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Justin and Claire 3: Always Beige


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GuineaPigCourtship

I look terrible in yellow, but I love my mustard scarf.

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Birth control being evil and unnecessary is not what the actual belief is, though. That's what they say, but the underlying motivation and belief is that they need to have as many kids as possible in

If you look at other QF families in their circle, a loft of them have max 10 children.  Keller: 8 Caldwell: 9 (so far) Swanson: 9 (so far) Spivey: 6  Bontrager: 10 Bower:

For parenting I have come to the conclusion that you can follow some basic principles and rules, such as no physical or verbal violence, and for everything else you just do what works best for your fa

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Satan'sFortress
On 4/9/2021 at 8:18 PM, Oh_Dear! said:

People.com has an article about their settling in Texas near her family: https://people.com/tv/justin-and-claire-duggar-share-update-on-married-life-as-they-settle-down-in-texas/.  I especially like the part where they're referred to as Josh and Claire, because everything else on that update is just boring.  At least the typo made me chuckle.

My favorite part is where Justin says what he learned about Claire:

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"Something new that I've learned about Claire is that she can't go in the mornings without a cup of hot tea," Justin shared. "She always has to have her hot earl grey tea and done a certain way, which I'm figuring out. But, I think it's cute."

Now, I may have the mind of a 5 year old boy, but when I read that Claire can't "go" in the mornings without her cup of Earl Grey, I can only imagine that she needs it to, ummm, you know, "go" in the morning.  :pearlclutch:

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Iamtheway

I like that he’s figuring out how to make it the right way for her. That’s sweet.

My bar for these manboys are so low though that it’s pretty much just a stick on the ground. 

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Smee

For the past 11 years of marriage my husband brought me a cup of tea in bed every day. Wasn’t enough to get me past his toxic approach to sex so we’re separating anyway.

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louisa05

I feel like in a normal dating relationship (even without living together or sex), that you would know your partner likes coffee or tea or whatever in the morning before getting married. So weird. 

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Idlewild
3 hours ago, louisa05 said:

I feel like in a normal dating relationship (even without living together or sex), that you would know your partner likes coffee or tea or whatever in the morning before getting married. So weird. 

Agreed but these are two young people who had to find something to say for an interview other than ‘we got to do the sex’. I’m sure the humpers lap it up as sweet but it’s just more proof that other than the USP of their parents having lots of children, these people are actually very dull.

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louisa05
1 hour ago, Idlewild said:

Agreed but these are two young people who had to find something to say for an interview other than ‘we got to do the sex’. I’m sure the humpers lap it up as sweet but it’s just more proof that other than the USP of their parents having lots of children, these people are actually very dull.

Unfortunately, I'm guessing they probably have very little idea of the other person's habits, likes, dislikes, etc... before they marry. There's no room for that in the quick chaperoned courtship. You have to cover a lot of ground about theology and the Bible and all that...  

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Expectopatronus
On 3/25/2021 at 4:22 PM, NotQuiteMotY said:

Oh gosh yes. We never coslept, but with our first he was in his own room pretty early, even though he was still waking up a night, because he HATED his bed in our room. With our second? We kept him in there till he hit the weight/age limits, because everyone was pretty content like that. There's no way to make even kids in the same family work well with the same routine all the time.

My girl slept in her bassinet in my room until 6 months, and then I transitioned her to her crib in her own room. Until November, when she turned 11 months, it worked fairly well. Getting her to sleep took about 3 hours but once asleep, I could slip her into her crib. She would take a bottle a few times a night and fall back to sleep. Now, she screams her lungs out if I try to put her in the crib, wakes up multiple times per night and insists on sleeping on me. I’m at my wits end! We tried a sleep consultant who ultimately refunded my money because my daughter screamed for 6 hours with the controlled crying method for two weeks. She then went on a hunger strike . I love that she is spunky but I’m not thrilled that a 16 month old hits me, jumps up and down and screams until I put her in bed with me. 

 

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justmy2cents
2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Unfortunately, I'm guessing they probably have very little idea of the other person's habits, likes, dislikes, etc... before they marry. There's no room for that in the quick chaperoned courtship. You have to cover a lot of ground about theology and the Bible and all that...  

This wasn’t a quick courtship. They’ve been a couple for over a year. He was shown to be staying with her family during quarantine and probably beyond. At the very least, even with supervision he should have noticed that she likes her tea in the am. I think he just couldn’t come up with anything interesting and threw that in there.

