Child Collectors Extraordinaire

[hapamama]

I am very, very concerned for these children. My older child was an infant when we adopted her and had a hard time adjusting, and an even harder time when it came to grieving for her former caretakers. Years later we are encountering issues we never thought possible because she was adopted at such a young age, but emotional scars can form quickly and are very, very deep. This family is adopting too often, too quickly, before any of the poor kids have a chance to settle in, without an opportunity to feel a part of a family before they're basically abandoned again. Special needs/special circumstance adoptions can be largely funded by grants and donations, but which agency would allow a family THIS many children? China is one of the strictest countries out there, especially when it comes to birth order and number of children overall. How is this family getting around the rules, even for waiting children? Something is fishy here....

By what I've been told/have read, the rules are a bit more lax for special needs kids being adopted from China than it is for "healthy children". Kids with corrected cleft lip, hepatitis B and other fairly minor issues are considered special needs. Kids that wouldn't necessarily require intensive medical treatment once they're in the US.

[hapamama]

I still can't find anything related to the Pearls or anything that even comes across as Pearl tactics.

In discussing daughter, Verity:

Describing daughter, Katie:

Neither of these sound anything like Pearl follower attitude or behavior. Again, maybe I am missing something...

Up until Katie was adopted from Pleven, she spent her entire life laying in a crib in a shithole orphanage (Katie is 14 and the size of an infant)... In her shoes, I'm not sure I'd feel okay laying her in a crib and walking away either.

[chaotic life]

Adeye hasn't adopted her kiddos quickly. Her last two adoptions have been of two unrelated children. I do know she does NOT use Pearl style parenting methods. After her two girls with DS from the Ukraine came home, someone asked her if she was associated with the Pearls because of the name of her blog. She had never heard of them, was appalled by it and nearly considered changing the name of her blog over it. Instead, she decided to embrace it and make it a better association than the Pearls.

I was personally moved to tears when she adopted the last two years. I think she's jumped the shark with these two. HOWEVER, I have watched what she did with the last two girls since they came home three years ago and only time will tell if they have actually gotten too far over their heads this time.

Only one of their kids is from Pleven though. Hailee wasn't in any better situation but she was from the Ukraine and not Pleven. Kael is not from Pleven, just Hasya is. Honestly, I wonder if the shock of adoption is something Hasya can survive at this point.

At this point, I'm not convinced Adeye has crossed into child collector status. However, I can see she is about to step there. If she cannot recognize that SHE cannot personally rescue every child, and that she must at some point stop adding these extremely medically fragile and increasingly less stable/higher needs children she WILL cross into child collector.

I don't think most international child collectors started out with bad intentions. I think they are much like the cat ladies who start with a half dozen cats and just keep adding and adding because they cannot see their own limits and that when they cross those limits they do more harm and good. This adoption could be that cross over for Adeye...or it could be the adoption that helps her see it's time for her to advocate for other people now and to stop and simply parent the children she now has. Time will tell.

Domestic child collections, otoh, are NOT always well intentioned when they start. Sometimes, they discover that domestic foster-adopt can be a HUGE cash cow and start collecting for money. Micah's foster mother was one of those. She generated a six figure, tax-free income by doing nothing but housing six medical needs children in her home at a time. She only provided the minimum of care to them, but she sure enjoyed the tricked out Corvette she drove and the nearly 24 hour additional nursing/nursing aide/mother's helper and housekeeping support that housing those kids provided her compliments of the state. She also used to refuse to feed my son during the day because it made him poop and he was never able to potty train, set him up to be g-tube fed all night long, without sufficient enzymes to help him digest the food, trapped in his bed where he pooped himself all night and simply cleaned him off in the morning with ONE clean-up job. So yeah, I do get suspicious of domestic child collectors because I know the income you can generate if you collect enough kids from foster-care, and the medical needs children have much higher subsidies.

