Webster4Eva 11: They don't know it's not vitally important to teach a 5 year old how to choose a man

[just_ordinary]

On 4/22/2022 at 5:41 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

If I was a homeschooling mom to 4, I would probably have a similar schedule to Alyssa. I wouldn’t want to take 4 kids in car seats a lot of places if I didn’t have to. It’s just a hassle. So I would stay home, play in the pool, and do homeschooling. It wouldn’t be interesting. Just like it’s not interesting when Alyssa does it. There’s nothing wrong with her schedule. But boring doesn’t sell on instagram. 

I will say, if Alyssa was providing good quality homeschooling for her children I wouldn’t raise an eyebrow to her schedule. Children don’t need constant stimulation and extra activities several days a week. BUT most children play with other children in school or the neighbourhood or the children of friends. They play inside and outside. Having extra activities is often a family thing at the weekends. So, for a “normal” child/family I don’t think anything is wrong with that schedule but in this specific case- those girls are very probably under stimulated intellectually and physically.

23 hours ago, Nothing if not critical said:

She also may have exaggerated her condition because she liked the narrative of having a miracle baby. But we have no proof either way, so for all we know she was genuinely surprised by the pregnancy.

I guess it all comes down to how much you're willing to trust Erin's account - which in turn may depend on how likeable you find her. Or you may have no strong feelings either way.

Fundies are always surprised by their pregnancies, so this criteria is a bit weak for me.

[SassyPants]

48 minutes ago, just_ordinary said:

I will say, if Alyssa was providing good quality homeschooling for her children I wouldn’t raise an eyebrow to her schedule. Children don’t need constant stimulation and extra activities several days a week. BUT most children play with other children in school or the neighbourhood or the children of friends. They play inside and outside. Having extra activities is often a family thing at the weekends. So, for a “normal” child/family I don’t think anything is wrong with that schedule but in this specific case- those girls are very probably under stimulated intellectually and physically.

Fundies are always surprised by their pregnancies, so this criteria is a bit weak for me.

My daughter has 1 child, a girl Allie’s age. There is no way Alyssa is allowing the activities that my GD participates in outside of school (swimming, a phonic class and reading club) and at home: crafts, painting, slime making, key board, board games (endless)…this child creates more messes and participates in more creative projects, that even I, a person who likes neat, but not on a compulsive level, about have a heart attack.  Under stimulated is a good work for how the Webster girls are living life.

12 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

And she seems to be their most frequent babysitter! Just imagine watching those five kids all the time while your sister talks about her miracle baby. I don’t know how Michael does it. I would go nuts. 

I do wonder if Erin has thought about how her words might affect Michaela. I also wonder if these folks are all silently (or passive-aggresively) competitive with one another? How self centered or lacking in compassionate would you need to be as a mother of 4, young, healthy children to whoa is me about your inability to get pregnant again, when your older sister has not been able to have even one child? Where is the Jesus (J.O.Y.) in that approach?

[JermajestyDuggar]

11 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

My daughter has 1 child, a girl Allie’s age. There is no way Alyssa is allowing the activities that my GD participates in outside of school (swimming, a phonic class and reading club) and at home: crafts, painting, slime making, key board, board games (endless)…this child creates more messes and participates in more creative projects, that even I, a person who likes neat, but not on a compulsive level, about have a heart attack.  Under stimulated is a good work for how the Webster girls are living life.

I do wonder if Erin has thought about how her words might affect Michaela. I also wonder if these folks are all silently (or passive-aggresively) competitive with one another? How self centered or lacking in compassionate would you need to be as a mother of 4, young, healthy children to whoa is me about your inability to get pregnant again, when your older sister has not been able to have even one child? Where is the Jesus (J.O.Y.) in that approach?

Oh I am sure there is some competitiveness in some of them. There are 19 so there’s going to be competitiveness. How overt and obvious it is will probably always remain unknown.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

As with every single thing these fundie families do, their talk about being close is bullshit.  Their talk about servant's hearts is bullshit.  Their talk about loving each other and following the bible is bullshit.

