Maxwell 49: Recipes from Those Who Can't Cook

[Bethy]

8 hours ago, Dominionatrix said:

So much comes down to the headship model. It was okay for the Maxwell sons to marry women who didn’t perfectly fit Steve’s criteria (for example, both Chelsy and I believe 3nna wore premarital pants) because it was assumed that the Maxwell sons would be able to impose Maxwell rules in their homes. The girls don’t have that flexibility, because whatever their husband says goes, so they’d have to be approached by someone who already does everything Steve thinks is correct, and almost nobody meets those standards. On top of that, the expectation to buy a home debt-free means they can only marry people with a certain amount of money, but those people can’t have had a relationship with the works while making that money. 

Do you mean "relationship with the world"? Because I was thinking something similar - Steve's sons have largely managed to self-educate in a field that pays decently (in spite of their sad SOTDRT preparatory education) and so are able to purchase those debt-free homes, but not everyone is inclined for that sort of work. How many other fields are there where a young man can learn the trade/business while remaining debt-free AND ultimately have a schedule Steve would find suitable? I can think of some trades that pay really quite well once you're trained and working, but not all of them would guarantee all your Sundays off for church, or that you'd be home enough every day to have multiple Bible times, so Steve would likely find them unsuitable. Plus you never know when you might have to work with a *gasp* woman in your trade. Basically it seems the criteria is:

• Self-taught (avoid negative influences of college)
• Debt-free learning
• Lucrative enough career to buy a home debt-free and support a huge family on one income
• WFH/isolated (all the time, not just during a pandemic)

And how many of those jobs are there, really?

[bertnee]

Hmm a phone sex operator would meet that criteria ?

[Dominionatrix]

@Bethy Yes, I meant “world” but for some reason can’t edit the typo. 

[ElizaB]

15 hours ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

I would be very interested to see how much all of their books sell these days now that they don’t travel and do their conferences, and that all the children have grown up,

I also wonder how much they care about not doing so well with book sales anymore. Steve and Teri seem to have all the money they need to support themselves into "retirement." While I know there were a lot of factors that went into them stopping their travels, in the end it seems they decided they really just didn't want to do it anymore. Unless one of their kids entirely takes over I suspect that they will completely shut everything (books, website, articles) down soon. 

[Coconut Flan]

One of the daughters probably handles shipping out what few orders they receive.  Steve and Terri seem basically done except for their corners and the occasional blog post. I guess Steve will keep doing the corners as that seems his only preaching outlet left.  Hopefully he'll start to let those fade over the next year or two.

[allyisyourpally5]

I’m assuming they don’t get asked to speak at other conferences anymore?

Now premarital pants sounds like a business idea!

19 hours ago, Bethy said:

Do you mean "relationship with the world"? Because I was thinking something similar - Steve's sons have largely managed to self-educate in a field that pays decently (in spite of their sad SOTDRT preparatory education) and so are able to purchase those debt-free homes, but not everyone is inclined for that sort of work. How many other fields are there where a young man can learn the trade/business while remaining debt-free AND ultimately have a schedule Steve would find suitable? I can think of some trades that pay really quite well once you're trained and working, but not all of them would guarantee all your Sundays off for church, or that you'd be home enough every day to have multiple Bible times, so Steve would likely find them unsuitable. Plus you never know when you might have to work with a *gasp* woman in your trade. Basically it seems the criteria is:

• Self-taught (avoid negative influences of college)
• Debt-free learning
• Lucrative enough career to buy a home debt-free and support a huge family on one income
• WFH/isolated (all the time, not just during a pandemic)

And how many of those jobs are there, really?

This I think, is the area where Steve (and as a result, much of his family) are the most out of sync with life in general. Their belief that everyone can avoid college, bad influences, debt and working with colleagues. And I say most of the family because don’t two of the brothers share a business with employers? And have had to go away for work conferences?

In some ways their life is enviable. Despite what sarah says about their hectic jam packed schedules, they have so much time to constantly meet as family, bake, play with young family members, volunteer and take their time with “projects”. No commute, no threat of getting fired, no having to deal with people you don’t get on with. In some ways it’s quite dreamy, I’m on summer now but when the school year starts, I will likely only see family and friends at weekends, if that. My alarm will wake me at 5:30 and I will not have time to do a full blown exercise work out and have family bible time (or just read because I live alone) because I’ll be leaving the house less than an hour later to travel to work. I’ll be home 12 hours later and will have been lucky to have finished a hot a drink and will be lucky if I could sit down for ten minutes.

