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Duggars by the Dozen- General Discussion Part 18


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quiverofdoubt
57 minutes ago, foreign fundie said:

I never got this laundry thing. With six people in the house I do no more than three loads a week. If you have 21 people, say you do 12 loads. No laundry on Sundays, is two loads daily. One regular washing machine would be plenty, so would one dryer. Yet how many of these machines do they have?

Two loads of folding and putting things back in the closet would take an hour. O.k., that is excluding ironing, which I have banned this last ten years since there are plenty cute clothes that don't need an iron. And I always hang dry. But still, I don't see why it has to be such a big deal. They don't even use bedding. 

Am I missing something? Is it the hotter climate? Or do Americans go through three sets of clothes a day? Is it that we use much smaller towels? Or am I just really gross?

 

I don't know how you get away with so little laundry. Are you nudists?  The three of us make about 8-12 loads a week, between the messy toddler, kitchen towels, my husbands work and regular clothes, warm clothing layers in the winter, pajamas and workout clothes. 

I can't begin to tell you the amount of laundry I had while potty training. 

When michelle had 10 kids under 11 or whatever she probably had several kids potty train at once, and older kids still having accidents.  Not to mention all those kids out in the dirt and playing hard. 

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ClaraOswin

I just did the math and for our family of three and we do about 8-12 loads a week on average too. It will likely be more this summer since we'll be outside a lot.

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EmCatlyn
1 hour ago, foreign fundie said:

I never got this laundry thing. With six people in the house I do no more than three loads a week. If you have 21 people, say you do 12 loads. No laundry on Sundays, is two loads daily. One regular washing machine would be plenty, so would one dryer. Yet how many of these machines do they have?

Two loads of folding and putting things back in the closet would take an hour. O.k., that is excluding ironing, which I have banned this last ten years since there are plenty cute clothes that don't need an iron. And I always hang dry. But still, I don't see why it has to be such a big deal. They don't even use bedding. 

Am I missing something? Is it the hotter climate? Or do Americans go through three sets of clothes a day? Is it that we use much smaller towels? Or am I just really gross?

 

Little children can go through a lot of changes of clothing.  And Michelle was not just doing laundry but homeschooling, shopping on a tiny budget, cooking for 9 people, and cleaning up a house that was already too small for their needs.  I can see how she might have had a "melt down."  It may not have been the laundry itself was overwhelming, just that it was on top of everything else.

I am no fan of Michelle, but I suspect she was really working hard in those days.  We first saw her on TV when the older girls were old enough to be useful, but until Jana was eight or so, Michelle was pretty much on her own. If the Laundry Meltdown happened when the Duggars had 7 kids, that would have been in 1995-96.  Jana would have been 5 (she turned 6 in Jan 1996) Jill would have been around 4 and Jessa around 3.   It would be a few more years before the older kids could be "buddies" and start doing a lot of the chores. 

Another thing about laundry is that when you have fewer clothes you need to wash them more often.

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RosyDaisy

As the old saying goes...if it sounds too good to be true...

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quiverofdoubt
9 minutes ago, EmCatlyn said:

Little children can go through a lot of changes of clothing.  And Michelle was not just doing laundry but homeschooling, shopping on a tiny budget, cooking for 9 people, and cleaning up a house that was already too small for their needs.  I can see how she might have had a "melt down."  It may not have been the laundry itself was overwhelming, just that it was on top of everything else.

I am no fan of Michelle, but I suspect she was really working hard in those days.  We first saw her on TV when the older girls were old enough to be useful, but until Jana was eight or so, Michelle was pretty much on her own. If the Laundry Meltdown happened when the Duggars had 7 kids, that would have been in 1995-96.  Jana would have been 5 (she turned 6 in Jan 1996) Jill would have been around 4 and Jessa around 3.   It would be a few more years before the older kids could be "buddies" and start doing a lot of the chores. 

Another thing about laundry is that when you have fewer clothes you need to wash them more often.