None of them, including Kelly, gives one iota of a shit about Michaela's feelings.  They parentify their kids as soon as possible to give up the one job that is supposed to define their lives.  Produce the precious blessings, rub them in your sister's face, and then shove them away from you for someone else to deal with.  I'm sure Jesus would have been down with the (at best) incredible thoughtlessness these people show, just as I'm sure he would have been packing a gun under his robes.

[SassyPants]

15 minutes ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

As with every single thing these fundie families do, their talk about being close is bullshit.  Their talk about servant's hearts is bullshit.  Their talk about loving each other and following the bible is bullshit.

None of them, including Kelly, gives one iota of a shit about Michaela's feelings.  They parentify their kids as soon as possible to give up the one job that is supposed to define their lives.  Produce the precious blessings, rub them in your sister's face, and then shove them away from you for someone else to deal with.  I'm sure Jesus would have been down with the (at best) incredible thoughtlessness these people show, just as I'm sure he would have been packing a gun under his robes.

Interesting, isn’t it? I just stumbled on the IG account of a women with 7 little kids who sells Plexus and also claims to be a minimalist. Um, how can you claim to be a minimalist when you are literally collecting children? 

[Jackie3]

On 4/26/2022 at 11:27 AM, CanadianMamam said:

A lot of them use birth control still (or had permanent birth control). But in my close family alone I can think of at least 8 after 40 pregnancies, including my grandmother and MIL (and my other grandmother was 39). One relative as a nurse who was positive she had gone into a menopause and oops. But generally egg quality declines as you get older, so less successful pregnancies. Erin is only 30, her egg quality is likely fine. 

 

 

Yes, I know lots of women who gave birth in their early 40's. But I dont' know a single menopausal woman in their 50s who gave birth.

13 hours ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

None of them, including Kelly, gives one iota of a shit about Michaela's feelings. 

Oh, I think they care about Michaels' feelings, somewhat. But they care about their own convenience more. 

[CanadianMamam]

So Alyssa is the only sibling not going to the wedding. Erin posted she is flying with Tori and Bobby. Tori is 6 months pregnant and made it, Erin left 3.of her kids and Chad at home, etc. 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, CanadianMamam said:

So Alyssa is the only sibling not going to the wedding. Erin posted she is flying with Tori and Bobby. Tori is 6 months pregnant and made it, Erin left 3.of her kids and Chad at home, etc. 

 

Did Alyssa say why? I think Maci could just be a lap baby so she would only need one ticket. 

[Guanabana]

6 minutes ago, CanadianMamam said:

So Alyssa is the only sibling not going to the wedding. Erin posted she is flying with Tori and Bobby. Tori is 6 months pregnant and made it, Erin left 3.of her kids and Chad at home, etc. 

 

The Websters have talked about needing a new (or newer) family car. They rented a large SUV for Nathan’s wedding/Katie’s bridal shower because John was worried their car would not make it. The money for their six tickets, plus hotel, has, and meals would make a decent down payment on a car. Or Alyssa is completely over it. JK. 

That was supposed to be gas not has. 

[CanadianMamam]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Did Alyssa say why? I think Maci could just be a lap baby so she would only need one ticket. 

She said money. And it is possible that her instagram issues have limited her extra income a lot. It is also possible that John isn't willing/able to watch the older girls if she took Maci.

 

3 minutes ago, Guanabana said:

The Websters have talked about needing a new (or newer) family car. They rented a large SUV for Nathan’s wedding/Katie’s bridal shower because John was worried their car would not make it. The money for their six tickets, plus hotel, has, and meals would make a decent down payment on a car. Or Alyssa is completely over it. JK. 

1 plane ticket wouldn't be that bad though and it seems like the family is doing air B&B (possibly more than one) so not as expensive as a house. 

Although having just had to buy a new car, I can sympathize. Car prices are currently insane and my car cost 25% of what my house did (3 years ago, so pre-book).

[JermajestyDuggar]

I guess I’m in a foul mood because I’m sitting here thinking, “well maybe they could afford a plane ticket if they didn’t furnish their new home with tons of brand new stuff and constantly buy the girls new matching dresses for Sunday pictures.” I admit I’m a cheapskate and I would much rather have a reliable car than a newly renovated trendy house. And my kids wear thrift store clothing. There are lots of things around my house I would love to change (like sanding and refinishing our old wood floors) but I don’t because those thousands of dollars go to practical things. Like a reliable car. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[Jackie3]

4 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

So Alyssa is the only sibling not going to the wedding. Erin posted she is flying with Tori and Bobby. Tori is 6 months pregnant and made it, Erin left 3.of her kids and Chad at home, etc. 

