Maxwell 49: Recipes from Those Who Can't Cook

[Black Aliss]

On 7/13/2021 at 2:45 PM, IReallyAmHopewell said:

Sarah and no children--she has to be beating herself up wondering why she isn't worthy of the blessing of husband and family. She's probably told the same crap nuns were told--that she's a helpmeet to God. Yet there are her sisters-in-law living fairly happy normal [to them] lives.

I wonder if it helps that her sisters are similarly missing out on that blessing? Or does it just make it worse, knowing that daddy dearest is the one keeping them single and under his control.

On 7/14/2021 at 7:53 AM, fundiefan said:

That's my cousin - or, my 2nd cousin or whatever - - my mom's cousin. There, that's it. 

My southern MIL taught me the exact terminology for intergenerational relatives. The children of your first cousin are your first cousins, once-removed. The children of your first cousin are your children's second cousins. There's more, much more, but I won't bore you. It's also considered okay to just call them all cousins <whew!>, and the children of your parent's best friends, who are called uncle and auntie, are also your cousins.

21 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

The Abbey of Regina Laudis is also the home of the master cheesemaker nun.  She got her degrees in dairy science at Cornell  (I think she's got a PhD)  and studied cheesemaking in France.  

"Blessed are the cheesemakers!"

Spoiler

 

 

[usmcmom]

On 7/11/2021 at 3:39 PM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Some people believe that this is part of being close as a family. There's a fine line between caring about someone else's situation and acting like it's really your problem. Sarah did write about Chelsy, John, and the baby. It's also a good idea not to pretend you fully understand how anyone else feels and to write about things from your own perspective.

In Sarah's case, she will likely never have children of her own.  That probably makes it harder.

 

I wonder if Sarah feels particularly sad and helpless about little Madeline because John is one of the kids she basically raised. Sarah might have very maternal feelings toward John and seeing one of our kids suffer IS very difficult. I know he is not her child but she probably feels very protective of him. 
 

I am reminded of my aunt telling me how she stepped in front of her little brother any time he was being scolded. She was elven years older than he and she couldn’t stand to see him get in trouble. She was not his designated caregiver at all - just very protective of him. She told me “He was like my baby, I just couldn’t stand to see him sad.” 
 

I can only imagine how strong those feelings might be if you’d actually been in charge of your little brother’s daily upbringing. 

[danvillebelle]

On 7/13/2021 at 7:53 PM, Caroline said:

I've read lots of memoirs of nuns and am amazed at their strength, especially when some realized that that life wasn't for them and had the guts to leave.

Random aside - The Nun's Story with Audrey Hepburn is my favorite movie of hers, for that very reason.  And it's based on a true story.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

2 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

Random aside - The Nun's Story with Audrey Hepburn is my favorite movie of hers, for that very reason.  And it's based on a true story.

The book is really good, too. I love both.

[danvillebelle]

One more nun rabbit trail for my fellow fascinated by nuns folks - watch Light of Love on YouTube if you haven't.  It's very well done  and the sisters are quite varied. 

[Lady Grass Lake]

My Mother's ancestors are all Polish Catholic and back in the late 1800's it was a big deal to have at least one priest and one nun in the family.  My grandmother had 12 siblings and my grandfather was the youngest of 15 children.  Grandma was born in  1900 and her mother died in childbirth when grandma was 9, she was not sent to school after that and became a sister mom and housekeeper.  Wife #2 birthed a few more children, then died in childbirth, but wife #3 managed to survive and completed the count at 13.   One of the girls became a nun, but from what grandma said, it was pretty much she was forced to enter the convent, must keep up the good catholic image.    

[JermajestyDuggar]

I come from a lot of uptight Protestants. At least that’s how I imagine them. 

[petrushka]

18 hours ago, Lady Grass Lake said:

My Mother's ancestors are all Polish Catholic and back in the late 1800's it was a big deal to have at least one priest and one nun in the family.  My grandmother had 12 siblings and my grandfather was the youngest of 15 children.  Grandma was born in  1900 and her mother died in childbirth when grandma was 9, she was not sent to school after that and became a sister mom and housekeeper.  Wife #2 birthed a few more children, then died in childbirth, but wife #3 managed to survive and completed the count at 13.   One of the girls became a nun, but from what grandma said, it was pretty much she was forced to enter the convent, must keep up the good catholic image.    

