Webster4Eva 11: They don't know it's not vitally important to teach a 5 year old how to choose a man

[JermajestyDuggar]

I never once had baby fever after I had number 2. Still haven’t and he’s 7. 

[Mrs Ms]

I never once had baby fever and I have 3 kids. Maybe that is why I don’t get sad that they are getting older and leaving various stages behind? 

[browngrl]

I've never had baby fever. When I was younger, people were always advising me about how much I would regret not having children and I must admit I started to doubt my choice. Ultimately I decided that motherhood was not for me. I not only have no regrets, I am happier and happier with my choice as time goes on. 

This being said, I'm pretty sure all the Bates women who currently have children, will have more if they possibly can.

Erin got pregnant pretty quickly after she said she was "in pre menopause" and I suspect that she has had compensatory hypertrophy of the ovarian remnant and has enough ova for at least a few more pregnancies.

I suspect that Whitney's last pregnancy problems relate to covid and I suspect her next pregnancy will be more routine.

Josie might have difficulties in carrying a baby to term as she said she has antibodies but she will keep trying until they have at least one boy.

Carlin will try for pregnancy when her health issues are stabilized. I see pregnant patients with all manner of medical issues (eg high BP, heart disease, diabetes ...even cancer and being post menopausal(!) and I think Carlin will be just as willing to be pregnant despite her health issues.

I see no reason why Tori would stop her pregnancy march to "19 kids and counting" unless she dies from some pregnancy related compilation (I know this is awful to say but I believe it to be true)

I think Katie is pregnant right now. Tiffany seems bored out of her mind - she'll have to have a baby to keep busy. Michaela will keep trying. Not sure about the younger girls because I don't know them but I have no reason to think they will be any different than their older sisters.

I guess I'll have to wait for the next round of pregnancy announcements to see if my theories hold any water.

[CanadianMamam]

I think the kids in the middle (Trace through Warden) are the most likely to have smaller families because they got so much of the negatives. They experienced the lean years, they were in the middle and basically lost in the shuffle, they were raised more by siblings than their own parents (and for example I thi k Josie and Carlin really strive to be there for their kids in ways Kelly wasn'), the oldest girls I think we're brain-washed by the lev of responsibility they were given and were more acclimatized to it. 

[Mrs Ms]

The fact that Alyssa is in Tennessee now and didn’t manage to make it to the LawTif wedding has given me the unpleasant need to rethink a theory I pushed aside at the time. I wondered then briefly if she didn’t like the ethnicity of the bride. Considering the weddings she had been part of and traveled to in the past year I dismissed the thought. Now I am less sure.

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, Mrs Ms said:

The fact that Alyssa is in Tennessee now and didn’t manage to make it to the LawTif wedding has given me the unpleasant need to rethink a theory I pushed aside at the time. I wondered then briefly if she didn’t like the ethnicity of the bride. Considering the weddings she had been part of and traveled to in the past year I dismissed the thought. Now I am less sure.

I doubt it. Her BFF is Bethany Chavez and was in her wedding to s black man. 

Edited July 9, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[CanadianMamam]

8 minutes ago, Mrs Ms said:

The fact that Alyssa is in Tennessee now and didn’t manage to make it to the LawTif wedding has given me the unpleasant need to rethink a theory I pushed aside at the time. I wondered then briefly if she didn’t like the ethnicity of the bride. Considering the weddings she had been part of and traveled to in the past year I dismissed the thought. Now I am less sure.

I had that thought too. Especially if she comes to Trace and Lydia's wedding. That will be 3 trips to Tennessee this year, surely they could have sacrificed one or two of them for Lawson's wedding. She also went to South Carolina right after the wedding. 

Now, she did drive down and that is cheaper and she may have come alone (possibly with Jackson's gf) and a car trip to Tennessee is easier solo with 4 kids than a plane ride to California (although Warden was at her place and Trace and Lydia also came from Florida, so she might not have had to do it alone), but Tiffany's race has been the ugly thought at the back of my mind as to why Alyssa prioritized multiple other weddings over this one. 

[clueliss]

3 hours ago, 0 kids n not countin said:

I think she is already bored with the reality of her life now.  She posts inane things on her Instagram account.  The other day she had a post asking viewers if the pillow you sleep on actually counts as one of the pillows in the pillow arrangement on one's bed. 🙄 Another day she was talking about organizing her fridge (nothing wrong with organizing one's fridge) and made a comment that it gives her something to do.  Her pre-married life or even her pre-Lawson life must have been so much more exciting.  Does anyone know if she has given up her acting "career" for good?

I could be wrong, however I suspect the pillow question dates back to Lawson and tiff shopping and him whining complaining and commenting that there was such a thing as too many pillows. Because she was buying a pillow.

[Jackie3]

3 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

Now, she did drive down and that is cheaper and she may have come alone (possibly with Jackson's gf) and a car trip to Tennessee is easier solo with 4 kids than a plane ride to California (although Warden was at her place and Trace and Lydia also came from Florida, so she might not have had to do it alone), but Tiffany's race has been the ugly thought at the back of my mind as to why Alyssa prioritized multiple other weddings over this one. 