[Emme]

Adeye hasn't adopted her kiddos quickly. Her last two adoptions have been of two unrelated children. I do know she does NOT use Pearl style parenting methods. After her two girls with DS from the Ukraine came home, someone asked her if she was associated with the Pearls because of the name of her blog. She had never heard of them, was appalled by it and nearly considered changing the name of her blog over it. Instead, she decided to embrace it and make it a better association than the Pearls.

I was personally moved to tears when she adopted the last two years. I think she's jumped the shark with these two. HOWEVER, I have watched what she did with the last two girls since they came home three years ago and only time will tell if they have actually gotten too far over their heads this time.

Only one of their kids is from Pleven though. Hailee wasn't in any better situation but she was from the Ukraine and not Pleven. Kael is not from Pleven, just Hasya is. Honestly, I wonder if the shock of adoption is something Hasya can survive at this point.

At this point, I'm not convinced Adeye has crossed into child collector status. However, I can see she is about to step there. If she cannot recognize that SHE cannot personally rescue every child, and that she must at some point stop adding these extremely medically fragile and increasingly less stable/higher needs children she WILL cross into child collector.

I don't think most international child collectors started out with bad intentions. I think they are much like the cat ladies who start with a half dozen cats and just keep adding and adding because they cannot see their own limits and that when they cross those limits they do more harm and good. This adoption could be that cross over for Adeye...or it could be the adoption that helps her see it's time for her to advocate for other people now and to stop and simply parent the children she now has. Time will tell.

Domestic child collections, otoh, are NOT always well intentioned when they start. Sometimes, they discover that domestic foster-adopt can be a HUGE cash cow and start collecting for money. Micah's foster mother was one of those. She generated a six figure, tax-free income by doing nothing but housing six medical needs children in her home at a time. She only provided the minimum of care to them, but she sure enjoyed the tricked out Corvette she drove and the nearly 24 hour additional nursing/nursing aide/mother's helper and housekeeping support that housing those kids provided her compliments of the state. She also used to refuse to feed my son during the day because it made him poop and he was never able to potty train, set him up to be g-tube fed all night long, without sufficient enzymes to help him digest the food, trapped in his bed where he pooped himself all night and simply cleaned him off in the morning with ONE clean-up job. So yeah, I do get suspicious of domestic child collectors because I know the income you can generate if you collect enough kids from foster-care, and the medical needs children have much higher subsidies.

I'm glad but not surprised she doesn't use the pearl methods. Her kids are seriously traumatized, so I can't imagine doing anything like that to them! I am glad to hear that she is appalled by such behavior by adults. I will be honest, I'm really not a fan of her. She hails herself as this great Christian, but she's really just as catty and snarky as any other woman. I will say that she DOES clearly and genuinely love her children where they are, and doesn't put her own expectations on them. She has kids with serious special needs, and you can tell they feel safe and loved, so props to her on that.

I cannot stand her husband. I find him so sanctimonious and obnoxious.

[chaotic life]

Oh, I stay FAR away from her husband's blog and anything he writes. That man is far beyond just fundie-lite, imo. He's an embarrassment for a hospital chaplain in a state that is supposedly known for embracing people for who they are and not their religious convictions. I cannot imagine how angry I would feel if that man showed up at a chaplain and spouted off anything CLOSE to what he writes at me!

My big complaint about Adeye is not about her ability to snark but two other issues. First, she monetized the blog, and I suspect (especially given how long her DH went without ANY income) that she's making a rather substantial income off the blog now. I have some private fears that this new adoption was about the fact that her readership was dropping because her life was getting boring and her preaching was getting tiresome so she needed to kick it up. I hope that's not the case, but the thought HAS crossed my mind more than once. My other bone to pick with her is that she is LYING.

