Webster4Eva 11: They don't know it's not vitally important to teach a 5 year old how to choose a man

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Most of my life is very private and I can't imagine trying to sell any other moments. I particularly have no idea why anyone wants to sell a birth experience. It's a medical procedure during a very serious health event that could go wrong at instant. The last thing you need is a camera and producer.

I'd be so embarrassed to share such a thing with the public. It's such a private moment.

Edited May 12, 2022 by Jackie3

[GuineaPigCourtship]

By the time I left the hospital, I felt like the whole birth was pretty public even though it was during covid and only my husband was allowed.  We joked that a cervix check was the new handshake.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I hated how many people were in my room when giving birth. It makes me anxious. I’m glad there was no video of me because I acted crazy. 

[Fundielandobserver]

I feel kind of sad for Alyssa not only must she be upset and feeling low at missing a family event where all others had a good time but at the same time she has to answer people who are snarking at her for missing her brothers wedding ( a few comments which were deleted later on her instagram) and discussing her finances about how she can afford to do nails and not go to the wedding etc . Also in future whatever whenever they buy something or go somehere all these comments will come. I am hunderd percent sure if she could she would have tried her best to go but I feel John must have put his foot down ! A Yatch wedding where she could dress up and take pretty pictures is her favorite thing to do so why would it be her descion to not go? Maybe what we see in instagram stories is not all how things run in the family and John is the headship afterall !

[SassyPants]

I was wrong…it looks like it was a very short trip for most of these folks.

[SunnySide]

23 minutes ago, Fundielandobserver said:

I feel kind of sad for Alyssa not only must she be upset and feeling low at missing a family event where all others had a good time but at the same time she has to answer people who are snarking at her for missing her brothers wedding ( a few comments which were deleted later on her instagram) and discussing her finances about how she can afford to do nails and not go to the wedding etc . Also in future whatever whenever they buy something or go somehere all these comments will come. I am hunderd percent sure if she could she would have tried her best to go but I feel John must have put his foot down ! A Yatch wedding where she could dress up and take pretty pictures is her favorite thing to do so why would it be her descion to not go? Maybe what we see in instagram stories is not all how things run in the family and John is the headship afterall !

Sometimes when we see people spending irresponsibly it is worth commenting on/snarking on. Sometimes the comparisons are short sighted and we don’t know the whole story. Fundies often grift for a living or get reality shows in order to have income. So this right off the bat has already rubbed people the wrong way. What I am more concerned with here is possible financial abuse/control issues. Does Alyssa’s husband control all the money and how it’s distributed? What are the chances she was told she’s not going? I think there’s more to this story. 

[CanadianMamam]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

I was wrong…it looks like it was a very short trip for most of these folks.

I don’t think Carlin was even two full days. They arrived shortly before the rehearsal dinner on Wednesday and then were one of the first to leave this morning.

1 hour ago, Fundielandobserver said:

I feel kind of sad for Alyssa not only must she be upset and feeling low at missing a family event where all others had a good time but at the same time she has to answer people who are snarking at her for missing her brothers wedding ( a few comments which were deleted later on her instagram) and discussing her finances about how she can afford to do nails and not go to the wedding etc . Also in future whatever whenever they buy something or go somehere all these comments will come. I am hunderd percent sure if she could she would have tried her best to go but I feel John must have put his foot down ! A Yatch wedding where she could dress up and take pretty pictures is her favorite thing to do so why would it be her descion to not go? Maybe what we see in instagram stories is not all how things run in the family and John is the headship afterall !

I wonder if John didn’t want to watch the kids after work? Do we ever see John with the kids on his own outside of his yearly daughter date? It is very possible he wasn’t willing to have Alyssa leave 3 of the girls behind. 

1 hour ago, SunnySide said:

Does Alyssa’s husband control all the money and how it’s distributed? What are the chances she was told she’s not going? I think there’s more to this story. 

I think it is less about financial control and more John being unwilling to watch the 3 older girls. The last couple times I can think of Alyssa going off somewhere (Miami with Katie, Katie’s bachelorette) one of her teenage sisters came and stayed with the kids while she was gone, which was obviously not an option this time. 