I hope you are wrong. I find it hard to believe she would boycott Lawson's wedding because Tiff is Asian. If it really bothered her, she'd act all loving to Tiff's face, then criticize her with John at night.  I dont' think she has the courage for an outright boycott on racial grounds.

I have noticed that people over-compensate when they have an issue with a someone's race. Like, "Oh, your gf is so beautiful, so exotic, . . . blah blah blah." 

To me, Alyssa seems more vacuous than bigoted.

I think she just isn't that close to Lawson. It's OK to send regrets and a gift. I think FJ is more upset about this than the Bates. Why go if you really dont' want to be there? Lawson would have had about 30 seconds to spend with her at the wedding anyway.

Edited July 10, 2022 by Jackie3

[neuroticcat]

I think it much more likely she’s just not that close to Lawson. I imagine it’s more like cousins at a certain point. There are some I would totally show up for and others - not unless it was super local.

They could also have unpleasant history. I mean, siblings don’t always get along in small families. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

We don't go to every event for the extended family, because it costs a lot of money and there are a lot of them. It's not always about who gets along.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think the biggest reason was the distance. She can drive with John and all the kids to Tennessee. She can’t drive to California. Well she could, but it would be days. She would have to fly and it’s possible she didn’t want to go without her kids and husband. Buying 5 round trip tickets to California is expensive. 

[postscript]

If Erin can have another child, she will. Their desire for another boy is evident. I think she’ll have at least one more miracle pregnancy.

Whitney and Zach seem to want a large family and be comfortable with a lot of kids. I’m guessing 2-4 more for them.

Tori will keep popping them out as long as she’s able.

Alyssa keeps saying she doesn’t want a big family and keeps having more. I suspect she’s under some pressure to produce a son and heir. They’ll keep going until they have a boy and then stop. 

Josie will also keep going until she has a boy or her health issues make carrying a baby too hazardous. She seems like she’d be happy with a relatively small family. 

Carlin will have more once her health issues are stabilized, but I think they’ll also have a relatively small family (maybe 4 total?). They seem like they enjoy their children but want to keep things at a manageable level. 

I get the impression Katie wants a baby, but Travis or his family are insisting they wait.Holding off probably isn’t a bad thing, given the rocky start to their marriage. She’ll be pregnant soon enough.

Tiffany and Lawson have only been married a few months. Even if they got pregnant right away, they would only just be announcing. I’m sure they’re trying, though it would be better if they waited a year or two. I doubt they realize that having children is going to put a crimp in their constant travel. I also foresee a small family for them. Lawson likes to pose with babies, but I doubt he’ll be interested in the messy part of caring for them. 

[Tatar-tot]

I wonder how long the Tif-Lawson relationship will last.  I could see her going on the pill and never tell Lawson.  If she decides to leave her mother will be the first one to jump on a plane to pack her up.  
 

Tiffany is a Disney Princess who’s  extremely young and used to being catered to.  Lawson appears to be only concerned with himself.  Neither of these traits make a foundation for a successful marriage. 

[BeccaGrim]

I was watching one of their IG stories, where she wanted to go to Trader Joe's to get her produce.  Didn't like the produce from Walmart, where she had shopped to get her pantry items.  And I guess they had to drive quite a ways to get to Trader Joe's. And once they were loading the car, Lawson goes "Tiffani is so lucky." Like he was a martyr and to be rewarded for driving to Trader Joe's.  I may not be describing it as cringe worthy as it was. I rolled my eyes.  Oh yes, Lawson, she's so lucky, because you drove to Trader Joe's. 

[llucie]

Tori, Erin and Michaella are all three quiverfull, and a great example that being quiverfull doesnt always mean having a big family.

I dont think any of the other married couples adheres to the quiverfull ideology. Still most probably will have bigger families for normal standards like 4-8 kids, but not huge. Carlin and Evan and Josie and Kelton beign the exception due to health reasons (i hope), although i do see Carlin and Evan maybe considering adoption in the future for some reason.

 

[freethemall]

1 hour ago, llucie said:

Tori, Erin and Michaella are all three quiverfull, and a great example that being quiverfull doesnt always mean having a big family.

I dont think any of the other married couples adheres to the quiverfull ideology. Still most probably will have bigger families for normal standards like 4-8 kids, but not huge. Carlin and Evan and Josie and Kelton beign the exception due to health reasons (i hope), although i do see Carlin and Evan maybe considering adoption in the future for some reason.

 

There has never been any indication that Josie, Alyssa, and Carlon have used any birth control methods, and rather have had kids quickly after getting married with small spans between. So even if they dress modestly, they have stuck to the most essential aspects of being quiverful - patriarchal household with the wife at home, isolate the kids as much as possible with homeschooling and church (and ideally, home church), Bible at the center of everything, and have as many kids as possible. Until those 3 confirm they are preventing and not doing any of those, they are still quiverful. And all 3 could probably argue that with their health conditions God "told" them to wait.

Remember that Michael's family isn't small by choice, she would want dozens of babies if she could.

[anjulibai]

I thought Josie, Alyssa and Carlin all have given indications that they have prevented in the past. 

