Child Collectors Extraordinaire

[Joan of Snarc]

With the super emaciated kids in particular, there is often some pretty rapid changes at first, and that's exciting. They are rescued and they fatten up and start looking like regular kids, even if 10 years behind their actual age and still extremely delayed. Call me cynical and mean, but it almost seems that as things "plateau out" more or less, the excitement moves onto new (or potential new) cases, the new project. Surveying a bunch of blogs that theme seems to be out there, to me.

I was wondering if rescuing these kids was crossing into addiction territory for her. She gets a huge high from rescuing these severely neglected children and all the praise she gets for doing it, setting up her savior complex. Then, like you say, once they have made a few gains (Hailee fattens up; Haven smiles) she's ready for her next high, leaving the rest of these kids' development up to Jesus.

:violence-smack:

[Mango]

This is unrelated to the families discussed above, but the link came across my facebook -

http://www.today.com/moms/adoptive-moms ... -1C8347362

(Not breaking, news source)

An adoptive mom, who adopted her son at age 10 (and his bio sister at age 5) did a photo shoot of him as 'newborn' photos. It's an interesting article. But like the families discussed here - she's got 6 bio kids older than him. Sort of interesting! No clue if they're fundie or anything.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

So it looks like Hasya is back in the hospital again - her femur just broke itself to the point of needing surgery to put it all back together. I guess that's some osteoporosis...

I feel for her, someone I know had a similar terrible break needing surgery and pins and all the rest of it, but his case was due to a traffic accident.

[crazyforkate]

OMG that is a lot of kids. I don't care if you're the greatest parents ever, if you have too many kids to pay attention to, you shouldn't have so many kids, whether that number is 1 or 20.

[SoybeanQueen]

This is unrelated to the families discussed above, but the link came across my facebook -

http://www.today.com/moms/adoptive-moms ... -1C8347362

(Not breaking, news source)

An adoptive mom, who adopted her son at age 10 (and his bio sister at age 5) did a photo shoot of him as 'newborn' photos. It's an interesting article. But like the families discussed here - she's got 6 bio kids older than him. Sort of interesting! No clue if they're fundie or anything.

I saw the photos on FB and thought they were hilarious. Some of my kids have no baby pictures for the same reason. I would love to recreate some baby poses if they'd let me!

[applejack]

I went to high school with a girl who's family turned out to be big-time child collectors. When I knew them, they just had a few, I believe a set of triplets.

http://sioux.livingstonesnews.com/modul ... le&sid=274 (it is admittedly an older article)

They've been... busy. Well, she has. I guess the husband passed away a few years back.

[C Potter-Pirbright]

Sounds like the doctor's can't do very much for Hasya at the moment beyond a splint. Poor little fragile thing.

Not to be all judgey but it really doesn't sound like Adeye is in anyway prepared for her medical needs at all.

[chaotic life]

That woman with the Haitian kids sounds VERY much like she is deliberately circumventing and violating international adoption laws. She is bringing those kids in the US on medical visas which specifically state that you CANNOT adopt the child and they MUST return to their home country. It's common that these kids get adopted after they come simply because often the parents disappear or the ungoing medical needs don't allow them to return to their birth countries. However you are SUPPOSED to send them back and then complete the legally correct adoption process.

US adoption laws have a legal loophole. If you live with a child for two years as if you are their parent, then you can circumvent adoption laws and adopt them domestically. That's the purpose of the legal guardianship (aside from the medical insurance fraud she's committing becuase medical visas require you get all of the medical care donated for FREE).

I learned a VERY disturbing fact yesterday.

I have heard rumors that even though the US visa sponsorship requires you to commit that you will not seek government assistance for any international adoptee for at least two years after they enter the US, that once they are a US citizen (which for most happens the moment they enter US soil) you can actually violate your agreement and seek medicaid for them as US citizens. I say rumor because I never, ever pursued it myself but I've heard that rumor out there before.

What I found out yesterday is that many states will not only fasttrack that medicaid coverage but will get you SSI and Waiver funding immediately so that it's apparently quite easy to bring in $$$$ for international adoptees almost immediately if you know how to work the system properly.

One of my co-workers neighbor has 11 children, nine are adoptees from Ukraine and four of them have Down Syndrome. The neighbor likes to overshare and my co-worker knows for certain that not only does the family have medicaid coverage on all nine of the kids, not only does she have nursing and assistance services from nearly the point she walks off the plane with them, but she's also getting $750/child from her state in subsidy assistance for those kids.

I now have to wonder if my newest son's first adoptive family was profitting off of him, as his GAL has suggested. I have to wonder if the real reason Adeye and her husband returned to CO is because it is much more generous in adoption funding and services than VA and that there is a possibility that they are recieving significant funding for those children.

