Webster4Eva 11: They don't know it's not vitally important to teach a 5 year old how to choose a man

[justmy2cents]

Zach and Whitney’s older 3 are in the wedding.

[CanadianMamam]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

I am surprised that everyone but Alyssa is seemingly making the trip. The Smiths are lucky there is someone able and willing to watch 3 little kids for a few days. 3 seems to be the # that leave most people saying, too many and too much. Maybe they split them up?

They might have brought the kids. They weren't in Erin's video, she just mentioned they were travelling with her. 

[Jackie3]

7 hours ago, llucie said:

Missing a brother wedding is a really big faux pass even in normal circles. Like ending a relationship because of it kinda offense. 

"I'm sorry, I don't have the money to fly across the country to go to your wedding. But I wish you the best and sent a present from the registry."

"I'm ending this relationship!"

Anyone that would end a relationship over attendance at a wedding is a huge narcissist.

I know people who maintained relationships even when they had mean or abusive relatives, because they cared so much about maintaining the family connection (I'm not saying that's wise or desirable, but they did it).  To end a relationship because someone didn't come to pay homage to you is ridiculous. What if Lawson had decided to marry in Fiji? 

When I think of all the weddings, showers, etc that a Bates kid has to attend, it's mind-boggling. I don't blame Alyssa for drawing the line with a wedding across the country. There's no rule that if a sibling is close in age, you are more obligated to attend. For all we know, she feels closer to Jeb. 

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

I bet health (heart issues again? Pregnancy?) or money. I suppose they can pay for just 1 ticket, but maybe John is very busy and in-laws cannot look after the girls all the day long...

 

I actually like Alyssa more for this decision. We are always hoping fundies will think for themselves and break the rules. For whatever reason, she has broken this rule and (apparently) done what was best for her family.

Perhaps she is setting a precedent. She will attend weddings IF it's good for her to do so. There's plenty more weddings coming down the pike. Maybe she's setting a boundary. That's healthy.

What's the alternative? That she attends the next 8+ weddings, wherever and whenever they may be, whether or not it is good for her health, finances or family?

[SassyPants]

I think boundary setting is excellent. The Websters are a bigger family, so if they took all the kids to CA they would need to buy 5 tickets, rent accommodations for 5 people, feed 5 people…all of those things are expensive. Now if Alyssa, Maci and one other kid went, costs would go down, but they would still need daytime care for the 2 kids left behind. Alyssa’s ILs are in their 70s and maybe had other plans for the time care was needed? It’s just a lot to ask of others, and a lot of moving pieces to deal with. I’m wondering if Carson had not been part of the wedding party, if Erin would have skipped the shindig too?

It’s just surprising to me that Alyssa is the ONLY ONE not going. It just shows that these folks have pretty easy and flexible lives that so many people can get time off work and get themselves ,and it looks like many small kids, across the country to attend a wedding.

[CanadianMamam]

Erin and Lawson have always seemed particularly close. Lawson and Tiffany spend a lot of time at the Paine house when they are in Tennessee so I was pretty sure Erin would be there. I was a little surprised about Tori. 

[DalmatianCat]

I wonder if the back-to-back weddings last fall of Nathan/Esther than Katie/Travis was the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back” for the Webster family. No one else had to travel as far for those weddings as they did, so no one else had to spend as much. Their budget could genuinely be shot. Or, after Katie’s wedding, John and Alyssa (in complete exhaustion from packing up and traveling for two weddings right before Thanksgiving and Christmas) sat down and came up with a new plan to decide which weddings to attend. Either way, Alyssa doesn’t seem broken up about it…she also seems to enjoy spending time with her family in small groups, and (just a guess) doesn’t seem to like spending time with them as a big group. She might use John as a buffer/safe person at big family functions, so if he doesn’t have the vacation time (or they don’t want to use it on the wedding) I could see her feeling less inclined to go.

[justmy2cents]

Maybe Alyssa didn’t want to go since her girls aren’t in the Wedding party? Or maybe they’re not included because Alyssa said she wouldn’t be going. Who knows. It is odd when it’s just the one sibling not going. 

