Justin and Claire 3: Always Beige

[SassyPants]

I think family size can be determined by 2 opposing schools of thought, particularly among the youngest generation. 1) This one coming from my 30 YO son. Why would I bring a child into THIS world? The cost, the time, the resources, the environment. And 2), for those with 3, 4 or more kids. Why not. Kids are 1 thing 1 CAN have. Might not be able to have affordable housing, healthcare or education but I can have a kid. 

[Alysabeth]

I’m in England and would say the average where I live is 2 - 3 children. Any more than that and you’d probably have strangers doing a double take. 
 

I always thought I’d have 3 children. I currently have 1, he’s 18 months old, and at the age where things are starting to seem easier. He’s communicating better and it doesn’t take hours to leave the house anymore. The thought of going back to sleepless nights and changing nappies all day is putting me off having another, although my husband is hinting at wanting another soon and I do really want to give him a sibling. I’m 99% sure we will stop after 2. I really cannot even contemplate having baby after baby, fundie life is most definitely not for me and becoming a mother has just confirmed that! 

[artdecades]

Spotted this gem in the comments of Hillary’s post showing their wedding favor succulents. Bless her heart this is like posting a photo of peonies and saying “flowers” when asked what they are. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

46 minutes ago, artdecades said:

Spotted this gem in the comments of Hillary’s post showing their wedding favor succulents. Bless her heart this is like posting a photo of peonies and saying “flowers” when asked what they are. 

I’m a plant nerd and I would say that too. Lots of people have no idea what succulents are.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

In my area it seems one to two kids is the norm (new England, USA) but I don't have any close friends with children. I do have a friend from high school who lives nearby and she has 5. People love to rudely ask her if she knows how children are made which always pisses her off, although she's a pretty patient woman. I seem to remember her saying "yes, that's why we have so many. Do you need tips?" once.

[AprilQuilt]

1 hour ago, Alysabeth said:

I’m in England and would say the average where I live is 2 - 3 children. Any more than that and you’d probably have strangers doing a double take. 
 

I always thought I’d have 3 children. I currently have 1, he’s 18 months old, and at the age where things are starting to seem easier. He’s communicating better and it doesn’t take hours to leave the house anymore. The thought of going back to sleepless nights and changing nappies all day is putting me off having another, although my husband is hinting at wanting another soon and I do really want to give him a sibling. I’m 99% sure we will stop after 2. I really cannot even contemplate having baby after baby, fundie life is most definitely not for me and becoming a mother has just confirmed that! 

yep, all this. My daughter just turned 2 and I had a miscarriage about a month ago. When she was newborn - and I was probably high on hormones - I thought having a baby was the most fantastic thing in the world and I could definitely have, like, four? And only stop at that because of my age. But honestly, the easier she's got, and the more I'm able to re-commit myself to the career I love, and an adult life in general, the more I hesitate to have another. And Covid has definitely compounded that: this whole year was meant to be my opportunity to return to the world a bit, and instead it's felt like a weird extended maternity leave stuck in the house with my kid while nothing changes. I know that's influenced some of my friends' decisions not to have another: Covid stole too much from them. There's this impulse to get out in the world and do some living.

I want her to have a sibling, and I would love to have another newborn - I have loved every stage of my child's life. But parenthood has made me conscious how limited our time and resources are, and wonder whether we'd do better by her and ourselves to stop now. I think if we never got another pregnancy that 'stuck' (and I've had a total of 4 miscarriages over the years) I could be at peace with having an only. It's not what I planned but I could be OK with it, now I really appreciate how much there is to enjoy in the world. 

[neurogirl]

I am an only child and I HATED it from the time I was about 8, maybe earlier. I have friends who are only children, and they enjoyed it so this is not meant to hate on all one-child families. I think its that my parents were very strict, and I wanted a partner/friend to grow up with. 

My husband is the youngest of 4. He was a surprise but still close in age to the other 3 (4 in 8 years). Though he felt 4 was too many, he also enjoys siblings. We would love to have 2-3 even though I have wanted 4 for YEARS. We don't have any kids yet so I realize they will kick us on our ass and we will rethink. We will probably have 2. But whatever difficult path it takes, I'm not having an only. 

However, this is such a personal question and I've learned to not judge anybody on this. Except the Duggars having all these children they exploit and emotionally neglect. 

Also, life sometimes has a way of working out. I desperately wanted siblings. I married a man that happened to have three. I am very close to two of them and they call me "sister" because they know I'll melt like an ice cream cone. I get to enjoy the adult fun and affection, and even though I know it's not the same, I am forever grateful. 

Edited March 18, 2021 by neurogirl

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Growing up in Ottawa Ontario in the 80's/ 90's I was one of the few only children I knew. My mom had me at age 21, but then health issues prevented her from having more. Most of my peers at school came from families of 2-3 kids, I think I had one friend from a family of 4. I definitely could've benefitted from having siblings from a social standpoint. I wasn't 'spoiled' but I got made fun of for my 'adult' vocabulary and probably would've been better at getting along with other kids/sharing/cooperating if I had to do it with a sibling.