Most of these families do NOT spend their own funds to adopt these kids. They hard-core fundraise to cover the costs. So, they are out far less out of pocket than typically should be and could potentially be recieving funds and services almost immediately upon arrival with these kids. I am truly, TRULY sickened to learn this information.

However, I know for certain my co-worker is very reliable about what she is reporting and in what she explained to me, I CAN see the potential to milk the system. I just simply never considered the possiblity in international adoptions. I am DISGUSTED to hear this.

[chaotic life]

As for Haysa.....put a fucking PORT in that child ASAP!!! She is going to require IV access for the rest of what little natural life she has left to live, at least push hard to spare her the pain of those damn needles!!

No, Adeye has NO understanding of what she's gotten into with Hasya. It actually pisses me off. ALL of those children are suffering, and frankly I am not convinced that Haysa is doing so much better having removed her from her environment. I still think the act may kill her, and if her parents cannot get their acts together to fight for the highest QUALITY and not quantity FAST, then she will suffer tremendously now that she is no longer allowed to be sedated into a stupor to not grasp her own miserable existence.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I agree, chaotic life. Adeye can go on about Daddy love and Mommy love and God love all she wants, but the fact is Hasya doesn't know these people, doesn't have the ability to grasp (ever) that these are Daddy and Mommy, and doesn't have the advantage of being still young enough to benefit from the hugs and cuddles. All they're likely to do is break more of her bones.

It's hard to argue that quality of life is much improved when the major changes seem to be that she's going to be surrounded by a houseful of noisy sibs, have a camera constantly flashing in her face for Adeye's updates, and strapped into a carseat for endless rides to Denver.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

As for Haysa.....put a fucking PORT in that child ASAP!!! She is going to require IV access for the rest of what little natural life she has left to live, at least push hard to spare her the pain of those damn needles!!

No, Adeye has NO understanding of what she's gotten into with Hasya. It actually pisses me off. ALL of those children are suffering, and frankly I am not convinced that Haysa is doing so much better having removed her from her environment. I still think the act may kill her, and if her parents cannot get their acts together to fight for the highest QUALITY and not quantity FAST, then she will suffer tremendously now that she is no longer allowed to be sedated into a stupor to not grasp her own miserable existence.

SRSLY - I just now read the latest post, how she can't have surgery.

Apparently she can't have surgery until she's gained TEN POUNDS??? I remember reading about when they brought Hailee home, it seemed to take her forever to gain each little tiny ounce and pound. So yeah, realistically, this means she's going to have to just heal a broken leg with no intervention at all (other than pain meds?) doesn't it?

I will say I'm kinda surprised that last week or whenever it was they were happy enough to put her under to clean her teeth and do other things, but this is more serious? I suppose the surgery itself is more serious, not just the anaethesia.

Just... can't help but reading for being horrified and fascinated, now. I thought it was strange how they were so surprised (really??) that the kid would need a G-tube, now they don't put a permanent IV in, it's as if they don't want to think things are as serious as they are? I'm surprised the doctor doesn't suggest it though? Unless of course they're thinking she's not long for this world and are thinking hospice or something?

I just don't EVEN know...

[Joan of Snarc]

Adeye was at her side when it happened, and knew right away what was wrong. They rushed her immediately to the local hospital where X rays confirmed what Adeye told the doctors.

There are various possibilities about why her leg re-broke... we will know more later today. Most likely as she has grown and gotten stronger (such a miracle!!!) her fragile bone just couldn't withstand the contractile force of her own bigger, more powerful muscle pulling on it.

I wonder what she was doing -- or what was being done to her -- when the leg broke. Were they trying to hold her or put weight on her legs? Or was Hasya in her normal lying down position and the leg just broke? Hmmmm....

Elizabeth's posts try really hard to make Adeye sound like the most knowledgeable, careful mom out there. Not buying it. I read her entire blog (well, I skipped the God is perfect even though these children are dying in orphanges posts, and the fundraising posts, so I guess I only read 1/3 of it) and she didn't know what to do about Harper's upper respiratory infections in the winter. One of her readers suggested a vaporizer and it sounded like she had never heard of one! How the fuck do you have seven kids (at that time) and not know what a vaporizer is?

Also, it sounds like Hailee and Harper are really rough-and-tumble and I wonder if they are capable of being gentle enough around Hasya. The older boys and Hannah Claire are probably old enough now to understand they can't do more than touch her hand or cheek. Of course, we don't know much about Kael and I guess Haven is off in her own world.

Poor little Hasya, so much suffering :(

[chaotic life]

The Elizabeth who keeps posting updates fo Adeye is a retired Family Practice Doctor. While I am grateful that they at least have a medical doctor they are close enough to get pesonal consultation so quickly, she is NOT Haysa's doctor. Given that she is retired, she is not staying up to date on CEs and how to care for a child like the ones they keep bringing home. Frankly, I had to STOP letting medical doctors who were family and close friends call any shots with my medical fragile children and gently remind them to let the children's OWN doctors captain the ship. They are always well meaning, but there's a reason that doctors generally don't treat their own family, sometimes good friends can blur those lines as well.

