Lori Alexander 80: So Warm and Inviting

[ManyGoats]

1 hour ago, kpmom said:

OMG!  What's the book and what's Lori complaining about?

"The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life" by Hannah Whitall Smith. She has too many objections to list. If you have more than a passing interest, you could skim her blog entry.

https://thetransformedwife.com/hannah-was-a-heretic/

Which, by the way is mostly a cut and paste of an article written in 2015 by someone else. Lazy Lori, indeed.

And, seriously, how many of the young women she purports to teach would even be aware of this book, much less be interested in reading it?

 

[feministxtian]

She has no idea about Ellen White's status within the SDA. In every book and essay she writes, she quotes scripture and is constantly pointing back to scripture. I'm willing to bet she's never laid eyes on any of her writings. I mean, it's not like my pastor does nothing but quote EGW in every sermon, she's rarely, if ever mentioned in church. 

 

[Loveday]

I can't remember if we've talked about Lori's new book, based on those notebook scribbles she was doing for a few years. I was wondering if she'd even have enough to fill a book. But fear not!

Quote

I have been busy working on my third book, "Daily Wisdom for Biblical Womanhood." It's a morning/evening 365 days of reminding women of God's will for their lives. We forget so easily!

A weighty tome it will be, indeed. 🙄

[ManyGoats]

I wonder if Lori realizes how much she reveals about herself with her content. So, so many of her blog posts and videos mention not refusing sex with your husband, it's obvious that it's one of her major issues. 

[Alisamer]

5 minutes ago, ManyGoats said:

I wonder if Lori realizes how much she reveals about herself with her content. So, so many of her blog posts and videos mention not refusing sex with your husband, it's obvious that it's one of her major issues. 

A huge percentage of her content is all about sex. Not to refuse it, what sort of sex is allowed (in her opinion)... even her other content often is about other peoples' bodies with a sexual undertone. She's so discreet and ladylike, talking about anal sex and other women's butts and boobs, telling about "10 minutes and some lube" and making it clear women can't deny their husbands sex. 

So much of what fundies focus on is really all about sex, when you're allowed to have it, and how to avoid "temptation" when you aren't yet allowed. The way they dress, the way they "court", the way they teach their children, the music and media they allow, the way their children are allowed (or not) to socialize, making sure babies are a possibility from it... 

Most "worldly" people don't plan their entire lifestyle around sex. Fundies absolutely do. 

But they're the "pure" ones. Not those of us who don't think about sex in absolutely everything we ever do. 

[Jackie3]

On 3/30/2022 at 10:12 AM, SongRed7 said:

Plus she has often said they fought about money. Her mother liked to spend. so even though they were most likely upper middle class, Lori's doesn't make her mother sound like a frugal Godly wife.  In reality, she probably LOVED being doctor's wife the perks (money) that came with it. 

1. Why are you buying into Lori's negative view of her mom? You are trashing her mom just like she does. The woman died of cancer a couple of years ago and can't defend herself.

2. Sounds like you really think it's enviable to be a "doctor's wife." Isn't that a rather transactional view of marriage (what a big paycheck a doctor is!) Wouldn't it be better to earn your own money, SongRed,  than to drool over being a doctor's wife? It's the twenty0first century, for goodness sake!

3. Pathologists have a reputation for being very odd. They spend their time examining tissues from tissue biopsies or doing autopsies.  They tend to be loners and odd ducks.

4.  Ken has strongly hinted that his FIL was a very difficult person, someone who'd come around uninvited, all upset about a slight or something. I think it's more likely that Lori's dad was the difficult one, rather than her mom. Can you remember Lori's aunt (Aunt Ginny I think?) commenting onLori's blog? She was very upset about the way Lori was trashing her sister. (Now you are doing the same! And you haven't even met her!)

5. There's no evidence Lori's mom was a spendthrift. If they were short of money, it's mostly likely because they lived in San Diego, a very expensive area of the country.  Pathologists do very well, but they don't earn millions. (Being a "DOCTOR'S WIFE" is not as enviable as you may think!)