I know there's a fine line to balance when it comes to adopting and parenting troubled kids. If you are too critical and honest, you will be crucified. Frankly, I learned a LONG time ago that the world see these kids through the eyes of their parents, so it's *very* important to not be too critical and dispondent, even when you are struggling and things are bad. However Adeye goes too far the other direction. According to her posts, her life is as sparkly as Lauren's and EVERYTHING works out just WONDERFUL. On very, very rare occasions, she'll let something slip about the girls that shows the reality lurking underneath. Harper is probbly doing exceptionally well. That child spent minimal time in an orphanage, was ADORED by her birthparents before she was placed there and they actually regretted the entire thing and wanted her back after she came to the US. So, I have NO doubts that Harper will do as well as absolutely possible for a child with DS. However, Haven and Hailee have signfiicant behavioral and other challenges that Adeye flat out lies about.

When Haven got glasses, Adeye made a comment about how Haven couldn't see and that must have been why she always whined and cried when she had to walk on uneven ground. There have been teen, tiny comments about Hailee's self mutiliating behaviors. Once in awhile, she will let these tiny chinks in the armor slilp and you can see how difficult things *really* are behind the scenes.

I get her mentality of why she wants to present such a positive, "stay sweet" mentality. However, given how strongly she advocates for severe special needs children, I do think she plays a part in convincing families that its so EASY take on these kiddos and she therefore plays a part of culpability if these overwhelmed families are harming both the new adoptees and the children already in their homes.

I adopted one of these kids. I KNOW what life behind closed doors is like. I do not regret parenting my son for anything. My son was profoundly autistic, medically fragile and learned LONG before we entered his life that poop can be a weapon--and had a disease that ensured he could produce that weapon anytime he wanted to. Parenting my son was the most humbling and largest challenges I EVER embarked upon in my life. I had seven other non-Autistic children and a spouse and we ALL worked together to be the family that ONE child needed. We did a damn good job of it. We could have NEVER taken on several of him. Maybe Adeye and her husband *can* add two more children like that to the two they already have. I have my doubts. However, it's a very RARE family who can carry that level of burden.

I do think Adeye should be a little more honest. She could do that without being negative and she could help her readers see a better level of reality than she EVER allows to be seen on her blog.

[Emme]

Oh, I stay FAR away from her husband's blog and anything he writes. That man is far beyond just fundie-lite, imo. He's an embarrassment for a hospital chaplain in a state that is supposedly known for embracing people for who they are and not their religious convictions. I cannot imagine how angry I would feel if that man showed up at a chaplain and spouted off anything CLOSE to what he writes at me!

My big complaint about Adeye is not about her ability to snark but two other issues. First, she monetized the blog, and I suspect (especially given how long her DH went without ANY income) that she's making a rather substantial income off the blog now. I have some private fears that this new adoption was about the fact that her readership was dropping because her life was getting boring and her preaching was getting tiresome so she needed to kick it up. I hope that's not the case, but the thought HAS crossed my mind more than once. My other bone to pick with her is that she is LYING.

I know there's a fine line to balance when it comes to adopting and parenting troubled kids. If you are too critical and honest, you will be crucified. Frankly, I learned a LONG time ago that the world see these kids through the eyes of their parents, so it's *very* important to not be too critical and dispondent, even when you are struggling and things are bad. However Adeye goes too far the other direction. According to her posts, her life is as sparkly as Lauren's and EVERYTHING works out just WONDERFUL. On very, very rare occasions, she'll let something slip about the girls that shows the reality lurking underneath. Harper is probbly doing exceptionally well. That child spent minimal time in an orphanage, was ADORED by her birthparents before she was placed there and they actually regretted the entire thing and wanted her back after she came to the US. So, I have NO doubts that Harper will do as well as absolutely possible for a child with DS. However, Haven and Hailee have signfiicant behavioral and other challenges that Adeye flat out lies about.

When Haven got glasses, Adeye made a comment about how Haven couldn't see and that must have been why she always whined and cried when she had to walk on uneven ground. There have been teen, tiny comments about Hailee's self mutiliating behaviors. Once in awhile, she will let these tiny chinks in the armor slilp and you can see how difficult things *really* are behind the scenes.