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Meggo
1 hour ago, Expectopatronus said:

My girl slept in her bassinet in my room until 6 months, and then I transitioned her to her crib in her own room. Until November, when she turned 11 months, it worked fairly well. Getting her to sleep took about 3 hours but once asleep, I could slip her into her crib. She would take a bottle a few times a night and fall back to sleep. Now, she screams her lungs out if I try to put her in the crib, wakes up multiple times per night and insists on sleeping on me. I’m at my wits end! We tried a sleep consultant who ultimately refunded my money because my daughter screamed for 6 hours with the controlled crying method for two weeks. She then went on a hunger strike . I love that she is spunky but I’m not thrilled that a 16 month old hits me, jumps up and down and screams until I put her in bed with me. 

 

I have no advice - but oh good gravy am I sending you hugs and virtual cups of endless coffee. You must be exhausted. 

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Angelface
2 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

My girl slept in her bassinet in my room until 6 months, and then I transitioned her to her crib in her own room. Until November, when she turned 11 months, it worked fairly well. Getting her to sleep took about 3 hours but once asleep, I could slip her into her crib. She would take a bottle a few times a night and fall back to sleep. Now, she screams her lungs out if I try to put her in the crib, wakes up multiple times per night and insists on sleeping on me. I’m at my wits end! We tried a sleep consultant who ultimately refunded my money because my daughter screamed for 6 hours with the controlled crying method for two weeks. She then went on a hunger strike . I love that she is spunky but I’m not thrilled that a 16 month old hits me, jumps up and down and screams until I put her in bed with me. 

 

When my eldest was just 2 we put him in his own bed. Prior to that he had been in a beautiful antique pine cot (think it equates to a “crib” in US). Bedtime became blissful. No more rocking him until he fell asleep and trying to put him down as gently as possible before beating a hasty retreat. Long story short, he HATED his cot/ crib. I wish that I had realised this months earlier and just put him in his own bed. I’m not saying that this always works but it worked for me and I was so relieved that we were all getting a good sleep as I had been SO tired. Really hope that this get better for you soon Expectopatronus. 

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zcccrv
2 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

My girl slept in her bassinet in my room until 6 months, and then I transitioned her to her crib in her own room. Until November, when she turned 11 months, it worked fairly well. Getting her to sleep took about 3 hours but once asleep, I could slip her into her crib. She would take a bottle a few times a night and fall back to sleep. Now, she screams her lungs out if I try to put her in the crib, wakes up multiple times per night and insists on sleeping on me. I’m at my wits end! We tried a sleep consultant who ultimately refunded my money because my daughter screamed for 6 hours with the controlled crying method for two weeks. She then went on a hunger strike . I love that she is spunky but I’m not thrilled that a 16 month old hits me, jumps up and down and screams until I put her in bed with me. 

 

We're in a similar boat. At 18 months my daughter still has to be breastfed to sleep next to me. No moving. Then she wakes up a couple times in a 3 hour span and I breastfeed her back to sleep. Then she wakes up and is hyper till the morning when she finaly crashes. And the screaming for hours if you try something different.. Ugh. When she was a baby she would scream for 6 hours straight. It's really tough, hang in there

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Smee

Oh gosh, that's so tough. Sleep deprivation is horrible :( I assume you've already explored whether there's a medical issue (tonsils/adenoids, reflux, allergies, night terrors)? Sending as much strength and love as I can spare; you are doing a great job in really difficult circumstances.

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hand holder
4 hours ago, Angelface said:

When my eldest was just 2 we put him in his own bed. Prior to that he had been in a beautiful antique pine cot (think it equates to a “crib” in US). Bedtime became blissful. No more rocking him until he fell asleep and trying to put him down as gently as possible before beating a hasty retreat. Long story short, he HATED his cot/ crib. I wish that I had realised this months earlier and just put him in his own bed. I’m not saying that this always works but it worked for me and I was so relieved that we were all getting a good sleep as I had been SO tired. Really hope that this get better for you soon Expectopatronus. 

I lived with a work friend for a bit while she had an 18 month-old and this is what worked for them, too. Chicken hated being in a crib or bassinet, but would sleep through the night if she was in a bed. They got her a bigger bed (I think it was a double) and had rails on all sides and she slept like a dream in her own room, without mom or dad.

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sansan

This probably has been answered more than once so shoot me after you answer. What exactly is Justin doing for a paycheck to achieve the title of Boy of the House? It takes money to buy Earl Grey Tea.

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Snarkasarus Rex
2 minutes ago, sansan said:

This probably has been answered more than once so shoot me after you answer. What exactly is Justin doing for a paycheck to achieve the title of Boy of the House? It takes money to buy Earl Grey Tea.