My thoughts exactly.  I think any one person would drown with that much work. And jboob was doing a lot of tow work at the time, so up and out at all hours, and not at home much. Mi have one kid I homeschool, a helpful husband, a healthy budget, and I get overwhelmed with the work load.   I know most homeschooling moms get overwhelmed at various times trying to balance school, chores, laundry, activities, self care, laundry, cooking, laundry and more food prep  and that's with 2-4 kids at home. And Michelle was still learning to keep sweet and stuff her emotions down, when what she really needed was a good venting session. 

laundry is never ending. Someday I'll have both hampers the machine and the basket empty all at once. Then there will be partying and rejoicing. It will last 43.8 seconds and someone will throw their dirty outfit at the hamper. 

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Mothership

The laundry thing:  I had four kids and cloth diapers with two kids in diapers for at least a year.  I never felt overwhelmed  with laundry.  Doubling my laundry would have been the least of my concerns.  You put clothes in, you take them out and put them in the dryer, you take them out and fold them.  Forget ironing for kids clothes (and the Duggars certainly don't have anything requiring ironing).  BTW, this was back when I ironed fathership's shirts for work (now they go to the cleaners).  Anyway, the bigger issue for me was getting the older to and from school with the younger one's preschool and nap schedule--obviously not an issue for the Duggars as they were all in the tiny house together.

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ClaraOswin

Yeah, I can't fault her if she did, indeed, have some sort of meltdown. It sounds like one of the only normal things about her.

I know that I would never be able to handle that many kids. Of course, I'm smart enough to realize that and therefore I will never have that many children.

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foreign fundie

Oh definitely I can see how she was overwhelmed at that stage. Especially if she did not get much help from JB. Under fours are a hand full and I don't even know how you can homeschool at all with more than one toddler around.

I just wondered how the laundry seems always such a big deal. Even now there are designated J slaves for it. Laundry is not a significant part of my life even when I do laundy for up to eight people. But from your reactions I gather I must be just gross:) Am I the only one that lets their kids wear clothes until they are actually dirty? Or re-use big towels for the same person? Or.... wait I should stop before the mummy police come fine me.

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BabyFreeZone
2 hours ago, EmCatlyn said:

I am no fan of Michelle, but I suspect she was really working hard in those days.  We first saw her on TV when the older girls were old enough to be useful, but until Jana was eight or so, Michelle was pretty much on her own. 

Not sure why, but I've been thinking about Michelle's breakdown a lot lately. How horrifying that the reaction was not "we need to rethink this, get some help, stop having kids" but "let's keep having kids but put them to work." It's like, being honest about a mental breakdown is admirable, but then to learn and preach essentially the wrong message/answer to it....

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ClaraOswin
31 minutes ago, foreign fundie said:

Oh definitely I can see how she was overwhelmed at that stage. Especially if she did not get much help from JB. Under fours are a hand full and I don't even know how you can homeschool at all with more than one toddler around.

I just wondered how the laundry seems always such a big deal. Even now there are designated J slaves for it. Laundry is not a significant part of my life even when I do laundy for up to eight people. But from your reactions I gather I must be just gross:) Am I the only one that lets their kids wear clothes until they are actually dirty? Or re-use big towels for the same person? Or.... wait I should stop before the mummy police come fine me.

I only wash our bath towels once a week. Not sure if that's less often or more often than most people though. My son is 2 and sometimes gets 2 outfits a day dirty. But if by some chance it's a 'clean' day....he still gets a fresh outfit the next day. He does wear the same pajamas for a few days in a row though. I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing things longer if they aren't technically dirty. Sometimes I'll only wear a shirt for a couple hours. So I hang it back up and wear it again before washing. And my jeans don't get washed after every wear. I probably wear those longer than most people before washing though. :)

A lot of our laundry these days ends up being wash cloths, kitchen towels, and cloth napkins. They don't necesarily take up a lot of space. But we use a lot of them.

Then there are the other odds and ends like bathroom rugs and dog blankets.

I don't really find laundry to be stressful though. It's not like it requires that much effort really. You throw it in the wash, throw it in the dryer (or hang it), then put it away. I don't sit and stare at the washer/dryer the whole time they are running. So it's just something that gets done while also doing other things.

I remember some commercial where the mom was hanging out in the laundry room while doing laundry. That was so strange to me. But maybe if I had a big, fancy laundry room I'd hang out in there too.