[irish_dancing_canadian]

It is going to get to a point where it's going to be difficult to attend every wedding. Wait until the grandkids start getting married, there is no way every single Bates family member will attend all those weddings. 

[Keys]

6 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

 

One of the most frequent topics on AITA is skipping a siblings wedding because even with a super valid reason it always turns into huge family drama. 

Yeah, my husband’s sister is getting married this summer. My husband was just diagnosed with cancer and will be having surgery at some point in the near future (and we’re also due with a babe in the next few weeks). And literally the first thing MIL asked when we told her about the diagnosis and surgery plans was whether we could still attend the wedding (I won’t lie, that really annoyed me 🙈). 

[Jackie3]

1 hour ago, Keys said:

Yeah, my husband’s sister is getting married this summer. My husband was just diagnosed with cancer and will be having surgery at some point in the near future (and we’re also due with a babe in the next few weeks). And literally the first thing MIL asked when we told her about the diagnosis and surgery plans was whether we could still attend the wedding (I won’t lie, that really annoyed me 🙈). 

That is so insensitive. How about, "I know you have a lot going on right now. You should put your husband and new baby first. We'll understand if you can't come to the wedding. Do what's best for you" 

I'm very sorry about your husband's diagnosis, I can't imagine dealing with that and with a pregnancy.

About Lawson/Tiff. . . sometimes engaged couples can make things very difficult, and are very unreasonable. A couple might pick a date with little warning ("Getting married next month") , or choose a faraway venue, etc, and still expect everyone to show up. Not everyone wants to cave into these demands. They often don't realize the expense/effort involved in traveling with small children. 

I haven't been following Lawson that closely, but I'm a bit surprised they chose CA as a venue instead of TN. He definitely has more family members traveling than Tiffany does, so it would seem TN would be more considerate to the majority of guests. But I guess there were other factors involved in making this decision. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by Jackie3

[Guanabana]

31 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

That is so insensitive. How about, "I know you have a lot going on right now. You should put your husband and new baby first. We'll understand if you can't come to the wedding. Do what's best for you" 

I'm very sorry about your husband's diagnosis, I can't imagine dealing with that and with a pregnancy.

About Lawson/Tiff. . . sometimes engaged couples can make things very difficult, and are very unreasonable. A couple might pick a date with little warning ("Getting married next month") , or choose a faraway venue, etc, and still expect everyone to show up. Not everyone wants to cave into these demands. They often don't realize the expense/effort involved in traveling with small children. 

I haven't been following Lawson that closely, but I'm a bit surprised they chose CA as a venue instead of TN. He definitely has more family members traveling than Tiffany does, so it would seem TN would be more considerate to the majority of guests. But I guess there were other factors involved in making this decision. 

Traditionally weddings are held in the bride’s turf. Tiffany is already making a major sacrifice, leaving San Diego for a house 45 minutes outside Nashville. Her sadness over turning in her CDL was difficult to watch. Tiffany is a very young 22, and is in for major changes and very little say over her life. It’s good she got to have her wedding at home. 

[Jackie3]

37 minutes ago, Guanabana said:

Traditionally weddings are held in the bride’s turf. Tiffany is already making a major sacrifice, leaving San Diego for a house 45 minutes outside Nashville. Her sadness over turning in her CDL was difficult to watch. Tiffany is a very young 22, and is in for major changes and very little say over her life. It’s good she got to have her wedding at home. 

That makes sense. It must be very hard for her.

To be fair, though, she will have say over her life, she just won't realize it. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say that she is voluntarily giving up control over her life, and could take it back whenever she realizes she has that power. But she's not a woman in the 1850's, she does have autonomy and power.

[SunnySide]

5 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I bet health (heart issues again? Pregnancy?) or money. I suppose they can pay for just 1 ticket, but maybe John is very busy and in-laws cannot look after the girls all the day long...

While she may be in bad terms with Lawson or fed up with family weddings, she loves dressing up and I highly doubt she's happy losing that chance.