I get her mentality of why she wants to present such a positive, "stay sweet" mentality. However, given how strongly she advocates for severe special needs children, I do think she plays a part in convincing families that its so EASY take on these kiddos and she therefore plays a part of culpability if these overwhelmed families are harming both the new adoptees and the children already in their homes.

I adopted one of these kids. I KNOW what life behind closed doors is like. I do not regret parenting my son for anything. My son was profoundly autistic, medically fragile and learned LONG before we entered his life that poop can be a weapon--and had a disease that ensured he could produce that weapon anytime he wanted to. Parenting my son was the most humbling and largest challenges I EVER embarked upon in my life. I had seven other non-Autistic children and a spouse and we ALL worked together to be the family that ONE child needed. We did a damn good job of it. We could have NEVER taken on several of him. Maybe Adeye and her husband *can* add two more children like that to the two they already have. I have my doubts. However, it's a very RARE family who can carry that level of burden.

I do think Adeye should be a little more honest. She could do that without being negative and she could help her readers see a better level of reality than she EVER allows to be seen on her blog.

Dude. Everything you say is brilliant and true. I love you, lady! You have a great take on things.

And I totally agree. I don't think she's honest about the struggles of parenting kids like Hailee and Haven. One of my favorite blogs (blanking on the name right now) adopted two kids, one with CP (i think) and one with DS. She is so honest about the difficulties of parenting her kids, but she's not bitter or angry or rude. I respect her SO much for her attitude on everything. She recognizes that it's hard, but she's also thrilled with the little victories and loves her boys.

edited to add: sorry, who is lauren?

[chaotic life]

Sorry, Lauren---the Sparkling Adventures mom in Australia who talks about how beautiful and sparkly her life is....after her husband threw her infant son off a bridge last summer. I just think Adeye's posting is as disconnected from what I know is reality as a mother who claims there is nothing amiss or sad about burying her infant and having her husband arrested for murdering that infant.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Yeah, Adeye barely talks about some of the other kids now and when she does, it's superficial stuff like: "Haven doesn't speak! That's okay, she doesn't need to, we love her just as she is! God is SO good." I too wonder how she is going to manage Hasya and Kael on top of all she currently has. She's like the Pioneer Woman of the adoption community.

I don't consider her a child collector either, though.

[Emme]

Yeah, Adeye barely talks about some of the other kids now and when she does, it's superficial stuff like: "Haven doesn't speak! That's okay, she doesn't need to, we love her just as she is! God is SO good." I too wonder how she is going to manage Hasya and Kael on top of all she currently has. She's like the Pioneer Woman of the adoption community.

I don't consider her a child collector either, though.

is PW notoriously pollyanna-like? I stopped reading her, she irked me. So that's probably answering my own question! lol

[SoybeanQueen]

She's like the Pioneer Woman of the adoption community.

This made me laugh so much! I, too, stopped reading PW because she quickly annoyed me. And how many times do we need to hear about her obsession with her husband's butt? I think my husband is attractive, too, but I'm not about to fill up my Facebook wall with images and text devoted to his low-down parts. Of course, since PW's recipes all involve 47 sticks of butter, her hubs is likely to develop plenty more junk in the trunk for her to wax poetic over.

[GiGi_41]

The name thing does not make any sense espically if they r older. A few years ago a friend of mine cousin adopted 2 kids (siblings) through the state of Florida, they we're 2 & 3, they did NOT change their names.

I know Florida is a HUGE state but I think there is a slight possibility I know this person especially if its the Tampa area. If it's who I think it is she's a wonderful woman.

Kevin Bacon may have that 6 degrees of seperation thing correct!

[chaotic life]

So, Adeye is in Bulgaria with the two new children and from the not sharing but comments, it appears that Hasya is NOT handling the adjustment to life outside of the orphanage.