I don't think Adeye is at ALL the one who knows what to do with what is going on. I think this Elizabeth is playing conceriege doctor and calling the shots and SHE posts with tremendous knowledge because she IS a doctor. There's a HUGE gap in her knowledge base and Adeye's.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

...and there's another update, by Adeye this time, so less medical details and more god-bothering.

I freely admit, I'm an irreverent heathen by her standards. But she writes things like

And just as the Father held our beautiful little girl so tightly for all those years as she lay in her crib, so He holds her so closely to Himself in these difficult days too.

and I can't help but think, really? So God is with all these horrendously neglected kids in Pleven city's main orphanage or similar, and holding them, protecting them, somehow (how??) so...

Praise God! What a beautiful GIFT this little lovie is to our family.

...she can live out a purpose of teaching a family in the first world about... what exactly?

How is this not patronizing?

Why does Adeye not ask why God doesn't make it so those horrible orphanages don't happen to start with? Oh but she occasionally posts that question, like she thinks to ask "God, why don't you fix it" but she always says essentially "but God asks ME 'what are YOU doing?' and so I realize I need to Adopt!!! More!!! Kids!!! or at least fundraise for same so contribute here!!!"

But seriously! So God is protecting this kid, through 14 years of neglect, for what purpose exactly? Why would you not think, if you're Christian, better she died and was in heaven already? Or otherwise, died and escape from the shackles of this bad luck life for a better chance on the next turn? But no, it's all about having some grand purpose, she has to suffer so that other people see it and are redeemed, or something. They get a chance to fulfill the commandment to help the orphan! This doesn't disturb anyone else?

But speaking of patronizing she's had some posts recently celebrating Down syndrome in her other kids and while it's a nice idea, we get it, she accepts her kids for who they are and isn't that great, like what, you want some prize or? but yeah okay it's a good thing, not gonna deny, but the rhetoric is just so over the top it comes off as really patronizing.

But of course they are not going to regular school or mixing with us great unwashed so maybe they don't notice...

(yeah I'm cynical this evening...)

[OkToBeTakei]

theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.co.uk/

This is the couple with 11 adopted children. They adopted 3 of them last month.

I realise that forming bonds must be difficult with older children, would this be a normal practice?

Mia has been in our room for the last week.

The first night we had her sleep with us... it was heartbreaking. She silently cried 3 times throughout the night. The rest of the time she laid motionless and scared to death to even move.

After that we had little ones (Anna, Ava and then Abby- each a different night) sleep with us and Mia slept on her mattress on the floor. We wanted her to see that children actually want sleep with their parents and she does not need to be afraid.

The next night hubby was out of town and Sarah slept with me. Mia slept on her mattress on the floor.

So far so good!

[Morton Fan]

theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.co.uk/

This is the couple with 11 adopted children. They adopted 3 of them last month.

I realise that forming bonds must be difficult with older children, would this be a normal practice?

I was taken aback as well. I do know it's not uncommon to try to recreate the bond that a child would have had with the mother as an infant. Rocking, co-sleeping, etc. That being said, it seems a pretty huge leap, and I cannot imagine forcing it on my child when they are clearly terrified of the prospect. I would be terrified to sleep with strangers, too.

[valsa]

I would be terrified to sleep with strangers, too.

Also, though I hate to assume, there's always the possibility she may have experienced sexual abuse in the orphanage or foster home she was living in previously. I'd think it would be wiser err on the side of caution.

[Morton Fan]

Also, though I hate to assume, there's always the possibility she may have experienced sexual abuse in the orphanage or foster home she was living in previously. I'd think it would be wiser err on the side of caution.

Absolutely. And her English language skills are very limited right now, so she wouldn't be able to express that even if she wanted to.

[France Nolan]

Even if she could express herself in English, I doubt the parents would care. What she wants is irrelevant. Actually, I shudder to think what would happen if she expressed any sort of dissent. I'm sure they would just smack the fight out of her.

[Morton Fan]

Even if she could express herself in English, I doubt the parents would care. What she wants is irrelevant. Actually, I shudder to think what would happen if she expressed any sort of dissent. I'm sure they would just smack the fight out of her.

I'm not saying it's not true, but I haven't gotten the child-smacking vibe from this family. I also haven't been reading their blog for very long, so I could be wrong.

[dianapavelovna]

...and there's another update, by Adeye this time, so less medical details and more god-bothering.

