously dirty. Kitchen towels are changed out daily. Throws and living room pillow cases get washed quarterly, or more often if someone smears chocolate or spills wine on them (so works out to about monthly, darn those heavy drinking, slovenly rexes)... I figure as long as people don't look grimy or smell bad and living room pillows aren't crusted with wine, the laundry is being handled reasonably well. The details of how people accomplish this probably depends a lot on the climate they are living in as well as their own habits and biochemistry.

[ClaraOswin]

It's sad how many husbands suck. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I have a husband who picks up after himself. He also does a fair share of the cleaning around the house. He does his own laundry too. He cooks more than I do. I know there are some women who have been kind of rude to me for not doing more and "making" my husband do so much since he has a paying job and I'm a SAHM. But...news flash....I'm not making him do anything. This is just the way our relationship has always worked for us. Certain "chores" I do more often. Other "chores" he does more often. We both have things we despise doing and a lot of the time they don't overlap so we do them for each other. We don't keep track of how much each of us is doing or anything. We just do what we feel needs to get done. It's a team effort. If either of us felt like we needed more help, we'd ask.

I think the asking part is where a lot of my friends struggle. They gripe about their husbands.  But they never actually ASK them to do more.

I think for a man who may have been raised in a household where the women do all the work...they aren't necessarily going to know what they should and shouldn't be doing. So in those cases, the wife/girlfriend might need to educate them a bit. I'm thankful my husband was raised in a household where the men/boys took part in the cooking/cleaning/household stuff. It's all he's ever known. Our son will be raised the same way. He's only 2 and we already have him "help" with various things like laundry and unloading the dishwasher. (Of course, right now he thinks these things are fun. Ha!)

[Quivering Uterus]

My husband does everything except our billing / paperwork. EVERYTHING.

When we married we both worked. I worked until my second son started showing learning disabilities.  Then a year later I was in a car accident and blew my back out. Since then ('96 ) I have gone down a dark dismal path of failed surgeries. Now I have a seizure disorder that started after a week of being on Chantix.  ( before there were warnings about that. )

So now I am unable to do much of anything without risking danger to myself. I don't go out in our garage, or driveway, or many parts of our yard. I fell 30+ times last year and broke my leg, and then bones in my foot 8 wks later. He does the wash, cleans, and runs this household. Most men would've ran ten years ago.

He loves me. He LOVES me. He has no intention of dumping me. I love him to the depth and breadth of my soul. It is possible. This could've happened, and does, to someone each day. JBoob would be crying in the laundry room wondering why the dryer isn't cleaning his tidy whities. 

I got dealt a shitty deck of cards, but I've won the lottery. But right now that MAN, my man, is unloading the dishwasher and has selected a porkloin for dinner. Bless him.

And...that FB picture is so sad. Everyone but the baby has a Mona Lisa smile. 

 

[Jinder Roles]

20 hours ago, Mothership said:

The laundry thing:  I had four kids and cloth diapers with two kids in diapers for at least a year.  I never felt overwhelmed  with laundry.  Doubling my laundry would have been the least of my concerns.  You put clothes in, you take them out and put them in the dryer, you take them out and fold them.  Forget ironing for kids clothes (and the Duggars certainly don't have anything requiring ironing).  BTW, this was back when I ironed fathership's shirts for work (now they go to the cleaners).  Anyway, the bigger issue for me was getting the older to and from school with the younger one's preschool and nap schedule--obviously not an issue for the Duggars as they were all in the tiny house together.

Maybe it's less to do with the laundry itself and more to do with being overwhelmed with everything she was expected to do for her husband and 7 kids.  I think laundry was just the trigger.

[roddma]

I'm lucky to have a DH who does 'wimmen's work'. Gendered chores really bother me, and it isn't limited to Fundies. The young adult Duggar/Bates males could never run a house on their own.. When John David and Joseph (was it ?) stayed behind at the TTH during Josie's ordeal, they ate at Josh's. I mean how hard is it to fry a burger?

[foreign fundie]

I remember the year we did not take a family holiday because my dad used the money to buy my mum a dryer. She was expecting #6 and she could no longer carry wet laundry up the stairs to dry outside. All of us siblings thought it a small price to pay for the joy of having another brother. 

When I just read JB refused to buy his overworked wife a proper washing machine when he had the money, that story popped back. What a shitty example to your kids.

[MakeItSo]

catching up on all the posts. phew! Good to be back University has kept me busy this past week.

about laundry: So I just seriously thought about this and I came to the conclusion that for myself alone I have to do, at least, 2 loads per week.

In the winter I go snowboarding every week (Yes, even when I'm not at home in BC...Big Bear is just 2.5hrs outside of LA ) and even if I don't wash my snowboard pants every week, the hoodies and base layers and socks etc need to be washed...so that's an extra load about every two weeks (I have enough extra gear so I don't have to do that every week).