 

Jobs require penqualifications Steve. Your son would be a much better wedding photographer had he actually been attending a real photography course with an experienced teacher and learned the art behind it. The construction business could have really taken off had you and your sons got the credentials. If your daughters could learn real child development theory and practise, and a bit of sociology (and not from books about raising Christian children) they could actually make good money (and a difference) in the world as child educators or careers while they wait at home. 
 

Maybe Steve needs yet another reminder that if everyone followed his model and didn’t go to college and stayed at home and left each day nice and early for family bible time, what would have happened to his grandchildren, daughter and law and himself in the hospital?

 

[ClareDeLune]

Teri has posted a new blog about taking Elliot and Axton to a local farm/play park for an outing.  It's nice they did that but the intro was so long justifying why they did that when John and Chelsy have an apartment near the hospital and only one parent is allowed in nicu at a time so they *could* manage on their own.

My god, one baby in the nicu and 2 nearly-babies running round a strange rental. They practically had a rota to move into Christopher's house last year to care for his and Anna's children.  Are they a bit cold towards John and Chelsy? 

[fundiefan]

2 hours ago, ClareDeLune said:

Teri has posted a new blog about taking Elliot and Axton to a local farm/play park for an outing.  It's nice they did that but the intro was so long justifying why they did that when John and Chelsy have an apartment near the hospital and only one parent is allowed in nicu at a time so they *could* manage on their own.

My god, one baby in the nicu and 2 nearly-babies running round a strange rental. They practically had a rota to move into Christopher's house last year to care for his and Anna's children.  Are they a bit cold towards John and Chelsy? 

The only thing I got out of that post was the same impression as you of the intro. 

Teri puts far too much emphasis on the dumbest things. We did not need an entire paragraph to describe why you took the kids. Anyone reading your blog knows the situation, thus they know why you took the boys for a morning. It would have been a much better description of the day if you had said "we took John & Chelsy's boys for the morning to help them out / give them a break". Period. Full stop. The rest of the details are irrelevant. Them having an apartment - unless you're talking directly about that, it's word salad filler. Irrelevant. One parent at a time? Doesn't matter. Just plain "we took the boys for the morning". So simple. 

I swear to Lucifer these people think so highly of themselves they "write" books about communication, homeschooling, etc...but not one of them can write a basic statement to save their lives. 

[Paperplate]

3 hours ago, ClareDeLune said:

Teri has posted a new blog about taking Elliot and Axton to a local farm/play park for an outing.  It's nice they did that but the intro was so long justifying why they did that when John and Chelsy have an apartment near the hospital and only one parent is allowed in nicu at a time so they *could* manage on their own.

My god, one baby in the nicu and 2 nearly-babies running round a strange rental. They practically had a rota to move into Christopher's house last year to care for his and Anna's children.  Are they a bit cold towards John and Chelsy? 

 

18 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

The only thing I got out of that post was the same impression as you of the intro. 

Teri puts far too much emphasis on the dumbest things. We did not need an entire paragraph to describe why you took the kids. Anyone reading your blog knows the situation, thus they know why you took the boys for a morning. It would have been a much better description of the day if you had said "we took John & Chelsy's boys for the morning to help them out / give them a break". Period. Full stop. The rest of the details are irrelevant. Them having an apartment - unless you're talking directly about that, it's word salad filler. Irrelevant. One parent at a time? Doesn't matter. Just plain "we took the boys for the morning". So simple. 

I swear to Lucifer these people think so highly of themselves they "write" books about communication, homeschooling, etc...but not one of them can write a basic statement to save their lives. 

Same here. Unnecessarily convoluted explanation in the intro. And stellar writing like "a few playground type areas".

From the rest of the text I got the impression neither Steve nor Teri have ever interacted with a toddler in their life.

These people have countless grandchildren with whom they are constantly spending time yet they seem to have no idea what an age-appropriate activity is and how much of the world toddlers understand. 

[anjulibai]

Doesn't seem age inappropriate to me to take toddlers to a petting zoo. This is the type of thing I took my boys too when they were that age. I'm not sure they understood all that much, but it's important to give kids a lot of different experiences from an early age.