I freely admit, I'm an irreverent heathen by her standards. But she writes things like

and I can't help but think, really? So God is with all these horrendously neglected kids in Pleven city's main orphanage or similar, and holding them, protecting them, somehow (how??) so...

...she can live out a purpose of teaching a family in the first world about... what exactly?

How is this not patronizing?

Why does Adeye not ask why God doesn't make it so those horrible orphanages don't happen to start with? Oh but she occasionally posts that question, like she thinks to ask "God, why don't you fix it" but she always says essentially "but God asks ME 'what are YOU doing?' and so I realize I need to Adopt!!! More!!! Kids!!! or at least fundraise for same so contribute here!!!"

But seriously! So God is protecting this kid, through 14 years of neglect, for what purpose exactly? Why would you not think, if you're Christian, better she died and was in heaven already? Or otherwise, died and escape from the shackles of this bad luck life for a better chance on the next turn? But no, it's all about having some grand purpose, she has to suffer so that other people see it and are redeemed, or something. They get a chance to fulfill the commandment to help the orphan! This doesn't disturb anyone else?

But speaking of patronizing she's had some posts recently celebrating Down syndrome in her other kids and while it's a nice idea, we get it, she accepts her kids for who they are and isn't that great, like what, you want some prize or? but yeah okay it's a good thing, not gonna deny, but the rhetoric is just so over the top it comes off as really patronizing.

But of course they are not going to regular school or mixing with us great unwashed so maybe they don't notice...

(yeah I'm cynical this evening...)

I too am a godless heathen, but I'm with you 100%. All her going on about God putting such and such here for this purpose and beautiful extra chromosomes and precious treasures is just fetishization to me. She never speaks about her bio sons in the same way, and rarely about Hannah Claire, their first adopted kid whose only special need is Hep B. For example, her little intro blurb on the blog:

Blessed daughter of the King of Kings, wife to the most amazing man in the world and mommy to nine sharp arrows. Three sons the good old fashioned way, two special needs princesses from China, and our most recent adoptions--two angelic treasures with Down syndrome from Ukraine. We are in the process of bringing home two more beautiful children who so desperately need to be rescued--you can read Hasya's story here and Kael's story here.

When they're average bio kids, it's just "sons the good old fashioned way." But it's special needs "princesses" and "angelic treasures with Down syndrome." Blech.

Totally agree about Hasya as well. God kept her alive for 14 years in terrible suffering so that she could...come to America and have her terrible suffering documented on a self-serving mommy blog? Just one more reason I don't believe in these people's God anymore.

[dianapavelovna]

I'm not saying it's not true, but I haven't gotten the child-smacking vibe from this family. I also haven't been reading their blog for very long, so I could be wrong.

I haven't either. I was definitely side-eyeing that entry when they talked about forcing Mia to sleep with them (sounds like some attachment "therapy" bullshit), but I haven't gotten the impression that they use much, if any, corporal punishment. Impressions can be wrong of course, and I wouldn't have started the thread if I didn't think there was plenty to snark on regarding them!

[France Nolan]

Apologies about the corporal punishment remark. I don't know for certain if they use it and have been unable to find anything on the blog that references it.

Like you said, there's still plenty to snark on.

[Mango]

You know, it's really weird how almost fetishistic Adeye is about describing Hasya- angel, love, beautiful, etc. And while I GET that she's got the msot going on now, medically, the total lack of any comment about the other kids is really odd. (Seriously, on the front page, there's a number of posts about Hasya, one about Guatemala, one about Harper (WAY down at the bottom of the page), and a group photo of some kids in which the kids aren't even individually named. It's really weird!

[gardenvarietycitizen]

You know, it's really weird how almost fetishistic Adeye is about describing Hasya- angel, love, beautiful, etc. And while I GET that she's got the msot going on now, medically, the total lack of any comment about the other kids is really odd. (Seriously, on the front page, there's a number of posts about Hasya, one about Guatemala, one about Harper (WAY down at the bottom of the page), and a group photo of some kids in which the kids aren't even individually named. It's really weird!

Worst of all, there's not much talk about Kael. He was adopted at the same time, has his own issues, but it just seems that because he's not "the most involved" right now, he's being shunted to the sideline. Yeah, he's with his new family, and yeah, there's no way he knows about the blog, but it just seems unfair. The other kids at least have been settled in for a while and really do feel at home (or so I assume - again, I'm just some random person on the internet who hasn't ever adopted a kid) but he's BRAND NEW, you'd think the new house still doesn't quite feel like home yet.

...speaking of which, in the last post that did talk about him, it was all about how much he loves his Dad. While that might indeed (and hopefully does!) happen, it just seems rather early to be assuming they're so tight already. Same with the sofa pic about how all the boys are warriors for God, well, this latest one only JUST ARRIVED, y'know? And probably doesn't understand much of what you say to him yet, surely not high level ideas!