Then regular clothes/gym clothes are one load per week. Towels...I have enough to not run out until week 2 haha During the summer months I do DH MTB (downhill mountain biking)...so that's another set of dirty/muddy/dusty (depending on the weather) clothes. 

I think *I* am going to get some industrial-sized washers and dryers when I have kids one day because you know I'll drag em outside to be active, too...so anyway. Hope everyone feels like they know me a little better now that you know my laundry needs  haha

[calimojo]

laundry would put me over the edge with a big family.  I just don't like to do it.  I don't mind the sorting and putting it in the washer dryer, but the folding and putting away, UGH.  I remember being homicidal when I would get the dirty clothes from my kids and they were still folded up.  They were just to lazy to put them away so on laundry day, they would toss them into the hamper to avoid putting them away.  Nearly every parent I know has had this happen when their kids get to be about 11 or so.  I taught my kids to do their own clothes pretty young when I felt like they were being really disrespectful of my time and effort to do their clothes.  That wasn't a perfect solution as they would run the machine with 2 items in it sometimes.

 

I would say that  possibly the only thing that I would copy from the Duggars would be to have a laundry room with at least 2 washers and 2 dryers.  And I can see the benefit of a big family closet, especially with lots of littles.  'Tweens and teens should have their own clothes closets and dressers, but I definitely think the big family closet would work with little kids.

 

Oh, and if I had no worries about wasting water,  I would love an industrial dishwasher as well. 

[Ungodly Grandma]

5 hours ago, Jinder Roles said:

Maybe it's less to do with the laundry itself and more to do with being overwhelmed with everything she was expected to do for her husband and 7 kids.  I think laundry was just the trigger.

Or the laundry room was the only place she could be alone,

 

[FundamentallyShocked]

20 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

Never using the same towel twice? I wonder if that's the norm and I'm just gross for only washing ours once a week. Ha! Oh well. They don't smell so I will continue doing it this way. How often do you wash your sheets/blankets/mattress pad?

Multiple uses of towels at our house is the norm!  Seriously, you are wiping clean water off your clean body. Unless it is super humid in your house, the towels dry quickly and can be used again the next day. Hand towels in kitchen are changed twice a day (I'm guilty of using them to wipe spills), but not shower towels!

[Drala]

Wasn't the laundry room one of the places Josh acted out sexually?  Between J'chelle's meltdown over laundry, Boob's denial of a new washer, and Joshley's acting out, it would seem that the Duggars have an issue with managing their dirty laundry. 

[Trynn]

Never using the same towel twice? I wonder if that's the norm and I'm just gross for only washing ours once a week. Ha! Oh well. They don't smell so I will continue doing it this way. How often do you wash your sheets/blankets/mattress pad?

I sleep In a sleeping bag curled up In the fetal position. Since the sheets I have are just for show and not actually for sleeping, they only get washed if I spill something or the cat vomits. (Which happens like once every 2 weeks.)

I wash my sleeping bag about every 2 weeks.

Unless I spill something, it just never occurred to me to wash the mattress pad. But then, my sleeping bag is very thick, I'd be surprised if any of my swear or whatever actually reaches it.

Of course this is all when things are normal. Due to a bedbug infestation I've been washing all the things more like every other day, and I'm almost out of quarters.

[NeverAFundie]

We do bath towels once a week.  Bedding is kind of wonky, since my kids spend part of their time with me, and part of their time with their dads. But it generally works out to being washed after 10-14 days of use.  Comforters/quilts/blankets are once a month or so, unless there is a spill.  Undies and socks are washed after one wearing.  Other clothes, it really depends.  My son is in kindergarten and very rough-and-tumble.  If his school clothes have visible dirt, I wash them after one wearing.  If not, he wears them twice.  My daughters usually get 2 wearings out of their shirts unless they were particularly sweaty, and a few wearings out of jeans.  They have been know to wear their pajama pants (which I make myself from super soft fleece) for DAYS, though.  

[Ungodly Grandma]

2 hours ago, Drala said:

Wasn't the laundry room one of the places Josh acted out sexually?  Between J'chelle's meltdown over laundry, Boob's denial of a new washer, and Joshley's acting out, it would seem that the Duggars have an issue with managing their dirty laundry. 

Or it's the emotional center of their house. "As the Laundry Spins."

[twinmama]

On 4/10/2016 at 9:11 PM, quiverofdoubt said:

I don't know how you get away with so little laundry. Are you nudists?  The three of us make about 8-12 loads a week, between the messy toddler, kitchen towels, my husbands work and regular clothes, warm clothing layers in the winter, pajamas and workout clothes. 

I can't begin to tell you the amount of laundry I had while potty training. 