We’re not sure but we think he’s working for Claire’s dad’s company, Spivey Construction. 

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HereticHick

Boy, props to Justin for getting the hell away from the Duggar compound before all hell broke loose

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MaryOrMartha
6 hours ago, ophelia said:

I wonder how Ma Spivey feels right now since the Duggars were her idols.

What did she expect when her daughter married into a family that has swept child abuse under the rug in the past? If she was ok with that, then I'm sure she's just pissed that this news will overshadow the upcoming announcement of the first Spivey-Duggar spawn.

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JermajestyDuggar
18 hours ago, HereticHick said:

Boy, props to Justin for getting the hell away from the Duggar compound before all hell broke loose

I wish more were away from NW Arkansas. Justin is in Texas. Jinger is in CA. And Jill has sort of cut herself off even though she’s still in the area. Let’s hope Jana marries soon and flies off to Nebraska. The Wissmanns aren’t any better but damn, these kids need to get away from the Duggars. 

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HerNameIsBuffy
2 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I wish more were away from NW Arkansas. Justin is in Texas. Jinger is in CA. And Jill has sort of cut herself off even though she’s still in the area. Let’s hope Jana marries soon and flies off to Nebraska. The Wissmanns aren’t any better but damn, these kids need to get away from the Duggars. 

What's the logic in saying they need to get away with people who are no better?  With all that we know about these families that anyone hopes for another fundy marriage is just baffling to me.  

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JermajestyDuggar
1 minute ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

What's the logic in saying they need to get away with people who are no better?  With all that we know about these families that anyone hopes for another fundy marriage is just baffling to me.  

I feel like it’s Jana’s only escape. I honestly wish she would get away on her own without marrying. Just leave and get an apartment and be on her own. But that’s unlikely. So the only way she will get away from Josh and JB and Michelle at this point is to marry Stephen quietly and leave for NE. 

People may think that marriage is never an escape in fundie land but I think sometimes it can be a starting point. Look at Jill. I can’t stand Derick but if she had never married him, I’m pretty positive she wouldn’t be where she is today if she was still unmarried like Jana. 

I think that if you are living in the Duggar house right now, you have no choice but to support Josh. I predicted that there would be a few siblings who don’t support Josh. In my thinking, they were always the ones who are married and don’t live at home. The ones at home have no choice in my opinion. 

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HerNameIsBuffy
4 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I feel like it’s Jana’s only escape. I honestly wish she would get away on her own without marrying. Just leave and get an apartment and be on her own. But that’s unlikely. So the only way she will get away from Josh and JB and Michelle at this point is to marry Stephen quietly and leave for NE. 

People may think that marriage is never an escape in fundie land but I think sometimes it can be a starting point. Look at Jill. I can’t stand Derick but if she had never married him, I’m pretty positive she wouldn’t be where she is today if she was still unmarried like Jana. 

I don't know anything about the Wisemans, you're the one that said they were no better.  I don't see how leaving one abusive environment for another equally bad one is escape.  Change doesn't always mean better.  

I am no fan of Derek in many respects, but if the Wisemans are no better then the Duggars as you say it's not even comparable.  Derek has respect for his mother, who for whatever flaws is an educated woman with a career who believes in family planning.  For all his gross beliefs, in this area he came into marriage knowing women were more than baby machines.  

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JermajestyDuggar
5 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I don't know anything about the Wisemans, you're the one that said they were no better.  I don't see how leaving one abusive environment for another equally bad one is escape.  Change doesn't always mean better.  

I am no fan of Derek in many respects, but if the Wisemans are no better then the Duggars as you say it's not even comparable.  Derek has respect for his mother, who for whatever flaws is an educated woman with a career who believes in family planning.  For all his gross beliefs, in this area he came into marriage knowing women were more than baby machines.  

I remember when Derick and Jill got married. People had hope that Jill might get away. And those folks were tamped down saying Derick is just like all the other fundies. How times change! 
 

Time will tell with Stephen. The Wissmanns haven’t rug swept sexual abuse in their family that we know of. So in one way they are better. 

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HerNameIsBuffy
Just now, JermajestyDuggar said:

I remember when Derick and Jill got married. People had hope that Jill might get away. And those folks were tamped down saying Derick is just like all the other fundies. How times change! 
 

Time will tell with Stephen. The Wissmanns haven’t rug swept secular abuse in their family that we know if. So in one way they are better. 

I certainly hope that's the case, not that I give a shit about Jana's prospects either way, but any family without sexual abuse is always something to be happy about.  

 

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