 

I'm not sure why it's noteworthy that Alyssa didn't go. She didnt' want to go, she didn't think it was worth the money, she isn't close to Lawson. . . all those are perfectly acceptable reasons.

Why is great that Tori "made it"? Is this an ordeal or a fun event? 

4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I guess I’m in a foul mood because I’m sitting here thinking, “well maybe they could afford a plane ticket if they didn’t furnish their new home with tons of brand new stuff and constantly buy the girls new matching dresses for Sunday pictures.” 

Maybe they'd rather have the furniture and the dresses. Why would that put you in a foul mood? Do you want her to go to the wedding for some reason?

The furniture, after all, should last many years. The dresses (apparently) give Alyssa a lot of pleasure. Maybe that's more satisfying than a trip across the country to attend a wedding where she'll probably have five minutes with Lawson.

[Italiangirl]

I found it relevant that Alyssa will be the only one not to go to her brother's wedding, this will be the first time a member of the family isn't present at an important event. It is one of the older boys' weddings, not one of the middle or younger kids that she may not be so close to. She hasn't really said why just something about money, it could be that she didn't feel well. I don't know, all the family will be there, you claim to be so close to all your siblings and then skip the wedding of a close brother? 

[llucie]

2 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

I'm not sure why it's noteworthy that Alyssa didn't go. She didnt' want to go, she didn't think it was worth the money, she isn't close to Lawson. . . all those are perfectly acceptable reasons.

Why is great that Tori "made it"? Is this an ordeal or a fun event? 

Maybe they'd rather have the furniture and the dresses. Why would that put you in a foul mood? Do you want her to go to the wedding for some reason?

The furniture, after all, should last many years. The dresses (apparently) give Alyssa a lot of pleasure. Maybe that's more satisfying than a trip across the country to attend a wedding where she'll probably have five minutes with Lawson.

Missing a brother wedding is a really big faux pass even in normal circles. Like ending a relationship because of it kinda offense. Sure they have the really inusual situation of having 19 siblings so you cant really judge them by regular standards...but Lawson and Alyssa are just 2 years apart, they are not distant siblings that barely know each other, they grew up together. Even Jill Duggar after having a falling out with her parents have not missed a single sibling wedding.

Honestly it is dificult to believe that she couldnt find a person to take care of the girls for a few hours while John is at work.

[lumpentheologie]

I think she's pregnant, having a hard time with it, and doesn't want to announce yet. 

[SunnySide]

On 4/28/2022 at 9:44 PM, GuineaPigCourtship said:

As with every single thing these fundie families do, their talk about being close is bullshit.  Their talk about servant's hearts is bullshit.  Their talk about loving each other and following the bible is bullshit.

None of them, including Kelly, gives one iota of a shit about Michaela's feelings.  They parentify their kids as soon as possible to give up the one job that is supposed to define their lives.  Produce the precious blessings, rub them in your sister's face, and then shove them away from you for someone else to deal with.  I'm sure Jesus would have been down with the (at best) incredible thoughtlessness these people show, just as I'm sure he would have been packing a gun under his robes.

Their talk about being close is bullshit. This is pretty accurate for big families Fundie or not. My parents both come from large families, with a pretty good age spread on oldest to youngest just going by the sheer amount of space and time needed to have that many children. In our family there are groups of siblings and cousins and so on that certain people are close to. Sometimes it goes by age, sometimes it goes by geography (a cousin 20 years older than me lives near me so we hang out). Sometimes it goes by work (my mom worked with a SIL who is 17 years older than her). I love everybody and would do anything to help my family but with 26 aunts and uncles and 39 first cousins it’s impossible to be close to everyone. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

The fact that Alyssa isn’t going is strange because she lives in Florida and she doesn’t see all of her family together very often. She’s the only one who isn’t around some family members constantly because she doesn’t live in TN like the rest. When you go to a wedding, you really don’t talk much with the bride and groom. They are too busy. But you visit with everyone else. That’s the fun part of weddings. She would see all her siblings, many of their spouses, some of her nieces and nephews, her parents, and possibly some aunts, uncles, cousins or friends. And she is passing up the chance to visit with people she doesn’t see regularly due to living out of state. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

