Bringing Up Bates

[nelliebelle1197]

I wish I could watch it :( and I hope Erin is told tactful responses. A mom in my moms group lost her first baby at 32 weeks and there were so many horrible comments and question that just needed to be unsaid.

No! I cannot believe that! Beyond awful!

[Geechee Girl]

I'm watching it via Verizon OnDemand right now.

Good to know! I will look for it again. Thanks, for the head's up.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Good to know! I will look for it again. Thanks, for the head's up.

With my Verizon it wasn't in demand when I looked under tv shows and then Up, but when I did a regular search by spelling it out it showed up and took me to it on demand.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I wish I could watch it :( and I hope Erin is told tactful responses. A mom in my moms group lost her first baby at 32 weeks and there were so many horrible comments and question that just needed to be unsaid.

Man I hear you. One of my best friends lost her baby after birth as a result of the doctors not performing an emergency c-section, even though my friend begged them to. After his death, ALL of her family members and her husband's family members made comments about how she shouldn't have even bothered to try for another kid, how she brought this on herself, etc. It's awful the things people will say to those who are grieving.

[Peas n carrots]

Man I hear you. One of my best friends lost her baby after birth as a result of the doctors not performing an emergency c-section, even though my friend begged them to. After his death, ALL of her family members and her husband's family members made comments about how she shouldn't have even bothered to try for another kid, how she brought this on herself, etc. It's awful the things people will say to those who are grieving.

Da Fuq? Why would anyone - much less your family say anything like that? It's so needlessly cruel.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

I wasn't expecting the show to be as good as it was. Definitely much better than the TLC approach.

It's definitely refreshing watching the Bateses instead of the Duggars. They talk with a larger vocabulary (and better grasp of grammar), they're obviously well adjusted, they obviously care about each other, their daughters don't look like they're under constant stress, everyone seems generally happier, and they're so much more down to earth.

I think how lateness is handled by the families is one of the clearest definitions. JB, Michelle, and Josh (maybe others) talk about "Duggar Time" like it's a badge of honor, and like people should be grateful they are even considering showing up. Gil, on the other hand, talked about how being late isn't supposed to be part of being a Bates, but he was afraid that they had earned the reputation of "late Bates." He definitely saw the reality of the situation, both in their habits and how others are affected by said habits, and didn't see it as a good place for them to be.

My heart broke for Erin, but I was all but bawling when Chad was talking about how hard it was watching her going through the miscarriage and her crying at night. Those two are clearly in love and clearly going to make it.

I thought it was great how everyone was careful around Erin, so as not to make her upset. And when she was shopping with Carlin(?), I thought it was so cute when Carlin(?) told her how proud she was with how Erin was able to be so positive with Whitney's pregnancy and so helpful with the shower. And it was cute how she had to work at getting Erin's attention at first cause Erin was too busy doing her organizing thing.

The way Kelly handled Trace's accident was so much more maternal than Michelle's handling of Jason's fall.

I do think that this show will become really popular if it continues this way.

[doubleT]

I just watched the show and I enjoyed it much more than the Duggars. This family, although their thinking runs the same lines as the Duggars, are not competitive like the Duggars and their kids truly seem to enjoy one another. They don't seem as smug, judgmental or hypocritical as the Duggars. Kelly (and Gil) are much more hands on in the daily routine, or appear to be.

My heart breaks for Erin. She is a trouper. Chad too. He is very supportive of her.

Alyssa was cute when she let her family in on her pregnancy.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

It's definitely refreshing watching the Bateses instead of the Duggars. They talk with a larger vocabulary (and better grasp of grammar),

And that's saying a lot, considering they all seem to start their sentences with, "Me and ______ did _______."

Me and Zach, Me and Trace, Me and Chad, Me and Alyssa, etc.

What is Zach's job again? He seemed to be in full cop gear.

[coffeebean7]

I just watched it and thought it was a lot more enjoyable than 19KAC too. Nothing to really snark about, on its face. DH hates when I watch "these" shows but said that at least the Bates family is more attractive, lol.

Maybe it's because I'm pregnant but I was getting teary-eyed watching Chad talk about how hard it was to watch Erin cry every night. Those two are ridiculously cute.

The *only* thing that drove me nuts was Erin's hair. I've always thought it looked fine in pictures but she has too much hairspray or something that makes it look sticky. I fully realize that that is such a stupid thing to be annoyed by, though.

[NewSeasonOfLife]

Da Fuq? Why would anyone - much less your family say anything like that? It's so needlessly cruel.