Axton and Elliot' faces do look sad, which is understandable considering the upheaval they have going on. Plus, I doubt they spend a ton of time with Teri and Steve, especially away from their parents, so this was probably strange to them. 

It is interesting, though, that neither Mary or Anna are mentioned to be helping out, like they've done when other family have had medical issues. Perhaps John and Chelsy don't want that? 

I don't know, throughout all of this, I've felt a sort of emotional disconnect in the writing about what's going on coming from the Maxwells. It's odd, but makes me wonder about the relationships here. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think the goats can be overwhelming to a toddler because they know they are going to get snacks. So they all get very close to the toddler to see if he has snacks. The goats are all eye level to toddlers so they seem way more intimidating to toddlers than us adults. I’m not surprised Axton is overwhelmed.

[sleepygirl1]

“At the end, we decided the boys might have been just a little too young to really appreciate what they saw, but they were happy and good. The report from home was that they talked a great deal about the animals they saw, so maybe more was going on with them than we observed.”
 

This makes me lol as a teacher and as someone who has had my 3 year old nephew for two days straight. Using words like “too young to appreciate what they saw’ is just absurd. Children are naturally curious and in a new situation they’re going to seem more reserved as they are analyzing and processing everything they’re taking in. Steve and Teri don’t even give them the benefit of the doubt. And clearly the kids enjoyed it because they go home and talk about it. It doesn’t surprise me when I take my nephew to a restaurant he’s only ever been to once before and play basketball with him, that he sees those places driving later and remembers what we did there. It just seems so robotic in her description and as someone said before Teri does sound like someone who has never been around toddlers/really young people before.  Of course more is going on with toddlers than you think, they are constantly learning but for some reason this surprises their grandparents?

[socalrules]

I think Teri couldn’t say the boys had “fun” or that they “enjoyed” themselves because that means it was a useless activity in the Maxwell world. She probably spent hours trying to  find a way to make it a religious experience but could not. I am sure the boys liked, and were a little afraid of, the animals as small children can be. Everything was probably just fine and Teri doesn’t know how to process that situation. There were probably instances with the kids smiling and laughing but it wouldn’t occur to Teri to take pictures at that time as Sarah would have done. 
 

I don’t get Chelsy as liking the idea of the Maxwells taking over for her so I can see Anna and Mary not being expected to come and stay at the apartment or keep the kids back in Maxwell land. If only one parent can’t be in the hospital, there is no reason they need someone else with them anyway. 

[Nothing if not critical]

30 minutes ago, socalrules said:

If only one parent can’t be in the hospital, there is no reason they need someone else with them anyway. 

Honestly, and all snarking aside, I think there's plenty of reason to get help from someone else in such a situation. I've been in hospital with a sick baby, and I think it's completely understandable for John or Chelsy to want some rest or quite time before they engage with their elder kids again. Just because it's technically feasible, doesn't mean you have to add more stress to your situation by doing everything yourself, especially if you have family willing to help out.

That said, they wouldn't be in quite such a stressful situation if they didn't have a new baby every year. I still can't quite fathom why anyone would do that.

[kpmom]

Just read the post on titus2. 

Yes, why all the justification for why they took the boys to a petting farm?  You're their grandparents and you wanted to give their parents a bit of a break.  End of story.

Would a one and two year old be too young for a petting farm?  Teri thinks so, but I don't think so.

I'm glad John was able to get a break.  Now how about Chelsy?  Unless like someone above said Chelsy might not be the type to want help.

Chelsy, girl, if help is offered take it!  And if it's not offered, but you need it, ask for it.  Don't try to be Super Mom.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think petting farms are educational. Especially when one side of the family has a dairy farm. It’s good to learn what animals look like close up and how they act. I’m sure they learned plenty from that trip. Even if religion had nothing to do with it. 

[ClareDeLune]

I think the blog said the outing was to give both John and Chelsy some time off parenting duties, and also for John to do some quality work.

The more I think about it, I reckon Teri is playing out on the blog the process they go through to justify anything to Steve. Cant go to the petting zoo for fun, but can go if it means they are helping John WORK.

Same with her messy towel drawer a while back. Not ok to just hate folding and stop doing it. She had to calculate the minutes saved each week to use on some other godly purpose.

 

Edited July 22, 2021 by ClareDeLune

[fundiefan]

4 minutes ago, ClareDeLune said:

I think the blog said the outing was to gove both John and Chelsy some time off parenting duties, and also for John to do some quality work.