My mom eventually had 2 more kids, one when I was 14, the other when I was 17. I'm more like the crazy aunt than a sister, and helped a fair bit with childcare (like a built in babysitter, but not sister mom level). Seeing the work involved in raising children firsthand took away any desires I would've had to become a teen/young mom. Not that my brothers were a handful, just that I wanted to enjoy single adult life. I still haven't had kids and likely won't, but I like other people's kids in small doses.

I live in a very expensive city (Vancouver, BC) and hustle hard to keep a roof over my head. I couldn't imagine having to provide for another human. I've got a couple of colleagues who have two kids and I have no idea how they manage (especially the one who's a single mom with an infant and a kindergartener in a one bedroom apartment). Most of the people in my circle are childless. I've got one friend who's 30 and has baby fever, and I'm the one reminding her to take her time on the babymaking front.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Justin allegedly sold the house that was in his name, so maybe they're moving to Texas after all. 

[Jana814]

My mother enjoyed being an only child. She has a cousin who was also an only child & the daughter of one & they are still close with each other. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

My brother and I got along very well up until I went to college and we drifted apart. Once I moved home in my late 20s we reconnected. I have actively gotten him two jobs (he now works at the same vet clinic) and since having my daughter he is over every week to play with her. He adores being an uncle and has kept everyone at work so up to date on her development that no one is surprised by anything I tell them. I would love for her to have a sibling if we are so lucky because my experience was so wonderful. I'd also love for him to meet someone and give her a cousin (he would also like this) but sometimes finding a compatible companion is pretty hard.

[sansan]

6 hours ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

I’m a plant nerd and I would say that too. Lots of people have no idea what succulents are.

Very true. I have a lot of them and if asked about one I say it’s in the succulent family and most are good with that. If they want to know more than that they know they can ask. 

[IsmeWeatherwax]

12 hours ago, Alysabeth said:

I’m in England and would say the average where I live is 2 - 3 children. Any more than that and you’d probably have strangers doing a double take. 
 

I always thought I’d have 3 children. I currently have 1, he’s 18 months old, and at the age where things are starting to seem easier. He’s communicating better and it doesn’t take hours to leave the house anymore. The thought of going back to sleepless nights and changing nappies all day is putting me off having another, although my husband is hinting at wanting another soon and I do really want to give him a sibling. I’m 99% sure we will stop after 2. I really cannot even contemplate having baby after baby, fundie life is most definitely not for me and becoming a mother has just confirmed that! 

Im in the South East and I have four, ranging in age from 13 on sunday! to 24. Ive never had anyone comment or weird looks. My lovely Doc at the time used to call us the Von Trapps and count us into the room, and shes was like 1 2 3 4 ...4? wheres 5?! Mind you I do know 2 families who have 6 children per family 

[Travelfan]

I originally planned to have 4 or possibly even 5!  I was going to have them all 5 years apart so as soon as one started school I’d have a new baby. I wanted to be a stay at home mom but to only one little one at a time. I had my first at 24 and planned to have the rest at 29, 34, 39 and possibly 44 if I so desired at that point ? What actually happened was I accidentally got pregnant when my baby was only 8 months old, making my 2 kids 17 months apart. I absolutely love that age gap!! I’d highly suggest it! It has worked great at every age. I’m currently 43 and I’m so glad my kids are 19 & 17 instead of 19, 14, 9 & 4!!  I have been a stay at home mom all these years. 4 years ago I went back to work as a nanny (what I did before having my own kids also) It’s perfect! I get to do the stay at home mom thing but with nights and weekends off and I get paid ??

[HeartsAFundie]

My son is an only child.  Except for when he was around 6-7 and asked for a sibling a couple of times, he never had an issue with it.  My sister's oldest son is only 3 weeks younger than him, her younger son 4 years younger and growing up, all three boys were close.     My son, although a homebody at heart,  has always had friends and a fairly active social life.  

We always thought we would have 2-we had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with my son-and the pregnancy itself, except for a slightly elevated blood pressure issue in the last trimester,  was fairly uneventful.  But my son's delivery was what tipped the scales. I was 9 days late; he was taken out by forceps and when weighed, was one ounce shy of 11 pounds and one inch shy of 2 feet; I hemorrhaged, almost passed out and needed a blood transfusion, a la Jessa Duggar Seewald; my son was placed in the Level 2 nursery due to dehydration and rapid breathing, so he couldn't even be in the room with me; and since I was dehydrated as well, I was unable to nurse-I had no breast milk to give, even with nurses coming into the room at all hours of the night attaching electric pumps to my nipples.  To add insult to injury, I had to leave my son behind in the hospital for observation after my being discharged for a four-day hospital stay.  I had to pick him up the next day.  