When I was 20 I lost my son at 26 weeks and almost died myself. Afterwards my mother said his death was a blessing from God. She later tried to defend herself saying that it meant that he got to go to heaven and not deal with the world, but I had gotten pregnant while unmarried (we were married a couple of months before our son died) and I know what she meant - it was a blessing because she wouldn't have to deal with the shame of it all and we could pretend that never happened. It's been 21 years this week and I've never really forgiven her.

[calimojo]

I really enjoyed the show. They just feel more "real" and more connected than the Duggars do. They also seem like they would be much more fun. I mean, if I had to be sentenced to live with one or the other for 6 months, I would choose the Bates. I liked the kitchen scenes when they were dividing up the tasks. It just feels a lot more like "we are all in this together, so lets divide and conquer", as opposed to The Duggars where it feels like they just delegate everything out to the kids, or poor Grandma.

I know they have crazy beliefs, but I feel like individually, they are nicer, more refreshing people. It also seems like on some level they accept that not all of the kids will follow in their footsteps and they are ok with that. I feel like if some of them went more fundie light, that they would still be treated the same way as the rest of them.

[Toothfairy]

The Bates look well adjusted compared to the Duggars but again why are these people apart of gothard. They can still be conservative and not a cult

[marmalade]

And that's saying a lot, considering they all seem to start their sentences with, "Me and ______ did _______."

Me and Zach, Me and Trace, Me and Chad, Me and Alyssa, etc.

What is Zach's job again? He seemed to be in full cop gear.

Zach's FT job is at the metal fabrication plant with Chad. Production (interestingly, the same company that does the Duggars...what a difference producers make) just got the money shot of him in uniform. I bet all the leghumpers now think he's a cop.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Zach's FT job is at the metal fabrication plant with Chad. Production (interestingly, the same company that does the Duggars...what a difference producers make) just got the money shot of him in uniform. I bet all the leghumpers now think he's a cop.

They do. And Whitney posted a pic of him in uniform three days ago and everyone was all like, thanks for your service and blah blah..... Just looked at Kelly's blog bios and she says he is a sheriffs deputy.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Ok his LinkedIn says he's a reserve deputy aka unpaid volunteer and his main job is a machinist which kelly doesn't mention on her blog.

[Justme]

My thoughts. We know the producers are the same as the Duggars, we also know they read these boards. I think that they are trying to put a positive "spin" on some of the stuff that bugs us (and others), like the constant Duggar lateness and Mullet's lack of involvement. I do think that Kelly was worried when Trace had his accident. And I also think the producers chose to highlight that as part of the show. KWIM?

I think Erin has aged a lot since her wedding. I think the stress of her miscarriage(s) is weighing on her. She has to be experiencing a fundie woman's worst nightmare. Being "trained" your whole life to be a wife and mother and then having fertility problems. Chad seems like a good man and concerned about her. The preview's also show them in a Doctors office so she does seem to be getting care.

Zach and Whit are cute together. They obviously love each other. Whit still seems to be in the "in love with love" stage of fundism. Given her upbringing, I have hope that over the years, she and Zach will be able to pull away. He is also the spitin' image of Gil.

I loved Allyssa's (sp?) tshirt. I do find it a bit strange she waited 12 weeks to tell her family. But, maybe she wanted it to be in person and not over the phone. Gil and Kelly also had no problem saying the word "pregnant" unlike the Duggar's "expecting"....

I was expecting the Duggar bus to roll up to the shower and relieved they didn't. Every time they blow into town, everything is always about them.

[mstee]

It was nice to see the kids speak their minds. Not everything was perfect and sweet. They joked about the one girl's cooking and she said something like "well if you want to go cook instead that's fine but if not then you need to sit down, shut it, and eat". They also called alyssa a turd for waiting to tell about her pregnancy. It was realistic! And cute. Unlike the duggars who never seem to have any conflict or fun teasing shown. I wonder if the duggars find the bates too liberal occasionally. And if that would halt a courtship from taking place.

[formergothardite]

This show is sadly going to make the Bates look like a nice, likeable, country family, while leaving out that they are members of a controlling, abusive cult that destroys the lives of many. Hell, they aren't just members, Gil is on the board of directors and was presented long before the information came out on RG with much of the evidence against Bill Gothard. I am sure he and Kelly talked about it. And despite how the show makes them look, that is what sort of people they are. They are people who are high up in an abusive cult and continued to support a man after seeing the evidence that he groomed and sexually harassed teen girls for decades. They are the people who are trying to present a good image of the "perfect" ATI family. They are going to show that they are "real" yet still oh, so wholesome. I wouldn't be surprised if Bill Gothard encouraged them to do this show to try and help rebrand ATI.