The more I think about it, I reckon Teri is playing out on the blog the process they go through to justify anything to Steve. Cant go to the petting zoo for fun, but can go if it means they are helping John WORK.

Same with her messy towel drawer. Not ok to just hate folding and stop doing it. She had to calculate the minutes saved each week to use on some other godly purpose.

 

You may be onto something there. Teri justifies just about everything she does (that is posted on the blog). I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if it's because it's how she has to live her life and not just some poor concept of communication. Gotta' get Steve's approval for every damn thing and the way to do that is to frame it as work, godly, edifying...whatever he demands life be about at the moment. 

Could be why they all write in such a stilted way too. Not just bad homeschooling, but also the necessity of having to fit every single thing about life into Steve's mold. They have to fit the mold in order to do it so it's a part of their thought process so of course it's how they describe it. 

Want to go get coffee at a coffee shop? 

Sarah: "Dad, we want to go have coffee. It's a clean shop and there are plenty of seats so we won't get too close to another human who may influence our thinking. And, it's a good chance to prosthelytize to the barista we've been working on for a few months. We'll take happy pictures for the blog to show the world how great our your way of life is and make sure to tell everyone reading that we are not having fun or enjoying ourselves but spending quality sister time together with our bibles and coffee".

Edited July 22, 2021 by fundiefan

[usmcmom]

Teri’s blog post…

I felt like I was reading something that might be narrated a 1950’s sci-fi movie. “Small human (Subject A) exhibited positive emotional manifestations a total of twelve times. Smaller human (Subject b) exhibited positive emotional manifestations only seven times.  Our research has led us to the conclusion that this expedition away from home base was not beneficial and, therefore, will not be repeated.” 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

1 hour ago, fundiefan said:

I think the blog said the outing was to gove both John and Chelsy some time off parenting duties, and also for John to do some quality work.

 

They can't just say "We had fun with our little grandsons while d-i-l was in the NICU with [baby] and Dad worked at home." Nope!

[freejugar]

This reminded me of what Teri said about her depression days, that the kids didn't notice and don't remember.

Kids are much more receptive than she thinks.

[Hane]

I’m astounded that Stevehovah and Teri seem to know so little about toddlers’ cognitive development. When my grandson was 2.5, we went to Iceland and I took him to an outdoor zoo, which was a habitat for native animals. He was thrilled by it, and spoke about it for a long time afterwards. (My favorite moments: when he spotted and identified an arctic fox before I did, and when he called out, “Reindeers! They’re for Santa Claus!”)

Edited July 22, 2021 by Hane

[PennySycamore]

@Hane. your grandson is so lucky to have been to Iceland so young and also to have you as a grandparent.

The other day there was some stupidity on Martha Stewart's FB page about how Florida was the best place to retire.  My reaction was Hell, No,  but I think Iceland might be that perfect place.  Or Norway, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Vermont....

[JordynDarby5]

2 hours ago, Hane said:

I’m astounded that Stevehovah and Teri seem to know so little about toddlers’ cognitive development. When my grandson was 2.5, we went to Iceland and I took him to an outdoor zoo, which was a habitat for native animals. He was thrilled by it, and spoke about it for a long time afterwards. (My favorite moments: when he spotted and identified an arctic fox before I did, and when he called out, “Reindeers! They’re for Santa Claus!”)

That sounds like so much fun.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

JB Duggar is another fundie who seems completely ignorant about toddlers despite having a large family and grandchildren. I still remember telling a toddler grandson not to get paint on his clothes and not to make a mess. Considering the age of the child and the fact they were using lots of paint and adult tools, it was a wonder that the kid didn't make too much of a mess, but he still dripped a little paint. It seemed inevitable given the scale of the project.

Not only do Steve and Teri have lots of grandchildren, they had a lot of kids. I would think anybody who's raised 8 kids would know a lot about small children. I think part of the problem is that they have expectations for the kids and those expectations are more important than understanding kids.

Also I'm usually the first to be critical of using the sisters as childcare, but there are situations like this where it seems like a good option. If it were me, I would have Anna and Mary staying in John's and Chelsy's house and bringing them to see John and Chelsy. I also understand why John and Chelsy might not want to do it. 

I wonder if Anna and Mary are on their yearly mission trip. We didn't hear about them leaving, so who knows?

Edited July 22, 2021 by Bluebirdbluebell