[Jackie3]

1 hour ago, freethemall said:

There has never been any indication that Josie, Alyssa, and Carlon have used any birth control methods, and rather have had kids quickly after getting married with small spans between.

It seems pretty likely that Alyssa used BC between #3 and #4. She had heart issues and, coincidentally, did not conceive until they were fixed.

They also say things like,  "Our family is fine for now" and "We haven't decided if we are having another." These are not statements people make if they are not using birth control, in their 20s and are highly fertile.

7 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think the biggest reason was the distance

I think it's the cost. They lost the show, and the exposure the show brings. She stopped her IG. Her youtube channel is so boring. Alyssa seems to spend a ton on clothes for those kids, plus they have a big new house with lots of expenses like painting, etc.

Edited July 10, 2022 by Jackie3

[CanadianMamam]

1 hour ago, anjulibai said:

I thought Josie, Alyssa and Carlin all have given indications that they have prevented in the past. 

They have. Alyssa said they didn't use hormonal birth control but confirmed they avoided getting pregnant during her health scare. Carlin and Evan also made comments about avoiding baby #2 until Layla's heart issues were under control (and the 26 month gap between Layla and Zade is pretty normal even for non-fundies). I am not sure about Josie. 

Do I think any of them use the pill? No, but I do think that they use natural family planning. It isn:t perfect, but it is what we used for nine years and we were able to have 3 kids at a spacing we wanted with no oopsies. 

[HereticHick]

6 hours ago, Tatar-tot said:

Tiffany is a Disney Princess who’s  extremely young and used to being catered to.  Lawson appears to be only concerned with himself.  Neither of these traits make a foundation for a successful marriage. 

As far as I can tell Tiffany has way more hustle than Lawson. She's the one who's working hard at being an influencer. She got a Master's degree, albeit from a half-assed Fundy college, but its way more than Lawson has done. Being an actor isn't just sitting around eating bonbons. Yeah, I think she's vapid, but I think there's a strong whiff of misongyny in calling her a spoiled Princess.

[JermajestyDuggar]

59 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

As far as I can tell Tiffany has way more hustle than Lawson. She's the one who's working hard at being an influencer. She got a Master's degree, albeit from a half-assed Fundy college, but its way more than Lawson has done. Being an actor isn't just sitting around eating bonbons. Yeah, I think she's vapid, but I think there's a strong whiff of misongyny in calling her a spoiled Princess.

Well technically she’s been working and had regular jobs since childhood. I guess she and Lawson have that in common. 

[Tatar-tot]

1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

As far as I can tell Tiffany has way more hustle than Lawson. She's the one who's working hard at being an influencer. She got a Master's degree, albeit from a half-assed Fundy college, but its way more than Lawson has done. Being an actor isn't just sitting around eating bonbons. Yeah, I think she's vapid, but I think there's a strong whiff of misongyny in calling her a spoiled Princess.

Disney Princesses are not sitting around eating bonbons.  They all have tenacity and hustle.  Take a look at Mulan or Jasmine or Ariel or even Snow White.  They all exhibited some form of self preservation.  I see Tiffany doing the exact same thing.  
 

She is going to see through Lawson’s BS.  Tiffany knows what it takes to make it in the entertainment industry and it is not creating t-shirts with your face on it to sell at your sister’s company’s clearance sale.    

Quit making fun of my Disney Princess 👑!!!!  LOL!!!!

[SunnySide]

On 7/9/2022 at 6:38 PM, Mrs Ms said:

I never once had baby fever and I have 3 kids. Maybe that is why I don’t get sad that they are getting older and leaving various stages behind? 

You remind me a bit of my mother. Which is a good thing. She had three children and we are spaced out age wise with a three and a half year gap between each. I was their last child, and when mom had me she was done and knew it. My dad has similar feelings about the situation as well. They’re also the first people to tell you how much fun they had raising kids, but they’re also having fun with their kids out of the house!

[Mrs Ms]

1 hour ago, SunnySide said:

You remind me a bit of my mother. Which is a good thing. She had three children and we are spaced out age wise with a three and a half year gap between each. I was their last child, and when mom had me she was done and knew it. My dad has similar feelings about the situation as well. They’re also the first people to tell you how much fun they had raising kids, but they’re also having fun with their kids out of the house!

Thanks! I realised rereading what I posted that it sounded rather cold.
Might need a bit of an explanation. I love the newborn stage when there are basically 24/7 cuddles. Then I love the next stage when you see them start discovering things around them. Watching them discovering their mobility is so cool. One of my favourite stages is when they start communicating. I love watching them learn how to dress themselves and make themselves food. When my kids started kindergarten they were SO proud to be big kids and doing stuff without me they could tell me about later. Then school and discovering reading (and writing and maths) and seeing their minds get blown by falling into a book. Learning to play an instrument. Teenagers who you can have amazing conversations with and observe becoming capable people.
I never cried when my kids were no longer newborns because I knew what other cool stages were coming. 
(And this morning my kindergartener and first grader jumped into bed for 20 minutes of melt-into-you cuddles. Pretty sure the teenager would have joined in if he wasn’t still sleeping after watching a doco-series until after midnight last night.)