The fundies that make the lifestyle look nice and refreshing are the scariest ones of all.

[singsingsing]

The producers are the same as the Duggars?

[Wenny]

When I was 20 I lost my son at 26 weeks and almost died myself. Afterwards my mother said his death was a blessing from God. She later tried to defend herself saying that it meant that he got to go to heaven and not deal with the world, but I had gotten pregnant while unmarried (we were married a couple of months before our son died) and I know what she meant - it was a blessing because she wouldn't have to deal with the shame of it all and we could pretend that never happened. It's been 21 years this week and I've never really forgiven her.

I am sorry about your son and your mom's comment. My mom tried to pull the pregnant while unmarried card until I reminded her that she was pregnant with my brother when she got married.

[eh02]

I agree with people's worries that making the Bates family seem so likable has the disadvantage of really hiding the harms of the religious cult lite they're a part of. That said, I wouldn't be totally shocked if both the Bates and Duggars were slowly trying to move away from IBLP. The Bates family probably needs the money and connections that Gil's board membership offers. The Duggars...not so much. We'll see.

To their credit, I do think Gil and Kelly have given a lot more individual attention to their children. They seem to be encouraged to have some individuality and not just be a nameless J'cog in the family machine. Kelly seems pretty easygoing and nurturing. Their kids seem much less damaged by their huge family size than the Duggars, but of course that's JMO based on observation from the show and what we know..!

I think this "stage of life" when the adult kids go off on their own and pave their own path will really change things. Now, I still think they're going to be ultra conservative and fundamentalist at the end of the day, but I do think things will change. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if IBLP went under in the next 10 years anyway. I am curious to see how FRC holds up, too. Their budget is public and they ran at a slight deficit last year; not a big deal for one year, but it'd be a problem if it starts to look like a trend. I saw on their page that their end of year giving campaign needed $3.2 million (in just December) to end on budget. They get about $13 million a year in donations, so that seems like quite a bit to rake in for one month, but I guess a lot of people do wait until December to donate. But that's about 25% of their total annual donations in just one month. Wonder if they'll make it?

[FreeHannie!]

I haven't seen it yet because Canada, but I have to admit, I was smiling all through this video:

Yeah, I dislike these people's beliefs, but they seem happy with their life and they are genuinely in love, and I can't help but smile at people who clearly love each other talking about each other. i'm soft.

[FreeHannie!]

I feel sorry for Erin because she's one of the fundie girls who really seems pretty content with her lifestyle and wants to be a mother, and infertility is a sad thing if you want children.

That said, without being insensitive, I hope they are making the most of the 'alone' time they have as a couple for now. Not saying it's a good thing she miscarried, but they have a little time to travel/decorate/just be a couple and while it may not be what they have planned, i hope they find a way to enjoy it in spite of everything because once a baby comes along, they won't have that for at least 2 decades. Hopefully that makes sense.

[16strong]

I think things will change for the Bates and the Duggars when the youngest kids get married. By then most of the kids will be married and living in different places, the parents will be old, and their respective shows will likely be over. All of this will make it way easier for the kids to move away from fundie culture. I can't imagine it would be easy to control 15 grown kids living in different states while worrying about finishing up schooling and marrying off the rest. Especially not when you're in your 60's, but I'm sure their minions will read this post to them and Boobchelle and Gelly will swear to themselves that they will only release their iron grip when they're dead, but let's be honest. Controlling 15+ kids financially and socially is damn hard work, and the work load will only increase with age. Good luck, because I will be watching for every "failure." :popcorn2:

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

It was nice to see the kids speak their minds. Not everything was perfect and sweet. They joked about the one girl's cooking and she said something like "well if you want to go cook instead that's fine but if not then you need to sit down, shut it, and eat". They also called alyssa a turd for waiting to tell about her pregnancy. It was realistic! And cute. Unlike the duggars who never seem to have any conflict or fun teasing shown. I wonder if the duggars find the bates too liberal occasionally. And if that would halt a courtship from taking place.

I don't think its that they're liberal. I think the Bateses put each other's emotional needs first (as Gil told Zach, people before projects). The Duggars, on the other hand, have little to no emotional support from their parents and, as a result, don't really have the foundations to make positive emotional relationships happen with each other.