Webster4Eva 11: They don't know it's not vitally important to teach a 5 year old how to choose a man

[Jackie3]

Does she really think that the Webster girls will be dating boys who show up in a suit, with flowers, in 2030? Is this how dating goes for the average 14-year old fundie girl? My own kids "dated" at 14 by hanging out with a guy at Starbucks, or having a parent drive them to a movie. Things did not get more formal as they got older.

I also wonder about this age requirement thing. You aren't old enough to date daddy till you are four. Then you are old enough to date (your father!). Why can't John take out a 2 or 3 year old? Though I'd hate to give Alyssa an excuse to put  makeup on a toddler. It's not like they become a young lady at four, or enter the marriage market. Is it just too much of a pain for John to go out with someone who might need a diaper change? For that matter, what does he do when his little girls need to use the bathroom while they are out? I find it hard to believe he takes them into the mens room at McDonalds, but maybe he does.

 

Edited March 29, 2022 by Jackie3

[raayx01]

39 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

Does she really think that the Webster girls will be dating boys who show up in a suit, with flowers, in 2030? Is this how dating goes for the average 14-year old fundie girl? My own kids "dated" at 14 by hanging out with a guy at Starbucks, or having a parent drive them to a movie. Things did not get more formal as they got older.

I also wonder about this age requirement thing. You aren't old enough to date daddy till you are four. Then you are old enough to date (your father!). Why can't John take out a 2 or 3 year old? Though I'd hate to give Alyssa an excuse to put  makeup on a toddler. It's not like they become a young lady at four, or enter the marriage market. Is it just too much of a pain for John to go out with someone who might need a diaper change? For that matter, what does he do when his little girls need to use the bathroom while they are out? I find it hard to believe he takes them into the mens room at McDonalds, but maybe he does.

 

why is this only for birthdays, why not just try to have one on one time with each of your daughters year round. I would not mind this so much if it was just more casual and just having fun then get all dressed up and making it like a purity ball to then go to mc Donalds. 

[HermioneSparrow]

So every single birthday is spent on a "daddy daughter date". BORING.

[AussieKrissy]

2 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

So every single birthday is spent on a "daddy daughter date". BORING.

I agree!!!! Whether they like it or not. No choice for them at all. It’s their birthday shouldn’t they get a pick? Movie and takeout night. Dinner at the local pub  with the awesome play area with friends and fam (my daughter’s choice). Nope just a daddy daughter date fml. 

[SorenaJ]

14 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

Does she really think that the Webster girls will be dating boys who show up in a suit, with flowers, in 2030? Is this how dating goes for the average 14-year old fundie girl? My own kids "dated" at 14 by hanging out with a guy at Starbucks, or having a parent drive them to a movie. Things did not get more formal as they got older.

 

To the bolded: If a date/several dates are too formal and extravagant, it can be lovebombing, and creates a power difference, making the girl feel like she has to stick around, because he went through all that effort/spent all that money, and making her feel like he really cares about her and loves her. 

A slippery slope to abuse.

 

[FluffySnowball]

1 hour ago, SorenaJ said:

To the bolded: If a date/several dates are too formal and extravagant, it can be lovebombing, and creates a power difference, making the girl feel like she has to stick around, because he went through all that effort/spent all that money, and making her feel like he really cares about her and loves her. 

A slippery slope to abuse.

 

While I agree with your notion that such behavior could indicate/lead to manipulation, I guess in this case, it’s more simple:

Alyssa is into dressing up, wearing (admittedly lovely, but at times over the top) gowns, and going out styled to a T. So she - most likely subconsciously - tries to recreate similar experiences for her daughters. I get that. As a parents, you want to share with your children what brings you joy. 

Having grown up rather poor, she’s into a whole different experience now and wishes the same for her children. Could this turn sour further down the road? Yes, possibly…. It for now, I do believe it is innocent (albeit weird and obnoxious, I don’t like the idea of dating between parents and children AT ALL). 

[Tatar-tot]

Why do this always phrase this as a “date?”  Why can’t it be some special one on one time with Daddy?  The guy is working nonstop in a demanding job to support his family. It is great to see him make time for his daughters.

BTW FUNDIE WOMAN:  Your daughter is going to look to see how Daddy treats you.  The way he treats Mama is the way  your daughter is going to expect to be treated when she gets married.  So be good role models and demonstrate a loving respectful relationship.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

16 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

So every single birthday is spent on a "daddy daughter date". BORING.

So if they have a boy, will Alyssa date him for every birthday? I doubt it.

[SunnySide]

I’m from the typical two-parent home. Three girls, one boy. My parents did a good job of raising all of us. They both worked a lot but made time for all of us, and time for us as individuals. When us girls spent one on one time with dad it was never called a date. Nor was it a date if my mom went somewhere with my brother. My parents would probably balk at that phrase, be a bit weirded out by it and correct people by saying “spending time with our children is what we do, it’s part of parenthood.” I think maybe once or twice I’ve said to my mom “let’s meet at Starbucks at three.” And received a text back that says “it’s a date! See you then” as in, we have solid plans. I will be there. Growing up there were also lots of conversations about how when we do start dating what the expectations were and so on. We all turned out okay. Maybe not to Fundie standards but here I am alive and well, capable of healthy adult relationships after never once having been on a “date” with my dad.