9 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I guess I’m in a foul mood because I’m sitting here thinking, “well maybe they could afford a plane ticket if they didn’t furnish their new home with tons of brand new stuff and constantly buy the girls new matching dresses for Sunday pictures.” I admit I’m a cheapskate and I would much rather have a reliable car than a newly renovated trendy house. And my kids wear thrift store clothing. There are lots of things around my house I would love to change (like sanding and refinishing our old wood floors) but I don’t because those thousands of dollars go to practical things. Like a reliable car. 

Do you want a crazy-ass fan who will buy your kids’ clothes and demand photos? Because that’s what Alyssa’s life is like.

[CanadianMamam]

2 hours ago, llucie said:

Missing a brother wedding is a really big faux pass even in normal circles. Like ending a relationship because of it kinda offense. Sure they have the really inusual situation of having 19 siblings so you cant really judge them by regular standards...but Lawson and Alyssa are just 2 years apart, they are not distant siblings that barely know each other, they grew up together. Even Jill Duggar after having a falling out with her parents have not missed a single sibling wedding.

Honestly it is dificult to believe that she couldnt find a person to take care of the girls for a few hours while John is at work.

It is a big deal. I don't know anyone who would willingly skip a siblings wedding and I know people who have flown across the world for their siblings weddings.

One of the most frequent topics on AITA is skipping a siblings wedding because even with a super valid reason it always turns into huge family drama. 

36 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The fact that Alyssa isn’t going is strange because she lives in Florida and she doesn’t see all of her family together very often. She’s the only one who isn’t around some family members constantly because she doesn’t live in TN like the rest. When you go to a wedding, you really don’t talk much with the bride and groom. They are too busy. But you visit with everyone else. That’s the fun part of weddings. She would see all her siblings, many of their spouses, some of her nieces and nephews, her parents, and possibly some aunts, uncles, cousins or friends. And she is passing up the chance to visit with people she doesn’t see regularly due to living out of state. 

Exactly and her grandparents who she has talked about being close with. Not only is she missing out on being there for Lawson, she is missing out on that time with her family. 

[Melissa1977]

I bet health (heart issues again? Pregnancy?) or money. I suppose they can pay for just 1 ticket, but maybe John is very busy and in-laws cannot look after the girls all the day long...

While she may be in bad terms with Lawson or fed up with family weddings, she loves dressing up and I highly doubt she's happy losing that chance.

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I bet health (heart issues again? Pregnancy?) or money. I suppose they can pay for just 1 ticket, but maybe John is very busy and in-laws cannot look after the girls all the day long...

While she may be in bad terms with Lawson or fed up with family weddings, she loves dressing up and I highly doubt she's happy losing that chance.

Just imagine looking at your social media and seeing tons of pics of all your siblings together with your parents having a great time in California. She has to feel so left out. 

[SassyPants]

Just wondering are Zach and family and the Smiths going to the wedding? I would put money on the Smiths skipping it. I can’t see Tori flying alone or with a child, especially while pregnant, and  travel for a family of 6 would be costly.

[Guanabana]

Erin and Carlson traveled with Bobby and Tori. Erin did not mention their kids. 

Zach, Whitney, and the four kids also made it. 

[SassyPants]

1 minute ago, Guanabana said:

Erin and Carlson traveled with Bobby and Tori. Erin did not mention their kids. 

Zach, Whitney, and the four kids also made it. 

I am surprised that everyone but Alyssa is seemingly making the trip. The Smiths are lucky there is someone able and willing to watch 3 little kids for a few days. 3 seems to be the # that leave most people saying, too many and too much. Maybe they split them up?

[Jackie3]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

 I can’t see Tori flying alone or with a child, especially while pregnant, and  travel for a family of 6 would be costly.

Tori is going, she is flying with Erin. But I don't see why Tori couldn't have flown alone, she is an adult woman. Kids fly alone! I don't know about the other Smiths

Edited May 11, 2022 by Jackie3