Polish and Catholic on both sides of my family. There were no priests or nuns on either side, but I came THIS close to being the designated nun.  This was in the late 1960's/early 70's.  All the young and nice nuns were leaving the convent in droves. After a while I dropped the idea. Many of the remaining nuns were absolutely vicious to the departing nuns, and I was pretty scandalized by that.

[Bethy]

On 7/13/2021 at 5:45 PM, IReallyAmHopewell said:

Sarah and no children--she has to be beating herself up wondering why she isn't worthy of the blessing of husband and family. She's probably told the same crap nuns were told--that she's a helpmeet to God. Yet there are her sisters-in-law living fairly happy normal [to them] lives.

Unfortunately, yes - in their circles, young women who aren't married are feeling the weight of years of teachings like "you need to be who God wants you to be before He'll send Prince Charming," the flip side of which is, if Prince Charming hasn't made his appearance, it's because you're lacking in some way. And if, as many have suspected, she's not thrilled about the whole "get married and raise babies" thing and feeling a smidge of relief that she won't end up being a mom of many, that's probably tempered with guilt for not wanting the one thing she's been told she was put on this earth to do.

[fundiefan]

2 hours ago, Bethy said:

Unfortunately, yes - in their circles, young women who aren't married are feeling the weight of years of teachings like "you need to be who God wants you to be before He'll send Prince Charming," the flip side of which is, if Prince Charming hasn't made his appearance, it's because you're lacking in some way. And if, as many have suspected, she's not thrilled about the whole "get married and raise babies" thing and feeling a smidge of relief that she won't end up being a mom of many, that's probably tempered with guilt for not wanting the one thing she's been told she was put on this earth to do.

Surely, Sarah & "the girls" know that something is not right. Their brothers found wives - girls who were at home waiting for Mr. Right. They have to know there is something gigantically different about their sisters-in-laws and them; that their father is the reason no one has decided they are the love of his life while Melanie, Anna, Elissa, Chelsy & Anna all found the one man who is the love of their life & married him. Their god gave those girls their dream/life's purpose assigned at birth, why not Sarah, Anna & Mary? 

I honestly don't know how much of themselves they have entirely turned off - I'm betting a shit ton, given the lives they live - but I wonder if there is anything of them as individual human beings with brains, needs & wants of their own remaining; any chance they realize their situation is different than most all other fundie SAHD's. If they don't, their father should be hung by his restored to functioning scrotum. 

[Bethy]

4 hours ago, fundiefan said:

Surely, Sarah & "the girls" know that something is not right. Their brothers found wives - girls who were at home waiting for Mr. Right. They have to know there is something gigantically different about their sisters-in-laws and them; that their father is the reason no one has decided they are the love of his life while Melanie, Anna, Elissa, Chelsy & Anna all found the one man who is the love of their life & married him. Their god gave those girls their dream/life's purpose assigned at birth, why not Sarah, Anna & Mary? 

I honestly don't know how much of themselves they have entirely turned off - I'm betting a shit ton, given the lives they live - but I wonder if there is anything of them as individual human beings with brains, needs & wants of their own remaining; any chance they realize their situation is different than most all other fundie SAHD's. If they don't, their father should be hung by his restored to functioning scrotum. 

It's obvious that something is "not right" in fundie circles for Sarah, still single at 39. Anna and Mary are still young enough that it's not all the way weird for them to still be waiting at home, though at 28 Anna is aging out of that mid-20s window. Anna who married Jesse was the only really, really young bride - she was twenty, plus or minus a few days, right? Melanie, Anna who married Christopher, Elissa, and Chelsy were all in their mid-20s when they married.

[allyisyourpally5]

Anna and Mary (and even Sarah) have not aged out of being able to marry in real life. They have all aged out of living at home and being under family control but we all know that ridiculousness from our discussions. 
 