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Oops time warp I forgot all the kids were little at the 'meltdown'. I also think of Andrea Yates and 5  kids in that tiny trailer. You wonder how hard it could have been in the small space, but QF live an isolated life.  QF moms are supposed to be housekeeping/child- rearing whizzes that never get overwhelmed. It's a wonder there haven't been more Andrea Yateses.

Anyhow, a number one complaint form women is how their husband/partner doesnt help  with house work. In fact I read somewhere more women would marry if there was equal division of household chores.

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Ungodly Grandma
5 hours ago, BabyFreeZone said:

Not sure why, but I've been thinking about Michelle's breakdown a lot lately. How horrifying that the reaction was not "we need to rethink this, get some help, stop having kids" but "let's keep having kids but put them to work." It's like, being honest about a mental breakdown is admirable, but then to learn and preach essentially the wrong message/answer to it....

Perfect example of "doubling down."

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Trynn

Our family never uses the same towel twice before washing. When my brother and I loved at home, we were a family of 4-6, depending on how many cousins were living with us at the time. My mom said that she went through an average of 1 and a half loads per day.

I personally generate a lot of laundry. Part of this is because o sweat more than the average person, and in winter I will change my shirt 3 times per day.

Another reason is that I am just lazy, so laundry piles up because I don't do it too often.

Then there are more complicated reasons I won't get into, but it is possible for someone to generate a lot of dirty laundry.

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ClaraOswin

Never using the same towel twice? I wonder if that's the norm and I'm just gross for only washing ours once a week. Ha! Oh well. They don't smell so I will continue doing it this way. How often do you wash your sheets/blankets/mattress pad?

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Mothership
11 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

 

Yeah, I can't fault her if she did, indeed, have some sort of meltdown. It sounds like one of the only normal things about her.

 

I agree.  I had meltdowns and found strength and realized my limit (four kids).  I still have an occasional meltdown with an empty nest.  It is a normal thing about her.  The few times she would get into a howlers face and whisper whatever were the closest we got to normal in later episodes.  I'm guessing she had some key words that she threatened the child with that brought him back into line---along the lines of "you don't want to see mama angry!".    

9 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

I don't really find laundry to be stressful though. It's not like it requires that much effort really. You throw it in the wash, throw it in the dryer (or hang it), then put it away. I don't sit and stare at the washer/dryer the whole time they are running. So it's just something that gets done while also doing other things.

This is what I was trying to express.  We're likely getting hung up (pun intended) on the whole laundry meltdown.  Quite possibly it was more about the time of day (actually night, I believe) and everything else that had gone on.  Even the lady who offered to come do her laundry.  Was it that she had someone doing laundry or she had someone showing support (which pretty obviously JB wasn't doing)?

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quiverofdoubt

I think things may be a bit different when your kids are home all day. For one, they spend more time outside getting dirty. And spilling food, paint etc on themselves (and everything).  And often enjoy "costume" changes throughout the day. In theory you can just refold/hang those clothes. But in reality, when you are responsible for EVERYTHING in the house and all those kids, this doesn't happen. so those once clean discarded outfits are now collecting dirt, spilled milk and more paint.  

then when you finally get an opportunity to fold some laundry, the kids keep running through the piles, knocking things down, or see something they want to wear in the basket and bam another change.

Add in potty accidents, over night accidents, muddy clothes.....oatmeal spilled all over 2 kids new outfits.... it all adds up fast. And if you have a small washer there are a lot more loads/time involved.  I have an he machine, and while it doesn't take a lot of active time to do laundry my weekly 8 ish loads takes 10 or so hours of actual washer time. Which means i need to be on my game in the laundry switching department to make sure it gets done in one day. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not.

Remember: at that point in time michelle had been pregnant or nursing for literally years on end with barely a break. Her brain was swamped in crazy hormones. And probably hadn't slept through a night in just as long or longer. She was working over time as a mom, teacher, wife, cook and maid on years of very little sleep, and interrupted sleep.  She was trying to balance feeding kids, changing diapers, teaching children to read and write, managing behavior "training" her children to be godly, cleaning the house, etc etc.  A break down was coming. It would for anyone. 