Could be a combination of all three. I would imagine depending on the  heart issue, (I know nothing about medicine) just that alone if it was acting up would be reason enough to not travel. Add in a possible pregnancy (we’re not sure if she is) and money troubles and it would be a lot. Plane tickets are insanely expensive right now, as is everything else. All that being said I personally would move heaven and earth to get to a sibling wedding. My guess is we don’t know, and probably won’t ever know the whole story. If her husband can’t look after the kids and her in-laws won’t help wow. I personally would be very annoyed if I married someone and married into a family that wouldn’t help with childcare so I could do a quick trip away to get to a sibling wedding. I know this is Fundie culture we’re talking about, but oh my gosh. Care for your own kids for a few days. The house might not be perfect but manage and raise the children you had. 

[SassyPants]

What if her ILs have other plans? Her FIL still works, and is over 70. Maybe he is in DC at the moment?  Maybe her MIL doesn’t have the energy to care for 3 young children for several days, as no one is flying from FL to CA for pleasure, and staying less than 3 days. Maybe this is a very busy time at work and John can’t take time off? And as others have mentioned, they traveled for 3 weddings last Fall, and to TN for ILYD in February. Sometimes people with large families and jobs have to make choices. I can’t imagine being irritated because someone other than myself or my husband could not watch our own kids for multiple days. 

Also, maybe Alyssa isn’t comfortable traveling across the country alone, or maybe even half way to meet up with others? Maybe she just didn’t want to go to a family function alone?

[AussieKrissy]

15 hours ago, Italiangirl said:

I found it relevant that Alyssa will be the only one not to go to her brother's wedding, this will be the first time a member of the family isn't present at an important event. It is one of the older boys' weddings, not one of the middle or younger kids that she may not be so close to. She hasn't really said why just something about money, it could be that she didn't feel well. I don't know, all the family will be there, you claim to be so close to all your siblings and then skip the wedding of a close brother? 

Maybe they are not feeling the pressure to attend because the show is no longer is what I am figuring. So they allow the fact that it may not be the best financial decision for them to attend win out. Which maybe they would have every other time if there had not been cameras around. 

Personally it would have been nice for Alyssa to go only because I would have FOMO if I was the only one not there but then again I am not really a joiner so maybe I would be like fuck I no care. ill live stream it in my jim jams 

[CanadianMamam]

I actually wonder if Lawson put down rules about who can put what on YouTube and Alyssa isn't interested in making a strip she can't get any content out of. 

[SassyPants]

51 minutes ago, AussieKrissy said:

Maybe they are not feeling the pressure to attend because the show is no longer is what I am figuring. So they allow the fact that it may not be the best financial decision for them to attend win out. Which maybe they would have every other time if there had not been cameras around. 

Personally it would have been nice for Alyssa to go only because I would have FOMO if I was the only one not there but then again I am not really a joiner so maybe I would be like fuck I no care. ill live stream it in my jim jams 

A very, very good point. Sometimes behaviors/actions change when money is taken out of the equation!

[Jrodseyeliner]

There is a reason why Alyssa isn’t attending.. I hope it is juicy and we find out soon. 😂😂😂😂 

So strange but anyways… 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I would try to go to my sibling's wedding, but then I only have one. I usually try to go to extended family weddings, but there are a lot of them and there's the expense of going there, hotels, etc. There are some people that it would be worth to go the wedding for and some people who I'm not going out of my way for.

As for the Bates, there are so many siblings, I would think it's just not realistic to think every sibling attends every wedding. Flying from one end of the country to the other is expensive, especially now. I totally understand why Alyssa isn't going.

[Guanabana]

41 minutes ago, CanadianMamam said:

I actually wonder if Lawson put down rules about who can put what on YouTube and Alyssa isn't interested in making a strip she can't get any content out of. 

You may be on to something since the rehearsal started at 3:00 and there are no posts. I hope Gil doesn’t embarrass the family with the rehearsal dinner. 