Edited May 14, 2022 by CanadianMamam

[SunnySide]

@CanadianMamam

 

I totally get the point you were trying to make about John being unwilling to parent his own children sans Alyssa for a short while. I hate the phrase/concept “watch your own kids/babysit your own kids” like when a mom goes out and people say “who’s got the kids” “Oh dad is babysitting”. Nope. You parent and raise your children. You don’t watch or babysit them. Yet this is totally acceptable thinking in Fundie land, because heaven forbid the man do any heavy lifting on child rearing. 

[BeccaGrim]

Has she actually said its finances? I never saw that. 

[CanadianMamam]

40 minutes ago, SunnySide said:

@CanadianMamam

 

I totally get the point you were trying to make about John being unwilling to parent his own children sans Alyssa for a short while. I hate the phrase/concept “watch your own kids/babysit your own kids” like when a mom goes out and people say “who’s got the kids” “Oh dad is babysitting”. Nope. You parent and raise your children. You don’t watch or babysit them. Yet this is totally acceptable thinking in Fundie land, because heaven forbid the man do any heavy lifting on child rearing. 

I hate the term baby-sitting but my husband and I do use "watching th kids" but wr both say it, like "I can go beceuse candianmamam will watch the kids" or "watch the kids while I run to the store".

The other husbands seem more willing than John to pitch in. Chad, Zach, Kelton, and Evan all seem to pitch in with childcare. We never see Tori and Bobby, so it hard to gauge. I am just not sure we have seen the same from John.

[SassyPants]

Not to WK for John, but the kids would have needed care during working hours too as the wedding and associated events were on a Wednesday and Thursday. John does work during the day. At the very minimum, the girls would have needed 3 full days of care, 2 travel days plus the wedding day.

[CanadianMamam]

7 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Not to WK for John, but the kids would have needed care during working hours too as the wedding and associated events were on a Wednesday and Thursday. John does work during the day. At the very minimum, the girls would have needed 3 full days of care, 2 travel days plus the wedding day.

They would have and maybe there was literally no one who could do it but the other husbands have all done it so their wives can travel (had a baby sitter during the day and then the husband is in charge at night) and as I said, the last two times I can remember Alyssa going somewhere on her own, her sister was there to watch the kids (and was obviously there overnight). But it is possible they don'5 have anyone who was willing to pitch in with the 3 older girls. 

Edited May 14, 2022 by CanadianMamam

[SassyPants]

19 minutes ago, CanadianMamam said:

They would have and maybe there was literally no one who could do it but the other husbands have all done it so their wives can travel (had a baby sitter during the day and then the husband is in charge at night) and as I said, the last two times I can remember Alyssa going somewhere on her own, her sister was there to watch the kids (and was obviously there overnight). But it is possible they don'5 have anyone who was willing to pitch in with the 3 older girls. 

And on a trip like this which required several days of work hours care, it looks like the only kids definitely left behind were the Paine children, and their dad, who stayed behind, likely did not work while Erin was away, and maybe the Smith children. There was no mention of Kade, Kolter or Charlotte being in San Diego.

[CanadianMamam]

6 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

And on a trip like this which required several days of work hours care, it looks like the only kids definitely left behind were the Paine children, and their dad, who stayed behind, likely did not work while Erin was away, and maybe the Smith children. There was no mention of Kade, Kolter or Charlotte being in San Diego.

On this trip, yes. Although the Balkas were there for a whole week and did make it a family vacation and all Zach's older kids were in the wedding.

But I was referring to other trips, such as Katie's bachelorette or Carlin going on work trips with the boutique, Josie going to Hannah and Jer's wedding, etc. 

I mean there could be lots of reasons why Alyssa didn't go to the wedding by herself. But when a precious poster suggested financial abuse/control, I thought it was far more likely that John didn't want to be in charge of the girls as there has never been any examples of him doing so. 

Edited May 14, 2022 by CanadianMamam

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I'm confused why people think John is behind this. 

I think Alyssa probably just wanted to stay home. They had two weddings last year.  It's a long way to fly, and she either has to find a sitter or go without her husband or take the kids. A lot of people find events less fun without their spouse, especially people like Alyssa who prefer quiet. 