But like a previous poster said, her solution was to double down and not reevaluate.  I think that's the point where she started justifying to herself the level of work she was putting on the kids. It probably went from "it's good for children to help and have responsibilities and chores" (which is very normal and reasonable) to what we see now, where the kids are actually responsible for entire areas of cleaning/cooking/teaching. Things mom and dad should be responsible for, while the kids have a few chores and responbilities appropriate to their ages.  

I think that's also when the crazy eyes started, and she really lost any sense of herself, normal, or mental health.

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tehfanglyfish

I used to reuse bath towels and wear pants at least twice before washing but over the past year I had some skin issues (not related to reusing clothes/towels) and my doctor said to stick to single use. So now my 2 adult household makes a LOT more laundry!

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MoonFace
2 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

Never using the same towel twice? I wonder if that's the norm and I'm just gross for only washing ours once a week. Ha! Oh well. They don't smell so I will continue doing it this way. How often do you wash your sheets/blankets/mattress pad?

I wash the bath towels once a week.    I change the hand towels every other day or so - unless we are getting company, then I change out the hand towel in the guest room.    

Sheets are changed once a week.   

Mattress pad and pillow covers  (under the pillow cases) and blankets about every six months.   Once a year for the bed skirt. 

Dish cloths every couple days.   Same with kitchen towels (but we generally have 2-3 hanging from the stove door.   

Clean underwear Every.Single. Day.   Husband wears his jeans several days.   I insist on a clean t-shirt every day as well.   

Hard to decide how much laundry I do because I do separate loads for things so I wait until there is enough for a towel load, a load of his jeans, socks and undershorts (wash those on heavy duty) A load of his shirts - the button down shirts are fluffed in teh dryer while i hang his colored t-shirts and then I hang the button downs to dry.    I also wash my slacks separately from my shirts because my shirts are always hung up and slacks in the dryer.   

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MatthewDuggar
3 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

Never using the same towel twice? I wonder if that's the norm and I'm just gross for only washing ours once a week. Ha! Oh well. They don't smell so I will continue doing it this way. How often do you wash your sheets/blankets/mattress pad?

I wonder if there are any stats on there on this.  Many hotels have signs that ask you to put towels on the floor if you want them washed and hang them if you plan to use them again.  

Logically, if you're using a towel after bathing, the towel should remain relatively clean.  I'm sure they do get loaded with dead skin and other bodily secretions.  

This convo reminds me of this novelty product:

e4a962f5b68447ceb09a85aff578f51f.jpg

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ksgranola1

I remember reading somewhere that when Michelle has 4/5 littles, JB got a big paycheck for some job he did & Michelle asked him if they could buy a new washer, finally. He said no, he was going to buy an old car & fix it up to sell.  And that the old washer was "just fine." That would be my meltdown, right there. Of course, in my household, I would have told my lordship that he had just elected himself the chief grubby clothes captain and walked off w/that paycheck in my hand, uttering a few expletives.

:my_biggrin: But that's just me.

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tehfanglyfish
4 minutes ago, MatthewDuggar said:

 

Logically, if you're using a towel after bathing, the towel should remain relatively clean.  I'm sure they do get loaded with dead skin and other bodily secretions.  

 

 

When I did reuse bath towels I found the biggest issue was mildew. My bathroom is an en suite with not the best ventilation so after about 3 uses, it started to smell funky.

 

ETA: It being the towel, not the bathroom ☺

Edited by tehfanglyfish
Undefined pronoun
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SportsgalAnnie
On 4/8/2016 at 3:37 PM, manda b said:

M daughter is three and the dentist is already told me her mouth is too small...underbite as well

they gave me an overbite to relieve tmj pressure :( having a Small mouth stinks 

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ClaraOswin
3 hours ago, Mothership said:

I agree.  I had meltdowns and found strength and realized my limit (four kids).  I still have an occasional meltdown with an empty nest.  It is a normal thing about her.  The few times she would get into a howlers face and whisper whatever were the closest we got to normal in later episodes.  I'm guessing she had some key words that she threatened the child with that brought him back into line---along the lines of "you don't want to see mama angry!".    