This was my biggest concern was whether a 14 year old, 18 pound child who is so accustomed to her cage that she has literally NEVER known anything different could survive if you take her out of her cage.

There is a real possibility that this child could die from the stress and change of being rescued. It's just not as simple as "rescuing" and giving these kids a better life. The reality is that while a person will adapt to survive the worst circumstances, when you let them free from that, they don't always survive the transition. Hasya, it appears, is not doing well AT ALL with the adjustment.

[OkToBeTakei]

theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.co.uk/

No. 3. Gotcha.

It's not going so well.

[Want More Babies]

I wonder how many of these people will do what the Tucker's did who adopted 30+ children. galileanhome.org/history/

[GoodbyeBlueMonday]

I know that I'm kind of derailing this thread a bit, but I was happy to see Adeye brought up here. On the one hand, I do think that she does a good job with kids who wouldn't have been given a chance by many.

On the other hand, she makes me sick. A lot of her religious and political views are disturbing and actually a little bit crazy, but one thing she said in particular made me livid. In the comments of one of her pro-life tirade posts, someone asked her if she would make an exception if the mother was 11 or 12. This was her response (I copied it directly from the comments section of her blog):

totally agree with Patti. I believe that the LORD designed a women's body so perfectly--to enable her to bear children only when her body is able to carry a child.

Yes, sadly many young girls get pregnant under horrendous circumstances. Friends of ours recently adopted a baby from a 13 year old mother. It has been such a redeeming story of love and God's grace to turn even the most difficult situations into something good and amazing. That little girl who they adopted is treasured more than words can say...simply because her birth mom chose to give her LIFE! Beauty will always rise from the ashes! Always. The birth mom is back at school, is able to maintain contact with the adopted family and knows in her heart that she did the right thing.

Adoption is a beautiful option. I ache when I think about just how many families there are who are longing to adopt babies (even those with special needs)....yet sadly, there just arn't many to adopt.

Thank you for asking your question. I appreciate it.

As someone who experienced very early puberty at the age of 10, this makes me want to PUNCH. (But remember, God designed my body that way, so I was ready to carry a child. In the fourth grade.) Gah.

Anyway, I wish only the best for her new children, but I can't help but feel sort of sorry for all of her children at the same time. Between her pro-life bullshit and her incessant end-times prophesying, she might be a little hard to grow up with.

[B5SnowDog]

I know that I'm kind of derailing this thread a bit, but I was happy to see Adeye brought up here. On the one hand, I do think that she does a good job with kids who wouldn't have been given a chance by many.

On the other hand, she makes me sick. A lot of her religious and political views are disturbing and actually a little bit crazy, but one thing she said in particular made me livid. In the comments of one of her pro-life tirade posts, someone asked her if she would make an exception if the mother was 11 or 12. This was her response (I copied it directly from the comments section of her blog):

Right... because no girls or women have ever died in childbirth.

[Carla Bruni]

totally agree with Patti. I believe that the LORD designed a women's body so perfectly--to enable her to bear children only when her body is able to carry a child.

Yes, sadly many young girls get pregnant under horrendous circumstances. Friends of ours recently adopted a baby from a 13 year old mother. It has been such a redeeming story of love and God's grace to turn even the most difficult situations into something good and amazing. That little girl who they adopted is treasured more than words can say...simply because her birth mom chose to give her LIFE! Beauty will always rise from the ashes! Always. The birth mom is back at school, is able to maintain contact with the adopted family and knows in her heart that she did the right thing.

Adoption is a beautiful option. I ache when I think about just how many families there are who are longing to adopt babies (even those with special needs)....yet sadly, there just arn't many to adopt.

Thank you for asking your question. I appreciate it.

This is just fucking disgusting. I have a rabidly pro-life acquaintance who stopped just short of telling me a hypothetical 14-year-old should still carry a pregnancy to term, but only just because I raised the question of whether she thinks her 15-year-old daughter's body is ready to bear children. Anyone who thinks a young teenager can/should put her fragile body (and mind!) through the stress of pregnancy is really fucking sick. There are no words.