I honestly believe they have been deliberately held back, way too much of a coincidence how life has worked out for all those daughters. It’s been done on purpose, plus a combination of being scared shitless to go ahead with it in my humble opinion.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

23 hours ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

Anna and Mary (and even Sarah) have not aged out of being able to marry in real life. They have all aged out of living at home and being under family control but we all know that ridiculousness from our discussions. 
 

I honestly believe they have been deliberately held back, way too much of a coincidence how life has worked out for all those daughters. It’s been done on purpose, plus a combination of being scared shitless to go ahead with it in my humble opinion.

They have been held back to care for their brothers' children to free those wives for more childbearing and to care for their parents in old age. Usually, in mythical Victorian times, a daughter was held back to care for the old folks. In this case they must also add saving their brother's profit by working for "pin money" for them in their businesses too. I hope at least one WILL be allowed to marry, but I'm not holding my breath.

[Hane]

4 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

Usually, in mythical Victorian times, a daughter was held back to care for the old folks.

I’ve seen this happen far more recently than in Victorian times. As recently as the ‘60s and ‘70s, in several families I know (where the parents were immigrants to the US), at least one child was kept at home to care for and financially support the old folks.

[danvillebelle]

2 hours ago, Hane said:

I’ve seen this happen far more recently than in Victorian times.

It happened in my family multiple times.  I have a recording of my great-grandmother (1886-1984) talking to my mother about how she, and her older sister who was childless in particular, were not raised to have jobs but to just be at home and take care of their parents when they were elderly (they did).  My g-g-aunt was smart as a whip, well-read and well-traveled: she could have really had a fulfilling career.  But it just wasn't done in their time and circles.

[crawfishgirl]

The girls would make good fundie wives, since they keep sweet, are submissive, cute, believe and behave the way that their headship demands, dress modestly in a more modern way, have experience with children, and are part of a well-known family (within certain fundie circles).  Their education appears to be lacking, but that is not a negative thing in their world.  I highly suspect that they have had potential suitors, but Stevie has chased them away as not being good enough for his daughters (no mortgage allowed for a son-in-law!).  I think that there is a chance that he will allow one of them to get married just so that he will save face.  I doubt it will be Sarah, since she seems too beaten down and scared of the world around her.

[fundiefan]

Can you imagine the questionnaire potential suitors have to answer for Stevie?

How many times a day do you have bible time?

Do you have a mortgage or car payment? 

Where do you think you're going when you're dead?

Do you have a beast in your home? Would you let my daughter watch the beast for any reason, ever?

What sort of books do you have? Are there any for that are not censored? Any for the purpose on entertainment instead of self teaching? 

Would you allow your children to have fun at the detriment of them being willing to work? 

What sort of food do you expect my daughter to prepare for you? Do you expect flavor? Substance? Creative recipes? Or would you accept bean burritos and random soups from items in the freezer?

How do you cut your lettuce?

Do you expect more than two vegetables at Thanksgiving dinner? 

What is your view on gifts? We know they should always have a purpose and be practical, but how would you push those boundaries? Do you give gifts that simply make someone happy (to the detriment of their soul?)

What Internet protection do you use and once my daughter has control of your usage, will she be surprised by anything?

Do you allow women to bend over in front of you, several feet away, without crying? 

Do you cry when your neighbor swims in their pool in a swimming suit? 

If my daughter is ill, mentally or otherwise, will you be sure to disregard her feelings and keep impregnating her? 

Would you allow my grandchildren to play sports with other children?

Would you allow my grandchildren to be in the presence of other children? 

Do you believe god wants you to live the life he gave you or are you willing to be the best kristshun ever and live the life I say he wants you to live?

How far away from you will you allow your grown children to buy a home?

If my daughter wants to purchase a new phone case, will you allow her to do so without beating herself up at the thought of wasting that money or will you train her to be grateful when a used one is offered from someone else in what is obviously god providing for her?

 

I am pretty sure no male, no matter how fundie, could ever get past Steve's requirements. His daughters will never get married because their father has rules no human can live by, especially not a boy who grew up in a different home who might have been allowed to play baseball or watch a movie. 

[kpmom]

4 hours ago, fundiefan said:

How do you cut your lettuce?