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Lori is crowing her 15th grandchild just arrived.  As Alyssa has 2, that's 13 between the other 3 children.  How many do they have each?

And being a BEC, or perhaps just a B, I'm sad that Lori will have another child she can warp with her wacky beliefs and scare with "snakes".

[Celtic Roots]

Re: Lori and Ken's grandchildren

Steven and Emily have 4: girl, boy, boy, girl. Ryan and Erin have 4: girl boy, girl, girl. Cassi and Ryan have 5: girl, girl, girl, boy, girl.

May at least several of these girls have the courage to choose to get a good education. And may she and Ken not nag them about their weight.

 

[HoneyBunny]

Forget research and facts, LazyLori knows the REAL reason kids are depressed! And, gosh, what a coincidence! It’s the same things she harps on non stop. (And, of course, it’s all about those awful working mothers.)

Edited April 12, 2022 by HoneyBunny

[Hane]

1 hour ago, HoneyBunny said:

Forget research and facts, LazyLori knows the REAL reason kids are depressed! And, gosh, what a coincidence! It’s the same things she harps on non stop. (And, of course, it’s all about those awful working mothers.)

Oh, Lori—GFY all the way down the street. I’ve suffered from depression since I was a kid in the ‘50s, with married parents, a SAHM, and regular church attendance. 

[KDA]

On 4/4/2022 at 6:58 AM, ADoyle90815 said:

I'm another person who would be dead by now if I had listened to Lori's "marriage advice" because my ex-husband was abusive. He certainly would have killed me if I had stayed as the abuse was starting to become physical before I left.

Mine too. He wasn't violent in the normal sense of the word, but he did slide me up the wall by the throat a few times, he put his hands around my neck when we were in bed and squeezed, lying on me so I couldn't get away, and threatened to kill me. Still, I stayed. A few weeks later, he threatened to kill me again. He thought I had recorded it on my phone, so he tried to destroy it, first by smashing his fist onto it, then by snatching it off me, throwing it against the wall, and then dropping it into the toilet.

But honestly, it was his words that did the most damage. I think I would have ended up killing myself. He was destroying me. I couldn't even remember who I was, anymore. I was so busy following Lori's advice of "submit more", thinking it would lead to an improved marriage, that the person I once was ceased to matter.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

6 hours ago, KDA said:

I was so busy following Lori's advice of "submit more", thinking it would lead to an improved marriage, that the person I once was ceased to matter.

This. THIS is exactly what Lori wants, nay demands, for all other women but not herself. Women don't matter. Women's thoughts. ideas, dreams, wants, needs, safety, etc. don't matter. Nothing about women matters. Women don't matter. At all. Ever. Never.

Only men,and everything related to them matter.  Women's sole purpose in life is to bow. scrape, tolerate. joyfully submit. and do exactly what the man/ men in their lives demand. No matter what that demand is. Hop to it ladies. Now. Right now. Win him "without a word", which ought to be easy as women aren't supposed to speak up about anything.

If all that submitting doesn't work? Submit more and harder. Erase yourself until you are invisible.  And if that doesn't work and leads to injury or death?  Well ladies, know that your reward is in heaven and that you pleased and honored Jesus by your sacrifice. Penisises Rule!!

Every day of my life I'm grateful my parents didn't teach/ model this idiotic, dangerous behavior.

[HoneyBunny]

29 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Every day of my life I'm grateful my parents didn't teach/ model this idiotic, dangerous behavior.

Mine kinda sorta did. Not entirely. My dad had some absolutely wonderful moments but at other times he terrorized us all, and my mom was definitely the submissive wife and allowed it to happen. But we were not isolated, and I was allowed to see another way and went for it. 

[Alisamer]

7 hours ago, KDA said:

Mine too. He wasn't violent in the normal sense of the word, but he did slide me up the wall by the throat a few times, he put his hands around my neck when we were in bed and squeezed, lying on me so I couldn't get away, and threatened to kill me.