When your father comes in to the hospital after the birth of his first grandchild, looks at his firstborn daughter hooked up to blood and fluid pumping IVs and says to her "Look, I know you wanted at least two kids.  But after this experience, I really wish you would please reconsider your position" , you know that's bad and you'd better listen.  My husband later confided to me that he was petrified I was going to die.  And the reality is, if it were 1966 as opposed to 1996, my dying in childbirth would have been a high probability.  Also, if they were unable to stop the uterine bleeding, I would have had to have a hysterectomy at 31 years old. Either way, my son was ending up an only.

So although it would have been nice to have had more kids, I know that for us, we did the right thing. 

 

Edited March 19, 2021 by HeartsAFundie

[CanadianMamam]

If I hadn’t been an only and so adamant that I would never would have an only, I might have stopped at one because my first delivery was a nightmare. And all 3 of my pregnancies were struggles, culminating in my third being an emergency c-section at 33 weeks. I had a friend ask me honestly during my 3rd pregnancy why I was doing it again and my answer was “I want 3 kids, it’s right for us and it’s worth it”, but it is very much an individual situation. 

[starlight0229]

On 3/18/2021 at 12:19 PM, kmachete14 said:

I mean, these houses have 4-5 bedrooms . . . you wouldn't buy them unless planning to fill them up!

My husband and I bought a 5 bedroom house, and at the time I didn't want children. Now we are one and done, with no intention of using more than two bedrooms for regular sleeping. One is a theater room, one is a guest room and the other one will one day be my library after we clear out all of my late MIL's things that wound up being stored in there. 

[seraaa]

It was Hilary's birthday and she posted a family photo. Even though he is so young, I guess people Justin's age often leave the family home to live away. And well, he hasn't even really left 'family'. And if he's emotionally invested in Claire - which, I assume so, they got married! - why would you choose to spend more years just kicking your heels at the Duggar compound when you could be doing this instead.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CMoVba1juvx/

Edited March 20, 2021 by seraaa

[Jewels64]

In my friend circle I am the only one with a large family.  I had my first four very close together.  My fifth kiddo is much younger. He is in the fourth grade and my oldest is a first year fourth grade teacher.  We planned two of our five or that's the joke we tell.  My daughter was a surprise.  We married just before she was born.  We did plan our second though I was surprised again with twins. We planned our fourth.  We did try for years for number 5 and gave up.  Then to our surprise when our youngest at the time was 8 we had number 5.  I feel like our youngest has more in common with only children than other children with many sibilings.  While he has three brothers and a sister.  The age difference hasn't led to a true sibiling connection.  My daughter is more lilke a fun aunt.  He loves to go to her apartment and she loves to spoil him rotten.  My twins go to college out of state.  My two boys still living at home do fuss and play like brothers but like my middle three played and bonded when they were young boys.  

[HerNameIsBuffy]

On 3/20/2021 at 10:50 AM, Jewels64 said:

I feel like our youngest has more in common with only children than other children with many sibilings. 

Can confirm.  I am the youngest and my closest in age sibling is 8 years older than I.  It's a joke in my family that I have the worst traits of youngest and only children combined.  

I did grow up feeling like an only child in many ways as my sisters were married and out of the house when I was in early grade school.  Fwiw one of my sisters has always thought if people have one later that should have two, because I was so difficult.  Joke's on her...I'd have been difficult no matter my place in the family.

[OHFL2009]

In my dad's family, the 4 oldest were all born in less than 4 years, and then the surprise baby came 7 years after the 4th. They call him an only child with 6 parents. But there's almost the same age gap between my uncle and my dad as there is between my uncle and me, and we lived 10 minutes from my grandparents, so I had kind of the same pseudo-uncle/pseudo-sibling relationship with my uncle that he had with my dad. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

My mother-in-law was 16 when she had my husband and his father was completely uninvolved in his life (met him twice he tells me). Her younger brothers were like older brothers to him more than uncles - they helped him give their sis a run for it!

[Jana814]

I mentioned this before. I had a classmate in school who was the youngest of 6 kids. She & her closest age brother are only 13 months apart. After her parents had her brother they decided to have her because the closest  age sibling to him the only other girl in the family was 6 when her brother was born. 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

Re: if you have a child several years after your last, you should have two. This is why I have a younger brother ?.  We thought mom was content with baby sis, but she then started the whole ‘but she needs a playmate!’ bit. 

[nolongerIFBx]

My mom wanted 6 kids (did not grow up fundie, just wanted to be a mom to a large family). She was pregnant 6 times, lost one early, lost one in the 2nd trimester and has four of us. My mom wanted to get to enjoy all of us and not have so many in diapers at the same time so we're all approximately 4 years apart. My youngest brother often declared, "I don't need 3 moms!" when we tried to help him out too much, LOL.