 

Your whole list was great, but this one made me

[ElizaB]

I think the reason the "girls" are still single has to do with the strict courtship model the Maxwells go by. It relies heavily on the guy making the first move by talking to her dad and arranging the whole courtship. The wives of the Maxwell guy's may come from families that appreciate this model; although they may not require it. This left a whole lot of eligible fundi girls for the boys to choose from and the process was completely in their control. They were able to pick out a girl they liked and make it happen. 

The Maxwell "girls" have to wait at home for a boy to come calling who follows in line with their Dad's view of how this courtship should work. They can't put themselves out there in anyway or start the process themselves. It doesn't matter if they are interested in someone- there just isn't anything they can do about it. 

So I think the issue is much deeper than daddy doesn't want them married. I think it comes down to the entire system. 

Edited July 20, 2021 by ElizaB
typo

[thoughtful]

Let's not forget:

If you are about to forget to bring home pizza, and my daughter calls to remind you, will you be grateful for the reminder, or shun her for several days?

Which is funnier, someone biting into a sandwich that still has the paper from the cheese in it, or lost sunglasses turning up under a car seat?

 

[SPHASH]

Also...what would you choose for your birthday dessert double chocolate fudge cake or two animal crackers

[church_of_dog]

6 hours ago, SPHASH said:

Also...what would you choose for your birthday dessert double chocolate fudge cake or two animal crackers

This is a trick question.  If someone answers "animal crackers" the correct response is "Great -- that leaves more cake for me then!"

[Dominionatrix]

So much comes down to the headship model. It was okay for the Maxwell sons to marry women who didn’t perfectly fit Steve’s criteria (for example, both Chelsy and I believe 3nna wore premarital pants) because it was assumed that the Maxwell sons would be able to impose Maxwell rules in their homes. The girls don’t have that flexibility, because whatever their husband says goes, so they’d have to be approached by someone who already does everything Steve thinks is correct, and almost nobody meets those standards. On top of that, the expectation to buy a home debt-free means they can only marry people with a certain amount of money, but those people can’t have had a relationship with the works while making that money. 
 

The irony is, Steve wrote multiple books about how to raise a son to his specifications, but it seems his advice has not been heeded in numbers large enough to produce a viable prospect. 

[allyisyourpally5]

5 hours ago, Dominionatrix said:

So much comes down to the headship model. It was okay for the Maxwell sons to marry women who didn’t perfectly fit Steve’s criteria (for example, both Chelsy and I believe 3nna wore premarital pants) because it was assumed that the Maxwell sons would be able to impose Maxwell rules in their homes. The girls don’t have that flexibility, because whatever their husband says goes, so they’d have to be approached by someone who already does everything Steve thinks is correct, and almost nobody meets those standards. On top of that, the expectation to buy a home debt-free means they can only marry people with a certain amount of money, but those people can’t have had a relationship with the works while making that money. 
 

The irony is, Steve wrote multiple books about how to raise a son to his specifications, but it seems his advice has not been heeded in numbers large enough to produce a viable prospect. 

That’s actually really reassuring. It’s not a bad thing if Steve’s advice isn’t reaching out as far as he wants it to. 
I would be very interested to see how much all of their books sell these days now that they don’t travel and do their conferences, and that all the children have grown up, Their ideas are generally OTT anyway and they haven’t moved with the times (example being the sticky note schedule pack, if they have updated that I apologise). Things like chore packs are no longer original (nor do 8 think they were the first anyway), the family aren’t on SM (family blogs are not what they were a decade ago) and they are just too isolated. I also hold the belief that the girls being at home is a hindrance to the family brand (although Steve and Teri would never believe or accept that) because they’ve preached that you shield your children from the world until marriage and they’ve shielded so much that nearly half their children have failed to marry. 
I think a lot of parents would struggle with the “making sure their son can buy a home debt free” thing these days. That is getting harder and harder to do, and it will make them feel like failures. No one wants a book that makes the, believe they’re failing.

 

I wonder if there will ever be another book?

[Paperplate]

@Dominionatrix "premarital pants" cracked me up! ?