Also, this baby girl is treasured only because her 13-year-old mother didn't have an abortion? There's no other reason to treasure her? I keep forgetting children aren't really individuals in these people's minds.

[veron1que]

This is just fucking disgusting. I have a rabidly pro-life acquaintance who stopped just short of telling me a hypothetical 14-year-old should still carry a pregnancy to term, but only just because I raised the question of whether she thinks her 15-year-old daughter's body is ready to bear children. Anyone who thinks a young teenager can/should put her fragile body (and mind!) through the stress of pregnancy is really fucking sick. There are no words.

Also, this baby girl is treasured only because her 13-year-old mother didn't have an abortion? There's no other reason to treasure her? I keep forgetting children aren't really individuals in these people's minds.

This. And she also seems to presume that woman should be obligated to carry babies to term for the infertile. (I'm not suggesting that women who struggle with fertility are not deserving of children, and I understand how difficult it can be to see women end an unwanted pregnancy when one is personally trying to conceive. However, to make a crude analogy, you can't take away someone's right to peanut butter because you have a peanut allergy.) I hate how pro-lifers tend to categorize all women who choose abortion as heartless, murderous, godless, sluts who were emotional underprepared for sex because they didn't wait for marriage and were too stupid to use contraception. This excludes pregnancies due to rape, the failure of birth control, unplanned pregnancies in women who are married and already have kids, and undereducated bible belt youth who were educated from an "abstinence only" perspective.

Back to the child collectors....those poor girls look miserable. I kind of love how defiant Mia is, but I'm sure they'll break her spirit soon. I don't follow them that much, do we know if they use corporeal punishment?

[hapamama]

What pro-lifers forget is that for many women, being pregnant changes relationships, can adversely affect their employment, can put them at risk for violence and be a major risk to their health. This even applies to women who have unplanned pregnancies within a marriage.

[OkToBeTakei]

theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.co.uk/

She asks many questions and wanted to know where Sarah is from- she was not satisfied with the answer America. She wanted to know what part of China Sarah was from and was finally satisfied when we answered Jiangsu Province!

Yes. More intelligent than you.

People in America speak English- you will learn English too. Your family will help you!

To forget where you came from.

We told he that her new parents and family love her and that we understood that she did not know us well enough to love us but in time she will love us.

We told her she could not call the orphanage but maybe later after she had been home for awhile.

(okay, ya caught me- maybe but probably not)

She acknowledged all she heard- which was very good.

Lies really help with trust. Known fact. But yes. Very good.

It is so fun and refreshing to be outside chatting and playing!

Chloe speaks both languages so she spoke to ALL of the children.

Chloes parents obviously saw merit in this. Great you can take advantage of that. While not intending to either learn your children's language or support them in retaining it.

I honestly have no idea about this woman. I am sure she thinks she is doing the right thing by these children. I'm loathe to judge her on that. But the above really bothers me.

[Mama Mia]

So, Adeye is in Bulgaria with the two new children and from the not sharing but comments, it appears that Hasya is NOT handling the adjustment to life outside of the orphanage.

This was my biggest concern was whether a 14 year old, 18 pound child who is so accustomed to her cage that she has literally NEVER known anything different could survive if you take her out of her cage.

There is a real possibility that this child could die from the stress and change of being rescued. It's just not as simple as "rescuing" and giving these kids a better life. The reality is that while a person will adapt to survive the worst circumstances, when you let them free from that, they don't always survive the transition. Hasya, it appears, is not doing well AT ALL with the adjustment.

That's a very interesting point. While the first impulse would probably be to have the young girl "out" and interacting with family as much as possible, would it be better to actually have the new home surroundings fairly similar to what she was used to and very gradually increase contact and interaction ? Not saying to neglect her the way she was, of course, but to maybe keep her clean and fed but separate until she is more comfortable. Is there training that is provided to families who are adopting children regarding all of these complexities ?