When michelle had 10 kids under 11 or whatever she probably had several kids potty train at once, and older kids still having accidents.  Not to mention all those kids out in the dirt and playing hard. 

2 adults 2 kids here and I do like 5 or so loads a week. Maybe more because my boys go to nature preschool so there is always school related mud clothes to wash in addition to regular clothes/towels/bedding. A lot of my laundry is that I am lazy and it's easier to wear my jeans and toss them in the laundry basket at night rather than put them back away. I wouldn't wash everything every time, but laziness prevails. Plus, when I fold the laundry I get to sit on my bed folding and watch tv during the day, so it's like my favorite household task.

21 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

I think the asking part is where a lot of my friends struggle. They gripe about their husbands.  But they never actually ASK them to do more.

Oooh I hate that! So many moms in my multiples group complain about being working moms who also do all the at home child care, all the cleaning and all the nighttime parenting. I always wonder why the hell they let their husbands get away with that!? My husband works during the day, so do I, taking care of the kids! Then we both clean things up (tho its mostly tidying on weekends that he helps with as I do the cleaning during the days), take care of the kids and are partners rather than maid and master!

Thankfully I lucked into a very, very neat husband. Like never leaves his clothes on the floor (I do... haha), toilet seat has never once been up, blah blah. I don't know why people put up with things that drive them insane to the point of griping on a parenting group, but never ask their partner to step up!

[twinmama]

19 hours ago, roddma said:

I'm lucky to have a DH who does 'wimmen's work'. Gendered chores really bother me, and it isn't limited to Fundies. The young adult Duggar/Bates males could never run a house on their own.. When John David and Joseph (was it ?) stayed behind at the TTH during Josie's ordeal, they ate at Josh's. I mean how hard is it to fry a burger?

My parents are so, so far from fundie (aka not religious at all, other than saying they're Catholic) and if my mom didn't make dinner, all my dad would ever eat would be like grilled meat and bacon.

I think it's ok to divide the duties, even along gender lines, as long as you both give and you both feel like equals. My dad was an awesome provider, worked his ass off until the day he retired. When he got home from work he was so drained, mentally, physically and emotionally, so my mom took care of all the home stuff. Worked for them and they are certainly equals!! Going on 40 years of marriage.

I think the difference is that they decided this, it wasn't like "you're a woman, make me dinner" and "you're the man, go to work." My dad would have been completely ok with my mom going to work if she had wanted to do that instead of stay home with us. 

[MoonFace]

My late husband felt that any work inside the house was my responsibility.   Hell, he wouldn't even take his dishes off the dining room table until the dog started climbing up there and tipping the table over.   (we worked opposite shifts so he had to make his big meal while I was at work)  He left all the fry pans and pots where he set them down.    He said that since I didn't mow the lawn or shovel snow he shouldn't have to do inside stuff. 

My current husband feels I do 90% of what gets done around the house.   I feel that he does about 90%.   He vacs and washes the floor since he knows it kills my back.  He does the dishes after all meals.   (Ok, so he often forgets to wipe off the table and stove but we use place mats on the table and I wipe the stove as I cook)   

I do all the cooking and all the laundry (he is NOT allowed to do laundry under any circumstance as far as I'm concerned)    

He also does yard work since my back can't take it and I kill plastic plants. 

 

I guess as long as we both feel that the other does more than we do we must be ok

 

[MakeItSo]

laundry is probably my favourite chore out of all chores...if someone forces me to pick favourites. I just don't like doing dishes (even with a dishwasher) or vacuuming. I do not know why but I've always felt that way. I'd much rather fold laundry all day than wash dishes or vacuum. 

[Denim Jumper]

I totally get Michelle's laundry meltdown; I've had a few myself. With the 5 of us, 8-12 loads per week is about average (that includes sheets and towels), with more towels in the summer for swimming, plus it's so fucking humid here that towels will stink if not properly dried every other day. Added to that, the laundry room is 1/8 mile walk, which isn't too bad... unless it's snowing, raining, or blistering heat. And you drag your laundry there only to find that every single machine is being used. And you keep checking back every once in a while, only to finally get an empty washer at 8:30pm (the laundry room closes at 9), so you have to drag it all back home and try again tomorrow. Except you have to work tomorrow. And it's going to be pouring rain the day after that. So you give up and drive to Walmart to buy more underwear to tide everyone over until the next attempted laundry day.

(That doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's always at the worst possible time)

[iweartanktops]

1 hour ago, MakeItSo said:

laundry is probably my favourite chore out of all chores...if someone forces me to pick favourites. I just don't like doing dishes (even with a dishwasher) or vacuuming. I do not know why but I've always felt that way. I'd much rather fold laundry all day than wash dishes or vacuum. 

I'm the same! I love laundry and hanging and folding everything perfectly. But I loathe dishes. Sometimes I'd rather throw them away and buy new ones.