[SunnySide]

On 3/21/2022 at 9:17 PM, raayx01 said:

Alyssa said she does. She said that Allie wakes herself and the girls up, gets them dressed and starts school before Alyssa even wakes up. I can't stand a lot of these girls. They were raised to be a wife and mother only and when the get married they cant even cook and just raise their kids to take care of each other. 

For as long as I’ve been on FJ and reading about fundies I think I should be used to the idea of sibling-parents helping these massive families function. I am not used to it and I think it will annoy me until the day I die. There’s a huge difference between kids learning about normal household chores and learning responsibility that way, and being forced to help raise siblings. Sometimes when I hear these stories of “child A is up before mama, gets the kids dressed, fed, and starting schoolwork.” I think “if I were child A I would go on strike and not do a damn thing.” And then I remember in their world that little bit of autonomy and rebellion is not allowed because they’re beaten into submission as Babies and are just forced to do exactly what they’re told without question. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

My dad was the oldest of 4. His two youngest siblings were 8 and 10 years younger. He was expected to look after the two youngest and he was resentful. I think it’s partly why he picked on his little brother so much. Because he resented having to look after him. I think it can cause a lot of resentment in families and I would hate to do that to my kids. 

[kmachete14]

On 3/30/2022 at 8:05 AM, SunnySide said:

Sometimes when I hear these stories of “child A is up before mama, gets the kids dressed, fed, and starting schoolwork.” I think “if I were child A I would go on strike and not do a damn thing.” And then I remember in their world that little bit of autonomy and rebellion is not allowed because they’re beaten into submission as Babies and are just forced to do exactly what they’re told without question. 

The other reason kids will do this unquestioningly is one I can supply myself, as the oldest of 5 kids. If you get up early, you can do what you want. Your mother isn't breathing down your neck. You are in control -- you act as little mommy to your siblings and boss them around. You pick their outfits. Then, you pick the breakfast and make it yourself! And then you teach them -- like a real teacher! And they have to listen to you! And the whole time, you are doing it independently and no one is judging you. You feel proud and competent and caring. 

When you don't have much independence or control over things you take what you can get. Sometimes that IS the rebellion. 

 

[Jackie3]

On 3/30/2022 at 5:01 AM, Tatar-tot said:

 The guy is working nonstop in a demanding job to support his family. It is great to see him make time for his daughters.

 

I'm not so sure John's job is that demanding, and he hardly works nonstop. He's said that in the winter months he "hardly needs to go in to work." In the summer, of course, he is quite busy. There's no danger of getting laid off in the winter, so he has a pretty cushy situation.

I watched John's video of the "date" with Zoey. It interested me that he dressed in his suit at home (which makes sense), in the clothes Alyssa picked out. But when he's dressed, he doesn't say, "OK, Zoey, let's go, sweetie!" No, he leaves through the back door (I'm assuming), and shows up to ring the bell at the front door.

He is replicating, step by step, what happens on a real date. The kind of dates Alyssa never had. The kind Zoey is far too young for.

So it's less out about going out with his little girl and more about doing some "practice dating"--the Webster-approved way. Why else would he make the effort to copy the actions of a suitor?

I can see dressing up--maybe-- to make it special. But coming to the door and ringing the bell is like saying, "Pretend I live in another house, and am coming to take you out, like your boyfriend will do one day. You'll curl your hair and put on makeup and perfume. He will be bringing you flowers and will be dressed like a gentleman. That's how it is done. Dont' do it any other way." 

[Melissa1977]

On 3/29/2022 at 10:02 PM, HermioneSparrow said:

So every single birthday is spent on a "daddy daughter date". BORING.

And ALL the dates are in a fast food restaurant, the kind of food they usually eat several times a week with John (definitely sundays and sometimes mid-week lunches). In the "dates" he is not taking the girls to a special restaurant or place (riding a horse? A theater? A zoo?). On special days they do the same they usually do on average days. Websters have zero imagination or effort regarding activities for their girls.

Allie's birthday is in April. So now he will have 2 close dates. I wonder if he would end fed up of that. Both she and Alyssa seem soooo bored.

 

[GreenBeans]

On 3/30/2022 at 3:05 PM, SunnySide said:

For as long as I’ve been on FJ and reading about fundies I think I should be used to the idea of sibling-parents helping these massive families function. I am not used to it and I think it will annoy me until the day I die. There’s a huge difference between kids learning about normal household chores and learning responsibility that way, and being forced to help raise siblings.

I completely agree!

Having a five year old help put her dishes into the dishwasher after a meal, dress herself, throw her dirty clothes in a hamper, clean up her room by putting books and toys back on shelves/in boxes: yes, of course!

Having a five year old get up, dress herself and younger siblings, make them breakfast and supervise them: hell no!