[gardenvarietycitizen]

That's a very interesting point. While the first impulse would probably be to have the young girl "out" and interacting with family as much as possible, would it be better to actually have the new home surroundings fairly similar to what she was used to and very gradually increase contact and interaction ? Not saying to neglect her the way she was, of course, but to maybe keep her clean and fed but separate until she is more comfortable. Is there training that is provided to families who are adopting children regarding all of these complexities ?

That's pretty much what I was wondering too. Start by having family taking over care of her lying in a crib, etc?

Though I suppose they can't really do that AT the same orphanage, so no matter what the kid has to do the long plane ride (unless perhaps the family can rent a place over there for a while, but then there's visa issues and no time off of work issues and all the rest).

Absolutely no experience here, it just had me curious too.

[OkToBeTakei]

That's pretty much what I was wondering too. Start by having family taking over care of her lying in a crib, etc?

Though I suppose they can't really do that AT the same orphanage, so no matter what the kid has to do the long plane ride (unless perhaps the family can rent a place over there for a while, but then there's visa issues and no time off of work issues and all the rest).

Absolutely no experience here, it just had me curious too.

I've just started reading her blog. I'm a little put off the way 'God' talks to this woman.

"Beloved, you will have a baby. A daughter. You are to name her Hannah."

Mary you will have a son. Call him Jesus.

"Adéye, write down the journey I am about to take you on. Journey in faith and do not find out the sex of this baby. Trust Me for the things I have spoken to your heart. Trust me completely!"

"This boy is meant to me. I don't make mistakes, my daughter! I have a purpose and a destiny for this boy that your other two sons cannot fulfill. He is meant to be!"

It is one of the very few times in my walk with God when I have heard His voice audibly.

And then...He was silent.

Not sure what to make of her really. I really hope the wee one in hospital is doing better. :(

[chaotic life]

I don't know that anyone knows the best way to adjust a child like Hasya into a normal family from the severe neglect she's experienced. At 14, I would expect her to never advance beyond toddler level capacity if you do adjust her. It's possible she might become able to eat and move on her own. She might learn to play.....maybe, that's a tough one to learn. She might reduce her self harming/stimulating behaviors. She will never eliminate them. I would be shocked if she potty trained and the one thing we DO have research on is that she will never be able to speak.

The best thing you can know about Hasya's future is to look at the few feral children that have been discovered. They don't recover what they lose. They get some semblance of life but nothing close to what they should have had. I don't know the BEST way to transition her, there is little to no research on it. I haven't personally done the research and decided how to transition a child that so far gone because I won't accept that challenge and take away what it would cost my children to do so. For me it's just that simple. I KNOW the price the existing children pay for one feral, horrifically neglected child. I would NEVER bring five of them home and ask my existing children to simply rise to the occasion of losing their entire childhood into MY obssession and "ministry" in that manner.

They can claim that Kael is doing well all they want. Without his mom there to be working with him, he is going to struggle. There is a REASON a child needs a PRIMARY caregiver in the transition. Kael's father went back to work and now he's being passed around to strangers. Long-term that will lose a LOT of how he might have been able to adapt. I don't consider it a good thing that they are basically setting it up deliberately that Kael's primary caregiver bonds MUST be formed with the two oldest boys.

So this isn't one that I can tell you how I think it should be done "right" because it's not a situation I would step into. When it comes to adoption, the one thing you HAVE to recognize from the start is that you CANNOT save them all and if you really want to continue to be a responsible and loving parent to the children you already have, you MUST be able to step away from situations that would not allow them to thrive simply because your heart strings get tugged by the situation.

[Porcelina]

However, to make a crude analogy, you can't take away someone's right to peanut butter because you have a peanut allergy.

*gasp* we don't speak of peanut butter here! Are you trying to start a war? ;)