[CanadianMamam]

Lawson and Tiffany have been pushing their YouTube channel hard and promising all the wedding stuff will be on there and quickly , so I can see them putting some rules in place with his siblings. 

Alyssa was actually as bad or worse than Carlin with the posts during Katie's wedding and that was before she went to twice a week with her vlog (so is in a desperate need for content), so I can see her not wanting to miss out on 3 days of content if she was flying to California, etc.

But I do think that Tiffany and Lawson have requested to control all the wedding content.

[Keys]

5 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

That is so insensitive. How about, "I know you have a lot going on right now. You should put your husband and new baby first. We'll understand if you can't come to the wedding. Do what's best for you" 

I'm very sorry about your husband's diagnosis, I can't imagine dealing with that and with a pregnancy.

About Lawson/Tiff. . . sometimes engaged couples can make things very difficult, and are very unreasonable. A couple might pick a date with little warning ("Getting married next month") , or choose a faraway venue, etc, and still expect everyone to show up. Not everyone wants to cave into these demands. They often don't realize the expense/effort involved in traveling with small children. 

I haven't been following Lawson that closely, but I'm a bit surprised they chose CA as a venue instead of TN. He definitely has more family members traveling than Tiffany does, so it would seem TN would be more considerate to the majority of guests. But I guess there were other factors involved in making this decision. 

Thank you 💜 yes, it’s been quite stressful. We are so grateful that it has a pretty good prognosis, and just anxious to get the surgery done and behind us and very much hoping it’s before babe is born. 
 

And yes, I agree with you about weddings. SIL and BIL are having a ton of events leading up to their wedding that we are financially contributing to as well as supplying food etc - shower, bachelor/bachelorette weekend at a cabin outside town (which has a dress code to fit the “theme” - probably not going to go as its right before my due date), rehearsal party, and day-after party. And of course the wedding itself - we are both in the bridal party, so there’s also the cost of the dress/hair/makeup/nails/suit. It REALLY adds up, let alone if you need to travel for it. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I can’t imagine selling my wedding for money. Hell I can’t imagine selling my life, privacy, and children’s lives for money. 

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

Alyssa was actually as bad or worse than Carlin with the posts during Katie's wedding and that was before she went to twice a week with her vlog (so is in a desperate need for content), so I can see her not wanting to miss out on 3 days of content if she was flying to California, etc.

I can see a lot of reasons for not attending Lawson's wedding (cost, etc).

However, missing your brother's wedding because you can't skip 3 days of filming your kids, in order to make money on Youtube? That is one crazy reason to miss a wedding.

Can't John or the babysitter film? Or couldn't she film her flight, hotel, dress, etc, without filming Lawson's big day? 

2 hours ago, Keys said:

SIL and BIL are having a ton of events leading up to their wedding that we are financially contributing to as well as supplying food etc - shower, bachelor/bachelorette weekend at a cabin outside town (which has a dress code to fit the “theme” - probably not going to go as its right before my due date), rehearsal party, and day-after party. And of course the wedding itself - we are both in the bridal party, so there’s also the cost of the dress/hair/makeup/nails/suit. It REALLY adds up, let alone if you need to travel for it. 

God, that must cost a fortune, in time and money. 

2 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

But I do think that Tiffany and Lawson have requested to control all the wedding content.

It's actually kind of pathetic. How much can they possibly make from this, anyway? Lawson isn't even a D-list celebrity anymore. 

Edited May 12, 2022 by Jackie3

[Bluebirdbluebell]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I can’t imagine selling my wedding for money. Hell I can’t imagine selling my life, privacy, and children’s lives for money. 

I might, but I doubt anyone would be interested. Weddings are typically the most public event of anyone's life. It's usually just you and your spouse on a altar with a potentially large audience (guests, clergy, etc.) It makes sense to me that for lot of people they're already on display, why not film it for money?

Most of my life is very private and I can't imagine trying to sell any other moments. I particularly have no idea why anyone wants to sell a birth experience. It's a medical procedure during a very serious health event that could go wrong at instant. The last thing you need is a camera and producer.