It’s not just that the chores and drudgery aren’t age appropriate, even worse (from a safety perspective) is the supervision aspect. A five year old still needs to be supervised, for good reason. How you could think it’s a good idea to saddle such a young child with the responsibility for the safety of not only herself, but even younger children, is beyond me.

[Keys]

3 minutes ago, GreenBeans said:

I completely agree!

Having a five year old help put her dishes into the dishwasher after a meal, dress herself, throw her dirty clothes in a hamper, clean up her room by putting books and toys back on shelves/in boxes: yes, of course!

Having a five year old get up, dress herself and younger siblings, make them breakfast and supervise them: hell no!

It’s not just that the chores and drudgery aren’t age appropriate, even worse (from a safety perspective) is the supervision aspect. A five year old still needs to be supervised, for good reason. How you could think it’s a good idea to saddle such a young child with the responsibility for the safety of not only herself, but even younger children, is beyond me.

Does she do this because she likes sleeping in? I feel like I wouldn’t be able to continue sleeping if I knew my young kids were up and about in the house. Totally agree that it’s a safety issue. 

[raayx01]

1 hour ago, GreenBeans said:

I completely agree!

Having a five year old help put her dishes into the dishwasher after a meal, dress herself, throw her dirty clothes in a hamper, clean up her room by putting books and toys back on shelves/in boxes: yes, of course!

Having a five year old get up, dress herself and younger siblings, make them breakfast and supervise them: hell no!

It’s not just that the chores and drudgery aren’t age appropriate, even worse (from a safety perspective) is the supervision aspect. A five year old still needs to be supervised, for good reason. How you could think it’s a good idea to saddle such a young child with the responsibility for the safety of not only herself, but even younger children, is beyond me.

Allie's actually turning 7 in a few days but it's still to young to be doing all of that in my opinion

[GreenBeans]

1 hour ago, raayx01 said:

Allie's actually turning 7 in a few days but it's still to young to be doing all of that in my opinion

Seven is so young!

I mean, would you hire a 7 year old nanny / baby sitter? Because that’s essentially what Allie is doing whenever she is getting her siblings out of bed, helping them dress, feeding them and supervising them.

Even leaving aside the safety issue - I’m sure this is making for some really weird family dynamics, because the child “in charge” will claim authority over its siblings, giving them a type of power that isn’t healthy for a sibling relationship in my opinion.

[0 kids n not countin]

Is it just me, or is Alyssa's makeup slowly becoming on par with J Rod?  Just wow in her date night Instagram story...🙄  They all look so much better with much less makeup.  Maybe I'm just in a bad mood tonight, but the constant posting about their looks is feeling so tiresome and um so not Christian and Christ like.  

[Melissa1977]

23 hours ago, raayx01 said:

Allie's actually turning 7 in a few days but it's still to young to be doing all of that in my opinion

She started at 6 if not younger. She apparently cared for both parents and Maci when they had covid (I hope it was an exaggeration). 

I know that Allie lives well. Far, far better than Alyssa did as a kid. But I don't know if it is her naturally serious look, or her shyness, or the pressure to be the big girl on charge, she doesn't look relaxed to me. I hope she doesn't end like Miriam Anderson, who looked like a worn out adult at age 13.

[SorenaJ]

9 hours ago, 0 kids n not countin said:

Is it just me, or is Alyssa's makeup slowly becoming on par with J Rod?  Just wow in her date night Instagram story...🙄  They all look so much better with much less makeup.  Maybe I'm just in a bad mood tonight, but the constant posting about their looks is feeling so tiresome and um so not Christian and Christ like.  

They are good at just picking what they agree with, and discarding what they don't. Vanity is pride and pride is a sin. 

Edited April 2, 2022 by SorenaJ

[Nothing if not critical]

I have absolutely no proof of this, so basically, it’s just fan fiction, but I have a feeling that Alyssa is pregnant again and not really happy about it. Idk why, she just seems dejected lately, but trying to keep up a happy front. Of course I could be completely off base… Maybe she’s just bored with her life.

[Fundielandobserver]

She eventually will be pregnant if not now as she's been hinting she wants a big family! She could be dejected lately by not going to the wedding as her excitement is only around these events. I wonder if John is adamant about the budget! Otherwise its so boring and she has zero enthusiasm homeschooling her kids or taking them to the beach or park .She also hasn't gotten "help " since Addie left a month ago and that will become lesser soon with more of her siblings getting  married and having more kids ...but not to worry Allie is getting ready to sister mom ! She posted late last night that she's been sleeping very late and if she was exhausted like any other mom looking after four kids she would be in bed by 9pm. Both her and John enjoy being kid free so I dont know why they dont stop.

 

 

[SassyPants]

She switched Lexi and Maci’s rooms. I think she is living vicariously through her girls-

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

She switched Lexi and Maci’s rooms. I think she is living vicariously through her girls-

She seems to have so much energy and needs outlets. So she switches rooms to find an outlet for that energy. I bet she would be a great events coordinator.