Statistically, any man who will put his hands around your throat in a threatening manner IS capable of killing you. It's like a huge red flag waving wildly while it's on fire with flares shooting out from it. If a guy grabs you by the throat for any reason (other than fully consenting fun times that you've negotiated out ahead of time, of course) run fast and far! At that point it's not "if", it's "when".

I'm glad you got away, because he absolutely could have killed you. He'd already crossed that line. 

[SongRed7]

On 4/6/2022 at 2:39 PM, ManyGoats said:

And, seriously, how many of the young women she purports to teach would even be aware of this book, much less be interested in reading it?

not to mention she FIRST says she loved it  years ago until she "transformed" adding one more thing to her list of things she loved until she hated them. She's a living contradiction. 

 

[Jackie3]

OMG, it must be the eclipse or something, because I actually agree with Lori today. She quotes a woman who says that moms are damaging feminism by being SAHMs. Apparently that is not a choice, even though feminism is all about choice.

Who are these weird women who say that the world will end if a a mom chooses to stay at home with her child? Why is that such a terrible choice, and what about the 9-month old in the equation who may benefit from it? Is the only answer to hand her off to a minimum wage day care worker or grandma?

If a family saved its money/made sacrifices so that a parent could stay home, I can't understand why others would care. Maybe they could be happy for the parent and child? If my husband became "more sexist" because of it,  well, then he can just leave. I'd rather get along on a reduced income than deal with a sexist man. 

I was a SAHM but I had saved my money for years just so I could "purchase" this privilege. It was my money, too, so I didn't feel dependent on my husband (who did not become "more sexist", he never was sexist to begin with).  I earned some money here and there, but that is not my proudest achievement from that period. What a strange world where you can spend thousands on a trip to disneyland but can't leave the workforce to care for a baby without destroying feminism.

I can't imagine spending my time judging other women's choices to . . . care for a child. Surely there are worse villains in the world nowadays? 

11 hours ago, KDA said:

Mine too. He wasn't violent in the normal sense of the word, but he did slide me up the wall by the throat a few times, he put his hands around my neck when we were in bed and squeezed, lying on me so I couldn't get away, and threatened to kill me. Still, I stayed. A few weeks later, he threatened to kill me again. He thought I had recorded it on my phone, so he tried to destroy it, first by smashing his fist onto it, then by snatching it off me, throwing it against the wall, and then dropping it into the toilet.

But honestly, it was his words that did the most damage. I think I would have ended up killing myself. He was destroying me. I couldn't even remember who I was, anymore. I was so busy following Lori's advice of "submit more", thinking it would lead to an improved marriage, that the person I once was ceased to matter.

That is absolutely violent and very typical of abusive men. I'm so glad you got out. Lori's advice makes me so furious sometimes.

You could have done a lot with a recording of a threat to kill. My mom's divorce lawyers encouraged her to record his rants, and she did. Unfortunately, my father did not to make a death threat on the day she recorded him. Back then, at least, random threats to harm were'n't that useful in a divorce, but a threat to kill was quite helpful.

[KDA]

7 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

 

Every day of my life I'm grateful my parents didn't teach/ model this idiotic, dangerous behavior.

The crazy thing is, my parents didn't teach it, believe it or model it, either. And they hated the fact that I put up with it. They didn't understand why I stayed for so long. It infuriated my sister, especially. To this day, I don't know why I bought into Lori's rubbish. I guess because I desperately wanted to be a good Christian wife, and I wanted my marriage to work, and I was willing to try anything to make it work. I feel so stupid, looking back now.

Edited April 13, 2022 by KDA
Edited for clarity

[Melissa1977]

On 4/12/2022 at 11:29 PM, HoneyBunny said:

Forget research and facts, LazyLori knows the REAL reason kids are depressed! And, gosh, what a coincidence! It’s the same things she harps on non stop. (And, of course, it’s all about those awful working mothers.)

Lori was a depressed teenager with no friends (or at least she wrote so). Her daughter Alyssa suffered anxiety and an eating disorder as a teen and young adult (of course it might have been tied to the dancing classes, but Lori and Ken checked their teen daughters weight, which is a red flag for me).