This is what I was trying to express.  We're likely getting hung up (pun intended) on the whole laundry meltdown.  Quite possibly it was more about the time of day (actually night, I believe) and everything else that had gone on.  Even the lady who offered to come do her laundry.  Was it that she had someone doing laundry or she had someone showing support (which pretty obviously JB wasn't doing)?

It was always my assumption that the meltdown took place in the laundry room...but wasn't necessarily ABOUT the laundry.

35 minutes ago, tehfanglyfish said:

When I did reuse bath towels I found the biggest issue was mildew. My bathroom is an en suite with not the best ventilation so after about 3 uses, it started to smell funky.

 

ETA: It being the towel, not the bathroom ☺

Yeah, I think if towels aren't able to dry out...then they'd definitely need to be washed more often.

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EmCatlyn
4 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

Never using the same towel twice? I wonder if that's the norm and I'm just gross for only washing ours once a week. Ha! Oh well. They don't smell so I will continue doing it this way. How often do you wash your sheets/blankets/mattress pad?

I think using the same towel for the same person for at least 3 days is more the norm--in my house now (just two adults) we do the towels and the pillowcases once a week and the sheets from the bed every two weeks.

 When I had kids, sheets were changed once a week and towels every three days for the kids because they would let them drag on the floor, etc.

Kids need more changes of clothes than adults, but their clothes are smaller and take up less space in the washing machine.  Burp cloths and bibs can add up when you have little ones, even if you don't use cloth diapers (did Michelle?).  However, the only real problem I ever had with laundry was that the laundry room was never on the same floor as the bedrooms. Fortunately my children's father was good about lugging the baskets up and down the stairs, even when he wasn't the one doing the laundry-- which he often was.  He usually did towels and he would do the kids' laundry, which I would then sort and put away.  

As others have said, Michelle probably didn't have any help and the laundry, while not an overwhelming task in itself, was on top of everything else.

 

 

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missegeno

Wow, apparently I am disgusting! I only have a few articles of clothing because I am temporarily living abroad by myself for a year and didn't want to spend money building a wardrobe that won't fit in my suitcase back home, so I have to do laundry regularly to keep things fresh. I have 8 hand towels, 2 of which are always allocated to dish drying, since there isn't room for a drying rack in my place. The others are used for miscellaneous cleaning, but usually are used a few times because wiping up a spot of spilt tea isn't enough, imo, to warrant a wash. Two are microfibre, so all they need is a bit of water (or white vinegar if I'm doing a proper clean instead of a touchup).

I do a load of laundry about once every two weeks, and another load or two about once a month. Never in my life have I had my shower towel washed more than twice a month, since I'm clean when I use it, and I went out of my way to find a place to dry it when I had a poorly ventilated bathroom. I think I've tended more toward once a month, honestly. I usually wash my jeans after about 3 full-day wears. I try to make sure they're well dirtied before I wash them by choosing the ones that have been worn a few times when I go out for a day hike or other activity that will likely lead to muddy pants). Shirts usually get washed more frequently because they are more prone to sweat and spills. Still, I usually wear a tank top underneath, which keeps some of the body grime off the outer layer. Then I wear that tank top for a workout before it heads into the laundry pile. I have at least 20 pairs of underwear and socks so I don't run out between washes. I toss things like towels and sheets into loads when there is room (usually about once a month), though they had their own loads when I had more than just myself contributing to the pile. But even then, for two people, I did about 5-6 loads a month.

I used to do a bit more laundry than I do now, but never as much as you all seem to. Growing up, my mother was big on not wasting water because she had lived a lot in California, where droughts are a major concern and the 70s/80s saw some really intense ones. I started trying to minimize it further a few years back when I read about overwashing (and, now that I'm in southern England where the water is horrendous compared to the pristine water I got used to in Oregon, I want to keep that limescale off my clothes!).

Two helpful links on overwashing that reflect my thoughts:

http://www.wisebread.com/youre-washing-your-clothes-too-often-what-to-do-instead

https://theconversation.com/the-dirt-on-clothes-why-washing-less-is-more-sustainable-11531

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