I think it's fine and realistic she missed her brother's wedding. In family this size, people are bound to miss events. 

[justmy2cents]

Alyssa left a comment on Tiffany’s lates  post. Sounds like she really wanted to be there.

Edited May 14, 2022 by justmy2cents

[Melissa1977]

14 hours ago, SunnySide said:

Sometimes when we see people spending irresponsibly it is worth commenting on/snarking on. Sometimes the comparisons are short sighted and we don’t know the whole story. Fundies often grift for a living or get reality shows in order to have income. So this right off the bat has already rubbed people the wrong way. What I am more concerned with here is possible financial abuse/control issues. Does Alyssa’s husband control all the money and how it’s distributed? What are the chances she was told she’s not going? I think there’s more to this story. 

She has travelled alone (alone-alone and also with the girls without John) and she has clearly decided a lot about purchasing the house and furnishing it. I very much doubt that John has developed control issues recently. Sometimes, the easiest answer (lack of money?) is the most probable.

12 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

The other husbands seem more willing than John to pitch in. Chad, Zach, Kelton, and Evan all seem to pitch in with childcare

John looked after the girls when Alyssa worked at the evenings cleaning offices. They stopped doing that when she became ill. I think he and Alyssa take turns at night with the babies (I may be wrong with that, though).

John is a nice guy overall, but doesn't seem to be a great dad. He seems a bit off... Just like Alyssa. They clearly enjoy childfree time. But the children are obviously fine!!!

[0 kids n not countin]

I also think it's related to their current financial situation, a while back she posted an Instagram story asking her followers which brands of less expensive makeup they recommend. She mentioned having to stop buying the expensive brand (I assume) she was shilling because she could no longer afford it.

[SassyPants]

If this was a financially based decision, this seems like the first family to cut back after the loss of the Bateses’ show. I was wondering when we’d see that happen. Of course, Alyssa and John also have that house that they’ve recently purchased, remodeled and furnished. All of those things cost money. Add in a large family to support and the loss of an income…it makes sense. 

[CanadianMamam]

11 minutes ago, 0 kids n not countin said:

I also think it's related to their current financial situation, a while back she posted an Instagram story asking her followers which brands of less expensive makeup they recommend. She mentioned having to stop buying the expensive brand (I assume) she was shilling because she could no longer afford it.

It could be that the instagram situation (which seems to have been a removal of her influencer tools rather than. Shadow ban) might have truly impacts her income on a very real way. 

[CanadianMamam]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

If this was a financially based decision, this seems like the first family to cut back after the loss of the Bateses’ show. I was wondering when we’d see that happen. Of course, Alyssa and John also have that house that they’ve recently purchased, remodeled and furnished. All of those things cost money. Add in a large family to support and the loss of an income…it makes sense. 

Alyssa also had something with her instagram and her YouTibe updates the most frequently but has had the least growth this year and average by far the least amount of viewers, so I could see them being the ones feeling it first. 

Without the show, the kids are all in semi-competition with the YouTube channels as there is only so much family content (although Erin isn't bothering with that and only doing tutorial types). 

Alyssa still has the second most subscribers but she is also the second-most established and Erin is only 6k followed behind, when she was 18k behind in January. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

7 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

Alyssa left a comment on Tiffany’s lates  post. Sounds like she really wanted to be there.

It's an easy comment to write. It can be sincere or just polite. It also doesn't mean she didn't decide herself not to go.  Yes, it sounds nice, but I find it very hard to tell how much emotion is behind one little Instagram caption.

[0 kids n not countin]

33 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

It's an easy comment to write. It can be sincere or just polite. It also doesn't mean she didn't decide herself not to go.  Yes, it sounds nice, but I find it very hard to tell how much emotion is behind one little Instagram caption.

Well, she did also post this. I tend to agree with you though.

[Jackie3]

8 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

Alyssa left a comment on Tiffany’s lates  post. Sounds like she really wanted to be there.

 

I wouldn't read too much into that. What else is she going to say? It's common courtesy to say something like that. It could be true or it might not be.

[SassyPants]

Does the dress have ruching in the mid section? If not, the dress is not well fitted. I like this implicitly of the gown, but not a fan of the bow. Looks like a nice and beautiful reception.