There are many reasons kids and teens are depressed. And having a frustrated, physically and mentally aggresive mom may be one of them. It probably affected Lori and probably it affected Alyssa and probably it will affect Auggie if they don't break th circle.

Of course, there are many other reasons. Some absolutely lovely moms (SAHM or with jobs) have depressed teens. But it's rich that Lori says that as if she hadn't see it in her bubble.

[Alisamer]

Just now, Melissa1977 said:

Lori was a depressed teenager with no friends (or at least she wrote so).

 

She also wrote she was a cheerleader and hung out with the popular girls and had lots of guys wanting to date her.

Lori lies. All the time. 

Situational depression can happen to anyone for a variety of reasons. Like, perhaps, having a lazy lying harridan shrew of a mother. 

But you want to know one reason some teens are depressed? Same reason some adults are depressed. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. No amount of SAHM presence is going to change things if a kid's brain isn't producing or uptaking the correct chemicals in the correct amounts. 

Depression is a combo of things, usually. That's why therapy helps, but medication is sometimes necessary, too. 

If I accidentally skip a couple days of my prozac I can tell. My brain works differently without that help. 

[SongRed7]

Lori makes issues out of the stupidest things. Evidence: we are on day 2 of the litmus test of whether you are godly wife or not according to your response if/when your husband "playfully" swats you on the behind. 

Now granted I know people who tease/show affection with their spouse (it can go both ways wife swatting husband, or husband swatting wife) in this way and I know people who find this demeaning and/or just wouldn't/don't have an opinion on it.  

This is not something my husband and I do and I can't imagine ANYONE on his side of the family doing this. We just don't when his mother and father were alive (1st generation Italian immigrants) this is something they would be mortified by if anyone of their children did this in public.  It doesn't make it wrong or right.  It's a personal preference. 

BUT Lori in her wisdom (which Ken chiming in on all the posts FB, IG, YouTube post) makes in into a test of a woman's submission.  The whole thing is silly. People -- do what you want and what is comfortable for you and your husband.  Ken even goes so far on one response (as I skimmed) as to say there is something wrong if a husband DOESN'T do this.   I don't know what kind of kinks the Alexanders are into (we know it's not anal sex, she makes that clear once again)....but they need to stay away from things that aren't from the Bible.  

This isn't the first time she's made a statement about something really inconsequential or a personal opinion about some random thing and make it into a HUGE issue.  This latest nonsense is going on for two days now.  And the ironic part, is she is accusing some folks of "taking things too seriously"   She exhausts me. 

 

[feministxtian]

Mr. Xtian had a "thing" for my nearly non-existent ass. Yeah, we'd occasionally, while playing around, go for a swat on the butt...more like an excuse to play grab ass though. Submission? In my marriage? Not on your life! We were very physically affectionate with each other (and God I miss that so much it almost hurts), very playful with each other, BUT...99% of it occurred within the 4 walls of our home. 

Lori has chosen "submission" as her hill to die on. Thing is, she knows nothing of love, laughter, silliness, sacrifice, and all the other things that go into a marriage. And, I seriously doubt Lori is nearly the "doormat" she claims she is. After reading a lot of hers and Ken's screeds, I do not thing either one of them are happy in that relationship. 

[HoneyBunny]

Damn woman. Your trying to control your husband for 20 years or more WAS trying to put boundaries on him. Critical thinking skills:  they’re not just for scientists. 

 

 

[louisa05]

23 hours ago, SongRed7 said:

Lori makes issues out of the stupidest things. Evidence: we are on day 2 of the litmus test of whether you are godly wife or not according to your response if/when your husband "playfully" swats you on the behind. 

Now granted I know people who tease/show affection with their spouse (it can go both ways wife swatting husband, or husband swatting wife) in this way and I know people who find this demeaning and/or just wouldn't/don't have an opinion on it.  

This is not something my husband and I do and I can't imagine ANYONE on his side of the family doing this. We just don't when his mother and father were alive (1st generation Italian immigrants) this is something they would be mortified by if anyone of their children did this in public.  It doesn't make it wrong or right.  It's a personal preference. 

BUT Lori in her wisdom (which Ken chiming in on all the posts FB, IG, YouTube post) makes in into a test of a woman's submission.  The whole thing is silly. People -- do what you want and what is comfortable for you and your husband.  Ken even goes so far on one response (as I skimmed) as to say there is something wrong if a husband DOESN'T do this.   I don't know what kind of kinks the Alexanders are into (we know it's not anal sex, she makes that clear once again)....but they need to stay away from things that aren't from the Bible.  

This isn't the first time she's made a statement about something really inconsequential or a personal opinion about some random thing and make it into a HUGE issue.  This latest nonsense is going on for two days now.  And the ironic part, is she is accusing some folks of "taking things too seriously"   She exhausts me. 

 

My husband doesn't swat--he'd hear about it if he did. But he likes to grab. I inevitably say "You are not allowed to do that". And he will say "I do it all the time".  Lori would die if she were a fly on the wall, because I'm sure she would think I was serious. I highly doubt she's capable of picking up tone at all. 

And this goes the opposite way as well. Except I tell him it's on the back of the marriage license that I am allowed. 

So we discussed her post last night and later after a grab while I was putting dishes away, he informed me that "Fundie bitch said I'm allowed"* . 

 

*My mother named her "Fundie Bitch" in the aftermath of her response to Rachel Held Evans' death--before that, she was "fundie lady" when I told mom about her garbage--read a couple of those posts and mom announced "she's not a lady, she's a BITCH". 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Lori and her leghumpers are now working toward dying on the hill of godly women are also feminine women because they all have long flowing hair. Really long hair. Really really long hair. Past the elbows to the waist or more. No long hair? Not godly, not feminine.

As I look at the pictures Lori has posted of herself through the years, she has never, and still doesn't, have long flowing hair. She's never even mentioned having had long hair.

Is Lori neither godly nor feminine?  Well ... based on the comments from the leghumpers, I agree with myself on that.

Edit to add as I'm a BEC:  Lori needs to 1) deep condition her hair, 2) stop using cheap dye, 3) buy a hairbrush. 4) rethink her diet. As my grandmother would have said she looks as if she was dragged through a hedge backwards.

[louisa05]

27 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Lori and her leghumpers are now working toward dying on the hill of godly women are also feminine women because they all have long flowing hair. Really long hair. Really really long hair. Past the elbows to the waist or more. No long hair? Not godly, not feminine.

As I look at the pictures Lori has posted of herself through the years, she has never, and still doesn't, have long flowing hair. She's never even mentioned having had long hair.

Is Lori neither godly nor feminine?  Well ... based on the comments from the leghumpers, I agree with myself on that.

Edit to add as I'm a BEC:  Lori needs to 1) deep condition her hair, 2) stop using cheap dye, 3) buy a hairbrush. 4) rethink her diet. As my grandmother would have said she looks as if she was dragged through a hedge backwards.

Lori is the queen of "Do as I say, not as I do". 

They were obsessed with long hair when I worked at the Christian school. I was in my early 20s and single. I had hair just past shoulder length. It's fine and thick (yes, that's a thing) and tangles easily. It was also not incredibly healthy thanks to constant perming (this was the mid-90s--I'd been perming continuously for over a decade by then...for you younger ones, this was very necessary back in the day!). I finally got fed up trying to get a comb through it every morning and got it cut to a chin length bob. 

Scandal erupted. I'm not kidding. Some parents called the principal about the bad example I was setting for their daughters. Co-workers sadly told me that I would never "find a man in that state" and I was "too young to give up on getting married". Now, mind you, the female principal had shorter hair as did many of the other female teachers. But I was told they were "past a certain age" and married with older children, thus it was permissible for them. 

Mr O5 dated and married me years after I left that place with shorter hair than that. Apparently, hair length was not his priority. But he's also a heathen Catholic. 

And now I have longer hair than I ever did in my life before.